I’m a travelling salesman between the 1A on 91.3 and songs that hurt on my Pandora station I go door to door selling hope The problem with selling hope is having some to spare a client once told me “you can’t front a berry and still make a berry” I think she was talking about ****** but the sentiment stands.
I'm not sure where to start Not certain where's the end I've got some observations and some reservations....
Observation Number 1 Take care of yourself Which seems complicated to do when all I can think about is...did that little girl sleep tonight, or did she stay up tortured by the images of her ******
Number 2 Competence is necessary Of course I already knew this But apparently in some it doesn't exist Competence means knowledge it means understanding Competence is knowing that this family didn't magically appear with issues No, its been generations, cycles of people whose one commonality, other than DNA, is struggle Struggle of addiction, struggle of poverty, struggle of depression, struggle to be happy Competence means understanding that policies are also barriers to real change sometimes
Which leads me to observation Number 3 Policy It's complicated, it's bureaucratic It's sometimes diplomatic. It's the reason we have registered *** offenders But also the reason we had severe DFCS budget cuts It's why my client can never seem to have enough money to provide for all 3 of her children
Reservations? Am I cut out for this? Can I really evoke change? Can I handle hearing about another 12 year old being abused?Can I really watch another child cry while they're separated from the mother that beat him unconscious?
Maybe it’s my passion to heal those who are broken Maybe it's because for years I listened on the phone while someone I loved told me about what HE did to her over and over Day after day From age 10 until I'm not even sure when it ended Maybe it's because I have my own story and troubles that I wish someone could've saved me from
But when I look in a child's eyes and see that longing for happiness That longing for normalcy I know this is where I belong
Here in social work With the good, the bad, the ugly The unknown I can't let the fear of failure dominate me I have too many lives to change
You told me something I hadn’t heard before When you held me in your arms and whispered in my ear. Something so different to all the lies From people who try to understand a feeling That they know nothing about. You said we’d get through this together And promised tomorrow’s another day
I can’t hold on much longer I think you can see it in my eyes And the way my hands shake I could be dying And tomorrow seems so far away My thoughts are driving me insane You tell me you’re so proud Of the progress that I’ve made You say I’m so strong, But I’m not.
I may seem polished on the outside But inside I’m cracked like the bottles When I drink. If you could fix me break me open Pour out the poison The stuff that’s making me ache from every part You could put me back together, clean and pure.
Stitch my wounds with your love I won’t cry if you’re my doctor your voice will be my anaesthetic Just kiss the incision and tell me I’ll get better.
I’m accustomed to pain to doubt to shame you don’t have to worry about hurting me