Don't tell me about Long Distance.
I have known Long Distance
since the day I saw you waving out of the back window of that silver Prius.
The snow banks insulating my car
because i spent the last 47 hours with you
and held you while you cried
because you weren't ready to leave for the marines yet.
But your body said other wise,
your muscles sharp and deadly.
It's been a while since you've written,
and it's been 8 months since my blankets have stopped smelling like you.
I couldn't help but notice
the way my body drowns in these sheets
because you were my life vest
but you were not there when i jumped in.
I looked back at the dock before my head went under
and i saw you just sitting there,
watching me struggle.
I tore you apart in my head
every single strand of thread and love was separated
until every bit of silence that was woven in has been exposed.
But these strands don't hold any value when you're drowning,
what I have done is destroyed the only thing that could give me buoyancy.
Now I am left with extra weight on these shackles
i bear and water filling up my lungs
like a measuring cup to a recipe from Hell's kitchen.
In your last letter you asked
"Are we okay?"
but you don't just tell someone you love them then let them drown.
I have known Long Distance since you came back home today.
You are so close to me
but I still feel like you are not present.
There is something to be said
about missing someone who is right next to you.
Usually it is the person at home
who gives up on the one in the military,
but you found your home inside of those bunks and those guns.
You have only taught me to never make homes out of human beings.
I have to keep reminding myself
that you are a woman to never be slowed down
because you will leave everyone else behind
and I never wanted to come last to you
but i never wanted to beat you either.
I have known Long Distance
when I reach my hand out
and you've always been just slightly out of my grasp.
You were a goal to work towards,
a beautiful woman sitting on a pedestal waiting to be won
and I've always been too inadequate to be the one to have you.
You are the Epitome of Long Distance,
and I have known you for much longer than I would have liked.

you say you have other priorities to tend to,
but all is that you no longer care for me.
a broken wall falls to my knees
in hopes to skin up my knees.

Too many
pills can
slow the
heart.

Too much
of a
good thing,
tears that
good
thing all
apart.

Shuffling stones sing
sad love songs with
the waves.

Evil gulls stared
at the
setting sun
with dead
spots for eyes.

I wrote a
name in the
sand.

I sat with my
back to the
world .

Worked on
the *****
and watched as
the tide slowly
took it away.

How do we really know
That we are good people?
How do we know
If God is smiling?
Is He really there?
Or are we just alone;
Out on our own?
Is it debatable or fact?
Or a debatable fact?
Or is this all just to give Him a good laugh?
How can anyone be so sure?
We are so imperfect
Who are we to be confident?
Are we really that self-important?
What if everything's backwards
And we're all hanging in the balance
Upside down, faces cherried
Cuffed by the toes
Left with no hope.

What if you're wrong?