Hey Bubba,'
You have no idea how many times you’ve saved me from myself
How many times I was so close to ending it all
But then I stopped and thought about the pain it would cause you if I actually did do that
We met almost a year and a half ago but it feels like I’ve known you for forever
I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t have you in my life
You and I have been through too much together
(Even you having a friend who’s obsessed with me)
I love how I’m the one you come to if something is bothering you
I’m always there for you if you ever need to vent
You’re always there for me if I need to vent
I love how you have always been there for me when no one else was
You have no idea how much i appreciate you
You were the one who put me back together every time I got hurt
You’re the reason, for almost a year and a half, that I never ended it all
You’re the reason I keep fighting
I don’t want to remember a time when you weren’t there
Your the one who made me realize not everyone is trying to hurt me
I love you so so much and I don’t have all the words to really say how much you mean to me
You’re the only one i’ve gotten so attached to
I can’t figure out why
There is some sort of pull that you have that seems to keep pulling me in
Life isn’t the same with you
I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you in my life
Because you have made my life so much better
And if I’m being 100% honest you’re the only one I can see myself having a future with
You’re the only one I wanna have a future with
I want so badly to no longer wake up to a text from you
But to be apple to roll over in bed and see you every morning
I want you to feel comfortable coming to me to vent out your issues
You’re the only one I wanna be with
I wake up everyday and you’re always my first thought
I always wonder if today’s gonna be the day I finally get you back
Everytime we talk I always get these butterflies that no one else has managed to give me
When I get you back imma make sure i keep you for a hell of a lot longer than 3 weeks
I just wanna say I’ve been annoying my friends
Because I never shut up about you
I’m always showing you off even though you aren’t mine
All I want is to be the reason that you fall asleep each night with your phone held in your hand. Whenever I am texting you, you can safely assume that I am smiling.
The very thought of you lights up my outlook and makes everything seem so much brighter
Each time that I hear your voice, my heart skips a beat.
I trip and fall from the distraction of seeing your face all of a sudden.
You cause my world to stop and are the source of all the best feelings and sensations that I have never felt
Yes I may have had friends go off on you for not being a good friend as they put it
But that doesn’t change the fact that you are still my best friend
You’re still my ride or die
Have you ever loved someone so much that when you see them with someone else it just breaks your heart?
My heart breaks slowly more and more every time you start talking about your relationship
Because I long to have that again
I miss being called baby
I miss all of the late night phone calls
I miss being able to call you mine
You may have made a pinky promise
But it feels like that’s gonna be a forever away
Like it’s never gonna happen
I just miss being happy
I was happy with you
You are my yellow
It’s as Princess Diana says
“If you find someone you love in your life, then hang on to that love.”
I try to hang on but it feels like every day you try to cut it off like it’s a string
I don’t wanna lose you again
I made the promise that you would never lose me again
I intend to keep that promise but i feel like I’m gonna lose you again
You are the only reason that I’ve kept myself alive so long
You are what has kept me sane for the past year and a half
Ya know I’m glad that my suicide attempt didn’t work
If it did we would’ve never met each other
It would’ve been four years in December
I’m glad I didn’t **** myself
In a way, you’re the peep to my emma
We may not be together right now
But they weren’t always together
They were off and on a lot
I don’t know I just feel like I’m rambling on at this point
I’m jumping around the main point of what this letter is supposed to say
I guess what I’m trying to say is
I’m in love with you
I don’t know how to deal with that
So if I ever start to get distant
Don’t let me do that
I struggle with the thought of losing you
It’s becoming an everyday thing
I don’t know what to do
The kids already seem to like you more than me
There’s no guarantee that we will end up having a future together
But that has never stopped us from planning that out
Hell, we’ve talked about having kids together
That’s a forever away and we’ve already started planning that
I love that our conversations have no boundaries
Regardless of whether or not we’re in a relationship
We talk about anything we want
From cemetery to Christmas lights
Our conversations are never boring
You’re the only person I can have conversations with like that
I don’t know what I would do without you bubba
I love how we always know what’s wrong with the other person
I love how we have that type of connection
I hope I never lose that with you
I want you to be my forever
Anyways
I love you *****

Dear Person Who Shall Not Be Named,
There’s poison creeping through my veins
From when you bit me and lured me in
Every moment you were here you just sank your fangs into my bones
Slowly killing me from the inside out
Blood pouring out of my heart as you tear it out of my chest
Long after I stepped away I found someone
Who treated me right and made me happy
That boy is still the love of my life
Now, I’m in his arms
Free from all harm
He actually cares about my safety
He wouldn’t dare lay a hand on me like you did
I may have sounded heartbroken over you
I just got one thing to say to you
Thank God you were just gone
I have been doing so much better without you
But this morning the worst thing imaginable happened
You texted me just as I thought I had forgotten about you
You said “I miss you” and the memories started flooding my brain
I had just started to get into a good mental state
The words “I miss you” started bring the poison back into my body
The words “I still have your hoodie because it reminds me of you” made me think
If you had really cared about me that much, why did I get hurt in the end
Why’d you lie and portray me as the bad guy to all of your friends
I never did anything wrong
I supported you when no one else would
You had me caring so deeply for you
Then you made me open up my eyes
All those times you would hit me
Or even talk about me behind my back to your friends
They bruised me, you scarred me mentally
You damaged my mental stability
You are the reason I don’t open up to others
He showed me that not every guy will break your heart the way you broke mine
He made me wanna break down my walls and start tryna care about people again
He made me realize that I was loved, that not everyone was trying to hurt me
He made me realize that I am worth so much more than all those degrading phrases you used on me
All the times you said “I love you” or “I miss you” or all the times you would try to kiss me
I knew they were fake the whole time
I knew you were trying to get something out of me
So many people told me that I should’ve left way before I actually did
You tried to say that you were the “rag doll” being drug through the mud and the dirt
You tried to say that it was “my fault”
That I was the one who hurt you
How could I have been so blind to all the lies you were telling me
Did you brainwash me?
Did you cast a spell on me?
What did you do to me that kept me around for so long?
Did you give me a love potion to make me stay in love with you?
Why did it have to happen?
Little do you know, I tried to take my life while we were together
You called me so many horrible things that it made me want to end my life
But I realized that I had a family to live for
I had a few friends
I had so many reasons to live
If I would’ve actually done it, I would’ve never met the boy that I’m in love with
I wouldn’t have ever met the amazing people who are in my life now
I just needed to open my eyes and see my worth
I never saw how much I was worth until I met Connor
Connor was the one that helped through so much of the pain you put me through
There were so many times he’s heard me cry
One of the more recent ones was when I told him the story of what you did to me
I don’t know how but he has stuck around through all the tears
He’s very overprotective over me and when i told him the story he got mad
He got mad because he never knew that had happened to me
There's still more details to that story that he doesn't know about
I’ll tell him with time but I never wanted to tell him
I didn’t want to place my burdens on him but I knew he would never hurt me
So I told him the story
I typed it out while crying
Because I knew that if I were to tell him instead of texting him I would’ve never been able to get the words out
So I sat there just typing away as tears were falling down my face
I had made a decision that night
I decided that I would never look back on our past
I would never come back to you
You damaged me too much and I’m not gonna put up with it again
I never saw my worth until I left you
Connor helped recover from you
Granted when I met him he was dating my ex best friend at the time
In a way he put me back together
He doesn’t know this, but he was the one who put me back together
At one point I guess you could say
I saw myself having a future with you
I saw us starting a family
But everytime you hurt me a tiny piece of that vision would slowly fade away
It all slowly faded until there was nothing left
You made me scared to leave
I knew you would hurt me if I left
After I left, everything that was wrong with our relationship it was my fault
I remember you called me a **** when the rumors started going around
None of those things that were said about me were true
I would never do anything like that while I’m in a relationship with someone
You were too blind with the fact that I was no longer your punching bag
That you could no longer degrade me
I don’t know what I ever saw in you
But all I gotta say is I ain’t ever coming back to you
EVER
AGAIN
SIncerely, Your Ex Abbigayl