Please don’t tell me what I’m thinking
because no one ever gets it right
And don’t do what’s “for the best”
because it always feels like *****

Even if it’s in the long run
and even if it turns out true
at least I’d have the memories
of the time I spent with you

You see emotion’s like a scale
and how it balances decides
how you feel from day to day
and how you feel about your life

So when you do what’s “for the best”
you give the bad and skip the good
add a heap of never knowing
and it don’t balance like it should

We all get scared things won’t work out
but by doing what’s “for the best”
you guarantee a failure
avoiding chances of success

So next you get an idea
to do what’s “for the best”
take the time to find out both sides
and we might just pass the test

Do not look at me,
like I have things to say
I’m just hiding from the world
in my self-preserving way

Don’t ask advice,
for I have none to give
and if I did you wouldn’t take it
if you saw the life I live

Don’t pay attention
to the words I say or write
It’s what goes on behind them
that wakes me crying in the night

Don’t believe in me
for your faith will be misplaced
when you realise at last
that I am nothing but a waste

Don’t try and love me
keep your distance stay away
I’m not worthy of attention
any more than what I say

And now its over
nothing left nothing at all
gave it all and came up short
so now I’m back behind the wall

And I thought I was doing so well

I had this mask on and everything was fine and nobody suspected anything was wrong. Nobody knew you’d gone, why would they?

I’d even started to convince myself that I was going to be ok. That this time it wasn’t going to be as painful. That this time it wasn’t going to hurt quite so much.

After all we’d just never see or hear from each other again right? That always makes it easier to forget, once the pain goes. I mean its not like I didn’t try to talk to you to get you to hear my side but I never got the chance. So it was on with the mask and on with life as best I could.

Sure a couple of people noticed something was up but they just figured it was too much work or allergies and being guys knew better than to ask just in case I actually told them. We do things like that to each other, guys do.

But then today happened.

Today you came back ever so briefly, at least I think you did. You saw the mask and never bothered to look beyond. Just like everyone else.

You saw the mask and thought everything was fine when you couldn’t be further from the truth.

You thought everything was fine and that I’d moved on and I haven’t. I’m still in the ******* ******* hole I’ve been in ever since you left. But how would you know. Why would you even care to find out. You left. You went. You and me, we were done. Because that’s what you wanted. Because you couldn’t see a future in it.

But then why did you come back?

If you had something to say you should have said it. You really should have said it.

I can still smell your perfume, you know.

I can still taste you.

I close my eye’s, and, you are still there.

This mask, this façade, this act that you think is about someone else is all about you. It always has been. These things I’ve written since you’ve been gone are things I wrote before you left. But couldn’t finish.

Now I finish them as a way of keeping you around. Pathetic isnt it.

And now the irony of it all, the true irony, it’s not what you think you know, but it’s that you may never know whats really happening.

Because I didn’t want the world to know just how broken I was.

Just how broken I am

Because until today,

even I didn’t know.

I wonder if she'd changed her mind
just who it is you'd be?
Would you be gentle like your mother,
or would you look like me.
Would you have grown into a fine young man?
Would your eyes be brown or green?
I sometimes wonder how you would have looked,
this year you would have been prom queen.
I wish that she had told me,
that she'd decided not to go.
Then I wouldn't mourn the child,
the world never got to know.

I have this magnificent puzzle hanging on my wall that I made years ago.

I can’t remember exactly but I think it’s 797 pieces

Yes that’s right

797

Because there’s pieces missing.

All sky pieces, one sky piece toward the top and over to the left and two over to the right.

They stick out like sore thumbs and everyone comments on them. Like I hadn’t seen it before.

“Do you know you’re missing a few pieces of your puzzle there?” they ask.

Some even look at the floor to see if somehow they had miracoulsly wormed their way out from between the glass and card backing and fell to the ground. Because obviously it must have happened since last time I vacuumed.

So I just shrug and tell them that I know. And I tell them that they’ve always been missing, even when I framed it, they weren’t there.

This at least stops them looking at the floor.

Quite often they’ll tell me that I should have taken it back and got my money back or got a different puzzle. One with 800 pieces instead of 797.

But I tell them no. I like my 797 piece puzzle.

I like it because it reminds me of life.

Just because life is missing a piece or two you don’t put it back in the box and return it for a refund or a different one or throw it away.

Just because you put a lot of work into life and find out that there’s pieces missing you don’t just scrap it.

You should adapt to life with missing pieces.

You should be making the best of it and be proud of its uniqueness.

It especially reminds me of my life

My life is incomplete, my life is missing a few things, but the views pretty good.

And every now and then you’ll catch me looking around for those missing pieces, it’s a habit I guess.