It's the worst feeling
Growing to comfortable with something
Someone
You lose the appreciation you once had
It's replaced with
Predictability
And even though your heart couldn't beat  without them
You feel tempted to run away
Start a new life
Or just restart everything
From the beginning
When everything was sweet
Smooth
When my blood boiled ever time we touched
I remember our first real fight
When we were so upset
We cried all night until morning
you mentioned me going back home
because you didn't want to put me  through all this
"*******"
But your **** was already my ****
I still don't know what I'd do without your ****
Or if I would've agreed with you
Would I be happy?
I ache even thinking about it
But still I'm bothered and hurt
By your disappointment in me
I lack everything I once had
And even though I gave you life
I still feel like gum on the bottom of your shoes
I know our love is stronger than most
I know that our hearts have been through the ringer
And we unapologetically stomp on them
Every now and then
But I feel like an eraser at the bottom of a pencil
Almost at its end
Becoming stale and useless
But God I love you
And I'll try to bring us back
I'll water you every morning until your happy again
Please just be my sun

****
It's seems like no matter how hard I vent
No matter how many words are spoken
How many words are typed
There is so much left unsaid
This is why its been so ******* hard to get over your ***
Please leave me alone ......
Please bother me?
Please
I'm so contradictive
But I swear if you asked me back
I'd cry and fall into your arms
I'm such a *****
Why can't I except you don't want me anymore?
Why can't I stop thinking about you?
Why does this hurt so much?
Did you really have to start this and end it so quickly?
Couldn't you have just told me how you really felt?
Why can't I stop crying?
These recurring dreams make waking up so much harder, ****!
I don't want them to end.........
There isn't much I'd honestly say if you were right here next to me.
Because I'm scared now of your rejection
And even though you say I made you happy
Deep down I know its some *******
Or maybe its not
But its easier to feel like you hated me
Because I hate me
And you made allot harder to understand men
To understand you
Even though you were already so complicated to read
I just wanna touch you one last time
*******
Slap you
Cry with you
I know there was something so much deeper between us that you weren't telling me
And now I'll never know
Just like these words you'll never know

So many words to speak
So little ears to hear these endless run on sentences
That pour out of my mouth
Repetetive and loud
Sickening and angry
Like a broken record they say
I say
**** em
No one asked you
I'm just tellin

I will never under estimate the beauty of a woman, I hardly have the strength to tell these ******* no. I'm blinded by perfection.............#superhomo

Im in-between
I thrive in muck
But I am better
I try
But not hard enough
I know I can make a change
I just don't know
When I'll be strong enough
To peruse
Something new
And worth while
So I'm happy
But, not with myself
Because I'm better
Well I'm trying
But not hard enough

I'm pretty sure i'm lost
In life
In love
In lust
The constant confusion between life and death
I'm always hanging by a thread
Shooting blank smiles to the strangers that pass
While my mind sinks deep inside to a place where only travlers find "The Past"
I burrow below, under ground
I'm numb and cold I hear no sound
Trusting only loved ones
Scared like a cat
The only ones that can tear my heart out
Just like that!
I'm willing to listen if I feel its worthy
Though most unspoken thoughts
The ones that intriuge me.

All were ever getting is older
We dont even pay for it
Its just given to us
Some of us get sweeter
And some of us get angrier  
I just hope i get happier

Somehow I got all the answers
Got em all jotted down in this brain
They come out of nowhere and I'm not quite sure how I come up with these answers
They make ******* sense
And people tell me all there *******
And I listen
I tell them like I'm some ******* shrink
They take my word
And I know nothing
They say I gotta a old soul or some ****
Maybe I do
And if I do, whose soul I got?

New town
New home
New heart
Should have done this from the start
Keep trying to convince him
That our love can stand being apart
Through the pain I try as hard as I truly can
But no matter how hard
You still show me you cant be a man
What is a man
And who is a woman
And are we not defined?
I wonder these thoughts deeply
Now my feet have left the sand
My soul is buried deep in the lake
Yours deep in the snow
I thought this move would make it easier
but yet I still dont know
The guilt that covers my body
Each time I think of leaving
And sometimes when I picture this
My eyes well up with tears
Of something I may miss
I wish the stars could guide me
Down the path of which was right
But there's nothing I can do
Except, try and get some sleep tonight

And that time we'd planned for you to meet my parents
You'd gotten so nervous
Drank so much,
Could barely speak to them
Luckily they were just on there way to a movie
You came inside once they'd left
You went to my room and stripped **** naked
Sprawled out on my bed
With the dumbest grin on your face
I wanted to tell you then that I loved you

I guess I never cared if I was great
I just wanted to enjoy it
Wanted to gain something
I think I always do
I think it takes too long
Until i realize its been awhile
I hate how tastes change
One day im obsessed
The next id forgotten how much i appreciated that peice of art
Like it didnt exist
Like it wasnt my life
I just get lost in nothing
Things that are so un important
And i just want that need and want
For simplicity once again
But things just keep getting heavier
More complicated
Maybe those are just my thoughs weighing in
Making a dramatically different approach on how ive viewed things lately
Maybe we are just non stop changing
Sometimes i think we're just sad
And theres no reason
And we make all these excuses why when maybe its just so simple
I need fresh air
And a change of scenery
And im probably ready to be alone in the middle of a lake on a hot summers day surrounded by towering pine trees
I know
Oddly specific
but I just think ive been over thinking
Doing nothing
And im just ready for more
or less
Make sense?

If I was sent to prison
I'd meet the most beautiful criminal
And she'd fall for me
We'd be together while our sentence dwindled
And we'd make love on the top bunk
While the other inmates swindle
I'd be happy I wasn't alone
I wouldn't want to go home
Without her......
I'd forget the rest
And cup her *******
Make her know
That i'm the best
Prison life would be so sweet
if I had my love at my feet
My property, till she changes
past the cells we share sweet exchanges

Give me love
In a note.
I'm out of the ordinary
Old fashioned.

p.s. Seriously someone message me (INSPIRE ME)

I don’t consider myself an intellectual.
And this is not one of my aims.
But I admire intellectual people.

I'm confused
Why is it that gender plays such a huge role in life?
I'm starting to hate men and all that they are
Beginning to realize all that's evil
I see no right in who they are
What they stand for
Disgusting
I don't know why i'm having feelings like this
I've never thought this way before
Maybe because to a man its simple being a *****
Because a women's value is only so much as what the opposite *** sees them as
Am i wrong?
Maybe I am
Doesn't change the fact that i'm cringing when they look at me
Scowling when they talk
I wish i didn't feel this way
Id probably be allot happier
But its gross how they walk how they talk
I'm sorry. I don't understand anymore

The most beautiful thing I've ever laid my eyes apon
So warm
So sweet
Like your favorite peice of candy
She's so smart
Brilliant
Her heart
So pure and perfect
Skin so soft
Porcelain
So fragile
And God a set of lungs on her
I never knew I could love anything more than I love her
I Rock her
Until her eyes flutter shut
I start to hear her snore
And I wish I could stay still
Silent like this forever
Because this moment is magical
and at the same time I want to wake her
Just so I can make her smile or giggle again
I love her more than my heart can bare
I'm amazed that my body created such perfection
That this happiness was inside me
I promised her I'd never leave
Promise that id be the one to dry her tears
that id always put her first
Give her what's best
Try my hardest to be the woman
The mother that she needs
I'll never betray my baby
Never break her heart
I'm here for you baby girl
Rori
All the way to the end
You are my heart

"Yeah this the kinda sound that I wanna hear,
Yeah this the kinda vibe that I wanna feel,
And you're the type of girl, baby you're the real,
Check it one time, what's the deal?
Maybe I'm,
I'm caught up in the thing that you know I like,
Yeah we could make time, baby overnight
Oh we could make a grand escape,
And we can roll high, by the way
And when we come down, oh yeah yeah yeah
We'll be dreaming safe and sound"

I really love this song thought I'd post it, Listen and love!

Things take time now
And I'm patient
Its hard to mistake
Passion
When all it really was
Was drama
Learning
Introducing
Listening
All new skills I'm obtaining
Slowly
I wanna run through it all
But I remember this
And I think I'll savor it this time
Make it worth while
Appreciate it
Water it
Watch it grow

I'm sorry I can't voice my thoughts
Can't look at you dead in the eyes
I'll cry
I wonder why you can't just tell me?
How you feel
Do you even care
Do you even feel?
I care too much, feel too much
I want you to hold me
Tell me that all you need is us
All you need is our soft embrace and sweet kisses
But I know thats not all you need
Thats all I need
I'm serious
I can live off your love
And be happy for the rest of my life
But you don't feel me like I feel you
You want change you want excitement
But too me you are change you are that excitement
That i've needed for so long
Sometimes I feel like falling in a ditch waiting for you too save me
But for some reason I don't think you'd arrive
Maybe I'm too dependant
I don't know
I wish I did
Give my heart a break tell me whats real and tell me whats fiction
My body is swallowed whole by confusion
There is no way to tell anymore
Set my heart free
Tell Me

Maybe if I close my eyes
Real tight
I'll open them and everything will be alright
No more pain
No more stress
No more aching in my chest
No more sad recollections of what could have been
Action is so hard
When all you need is sleep
But how can I sleep anymore
There's so much that needs to be done
So many songs
That have yet to be sung
Do I want to keep singing?
Do I want to run?
Away?

So long
It's been so long
Since I've been able to just let go
My life has changed drastically
My words
My thoughts
They've changed
They have so much more meaning
Since last I've lived
Running from world to world
Letting my walls down
Accepting someone's else's heart
Creating a heart inside me other than my own
I've become a stronger individual
I am beautiful
I am wicked and strong
I have become a queen of my own castle
Life is much lovlier here
This outlook that I've developed
I have become whole
So long
So long to the young girl
The reckless life I once had
Has been replaced with undying love
Passion
And tiny toes
So long

And a whole new me
Clearer
Unsolicited
Gaslit
And ready to go.
Sober
Stable
I sit at the edge of the bed ridding my confusion
I'm done fixing myself for you
Done making myself smaller
Sick of losing my control
I am so much more than this
So much more than being high
So much more than another body to sleep with
More than a mother
More than a partner
More than a woman
I'm screaming on the inside
Trying to break these chains
Trying to end this cycle
I try so hard
I'm sick of feeling like ive never been enough.
I'm so much more than enough

Of ****
It's that feeling
that you can't quite describe
That pit in your stomach
that keeps swirling around
Like a cat chasing its tale
Urmm this is what I live for
I love it
But i hate it
The anticipation
The fantasies
It's so much more fun too build up
Your going to have too hold me down
*** i'm flying through my imagination
Thinking of the possiblities
They're endless
A stranger
Yet someone I've seen a thousand times before
I've lost myself to fiction
Somewhere between
Peter Pan and Cinderella
I can't control my movements
I'll jump in excitement
Over a simple thought of us brushing against eachother
As we pass by
Nervous yet Invigorated
What will this unveil?

Soapy and wet
I write
Through the agony
Through my bittersweet thoughts
Things may never change
Am I lazy
Or depressed?
I'm not sure anymore
Lack of motivation
Of hope
And I see this smile
And I cant help but try
She motivates me just enough
But even I know
I'm the only one
Who can't dust myself off
And get back to me
So much has changed
And though I still feel like a child
Ive somehow become a mother
But a mother is not solely who I am
Even when it feels like it
I'm still confused
I'm still wondering
I feel confined
Lack of culture that surrounds me
I long for something much more wholesome
My own place
For my own family
I'm haunted by the past
Of which I had no part of
Afraid to drastically erase any hope of a dream I had
Grasping as tight as I can to an image we were sold
But never taught to achieve
I sit on the floor of the shower
And I write
Hoping that this spillage
Will get me through the night

Trying to find an outlet for this hurt
It slices right through me
Like a hot knife to butter
I'm helpless
Trying to fight my hardest
But can't fight my way out a paper bag
I make myself busy and try and push myself
But it just takes over
I wear it like a blanket now
And when I try to out think it
He slams it over my head like a hammer
And I'm helpless again
I feel like nothing
Worthless
Even when I know I'm not
I can't shake this awful feeling
That I'm useless
Without you
And it disgusts me

She stares in to my eyes
I feel the pain behind hers
I run my fingers through her hair
She smiles
We kiss
She takes my hand in hers
I can hear the thumping of her heart
Most people don't phaze me
I can drop them without a thought
You stole my soul
You can keep it
We lay down beside eachother
Half way embraced
Am I really this lucky
I watch you get up and light a ciggerette
You come back and sit down on my lap
I smile
You hand me the ciggerette
But before I could take a drag you kiss me
Again and again
Until I can hardly breathe
I like this feeling
Breatheless only because you have taken all my air
Your fine red lips trace mine
They tingle
I can't stop myself from smiling
You laugh
"I've never been this happy"
You say
"Me either"
I say
We lay their quietly
Staring at eachother
In complete ecstacy
"i'm so glad your mine"

Life kicks my ***
I try and keep productive
I try and keep positive
My *** still gets kicked
It gets heavier and heavier
And I know this is life
I know that most healthy people would be able to cope
See the issue and take action
But I'm numb with disappointment
I don't know when I'll be enough
There isn't enough tears
To fill the spaces
That would be filled with a sense of fulfillment
And self love.

Perfect lips
Soft skin
Rebbelious side
Drenched in sin
So new to life
Yet nearly adult
From A-Z
She's made it
Unhappily
Clumsily tripping through phases
She starts with liqour
But **** smoke is thicker
She picks up a habit
Marlboro 27's
She kisses them sweetly
While stealing they're soles
Such inocent eyes
With such manipulative goals
She cries at night
But lets it all go
in the sun light
A beautiful creature
To say, at the least
Young lady with no morals
And a pocket full of cash
I guess she'll die while she's pretty
And live life fast
She's at the edge of 17 blossoming nicely
But baby watch out the real world is nasty

I sit hopelessly
isolated from humanity
He speaks to me in my thoughts
He tells me twisted things
I rock back and forth
Knees to chest
Breathe in
Breathe out
He tells me to hurt people
But I can't
I hurt myself
He's confused
I'm on fire
He can feel me burning
From the inside out
He's screaming
I scream back
My eyes are closed
I can't open them
I'm scared
Of what I may unveil
He's telling me to show him
Show him blood?
Why blood?
He tells me that I'm safe
I'm safe
I'm safe
I'm safe
He's laughing
I start to laugh
My laughter turns to sobs
He cutts me
I feel them
Gashes covering my body
"OPEN YOUR EYES"
He screams I can't
I'm on fire
I'm bleeding
I sit and scream
I wait till he leaves
He's gone
I open my eyes
Sitting in a puddle of blood
Whats happening to me?

The truth is
I am just a pudgy
Teenage girl
Crazy hair
And a head full of disgusting thoughts
I am strange, I exceed the wierdometer
I watch ****, for fun
I laugh the loudest
Cry the longest
I'm lazy
Passionate
Kind hearted
I say things that don't need to be said
I talk way too much
I am fragile though give off a "never upset" exteriror
I eat too much pizza
Only because it's gods gift
I smoke till I pass out
Because its the one thing that keeps me calm
Did I mention I have ADHD
I'm a mess you see
But thats all I can be
It's me.

It's beautiful to see
Such differences
In the lines we write
Each gorgeously courageous
Unique and strange
We find pleasure in each other's thoughts
Inspire the next
Encourage
And empower

And I don't even know why I cant stop
I can feel my heart
THUD
THUD
THUD
I can feel theirs too
I can smell the stale beer that I spilled
That was weeks ago
The lights at night they beg
They pleed
For me, they want to take my soul
Want to give it history
They want to challenge its strength
But they soon find the strength hidden
Not ready to show itself
It's okay, my blood needed to boil
My heart, need be ripped out
Let it
If i'm going to live
I'm going to give it a cause
I'm living for
for the endless nights
The whispers in the wind
Puking on the way home
Crying till drifting to sleep
Screaming whenever allowed
I'm living for every bruise
Every laugh and smile
Every sad ending
The miracles
I'm living for my own selfishness
I'm not even worthy to be heard
But it will happen
and this is what truly keeps me
Thriving
Through every drunken night
falling down the stairs
Sneaking into bars
smirking at young men
That are rather un tasteful
It'll be worth it
who knows where this will lead me
I dont care anymore
My life will be filled negative
Positive
Allot more in-between
I'm giving in and letting my heart
My stupid heart
I'm letting it lead me into the worst
WORST circumstances
I'll keep it up until its over
And maybe I'll never understand
But maybe you will
And maybe i'll stop speaking
But i find that very unlikely