Is it sad that I'd rather write than speak?
When garbage falls out of our mouths
We speak only what we want to hear
Nothing real
Nothing truthful
Are we ever really honest?
Or will we always just be afraid?

It's not just ***
Not just touching yourself when you please
It's your mind
What you've been thinking
What you've thought
What you've lost
Sometimes your never in that frame of mind and it haunts you
Because you want it
Want touch want pleasure
But you can't fathom
You can't feel
It's isolating
Un relatable
When your truly unhappy with yourself
Nothing is ****

Is it to late,
For religion ?

Getting up is the hardest thing
When you've lost hope
Even though you feel a miracles coming
You'd best not trust that feeling

Anger fills my lungs
And I'm on fire
I cant see anymore
My sacrifices
Have had little affect on you
Despite my efforts
You push and push
I try so hard to hold you still
But you long to be free
I wish I was free
but you've already trapped me
Ruined me
Taken away any part of me
That was bright and shiny
You've hurt me
Punched me in the gut
Taken all my air
All my life
I exposed you to my love
And you've taken me for granted

Sometimes
Even when I feel so much
It's so hard
To express with words
Or even actions

Can I live in your fairytale?  
Mines broken
A romantic comedy
And I'm the joke

I can’t quite explain it
One moment move I’ve gotten it all figured out
The next I can’t leave my bed
I’m just laying there
Waiting
Hoping someone understands
How much I need them to pull me out
Sometimes I can’t always do it myself

And we were all best friends lost
but together
Now we're grown
Still lost
But alone

I'm starting to become myself again
But I need to be the better version

Do I feel too much?
Am I too much?
Should I keep it all to myself?
Am I wrong?
What am I doing wrong?
I just wish that I knew how to be perfect
For everyone
I wish I could be perfect for myself

With Sweet words that capture my essence
I'll believe in you within your presence
clouds fill the depths of my mind
Best regaurds to the fact that im now blind
But I don't care, not right now
Surely I'll be regretful tomorrow?
Just hold me till it's too late if you're willing
Say the tings that make me smile
Even if its for a short while
Make me forget that this was a mistake
Let me think that its me that you want
Just me
Forgive me, i'm in to deep
Though i've tried treading in shallow waters
You've sadly almost caught me, was it easy?
I struggle to get loose
Your grip intoxicating
Breath like chloroform
Those soft touches burn, please don't stop
my insides crawl with amusement and fear captivates my soul
Though I know nothing good lasts an eternity
I cling to this moment ; never letting it fade
Forever burned into the side of my brain
When you kissed me with velevet

Where's my strength?
My motivation
My drive
My will too fight
I've lost it all before I have even started
Clearly slower than most
My mind is foggy
And I forgot what my reason was for coming here
I'm lost
Distracted by nothingness
I waste my time speaking nonsense
"wamp wah wamp wamp"
My thoughts are all twisted beneath my brainey veins
They convulse trying too find a way to break free
They're trapped
They don't undrestand
I have percieved these beings in many shades and never understood completely
Though I can comprehend
I can't put it down in a physical fashion
I loose all my sense among beauty
My eyes trace theirs
But they can't see me
I smile and keep walking
They'll never know whats beneath this flesh.
What rots my soul too the core,
I'll never know.

They tell me your a lie
They tell me your not as sweet as I know you are
They tell they're friends they love you
They tell me they hate you
They say your ugly
They say you smell
To me....
But I see nothing but greatness
Why do they want to steal you?
Why do they want to put you down?
I see you smiling
But I know deep inside your upset
You kiss with force
But no one see's this
They think I'm stupid that I'm wasting my time
Our fingers innertwine
As we joke about eachother
They say its not true
That your just using me
For what?
Kisses?
Amusement?
Extra baggage?
I'm not sure what to listen to
So I decide to listen to you
Though I hear whispers as I walk down the hall
I ignore them
And I think of your voice softly whispering in my ear
"Don't leave me Erin, your mine okay?"
I'm your's? I grasp tightly to those words
Though I know talk is cheap
Your sweet  expression is art
Worth millions
"I won't leave"
I whisper.

Your smiles that once filled me with happiness now fill me with regret
Not sure if you ever really felt the way I felt
You were my reason my excuse my existence
For some reason I believed you thought of me equally
My drug of choice
And I couldn’t get enough
Had to have you in the morning in the afternoon and in the night
And quite honestly I was blind I felt that what you were doing to me was perfectly alright
Little did I know you were poison sickening and deadly
Killing me a little more each time we’d cross paths
You make me feel filthy like I wasn’t worth anything
Like you never felt a thing
And now I can’t stop with the night terrors
The day dreams
Reminiscing, was it all a dream?
I catch you staring at me every once and awhile Do you miss me?
My palms get sweaty and my knees go weak
My body shakes
Hot and cold hot and cold
Get out  my head
Get out of my life
Stop ruining my sleep
Stop hurting me