If you were mine
I'd cook you eggs and bacon
To wake you up in the right way
If you were mine
I'd sing for you
Only to make you laugh
Because you know I can't sing
But you'd love it anyways
If you were mine
I'd make sure you were happy
With me
Always satisfied
If you were mine
I'd lay with you
We'd talk about our dreams
We'd laugh
If you were mine
I'd drie your tears
When you cry
And we'd watch
Teletubbies
To make you feel better
If you were mine
I'd bring you
Icy beers
To sooth your body
after a hard days work
If you were mine
I wouldn't let anyone hurt you
Or else I'd be hurt
If you were mine
I'd be yours
If you were mine
I'd love you

The truth is
I am just a pudgy
Teenage girl
Crazy hair
And a head full of disgusting thoughts
I am strange, I exceed the wierdometer
I watch ****, for fun
I laugh the loudest
Cry the longest
I'm lazy
Passionate
Kind hearted
I say things that don't need to be said
I talk way too much
I am fragile though give off a "never upset" exteriror
I eat too much pizza
Only because it's gods gift
I smoke till I pass out
Because its the one thing that keeps me calm
Did I mention I have ADHD
I'm a mess you see
But thats all I can be
It's me.

****
It's seems like no matter how hard I vent
No matter how many words are spoken
How many words are typed
There is so much left unsaid
This is why its been so ******* hard to get over your ***
Please leave me alone ......
Please bother me?
Please
I'm so contradictive
But I swear if you asked me back
I'd cry and fall into your arms
I'm such a *****
Why can't I except you don't want me anymore?
Why can't I stop thinking about you?
Why does this hurt so much?
Did you really have to start this and end it so quickly?
Couldn't you have just told me how you really felt?
Why can't I stop crying?
These recurring dreams make waking up so much harder, ****!
I don't want them to end.........
There isn't much I'd honestly say if you were right here next to me.
Because I'm scared now of your rejection
And even though you say I made you happy
Deep down I know its some *******
Or maybe its not
But its easier to feel like you hated me
Because I hate me
And you made allot harder to understand men
To understand you
Even though you were already so complicated to read
I just wanna touch you one last time
*******
Slap you
Cry with you
I know there was something so much deeper between us that you weren't telling me
And now I'll never know
Just like these words you'll never know

I don’t consider myself an intellectual.
And this is not one of my aims.
But I admire intellectual people.

"But every song's like gold teeth, grey goose, trippin' in the bathroom.
Blood stains, ball gowns, trashin' the hotel room,
We don't care, we're driving cadillacs in our dreams.
But everybody's like cristal, maybach, diamonds on your time piece.
Jet planes, islands, tigers on a gold leash
We don't care we aren't caught up in your love affair
And we'll never be royals,
it don't run in our blood
That kind of lux just ain't for us
We crave a different kind of buzz.
Let me be your ruler, you can call me queen B
And baby I'll rule I'll rule I'll rule I'll rule.
Let me live that fantasy."

She stares in to my eyes
I feel the pain behind hers
I run my fingers through her hair
She smiles
We kiss
She takes my hand in hers
I can hear the thumping of her heart
Most people don't phaze me
I can drop them without a thought
You stole my soul
You can keep it
We lay down beside eachother
Half way embraced
Am I really this lucky
I watch you get up and light a ciggerette
You come back and sit down on my lap
I smile
You hand me the ciggerette
But before I could take a drag you kiss me
Again and again
Until I can hardly breathe
I like this feeling
Breatheless only because you have taken all my air
Your fine red lips trace mine
They tingle
I can't stop myself from smiling
You laugh
"I've never been this happy"
You say
"Me either"
I say
We lay their quietly
Staring at eachother
In complete ecstacy
"i'm so glad your mine"

What have you done
You've erased all that was once secure locked up inside
Never too see the light
I'm cracked now
It's okay
If anyone else,
It'd be a shame
But you........
Your amazing
Breathe taking
I never thought it'd be this hard
These feelings so complicated
I can never understand my own emotions anymore
I often wonder if you feel the same
I'm too afraid to ask
Scared that you won't
It feels almost unreal
Like how could you
Want me?
I guess I should just take this luck and run with it
Don't want you to second guess
But if its me you want its me you'll get
All of me
I want all of you
Sometimes your silence makes me nervous
Your so brave
Every single second of the day
There is some constant reminder of you
Maybe i'm just crazy
Maybe i'm obsessed
Or maybe i'm finally in love

I'm ugly
But not too ugly
not the ugly thats unbearable
I am not the most intelligent
This I can admit
Though I admire those who are
I am not skinny
Not even close
And I strive too only be healthy
I am not happy all the time
Though bystanders may think so
I am ok.
But still besides these facts
I am me
I am a jumble of imperfection
I strive on giggles and slight awkwardness
That keeps your heart beating at an unsteady pace
I am a loud music seeker
I am a lip locker
I am a secret in a box waiting to explode
I am a **** toucher
A star gazer
A lazy walker
A cat lover
An emotional movie watcher
A hand holder
A heart breaker
A friend
I am ugly but not that ugly
I live beneath my strengths
And my quirks that complete me

In the begining I was blind
But now I see too clearly
The nonsense is over
And now I am growing
Fairwell to what was
Hello to fresh start
I'm building myself up
And letting the old fall apart
I quite frankly could care less
Of what they have got to say now
Because now I'm getting mines
And jealousy can ****
Not me but you
So step it up ladies and you'll be fresh too

Is it weird
That you see my hair and think of the sun?
My smile is of fake compliments given by everyone
My kindness bares unconditionally
Though I am misunderstood
Please love me
Though I don't love myself
Teach me
Though I'm to stubborn to learn
Too naive to understand
I want to
No one will let me
Not a soul wants to clean this up
Put together whats been broken for years
I'm sorry i'm not what you expected
I wish I was

Stuck between a field of weeds
And a garden of gremlins
You are above
Staring at me
Contradicting, telling me who to love
With thoughts that never end
Interrupting my sleep
Secrets spilling through the cracks of my teeth
It never stops
It just keeps going
And my body will never choose
How many will I have to loose?
Pick a side any side
If only it were this easy
I wobble from left to right
East too west
But yet it only keeps me queezy
My heart speaks to my mind
In sorrow
But brain says there will be a better tomorrow
Choose wiseley before its too late
But I'll sit in confusion
Till I step up to the plate
Infatuation is in lust
But true love has all but disenigrated to dust
What we thought was true
Has all turned around as a lie that was told by you

Perfect lips
Soft skin
Rebbelious side
Drenched in sin
So new to life
Yet nearly adult
From A-Z
She's made it
Unhappily
Clumsily tripping through phases
She starts with liqour
But **** smoke is thicker
She picks up a habit
Marlboro 27's
She kisses them sweetly
While stealing they're soles
Such inocent eyes
With such manipulative goals
She cries at night
But lets it all go
in the sun light
A beautiful creature
To say, at the least
Young lady with no morals
And a pocket full of cash
I guess she'll die while she's pretty
And live life fast
She's at the edge of 17 blossoming nicely
But baby watch out the real world is nasty

Every night I stare into your huge brown eyes
Hoping that they'll never leave my locked gaze
I try and hold on but I know eventually you'll fade away
I keep on trying to hold on to your voice
But as the days go by I start to replace your voice with similar sounds
Like the sounds of the passing busses
The ones that passed us by while making love
at 3 am on the bus stop
I do remember your smell
So when I smell cheap ciggerettes and old spice deodorant it drives me nuts
Your touch is was gets me because I know I'll never feel this ever again
I'll never be reminded of how amazing this fealt
I never knew this would be so hard
So now I'm staring into your big brown eyes wishing so badly that this wasnt a dream
Wishing that somehow I'd run into you
Wishing that you'd realize you miss my sound miss my smell and miss my touch
Wishing you missed us

Honey suckles
Suckling
She pitter patters across the moon lit pavement
In the air there is a faint smell of blood
Behind her he stalks
"Oh love oh love"
Thy hands may touch whatever thy please
She follows her shadow in to the darkness
Where she finds a wall of bricks
And a stray cat
From the corner of the alley he's lurking
She sits on a worn piece of cardboar
Many persons home
He starts to approach but retreats
She feels someone
He call's her name
So she found him
In the moment of panic they embrace
Noises pour from within her
Her cheeks wet and scarlet
More than ever she relieved
But truthfully she's scared
The heart only as fragile as the beholder
Strong; but far too weak
He holds her
Not letting go
He squeezes
She's hurting
She can't breathe
She closes her eyes
Misunderstood they're whole lives
They suffocate eachother
Till the world is no more
Restless soul and empty bodies
Lay across the pavement
Dead and beautiful
They lay there for eternity
She who gives her body to the one with no concience is sure too be in danger
But its worse to give your heart and soul to ***** mangey stranger

Sorry
I don't see it
Don't see the beauty
Don't see the happiness
I'm sick
I am disgusted
I am nothing
Nothing but a gray cloud in the sky
Not even caring to take a second glance
Not worth it
Not enough
You laugh because I am a joke
You cry because you feel bad
I laugh because I can't cry.....
I smile because I can't frown......
Your words mean nothing
Though sweet as can be
The more you say them
The more I am confused with "ME"
I think I was put here to entertain
But if that was true I would have been blessed with talent.
I try and take away whats their
But it always creeps its way back
Makes me nervous
Lets me know
That i'll never be good enough
Never be okay
Always insane
But i'm fine

You try so hard
Little girl
Getting ***** so fast
It's fun it is
But enjoy the little things
That come sooner to past
Don't let his words get stuck
Theres more to this world than lust
Though you may not see it now
It's there
Try
Little girl
Your getting stronger
Growing wiser
Hips getting wider
Your becoming more lonely
You have become your bestfriend
For some reason you've thought
People are different
You had so much faith
But it's disintegrating
Notihng but coldness
You play with there minds now
Your a master of disguise now
You stare into the eyes of strangers
Take them to your fortress
Unwravel there concience
Make them your soldier
You kiss the goodnight
Cutts run deep up and down
You bleed out staining the sheets
You say its for dramatic affect
But your scared
Maybe one night it won't end
You make the call
He drops it off
You take it down
Now your gone
You've made this persona in another world
But your not present in either
You've run away
To fragile too catch
Little girl, please
Slow down

Torn like a brand new sweater
One that you had been waiting forever to get
Saving all that you had for that sweater
The thread finally came to an end
To soon if you asked me
But you never did
Swallowing and savoring the last of that bitterness you left on my toungue
****
I'd be devoured by pain
But your to fine
Too okay
Little things can set me off
Seeing things that I once saw
I don't want to
They just appear  like magic
My mind is torturing me
When he touches me I am numb
For your fingers are all I can feel
When he kisses me
I cringe
For your lips are all I can taste
How I long for an ending to these prolonged feelings
You continue to be amazing
Which is what hurts the most
I don't know how long this will last
But for now
I guess i'm half empty

I've seen you quite a few times
Reacurring visits you made to me
In my dreams
You are of dark complexton
And ***** hair
Your a wide smile
That keeps me loaded
Your body
An amazing piece of architecture
Though your beauty soars beyond its means
You denie any truth of this
Your continuous laughter
Keeps my heart light
You speak of love
Of ***
You speak of my beauty
Though I disagree
We play like children
Not quite as inocent as it all has seemed
You have ran back and forth through all of my dreams
Up and down my blood you have streamed
I have fallen in love with a figment of imagination
Though real in my heart
I cry at the recognition
You are not physical
I cannot hold you in my hands
Caress your face with my fingertips
You cannot press your lips against mine
cannot let our hands intertwine
You share your thoughts with me
And I share mine
I see you night and day
While i'm in bed
Or in my head
I hope too see you
One day in the flesh
So we can color the pavement with gold
And count the stars
Untill we get to old
Now your a just a fantasy
Eating at my reality
Confusing me with what is and what is not real

Of ****
It's that feeling
that you can't quite describe
That pit in your stomach
that keeps swirling around
Like a cat chasing its tale
Urmm this is what I live for
I love it
But i hate it
The anticipation
The fantasies
It's so much more fun too build up
Your going to have too hold me down
*** i'm flying through my imagination
Thinking of the possiblities
They're endless
A stranger
Yet someone I've seen a thousand times before
I've lost myself to fiction
Somewhere between
Peter Pan and Cinderella
I can't control my movements
I'll jump in excitement
Over a simple thought of us brushing against eachother
As we pass by
Nervous yet Invigorated
What will this unveil?

Truest of tears
maybeline smeared
Ripped nylons
Stale cigarettes
Strong stench of **** and *****
Old budlight
Wrong answers
Quick fixes
White lighters
Dancing on park bench tables
Wobbling
"i'm not scared of the dark" she said
Bruises fill her white milky skin
With stories of brutality
Adventures
Long nights with strange men
Strange boys*
"I am not afraid of the light" shes says
"I never doubted you" he said
"you should" she says
She takes a ****
Lights a smoke
Dances around
Nike socks
And a wife beater
Sweaty and nauseous
"You disgust me" she says
"Than leave" he says
But i wont
I'm to high right now

As naïve I was
as harmless
he was wrong

As stupid I was
as careless
I was wrong

But if two wrongs made a right this wouldn't hurt so badly

It really is too sad
That my generation has become this empty pit
Of drugs and ***
Don't get me wrong I am just as much apart of this movement
But what happens when were torn down
When we have nothing left
When there isn't a soul left to share something precious
We are all products of this society
Oh Kurt, why'd you leave me
Poor Amy such a voice
Take me back to where it started although it was years and years ago
Take me to janis
Take me to John
Take me to the raw
I want to drop acid with Hendrix
Party with Courtney
40 ounces to freedom with Brad
Take me away from here
We're all just pretending to be you
If this is my life let me live it real
Like the stars
Let me be in your blood
Let me overdose on your mistakes
Pass out too your lost promises
If I were there with you I would have done it too

"Yeah this the kinda sound that I wanna hear,
Yeah this the kinda vibe that I wanna feel,
And you're the type of girl, baby you're the real,
Check it one time, what's the deal?
Maybe I'm,
I'm caught up in the thing that you know I like,
Yeah we could make time, baby overnight
Oh we could make a grand escape,
And we can roll high, by the way
And when we come down, oh yeah yeah yeah
We'll be dreaming safe and sound"

I really love this song thought I'd post it, Listen and love!

I'm pretty sure i'm lost
In life
In love
In lust
The constant confusion between life and death
I'm always hanging by a thread
Shooting blank smiles to the strangers that pass
While my mind sinks deep inside to a place where only travlers find "The Past"
I burrow below, under ground
I'm numb and cold I hear no sound
Trusting only loved ones
Scared like a cat
The only ones that can tear my heart out
Just like that!
I'm willing to listen if I feel its worthy
Though most unspoken thoughts
The ones that intriuge me.

If I was sent to prison
I'd meet the most beautiful criminal
And she'd fall for me
We'd be together while our sentence dwindled
And we'd make love on the top bunk
While the other inmates swindle
I'd be happy I wasn't alone
I wouldn't want to go home
Without her......
I'd forget the rest
And cup her *******
Make her know
That i'm the best
Prison life would be so sweet
if I had my love at my feet
My property, till she changes
past the cells we share sweet exchanges

I wish you had shoved me in a box
Threw away the lock
What was I exposed too?
Too much
Do I even understand?
Probably not
At least I try
I miss the smell of crayola
And the taste of welches grape jelly
I wish ou had shoved me in a box
Threw away the lock
Hopefully you'll read my poetry one day
My unscripted thoughts
Maybe you'll appreciate my adoration
For you two my birthers
In most stories we live happily ever after
When I was younger never a stress
I thought that was true
But the realness of this planet has made me more aware of how wrong I was
I wish you had shoved me in a box
Threw away the lock.

I'm sorry I can't voice my thoughts
Can't look at you dead in the eyes
I'll cry
I wonder why you can't just tell me?
How you feel
Do you even care
Do you even feel?
I care too much, feel too much
I want you to hold me
Tell me that all you need is us
All you need is our soft embrace and sweet kisses
But I know thats not all you need
Thats all I need
I'm serious
I can live off your love
And be happy for the rest of my life
But you don't feel me like I feel you
You want change you want excitement
But too me you are change you are that excitement
That i've needed for so long
Sometimes I feel like falling in a ditch waiting for you too save me
But for some reason I don't think you'd arrive
Maybe I'm too dependant
I don't know
I wish I did
Give my heart a break tell me whats real and tell me whats fiction
My body is swallowed whole by confusion
There is no way to tell anymore
Set my heart free
Tell Me

For those who have left us
Those who couldn't handle the pain
Too the people who kept pushing
Ended they're lives
Too the ones who comtributed to the hate
Made it harder to go on
*******
I travel to the moment they tie the noose
I take them by the heart
I see all their hurt
I cry, I wish I could have stopped them
If only I could have made a change
Some way
Maybe they'd still be breathing
Maybe they would be making changes now
If only the rope wasn't strong enough
Surely they never thought they would do it
Never thought that what was going through their mind was this seriousness
This agony
I feel for the mourners the people who loved
I am a mourner of faceless broken hearts
I want to help
Want to help these kids
Taking their lives
Please let me help you
Please, don't break my heart
I feel that if they leave
What am I to do
**** myself too?
I will not let them
******* my mind
Though quite weak already
I will make a change
This cannot happen anymore
I won't let it.

I will never under estimate the beauty of a woman, I hardly have the strength to tell these ******* no. I'm blinded by perfection.............#superhomo

I sit hopelessly
isolated from humanity
He speaks to me in my thoughts
He tells me twisted things
I rock back and forth
Knees to chest
Breathe in
Breathe out
He tells me to hurt people
But I can't
I hurt myself
He's confused
I'm on fire
He can feel me burning
From the inside out
He's screaming
I scream back
My eyes are closed
I can't open them
I'm scared
Of what I may unveil
He's telling me to show him
Show him blood?
Why blood?
He tells me that I'm safe
I'm safe
I'm safe
I'm safe
He's laughing
I start to laugh
My laughter turns to sobs
He cutts me
I feel them
Gashes covering my body
"OPEN YOUR EYES"
He screams I can't
I'm on fire
I'm bleeding
I sit and scream
I wait till he leaves
He's gone
I open my eyes
Sitting in a puddle of blood
Whats happening to me?

You breathe down my neck with such intensity
I try not too break you but your so fragile
Maybe you don't understand what its like
Too be young and free
You want too trap me
Smother me
I made a mistake by doing this too you
Just caught  up in my own selfsih game
I realize now what I want
What I need
It's not you
Can I tell you that?
Without hurt
I can't keep running
Can't keep doing you like this
I can't keep doing myself like this
I want freedom
I want love
I want her love
Not yours
I'm sorry
But you have too let go

Give me love
In a note.
I'm out of the ordinary
Old fashioned.

p.s. Seriously someone message me (INSPIRE ME)

Mirror, mirror
On the wall
You have seen me rise
And you have seen me fall
Through the years I've changed
But you of all know I've stayed the same
Though the tears are heavier
And the heart break comes often
Mirror, mirror
On the wall
Take me back through it all.

Not quite sure if what your doing
Is right?
Or if what I'm doing  is just plain moronic
I don't even Know if I should put much thought into this
I'll never tell you truly how I feel
And neither will you
So were hopelessly ******* away the sadness that we So greatly hide
We're wound so tight
Bound to snap sometime
And if it's me that you snap at
I won't be mad
As long as your happy
I'll take this mild abuse
I'll take your drunk calls
Your perversions that keep me up
Mind wandering in to spaces I never thought existed
Beautiful lustful places
I'm not ready to be a mother
But your not even ready to be my lover
My love
But you are
Mine
I refuse to think you've given your love to someone else
Since we've laid hands on each other
If so
I don't like to think about It
I read people easily
But you
I can't tell the slightest
And it makes me so insecure
So imprisoned
Its terrifying
I know of i don't see you for months
When we meet each other's gaze once again
It'll be as if you never left
You never forgot
I never forget
I always remember
Your unsteady breathing
I can feel it on my neck even when your gone it haunts me
And now I hate you for making me feel so much
But so desperately wanting to feel so little
Because as long as this lasts
It won't be forever
And you think your clever
But I know better

And I don't even know why I cant stop
I can feel my heart
THUD
THUD
THUD
I can feel theirs too
I can smell the stale beer that I spilled
That was weeks ago
The lights at night they beg
They pleed
For me, they want to take my soul
Want to give it history
They want to challenge its strength
But they soon find the strength hidden
Not ready to show itself
It's okay, my blood needed to boil
My heart, need be ripped out
Let it
If i'm going to live
I'm going to give it a cause
I'm living for
for the endless nights
The whispers in the wind
Puking on the way home
Crying till drifting to sleep
Screaming whenever allowed
I'm living for every bruise
Every laugh and smile
Every sad ending
The miracles
I'm living for my own selfishness
I'm not even worthy to be heard
But it will happen
and this is what truly keeps me
Thriving
Through every drunken night
falling down the stairs
Sneaking into bars
smirking at young men
That are rather un tasteful
It'll be worth it
who knows where this will lead me
I dont care anymore
My life will be filled negative
Positive
Allot more in-between
I'm giving in and letting my heart
My stupid heart
I'm letting it lead me into the worst
WORST circumstances
I'll keep it up until its over
And maybe I'll never understand
But maybe you will
And maybe i'll stop speaking
But i find that very unlikely