My stomachs filled with fire
Your not supposed to look down
Suppose to look up at the clouds
And take a leap
But i feel these chains wrapped around my leges keeping me still
And im looking down
Im scared if I leap
I'll drown
I want to jump
Hard
I want to let go
If i hit the water too hard
Ill shatter
Ill ruin everything
I've tried so hard to keep together
And im feeling weak
And im feeling strong
And im so confused
Will i ever be able to look up?

In the midst of finding who you are
You lost yourself
And once again your searching
Only this time you've lost yourself within another version of you
And your not sure if each of you can co exist
Your not certain which is your truest form
Or if there is yet to be another version
Where your better than the rest
And whatever version you are now is ******* *** your in this endless limbo
Not sure where you'll end up next
Just hoping its not down

I guess I never cared if I was great
I just wanted to enjoy it
Wanted to gain something
I think I always do
I think it takes too long
Until i realize its been awhile
I hate how tastes change
One day im obsessed
The next id forgotten how much i appreciated that peice of art
Like it didnt exist
Like it wasnt my life
I just get lost in nothing
Things that are so un important
And i just want that need and want
For simplicity once again
But things just keep getting heavier
More complicated
Maybe those are just my thoughs weighing in
Making a dramatically different approach on how ive viewed things lately
Maybe we are just non stop changing
Sometimes i think we're just sad
And theres no reason
And we make all these excuses why when maybe its just so simple
I need fresh air
And a change of scenery
And im probably ready to be alone in the middle of a lake on a hot summers day surrounded by towering pine trees
I know
Oddly specific
but I just think ive been over thinking
Doing nothing
And im just ready for more
or less
Make sense?

All were ever getting is older
We dont even pay for it
Its just given to us
Some of us get sweeter
And some of us get angrier  
I just hope i get happier

We thought this magic would never end
That our youth would be forgiving
We thought that we were never wrong
And we thought love wasn't pretending
But the the sun has set on us
And all the glitters began to fade
As soon as we accept the darkness
Our innocence is up for trade

Am I kidding myself ?
Can either of us truly change?
Or am I wasting time
Unhappy
Drowning in a pool of tears
Will he ever want to make me happy?
And will I ever want to accept who he is ?
My heart is in my throat
As I think of these truths
I just ate a half a pizza
And I'm still sad
I just screamed at my daughter
Because I'm alone
It's not her fault
She misses her daddy
She's acting out
Sometimes
It's just hard
He's not here
Even when he is........
And I cant think of anything positive other than
I just love him
And I want him to be a better man
And I want us to grow old together
And I want us to look back at our long life and all our children and our house and animals
And be proud
But I still just don't know
If I can make it
I just love him
And I don't know when it's going to stop hurting and when my body will tell me what to do