She pushes the blade against her skin
Hoping this will be the last time she's tired
She wouldn't really do it
But she dances on the razors edge
Thinking strongly about all the pain she feels
Maybe all the pain she feels she inflicts
She feels selfish
Never able to express what's really on her mind
Always lying
Crying
Dying
Knotted up inside
Confused
She's strong and even though it feels weak
She fantasizes about when she was able to slice her skin open and watch herself bleed
Before she had to care
She's glad she's alive but she wishes for her own life with her baby and a new start
No more temporary homes
No more lost love
No more pain
She longs for a future that doesn't look bleak
For a relationship where she's able to speak
She feels stupid
She feels unforgiving
Ungrateful
She can't help it
She feels deeply
When shes happy
Deeply when she's sad

Each time you hurt me
I normalize it a little more
Finding excuses for our behavior
As if this is the way all people love
Deep down I know
We know
It's rotten
We've rotted to the core
But we hang on
We strangle each other
And though we both gasp for air
We just let ourselves go
Let each other beat one another down
Till we're nothin
Nothin but pain and hurt
When once I wasn't perfect but I was me I was sunshine in a pistol
And you were someone I thought I needed to know
Thought I needed to love
I had seen you
And I saw the love that you lacked
It drew me in like a spider to its prey
You spun me in your web
Made me feel safe and loved
And I loved you like there was no one watching
No matter what I stuck like glue
And I still do
I just wish what was happening wasn't true
Is your web coming undone?
Has my sunshine faded?
Will we be nothing did we drag each other through all this ache for nothing?

My expressions
Feel belittled
By lack of experience
I am yearning for absolute freedom
But know that I'd spoil it
With a bad decision
It's what I'm known for
Choosing the wrong people
Eating the wrong foods
Walking the wrong path
I'm just all wrong
Maybe
There's something alright with that
At least I'm consistent
Like " don't get to excited"
I'll probably just let you down
One of those types of people
Like "she's cool but....."
I'm never okay
Always sick
Mentally
Physically
You all just might as well give up
Nothing grand to see here

Maybe if I close my eyes
Real tight
I'll open them and everything will be alright
No more pain
No more stress
No more aching in my chest
No more sad recollections of what could have been
Action is so hard
When all you need is sleep
But how can I sleep anymore
There's so much that needs to be done
So many songs
That have yet to be sung
Do I want to keep singing?
Do I want to run?
Away?