Soapy and wet
I write
Through the agony
Through my bittersweet thoughts
Things may never change
Am I lazy
Or depressed?
I'm not sure anymore
Lack of motivation
Of hope
And I see this smile
And I cant help but try
She motivates me just enough
But even I know
I'm the only one
Who can't dust myself off
And get back to me
So much has changed
And though I still feel like a child
Ive somehow become a mother
But a mother is not solely who I am
Even when it feels like it
I'm still confused
I'm still wondering
I feel confined
Lack of culture that surrounds me
I long for something much more wholesome
My own place
For my own family
I'm haunted by the past
Of which I had no part of
Afraid to drastically erase any hope of a dream I had
Grasping as tight as I can to an image we were sold
But never taught to achieve
I sit on the floor of the shower
And I write
Hoping that this spillage
Will get me through the night

I am to literal
Can I take a joke?
It's been hard lately
Don't you think?
I don't know life goes on

Does it?


If the world implodes
Will our spirits evolve?
Or will we be nothing?
Are we even anything?
Could our souls reach a new planet
Where we exist in personality and voice
Is that what heaven is?

Dear uncle Adam
I can't express my disappointment
My heart aches
And I can't shake this awful feeling
You hurt us all and broke our hearts
When they say that it's the drugs
I feel no sympathy
I remember your smile
Your brightness
I remember your laugh
You would taunt and ****
I would laugh
I look at these pictures of us
And it hurts so deeply
I said I wanted you to die
But I don't
I feel you are already gone
Are you gone?
Is this just your ****** scumbag shell
Or are you still inside there screaming
Do you need help?
Do want help?
Do you wish to die?
Why did you abandoned
Why did you choose something so destructive
Why can't you see that we're here for you
Why don't you want to get better
Why don't you love us?
Why do I love you?
At one point I remember being excited to see you
I felt hopeful hugging you
Knowing I had someone on my side
I felt you understood me
But now i don't know
Now I feel you were never truthful
When I never judged you
I feel angry and stupid
I believed in you
I let you in my home and I wanted to take care of you
But you scare me now
You stuck a needle in your arm less than 4 feet away from your child and your niece and my child
And I tried to act like that's not what happened
But i can't be blind
I can't sympathize
Even though I know your life was rough
I still don't get it
I do
But I don't
And I wish I could
Because I miss you
I miss you smile
And your laugh
I miss your life
I don't want you to die
But I feel you are gone
Your son deserved more
You deserved more
We cant make it right for you
I so wish I could have
Please don't die
Please fight
Please
I miss you

The most beautiful thing I've ever laid my eyes apon
So warm
So sweet
Like your favorite peice of candy
She's so smart
Brilliant
Her heart
So pure and perfect
Skin so soft
Porcelain
So fragile
And God a set of lungs on her
I never knew I could love anything more than I love her
I Rock her
Until her eyes flutter shut
I start to hear her snore
And I wish I could stay still
Silent like this forever
Because this moment is magical
and at the same time I want to wake her
Just so I can make her smile or giggle again
I love her more than my heart can bare
I'm amazed that my body created such perfection
That this happiness was inside me
I promised her I'd never leave
Promise that id be the one to dry her tears
that id always put her first
Give her what's best
Try my hardest to be the woman
The mother that she needs
I'll never betray my baby
Never break her heart
I'm here for you baby girl
Rori
All the way to the end
You are my heart