It's the worst feeling
Growing to comfortable with something
Someone
You lose the appreciation you once had
It's replaced with
Predictability
And even though your heart couldn't beat  without them
You feel tempted to run away
Start a new life
Or just restart everything
From the beginning
When everything was sweet
Smooth
When my blood boiled ever time we touched
I remember our first real fight
When we were so upset
We cried all night until morning
you mentioned me going back home
because you didn't want to put me  through all this
"*******"
But your **** was already my ****
I still don't know what I'd do without your ****
Or if I would've agreed with you
Would I be happy?
I ache even thinking about it
But still I'm bothered and hurt
By your disappointment in me
I lack everything I once had
And even though I gave you life
I still feel like gum on the bottom of your shoes
I know our love is stronger than most
I know that our hearts have been through the ringer
And we unapologetically stomp on them
Every now and then
But I feel like an eraser at the bottom of a pencil
Almost at its end
Becoming stale and useless
But God I love you
And I'll try to bring us back
I'll water you every morning until your happy again
Please just be my sun

So long
It's been so long
Since I've been able to just let go
My life has changed drastically
My words
My thoughts
They've changed
They have so much more meaning
Since last I've lived
Running from world to world
Letting my walls down
Accepting someone's else's heart
Creating a heart inside me other than my own
I've become a stronger individual
I am beautiful
I am wicked and strong
I have become a queen of my own castle
Life is much lovlier here
This outlook that I've developed
I have become whole
So long
So long to the young girl
The reckless life I once had
Has been replaced with undying love
Passion
And tiny toes
So long

Not quite sure if what your doing
Is right?
Or if what I'm doing  is just plain moronic
I don't even Know if I should put much thought into this
I'll never tell you truly how I feel
And neither will you
So were hopelessly ******* away the sadness that we So greatly hide
We're wound so tight
Bound to snap sometime
And if it's me that you snap at
I won't be mad
As long as your happy
I'll take this mild abuse
I'll take your drunk calls
Your perversions that keep me up
Mind wandering in to spaces I never thought existed
Beautiful lustful places
I'm not ready to be a mother
But your not even ready to be my lover
My love
But you are
Mine
I refuse to think you've given your love to someone else
Since we've laid hands on each other
If so
I don't like to think about It
I read people easily
But you
I can't tell the slightest
And it makes me so insecure
So imprisoned
Its terrifying
I know of i don't see you for months
When we meet each other's gaze once again
It'll be as if you never left
You never forgot
I never forget
I always remember
Your unsteady breathing
I can feel it on my neck even when your gone it haunts me
And now I hate you for making me feel so much
But so desperately wanting to feel so little
Because as long as this lasts
It won't be forever
And you think your clever
But I know better

And I don't even know why I cant stop
I can feel my heart
THUD
THUD
THUD
I can feel theirs too
I can smell the stale beer that I spilled
That was weeks ago
The lights at night they beg
They pleed
For me, they want to take my soul
Want to give it history
They want to challenge its strength
But they soon find the strength hidden
Not ready to show itself
It's okay, my blood needed to boil
My heart, need be ripped out
Let it
If i'm going to live
I'm going to give it a cause
I'm living for
for the endless nights
The whispers in the wind
Puking on the way home
Crying till drifting to sleep
Screaming whenever allowed
I'm living for every bruise
Every laugh and smile
Every sad ending
The miracles
I'm living for my own selfishness
I'm not even worthy to be heard
But it will happen
and this is what truly keeps me
Thriving
Through every drunken night
falling down the stairs
Sneaking into bars
smirking at young men
That are rather un tasteful
It'll be worth it
who knows where this will lead me
I dont care anymore
My life will be filled negative
Positive
Allot more in-between
I'm giving in and letting my heart
My stupid heart
I'm letting it lead me into the worst
WORST circumstances
I'll keep it up until its over
And maybe I'll never understand
But maybe you will
And maybe i'll stop speaking
But i find that very unlikely

Truest of tears
maybeline smeared
Ripped nylons
Stale cigarettes
Strong stench of **** and *****
Old budlight
Wrong answers
Quick fixes
White lighters
Dancing on park bench tables
Wobbling
"i'm not scared of the dark" she said
Bruises fill her white milky skin
With stories of brutality
Adventures
Long nights with strange men
Strange boys*
"I am not afraid of the light" shes says
"I never doubted you" he said
"you should" she says
She takes a ****
Lights a smoke
Dances around
Nike socks
And a wife beater
Sweaty and nauseous
"You disgust me" she says
"Than leave" he says
But i wont
I'm to high right now