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Xi Feb 2018
A+
They announced it on Monday,
in our school's old run down hall,
that the girl I had math with,
was never coming back at all.

You could hear their silent questions,
"She wasn't so perfect, was she?"
What demons was she fighting,
that we were all too blind to see?

I sat in math that day,
beside her now abandoned desk,
While our teacher warned us not to fail
our fast approaching test.

I remember she once whispered,
how envious she was of me,
her parents knew the work it took,
to get a simple 'B'.

I wish I'd noticed earlier,
or had the decency to ask,
because her world must have been crumbling
behind her perfect student mask.

And I wonder if on that day,
if the last thought in her brain,
was that the only A+ she could give,
was the blood type in her veins.
Xi Dec 2017
You can't make homes out of humans,
my life is not a fire to keep you warm,
my arms aren't walls to protect you,
from your own internal storm.

My heart is not a light switch,
for you to turn on when you please,
and I can't carry the weight of your regret,
Because I'm buckling at the knees.

My legs may not be a solid foundation,
But they aren't yours on which to build,
And the holes in my heart can fit us both,
But you do not decide how they're filled.

You can't make homes out of humans,
And I won't let you in just because you have knocked.
And if you keep using my heart as a doormat,
next time you'll find the door locked.
Xi Nov 2018
I asked you
What you thought
the worst way to die is
And you said
"Alone."
I should have told you
That being alone
And being lonely
Are very different things.
Xi Mar 2018
What a terrible mess we are now.
You love me,
but i love her,
and she loves you.

What happens now that we're all so broken?
Because i feel like dying,
She's so happy that she's flying,
And you're sitting back,
watching us,
and smiling.
Xi Dec 2017
It was a simple smile
given on a simple afternoon
just a memory now
but for me,
it slowed the spinning earth,
just long enough
for me to see him
Xi Jan 2019
i used to judge my beauty by the gap between my thighs
And the visibility of my ribs
one year recovered.
Xi Apr 2018
It hurts
to see you smile.
because I know that she's the reason.
and now I'm crying in the dark
while you lay with her in your arms.
and I wonder if you've told her
that your father is in jail.
and your mother hits you.
and that you drank alcohol as an escape.
and you're four years clean of self-harm.
did you tell her,
about the night when you called me,
and we were on the phone for four hours.
and you cried out your heart, shamelessly.
You used to wear your smile
like it was your enemy.
Now you look at her,
and you smile like she's your remedy.
She's beautiful, isn't she?
Xi Sep 2018
I'm sorry.
Yes, i know what you said.
No, It doesn't change how i feel!
Why did you lie?
...But you also said-
I know.
So it was a lie.
Then why do i still love you?
He told me he loved me.
Then he came out as gay.
Xi Mar 2018
The glass cup i'm holding
against the beige plaster wall
is cold.

The nails i'm biting
to keep from crying
are weak from years of stress.

The words you two bottle up
are echoing into the cup
and I hear them loud and clear.

You're strong and resilient still,
but she's gone silent,
maybe she's lost her will

to fight.
       to live.
            to love.

Do you not care what she's done?
When you leave on  Monday,
to the apartment you refer to as 'home'
She tears my emotions apart
and leaves me all alone.

And when you come back,
You argue much more,
and fail to realize,
that you've shaken me to the core...
When did the fights stop phasing me?
Xi Dec 2018
Beware the boys
With dyed blond hair
blue eyes
and beautiful music

*      ·   
   ✦                      . ˚   
                                                          ✦      · .
  ·     . .   *    *  . * .         ·
trust me darling
That handsome smirk
May have told you
    ·   
   ✦                 . ˚   
                        ✦      · .
  *    *  . * .    
he wanted all of you
  *   ✺ ˚ ⊹             ✵      ˚ +    . .        ˚    ✷ ·  .   .       · *     ⊹   . ⋆ ˚
But it turns out
He only meant your skin
*   ✺ ˚ ⊹  
        ✵     ˚ +    . .        ˚   ✷ ·  . .       · *      ⊹   . ⋆ ˚
Xi Dec 2017
I kissed her and forgot to breathe
It just didn't seem as important at the time.
Xi Dec 2017
I meant to tell you
I needed help
but not a word was spoken.
For there's only the break in breakdown for me,
and it hurts to be this broken.
Xi Feb 2019
i adore cold weather.
But not for the fires,
Or the warmth of another person.
I find something beautiful about it,
And maybe even a bit lonely.
It reminds me of bittersweet loss,
And finding the strength to move on.
Xi Feb 2019
tomorrow will be different
  tomorrow will be different
     tomorrow will be different
         tomorrow will be different
         tomorrow will be different
              tomorrow will be different
                tomorrow will be different
               tomorrow will be different
          tomorrow will be different
        tomorrow will be different
     tomorrow will be different
   tomorrow will be different
    tomorrow will be different
       tomorrow will be different
         tomorrow will be different
          tomorrow will be different
     tomorrow will be different
  tomorrow will be different
tomorrow will be different
tomorrow i will be different.
Xi Nov 2018
eyes are the window to the soul, they say.
but to a narcissist
they're just a mirror
Xi Dec 2017
Your arrogance is my downfall,
this has gone too far to be a joke,
and as I stand ablaze before you,
you tell me you smell smoke.

My fire has smoldered far too long,
I fear it might go out,
You took my heart and burnt it to ashes,
I didn't cry, I didn't shout.

I picked my heart up off the ground,
a few embers still barely burned,
I looked up at you and I said,
now, what have we learned?

You can tear me down,
and burn my heart's remains,
but know this,
The fire inside me cannot be tamed.
Xi Feb 2019
are so lovely.
Maybe that's why they remind me of you.
Xi Jul 2018
Mom,
i want to scream.
is this a phase, or am i?
do you imagine a perfect life for me?
sitting by a fireplace with a husband,
a little girl,
a little boy,
a little dog,
a cute house just a few minutes away
from where i grew up,
being told i am just a phase.

Your idea of a perfect life for me
is a husband and two kids,
a suburban dream.

Funny thing is,
my idea of a perfect life,
is one where i am happy.
A house is a home, no matter who lives in it with you, husband or wife.
Xi Mar 2019
my heart aches when you touch me
and aches when you don't.
Xi Nov 2018
Hearts break
when people change
but feelings stay the same.
Her
Xi Dec 2017
Her
Her alarm goes off beside her,
a rough start to a rough day,
she pulls on the first clothes she sees,
and continues on her way.

The women on the sidewalk,
seem to have life all worked out,
They don't feel the sadness she does,
or her own self-conscious doubt.

She has never been called pretty,
and feels like she knows why,
as she watches the clouds,
and chases their patterns in the sky.

She doesn't want attention,
so she glances at the ground,
as though it has the answers,
that she's longing to have found

Her day's like any others,
Filled with voices in her head,
they whisper 'You will be alone,
until the day that you are dead.'

She walks home defeated,
her bed so big that she feels small,          
And she hopes that tomorrow,
she won't wake up at all.
There is now a continuation of this poem, titled "Him"
Xi Jan 2018
Am I allowed to look at her like that?
Could it be wrong,
when she's just so nice to look at?

And she smells like lavender and sleep,
She tastes like candy and peach,
You can find her in my Polaroid pictures,
And she means everything to me.

I'd never tell,
No, I'd never say a word.
And oh it aches,
But it feels oddly good to hurt.

She smells like honey and everything sweet,
She tastes like strawberries and peach,
You find only her in my pictures,
Because she means everything to me.

And I'll be okay,
Admiring from afar,
Because even when she's next to me,
We could not be more far apart.

Because she tastes like cake,
And storytime and fall,
But to her,
I taste of nothing at all.
I love her...
Him
Xi Dec 2017
Him
He wakes to the warm sunlight,
but to a cold and empty bed,
and thoughts of the love he wishes he had,
come back into his head.

The women on the sidewalk?
they don't even catch his eye,
until he sees one lost in thought,
staring off into the sky.

He'd never seen such beauty,
but knows she's unaware,
by the way she casts her eyes down,
and pretends she was not there.

He knows all too well the feeling
of thinking you are alone,
and he wishes he could tell her,
it's a feeling he has known.

His day was like all the others,
but it feels like it wasn't the same,
he just can't shake the lonely girl,
from the thoughts inside his brain.

He walks back home excited,
with a wondrous plan of his,
that tomorrow he will tell her,
just how beautiful she really is.
this is a continuation of "Her" another poem on my account.
Xi Feb 2019
"you're quieter than usual lately."
"there's nothing to say."
ouch.
Xi Feb 2019
Grazing my fingers across your chest is my favorite hobby.
Xi Dec 2017
Maybe I am the type of person,
that holds onto things too tight.
I cannot release my grip,
even if it no longer feels right.

Although it gave me blisters,
and my fingers  may still ache,
I think that maybe,
holding on is worth the pain it takes.

I think that losing in things,
I lose a part of myself too.
That I would become someone
my heart no longer knew.

Then one day something happened,
I dropped what I once held dear,
my heart became heavier,
and maybe full of fear.

But I no longer have to cling to people
who no longer make me smile,
or do something I've come to hate,
because it isn't worth my while.
Xi Jan 2019
slipping from my fingers
Xi Feb 2018
This is what I would tell her if I could:

I promise to love you forever,
and even if everything around you crumbles,
I promise you,
I will never.

I love your flaws,
They do not define you.
I accept the scars you've made on your body,
but I despise anyone who tries to hurt you.

And god, you're beautiful.
You truly take my breath away.
I am your guard, I'll always protect you.

I'll embrace you during the bad,
I'll still hold you during the good.
I love every part of you,
And I would tell you if I could.
Xi Feb 2019
you left me for her
and i woke up crying
Xi Dec 2019
I didn't know the word fine meant you'd start talking to her in four days
holding her hand in the hallway
avoiding my gaze.
That jacket she's wearing, i recognize it
I wore it a time or two before we split.
If I said I missed you, I'd be lying
Just kidding, I'm in the floor crying.
Because I didn't know life without you would be this bad
And I forgive all those times you made me sad
Not that it matters, now you're with her
Those months you spent with me
they're just a blur
In your mind, a waste of time
heartbreak and heartache didn't cost us a dime.
It's okay though, "I'll be fine,"
I'll just forget you were ever mine.
Xi Dec 2017
There is a bookshelf in my heart,
and ink runs through my veins,
I'll write you into my story
with the typewriter in my brain.

My bookshelf is getting crowded,
with the stories that I've penned,
and all the people that have flicked through my pages,
but closed the book before the very end.

And there's one pushed to the very back,
That sits there collecting dust,
and there in my finest writing are the words,
"The One Who's Lost My Trust."

There are books I'm scared to open,
and ones I will never close,
Stories of everyone I've ever met,
Stretched across in endless rows.

Some have only one sentence,
While others were once the main part,
Thousands of inked footprints,
That they've left across my heart.

Sometimes I wonder why I do this,
Writing about people I once knew,
But I hope one day I'll mean enough,
for someone to write about me too.
~ e.h
This poem was written by Erin Hanson
Xi Jan 2019
when the sunlight reaches through the trees to feel my skin
And the wind runs its fingers through my hair.
Because on a day like that
Is when we first met.
And even though you're gone,
and i now adore cold weather,
we'll always have our sunny days.
Xi Dec 2017
You told me it was just a phase.
I've never really liked the word 'just.'
Xi Jun 2018
You think that i'll never understand
the slice of a razor on skin?
and how it feels to be so desperately lost in yourself
that you think you'll never be found?
The way pain can bring euphoria
or an adrenaline rush away from reality?
You sat in silence when i told you i knew all too well
the feeling of a cold blade.
Xi Feb 2019
to feel your skin.
I want
to feel your kiss on my neck
on my cheek
on my lips.
Xi May 2018
A whole month
And no one noticed.
Or maybe they didn't care.
Xi Jan 2018
You left your jacket in my room,
I found it lying on the floor.
I can't bring it to you,
you're long gone out the door.

It smells like you,
like strawberries and everything kind,
and the love I feel for you just brought tears to my eyes,
I'm so attached it blows my mind.

It's wrong to love you,
but it feels so right.
you slept next to me,
and I wanted to hold you so tight.

And you hate how you look,
which makes me so sad,
you're so beautiful,
But at the world you're mad.

They made you hate the reflection you see,
which tore you up inside,
and because you feel that way,
it also tore me.
I'm in love with her.
Xi Dec 2018
your thumb, lifting up my chin
your gaze piercing me.
and for once,
i look at you too.
and that's all the confirmation you need
to press your lips to mine.
Xi Feb 2018
I saw your face streamed with tears
from the light of your phone.
I tried to hold you,
but you didn't want to be touched.
I listened to you cry until your throat was raw,
and I felt tears stream down my own cheeks
as you told me why you've come to hate yourself so much.
You told me about how your parents were no longer in love,
How you love someone who doesn't love you,
And that's when I broke down too.
Because I love you, and you'll never know just how much.
Xi Dec 2017
It was a freezing night,
I could see my breath in the air,
I sighed and shivered,
and you leaned over and stroked my hair.

You asked if I wanted your jacket,
it was too big, even for you,
I shook my head,
and you smiled because you knew I was lying.

You wrapped around me,
it was warm and soft,
I still remember the feeling,
it can never be worn off.

The jacket was your father's,
the man you barely knew,
16 years,
and all He had was this jacket and you.

And when I had to take the jacket off,
I sighed and handed it to you,
And all the moments afterward,
were the loneliest I'd ever known.
this is barely even a poem, but I can never forget that leather jacket.
Xi Feb 2018
She told me something today.
She told me that my world does not revolve around her.
She said that I should not care if she ended her life.
But my world does revolve around her.
if she ended her life I would take my own,
because I love her.
I love her.
And her heart is covered in battle wounds,
And you can see the stitches from the last heartbreak,
But I know I can sew it back together,
And I can promise I won't leave a scar.
She means everything to me.
I love you, I won't hurt you, can't you see?
Yes. You told me you did.
Then why are you so afraid of loving me?
Xi Nov 2018
If you ever look in the mirror
And let it tell you you're not pretty enough
Skinny enough
Curvy enough
Or not enough
I think it's about time you smashed that mirror to bits,  
don't you?
Tell the mirror it's not broken enough.
Xi Dec 2017
The teacher told the boy,
that to be a poet,
you must follow the rules.

"Well,"  said the boy.
"Then I shall not write poems,
I shall write Moems."

"Oh," said the teacher.
"And what is a Moem?"
"Moems are just like poems,"
said the boy,"

"But without all the rules."
"Well," said the teacher.
"You won't ever be a poet if you don't follow the rules."
"No," the boy said.
"I'll be a moet."
~A t t i c u s
This is Atticus' poem, I just think it's quirky and really describes me as a child, never wanting to follow rules and guidelines but still loving the concept. Also, isn't it ironic that every time I typed "Moem," it kept autocorrecting to "Poem'?
Xi Jul 2018
Four hours of sleep
A terrible pit in my stomach.
Six in the morning,
And every demon in me is awake.
And so are you.
I'm exhausted.
Mentally and Physically.
Even my heart has a headache.
Yeah, i know that didn't make sense xD
Xi Dec 2017
My New Year's Resolution
is making it through next year.
Make it through the nights,
without my eyes filling up with tears.

Bite my tongue,
and grit my teeth,
I can hide my pain,
I bury it underneath.

Breathe
as if it's my last breath,
because it might just be.
Try to be happy.

Don't paint on a smile.
Yes,
it works for now,
But that's only for a little while.
Xi Feb 2018
"Nobody the dead man; Nobody the living
Nobody's giving up; Nobody is just giving
Nobody hears me; Just Nobody cares,
Nobody fears me, but Nobody just stares
Nobody belongs to me; Nobody remains
Nobody knows nothing
All that remains are remains"
A poem from The novel series Beautiful Creatures.
Xi Dec 2018
i want you
Because even after everything you know
You still want me
Xi Mar 2018
We were alone in the dark,
your fingers tapped the keys on my laptop,
and then they stopped.
You asked, "What is this?"
I glance over, and my breath caught in my throat.
"That's Hello Poetry."
I let you scroll through my words,
and soon your eyes filled with tears,
when you read my poems of love.
You asked who she was,
and you say if she means this much to you,
She must be amazing.
I looked at you,
and I whispered,
"Yeah. You really are amazing.
Xi Feb 2019
I reach more people here
Than i do in my own real life.
Xi Feb 2019
i miss the simpler times
when your hand grazed my thigh.
A quiet, secret reassurance that you cared.
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