Hiding in my own gaze,
Dreading to meet yours.
Wondering what hurts more,
Hiding, or being Found?

Do you see me?
On the outskirts of the crowd
Looking in at the talking
Always looking in
If my mouth ever opens
To contribute a word  
I am cut off
The populars owning the chatter
I simply close my mouth
Nod and smile to the others’ looks
And you forget I am here

Do you see me?
In the very centre of the crowd
Looking out at the chatter
Never looking in
Every word from my lips
Is funny, ingenious
The best thing you’ve heard today
I am expected to have words
For every occasion
Just once
I want to close my mouth
Nod and smile to the others’ words
And you forget I am here

I’m dying
Missing you,
The ghost at my fingertips.
Whispering to me
Like a shadow of a scent.
I’m dying missing you,
Someone who was never there,
Never meant to be.
My mind imagines the strangest things sometimes.
Like a person who was there and gone,
Like a shadow,
A scent,
Never to be mine.

This chair is oh so familiar,
Propping my arm up,
The same as it always does.

The nurse arrives, needle in hand,
And removes a unit of love,
Filling that same plastic bag.

I know where my love goes.
I see it arrive, every time.
That nurse, needle in hand,
Sends my love along your veins,
To your heart.

The transfusion never takes.
At least, not from you.
Your cold body never warms.

My love will never work
Because your heart is dead.
And mine cannot pump for two.

I used to be everything.
All I needed,
Right there,
Only for me

Now I am nothing.
My heart a void,
Drained empty,
Only for me.

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