i look around
see green
up
see gray
blending
in the middle
this is where
i stay

in my mind
a brief glimpse
behind
have to keep moving
before the mortar sets
i have no regrets
except
you

missing those moments
mourning their loss
when i held my breath
in between chaos

time is standing still
i'm bending it's will
until you command me
to breathe in deeply

it's a lie i suspect
designed to protect
but it's all i have
so i gratefully accept

things haven't been going my way
for awhile now
so i'm letting it roll
see where it goes

not giving up the fight though
learned the hard way
to know when it's time
to give up control

tried to say goodbye
so many times
rehearsing the lines
defensive reflex
it's for the best
time to move on
but the bones in my back
shudder and crack
at the thought of you gone

love something which evades
that will never stay
maybe the wrong time and place
whose to say
so i woke up early
to watch you sleeping
blond hair on my pillow
the sun's rays weaving
that's how I'll keep you
*long after you leave

i see your double dipping
from multiple straws your sipping
he's buying you mikey kors
as my texts are ignored

you know i'm a sucker
for secret victoria
34B mediums all day long
i'll get some more for ya
pulled pork sandwiches
with orange cream soda
yoga pants from lemon loulou
if it's just me and you
even though you spread the love
all over the PNW
when i gave you my extra key
it wasn't for a rendezvous
with you know who
and eat all my steaks
with your favorite fan base

it's true your double dipping
though i'm not tripping
but i think i'm done
contributing to your
*retirement fund

steel toes
padded knees
you always knew
how to exist with me

made assumptions
for which i paid dearly
beyond material value
your gifts to me
focus
love unconditionally
looking beyond the mirror
of my flawed exterior
into the soul within
we scrub a dub'd in the shower
listening to sugar kane
cuz i asked what stinks
answered it was you
since you've been with me

steel toes
padded knees
you always knew
how to handle me
your greatest gift
unintentionally