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Jun 8 · 21
wow
Venga Jun 8
wow
i felt instant warmth spread
it was amazing what simple skin could do

the warmth rushed to my stomach
and i wanted to throw up but in a good way

all these feelings exploding at once

at the sight of you
at the feel of you
at the shadow of you
May 15 · 30
5 more please
Venga May 15
i tried to love my body
but my mind said no

those two were at a constant war

they hated each other

they ripped each other to shreds
so often
Venga May 9
Under my stomach
laid this burden
and it lessened but never ever went away

that burden I think we all carry we just don’t acknowledge
Apr 25 · 43
You can’t
Venga Apr 25
I went insane

Not visibly though

My makeup still looked the same
I still laughed the same
I dressed the same
Walked the same

But inside

I was not the same
Venga Apr 19
I was stuck in the bubble
I kept screaming at the people around me

but

they couldn’t hear or even see me
I was like the wind
invisible and quiet

but

I caused a tornado
Feb 20 · 44
i hate fire
Venga Feb 20
you fight fire

with lighter fluid

something i’ve never seen

you expect the fire to go away
but it grows and grows

then you blame the fire for it growing
Venga Feb 20
i’m only loved

when convenient

it makes my insides churn
with sadness
and hollowness

knowing that nobody will love me
truly

only when it’s convenient
Feb 20 · 139
black turned white gas
Venga Feb 20
i closed my eyes

and there i was

all
alone

in the blink of an eye

everything was white
and i was warm
and i could hear singing

it was a strange place
but a comforting place

a….
familiar place
Venga Feb 17
i asked
this question with not a lick of malice on my tongue,

“why don’t you ever look for me or anyone else in this family”

and was met with,

“did i do something to you? is there a problem?”

exasperated and stunned
Venga Feb 17
i’m so disappointed

in my mother

you could call me an ungrateful child

but jesus

all she does is blame me
and create all these problems within me
all these doubts
i wish i could say it’s from myself
but it all goes back to her
Venga Feb 15
My mom grabbed my shoulder firmly

“that’s more like it”

with a sigh of relief

her eyes flickered my body up and down

“those pants do nothing for you” she added

I looked at the pants that once gave me confidence and they became something I hated

not because I actually hated them though

I just hated myself
Feb 14 · 316
Upper Left Corner
Venga Feb 14
no longer pushing my
presence

keeping myself for
me
Feb 11 · 35
grey sandstorms
Venga Feb 11
i walked on the water
in the midst of a gloomy cloud

i walked only but a few steps
to my rock

my getaway and my peace

I sat there waiting for the storm surrounding
me
to pass by

it was beautiful

i often visit this place
Venga Jan 20
the question we must come to ask ourselves is this


at the end of the day am i addicted to the victim role or am i actually a victim
Disclaimer: this is not to discredit victims or anything of that nature. this is my personal struggle to find the lines of am i just being a narcissist or is my pain valid. I’m not sure if i’m explaining that clearly. If you have any opinions please feel free to message me, don’t leave a mean comment. This is personal poetry.
Jan 2 · 1.1k
disgusting thing
Venga Jan 2
you know what’s worse than killing yourself


failing at it
Jan 2 · 63
Cookie Cutter
Venga Jan 2
Th greatest tragedy

is that someone who has been loved
denies it
Jan 1 · 40
basement photos
Venga Jan 1
I picked up a photo from my childhood. It was of me and my sister. We were in our little jackets, smiling and giggling. We we’re definitely high off of sugar, always. I saw happiness and innocence in their faces, a type of radiance only kids carry because of their ignorance. They don’t see anything except their own little world. I wished I live there again. Even for a day, to bask in the pride of my mother before she lost it because now their is nothing to be proud of. To make friends minus the mountain of social anxiety. To walk confidently without wondering if I look too fat or chubby in my jeans, or if my ***** look saggy. To eat food carefree without a second thought. To play in the snow and not wonder if my hair will be ruined. To have a crush and think I actually have a chance. To dance my heart out to just dance and think I was performing as beyoncé’s backup dancer.

These are the innocence I wish I had again. These things. To be a child, and to be happy.
Jan 1 · 36
I hope
Venga Jan 1
i read that book
about flowers and the moon
i don’t remember
but what i do remember is that
a lot of people don’t love me
their just insecure and see their
insecurities in me

and that



that made me feel more lonely than
ever before
Dec 2020 · 132
flannels and ugg’s
Venga Dec 2020
i became who they were
so maybe they would like me

people called me a “pick me”

but all i wanted was a friend

I tried to be like them so they would accept me
but it didn’t work
Dec 2020 · 266
Love thyself
Venga Dec 2020
I got used to the feeling

of being loved

because that’s what that random magazine I found online told me I have to do in order to receive it
Venga Dec 2020
Being told your opinion

is invalid

is the single handed most
degrading
feeling in the world

-my 5 mile long tears
Venga Dec 2020
blacked eyeliner

and creamed pigment under overtired eyes

curled lashes and a wand full of black hope

sprinkles of fragrance crushed the air
that smelled of a combination of the moon and the ocean

exchanged baggy pants for fitted ones to “accentuate my features”

Disappointed in the mirror at the figure reflecting back
Dec 2020 · 27
Another Mind
Venga Dec 2020
that pretty girl

she held the galaxy in her palms

the moon and the stars and everything in between

and she gave it up for the earth alone

for it’s pollution and ****

when she could have had milky ways and rings on saturn
Nov 2020 · 239
peace lilies on my desk
Venga Nov 2020
so wish i could read my mom the poems
i’ve written about her

maybe it would bridge the gap between us

come to an understanding

because she doesn’t understand me

nor i her

all i ever do is want her to understand me
but she takes it defensively

it’s extremely numbing and heartbreaking
Nov 2020 · 41
Please mom be nice to me
Venga Nov 2020
has your worth
every been defined by a pair of lurking eyes
from someone you love?

they don’t realize
how much the cruel statements
sting my inner soul

not being judged by my character
but rather by the rolls on my stomach

it stings my heart
makes my heart swell with shame and resentment

it makes me instantly reject the body i’ve climbed
mountains to try and love

it makes me reject
myself as a whole

stop shaming me and just tell me i’m pretty for once
please
Nov 2020 · 37
Potato stew
Venga Nov 2020
I layer looking at the textured ceilings
the roof my parents worked to provide for me

laying in the blankets the bought to kept me warm
with my belly full of food that gives me life

Everything serene

except my mind
My mind is tortured and restless

Never good enough
Eating too much
Not pretty enough
Lack of friends
Rarely successful

These are the things planted in my mind
But having material things should be
enough to be happy

So I guess I am
Nov 2020 · 31
Iced Tea
Venga Nov 2020
I saw the etching from miles away

Something you pick up right away

Long lines like your waiting for them to release the newest phone

My heart sank

Those scars on her arm
I wanted to tell her everything would be ok
That things got better

But those scars were old and long healed
Nov 2020 · 138
Soul Soup
Venga Nov 2020
I spelled your name out
in the letters of my soup

Hoping the universe could tell
I wanted you back

I ate the first letter
then the next
and so on

You lived in my head
free of charge

And you know what I miss the most about you

Your name
Aug 2020 · 83
Angles of a Triangle
Venga Aug 2020
there’s so many things
so little time
so much hate
so little love
so much responsibilities
so little leisure
and so on and so forth
Aug 2020 · 29
You missed the point
Venga Aug 2020
Her voice echoed

one of constant criticism
she loved but
saw things through an extremely
narrow horoscope

She loved too hard
too much that we couldn’t see it

She loved so hard
her words stung us
we couldn’t appreciate them

she loved so hard
she did things
that our bellies couldn’t appreciate it

she loved so hard
she taught our minds
but our souls couldn’t appreciate it

all her words echoed
on my beautiful brain

one that I taught to love
because there is more than one way
to things

Love could be easy
or hard
or balanced

love could use kind words
or mean words
or well thought out words

love could be pizza on Fridays
or cauliflower on Monday
or both without judgement

love could be an easier approach
or a harder approach
or be consistent to what you preach
It’s incredibly frustrating when you need to get something off your chest and that person just won’t listen to a word you say
Aug 2020 · 32
Things in my attic
Venga Aug 2020
the dust settled on the box
in the attic

all those random puzzle pieces
that didn’t even work
told to work

generations of random puzzle pieces
settling into its ways

And the pieces together
make the ugliest pictures
Aug 2020 · 277
rotten apples
Venga Aug 2020
The world is full of sad people

that’s why it is the way it is
Aug 2020 · 29
hours of time
Venga Aug 2020
my pen slide

and my heart poured out

it literally poured out

why don’t you believe me
i’m a genuine person

at least i try to be

you
you
you just don’t get me
Venga Jul 2020
Each wrapper

Each piece of clothing

Each stain on my suede chairs

Each empty deodorant bottle

Each pair of lashes on the dashboard


All these things compiled into my tiny space
So evident of what’s within
My soul
Jul 2020 · 50
The galaxy and its stars
Venga Jul 2020
a million times
you stepped on my chest
and i just laid there

that deep pain in my chest

i’m sorry
you had to experience that

that crippling pain
Jul 2020 · 31
21 century mind games
Venga Jul 2020
i was finally able to exhale



i was in the middle of that glass room
surrounded by the most
beautiful of flowers
one can ever imagine

I breathed in again

and it started to snow
of course outside of the glass room

and the snow trickled onto the flowers
blanketed the green grass
and the ambience was that
of a dim snowstorm

we all know it

but in between
the transition
of exhale and inhale
the outside of the glass room
turned black
and i was able to breath again
Venga Jul 2020
The sign to my garden
in bright letters said
"DO NOT ENTER"
But you obviously
couldn't read
You entered
and ruined the flowers
I worked so hard to grow
OTO
Jul 2020 · 267
Rings of Jupiter
Venga Jul 2020
The devil danced
and God blessed him

The angel flew to the ends of the earth
and God scorned him

The devil laughed
and God laughed with him

The angel sought Gods approval
and God became angry

All these things happening on
the edge of Jupiter's rings

The devil and the angel
riding on the edge of
Jupiter's rings
Why do good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people.
Jun 2020 · 50
party in the usa
Venga Jun 2020
i borrowed souls in my pockets
tucked them away for my jazz party
on 30th street
well not my jazz
and i let braids cling to my scalp
as i ran
my ancestors cried over these braids
rice grains to find my freedom
and my children’s freedom
to help the little white kids
with boats find their rhythm
in a world made for them
and their case of white claws
my ancestors rode a boat too
and the cycle began
Mar 2020 · 49
whatever
Venga Mar 2020
I try to think about
the consequences of
slit wrists and orange tic tacs

It seems miserable yet peaceful

A place of peace

A place of peace for me
For my family members
For my “friends”
For my coworkers
For my associates

They don’t really care about me now
but when I die they will

They will call us close friends
They will post the best selfie I have and write me an unread message on their social media’s
They might shed a little tear at the fact that they can’t call me to cry about their boyfriends anymore
Or because I can’t do their hair
They will use me for sympathy
and they will miss the whole point


It is about them and what they could have done to prevent it
If they would have just opened their eyes a little wider
Feb 2020 · 45
Wrist Bands
Venga Feb 2020
Last month I went to the hospital
with
“Chest Pains”
I had a hard time breathing
For over a month
I had this pain
I thought death was in sight
And I had even more pain
When I went they told me I had

“Anxiety”

I knew I had it but
they told me it was starting to affect me
physically

I thought about that...
I’ve gotten so accustomed to
this feeling of
Isolation & stress
not-good-enough
not-pretty-enough
not-enough

Everyday
Dec 2019 · 67
pitch white
Venga Dec 2019
i always sit in this white room alone
isolated
thinking of how i’m always trying
to do good
but the lives of those who hurt me are
better off than mine

for some reason I just think i’m not
meant to be here
i don’t belong
and i never have
and i never will
Dec 2019 · 259
lilac white
Venga Dec 2019
full of color
but originating from

love
pain
infatuation
loss
trauma
frustration
distraction
lusting

poetry is a one of a kind art
unlike anything that draws what the
mind can’t put into a picture
Dec 2019 · 66
raining pain
Venga Dec 2019
I write this
poem

my love

in hopes that you do better

your lost right now
and I hope

no

I pray with every bone in my
small body that you find what your looking for

that thing you
couldn’t find in me

although I know you tried
and I pray you would have

I love u mi amor
te amo mucho

my love
cries from the clouds
Nov 2019 · 125
blankets of heat
Venga Nov 2019
i kissed your

cheeks

lips

neck

hands

but you burned my lips

with the tiny vibrations from your throat

my shriveled lips
and teary eyes were all that was left
Nov 2019 · 67
marbles
Venga Nov 2019
it’s always easier
to yell

the

words chew you up
spit you out
and let you dry up

they let you
turn into concrete

and get run over and over and over and over
by cars

the concrete
eventually
gets *** holes
and withers away

but that’s easier
Oct 2019 · 57
pretty girl
Venga Oct 2019
i sat in that mirror

man i stared for a long time

at a girl who’s fought her life

against herself

fighting for this person
that already existed

i thought about younger me

if i could go back in time to tell
her how beautiful she was

that all her battles
she had won

how her hair grew out beautifully
after that bad perm

how she’d grown into someone
who people liked

how she had grown into someone
she liked

all that struggle wasn’t easy
but she won

so as i stared
i thought of
future me
selfishly

telling my current me
everything will work out

you will overcome your struggles

you will grow

you will become someone you love

you don’t have to starve yourself
of opportunity because you created it

love yourself gabbi
Sep 2019 · 72
red arrows
Venga Sep 2019
i’ve been ghosted
way too many times

by guys who didn’t deserve my time
and my energy

i’ve been told i lack
so many things

i’ve been vulnerable
and it was pinned against me

all of these guys
Sep 2019 · 63
drives with lola
Venga Sep 2019
*** on friday nights
gives us purpose

when

we feel meaningless to the world

someone else occupying our space
and mind

saves us from bridges
saves me from ropes
saves the pills in their plastic
container for the one who actually needs them
Sep 2019 · 55
Vivid Space
Venga Sep 2019
a whole visual
based on watercolor and paint brushes

mapped on creativity

the different hues
of pink and periwinkle

strokes that indict emotion

strokes that indict our surroundings

strokes that indict spirituality

and more and more strokes of paint
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