I hate you.

You should know that by now.
These permanent frown lines
etched into my brow
that I tell people are from squinting
really show the story of how you
moved into my head over a year ago
and still refuse to move out.

I really loved you-I still love you-How could I have possibly ever been in love with you?

You are Evil,
a Poison,
of the very worst kind-
the one that always leaves me wanting more.
An addict,
Please give me another Fix.
Please stay the hell away from me.

This ever-revolving door
is making me dizzy,
it's making me sick,
it's making me wish
I never started with this.

Please call me tonight.
You just reached out to me last week
and we both know I wasn't really asleep but
you couldn't have paid me enough to respond.
And yet, working out the perfect reply I'll never send,
I started at the screen until dawn.

The door is still spinning,
the room is now spinning,
I wish I could stop my head from this spinning,
we will always be the world's worst song on repeat.
You're a great thinker, but a criminal,
incapable of affection or empathy,
but you stole the very Earth right out from under my feet.

Don't worry though,
I think I'll get my sea-legs soon
and they'll finally be strong enough
to walk away from
you.

I don't think you  know it.
I don't think you mean to be, but you are.
You lessen my load.
Taking some of my burdens.
You keep me flowing, but control my strength.
You are my rock.
In my stream of life.

. . .
If only words could come out of her mouth
she could salvage this that went so south
If only meaningful thoughts could be formed
she fears she's coming off as bored
But it isn't that—
Her brain and mouth are trying
Really trying to work together
She's on the verge of crying
right at the threshold
Her mind she wishes to unfold
but fear is blocking the way
She only needs one thing to say
. . .
But the moment has passed
And the silence still lasts
and now she tries desperately
not to fill it