Have you ever lost while wondering?
Ideas occurring
Imagination keeps flowing
And little did you know, you're losing.
Triggered anxiety
Wandered in mediocrity.

I wondered.
Am I the only one who see shadows in the darkness?
Am I the only one who see stars in daylight?
Am I the only one who smell lavenders in a trash?
Am I the only one who feel touches in a bunch of hands?
And am I the only one who see the lies behind the truth?

If so, It might be a nightmare
That no one else dare to wake in a room full of care
Because they were deceived
And makes them believed
By their minds full pests
Living in their brain like a bird's nest.
That they were neat
In a trash full of rotten meat.

Truth lies on you
You just have to be true
Because even reality
Can cause anxiety.

From the distance I see a Ferris wheel full of lights.
An amazing thing to ride if you want to see the sights.
It shines like stars on a dark cloudless nights.
And spins like a hurricane slowly losing its might.
Would you come with me and ride sometime?
Together let us own the world for a penny and a dime.

I thought I was the one
But I was just a someone.
I thought I am perfect
But I was just a freak.
I thought I made you glad
But I was the one who's sad.
I thought I made you smile
But I can't see it because it takes a mile
I thought I filled your heart
But it was just an act
I thought you care
But that was just rare
And I thought you love me full of passion
But it was just a love full of poison.

All these thoughts ruined me
All these thoughts destroyed me
All these thoughts broke me
Because I thought my thoughts are true
And I was wrong because they're just a false clue.

What does it feel like you can't utter just a single word?
How does it feel like you can't express it through words?
Am I born to be in this way?
Or
Am I born because I'm unlucky enough to live a better life?

You are very blessed to speak out your heart what you want to
You are very blessed you can express what you feel
And you are very blessed that someone's hearing you r precious voice

I looked at the world full of people
Like an aquarium full of pebble
Hoping to hear their loud voices
And even their deafening angry noises.

I asked...
Why is God unfair?
Why didn't He created me like others
Why is God unfair?
That He didn't give me voice to utter
Is this really what He wants me to be?
To be mocked by everyone?
To be ignored when you need someone?
It's so hard.

I stare at them
And they looked at me
They're all smiling
Like a bright star shining
I wanna own them
Like a precious gem
Then someone asked
And I want to answer back
But I'm afraid
That they might hear my words fade
I'm afraid
That they might just hear noise
Not words
But just works.

I responded
I swallowed
I tried my best to speak
But hum is all I ever give
I tried my best to talk
But all I received was a mock
This is it.
Like I was hit
This what scares me
Like someone's dragging me.

I walked out
In a room full of bad mouth
Criticism started to spread out
Judgments like I'm in a trial court
I wanna say something
I wanna scream
But all I can do is crying
Is this a dream?
'Coz I can't wake
Like I was drowning in the deepest lake
My heart's clenching
Like a furious fist punching
Is this really where I belong to be?
In the world full of an enemy?
Is this where I really have to be?
In a place full of greedy?

I cried.
"Coz I'm tired
I want to die
Because the world seems a lie.
I can't even speak my heart out
So what's the point of my existence?
If I can't even express my feelings out?
I want t make friends
But all I ever received is an examen
Can't they just accept me?
Like I'm no different?
Without worries
Without problems.

But I think this is really the way I am
Thinking that I am one of them
Accepting for what I am
That I am just an emblem
To get the precious gem
Thanking God because I'm here
Even though I can't hear
Waves of laughter that I want to cherish
But all I see is perish
I know that I am precious
Like a diamond's luminous
Produces very bright color
That I wish I can be too.

Yes, I can't fly like a dove
But my heart is full of love
That all I can give to everyone
That refused to give to someone

I may not hear
But I will always be here
I may not speak
But your words are in my heart stick
Even the world is full of disagreements
But I know I'm a gift of encouragement.