I like to watch the leaves fall from the trees. It shows that no ones who they really seem to be. Their colors change and they fall apart eventually. I never understood why that needed to be. I'm really self conscious..
I'm self-conscious of; my eyes
My nose
My legs
My toes
My stomach
And my elbows.
Pretty much all of me.
"Look at her arms" they whisper quietly. "My eyes are up here" I say politely. I hope you don't judge or sympathize for me. I've had a hard time with this thing called life. That's why my scars are deep. But you see, I've found something to guide me. And when I'm old and married, he'll be standing their beside me. And when he asks about my scars. I'll tell him rightfully. That "I am a warrior, who was wounded ever so slightly". And when I find the right man. Maybe he'll understand. And will love loving me for who I am. That's what's keeping me from breaking skin...

I found him. The one everyone looks for. Not him, but ones like him. Ones that make you smile like when you were a young child. And always having faith when things are all wrong, because he is there, breathing. And just his existence is a blessing upon this earth. His being; him being there. Holding me, loving me, tasting me, touching me, giving me happiness and understanding my drowsiness. Because i take pills too, and he understands that all of those pills have a meaning to the things that i believe in. But he is my savior, my one and only lover. It was funny, how we met. staring in class because we were too shy. And who knew school would be the place where my heart would start to race when i seen you. Or heard your name. And when i turned around you would already be staring. I found you. My best friend. And i love kissing you and hugging you and bugging you. Because you understand. And you love loving me for who i am. You are keeping me from breaking skin. I remember crying because i could feel your pain too. And i cant imagine what you've been through. Cause it hurts and i hope i dont make it worse. But even when times get hard just remember we are only so far, and i can love you from a distance. And i will always forgive you because your existence baby... oh how i wish you knew..
Remember when we met, and imagine how far we could get. Riding on that Ferris wheel and i told you how i feel. And last night when i had to say goodbye with tears running down my eyes. But dont sympathize baby, one day we will be okay. We can run away. Just lay; the two of us, together. Forever... Imagine that.
I love you.

I'm fine. I really am. I'm not upset. I'm just tired. I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. I'm ok. I don't want to talk about it. Just leave me alone. I'll be alright. I'm not angry with you. Don't be upset. I told you I don't want to have this conversation. I don't need to. There's no reason to worry. I don't even want you to open your mouth. I just want to be left alone. I don't need help. That's for day dreamers. Oh, Now my heart is broken.. you fall in love, you cry for a while, and maybe you start to think like me. "How are you feeling? You don't look okay? Are you okay?"I cried for you. Where were you? Where did you go? And tonight, I'll fall asleep with you in my thoughts. Why are you letting me go? "She talks about you like you put the stars in the sky.

Yes I'm fine. I'm feeling better. Thank you, still a little out of it. Thank you though. Sorry, what was that? I wasn't paying attention. Yeah. I'm fine. You don't have to interrogate me. What's that? Oh nothing in particular. Just doing a little thinking. I was waiting for you to come.. You never came. Why didn't you ever come? I needed you. No, please don't leave me. Don't go. I don't want your help.. You're a ****. I waited for you. It's like a love cycle, and then your heart gets broken. Than you cry some more. Please, I need you. Please. No, leave me alone. I said I'm fine, just go. Wait. Don't leave. Please. Why did you leave me? What did I do to you? I don't know what to do. I'm running out of band aids dear.. It's ashame.. We've all become such broken things. You complete me. Please don't leave me. I just can't do this anymore. I don't want to do this anymore. Maybe I expect too much.. I'm gonna grab the rope, and if you try to stop me, I'll slice my wrist. Don't go.. Please stop me. I can't. I can't. I don't know. I'm so confused.
So tonight I'll fall asleep with you in my heart.