It took me a while to get used
To the numbers on the scale
To only go up

You asked me for a hundred dollars
And like a dog I ran to get it for you
Counting the few bills and coins I had
I would do anything to keep you happy
I’d rip my heart out of my chest if another man broke your heart
But now you don’t even consider me family

Its not love
Its abuse
Open your eyes
To see the truth

That he’s gone
He’s gone
Yet the world keeps spinning
Without a care in the world
Why?

You denied their pain
And could never take the blame
Gaslighted and lied your way out of the truth
Is this really your way of life?
You narcissistic fool

your views are all i care about.
look at me please.
acknowledge my words.
remember my words and dont let them slip your mind

How much do you think time would cost?
Would someone buy 5 more minutes during their final breath
Or 2 more years to your partner's lifespan
Others selling their hours in hopes of being rich
A birthday girl being gifted 2 more hours
A single father selling his minutes for some dollars
Being robbed of the minutes you just bought
Saving up your silver coins to buy your mother an hour
Priceless moments will outweigh all the Earth
In the end, will we realize time's real worth?

The river flowed slowly
For it carried precious cargo
An infant in a basket

The river knew what to do
And saved the infant from its demise
Bringing it to the Pharoh's wife

The river flowed gently
All you could hear were the infant's cries

My hips got a little wider
And my chest grew a size or two
“Pay attention to your surroundings”
And
“Keep your head down to not cause unwanted attention”
Was all I heard
I had a hard time paying attention when all I saw was the ground

So much can happen in 14 minutes
He can grab the rope from his closet
And search up how to tie a noose
Then he’ll go to the kitchen
And drag his mothers chair
To his room
And all he’ll write
Is “I’m sorry”
He’ll be gone before you know it

Bite your tongue
Your words are not worth saying
Bite your tongue
You'll be judged
Bite your tongue
You'll regret your words
Bite your tongue

Like Fire and Oxygen
We stuck together
I helped your flames grow
While you burned me
But I think my personality overdid it
And you burst into flames
and only left smoke

I embellish my mind with music
The expressive silence and the blend of rich voices
Rhythmic expressions and artistic use of words
                                                           ­          My mind is adorned with emotions
                     The tides of emotions crash over me and the whispers of intuition
                                                     Screams of fear and varying colors of mood
I decorate my mind with thoughts
The stream of ideas and whispers of consciousness
Small streams of reflection and flashes of insight
                                                         ­         My mind is furnished with memories
                                             The fragments of memories and echoes of the past
                  Brushstrokes of details in each memory and the maze of perception
I decorate my mind with poems
The quilt block of words and dance of language
Mosaic of themes and rhymic heartbeats

Are the words that come out of my mouth really mine?
Am I just a brainwashed child?
Are the thoughts I type really mine?
Am I just filled with false lies?
Are the letters and constants I repeat in my head really mine?
Am I believing verses that aren't even true?
Are the actions I do really mine?
Am I eating up your words like you want me to?
Are the looks and trends I follow my own free will?
Am I following morals that are really mine?
Are your words even true?
Or are your words filled with tricks and lies?

And he cries
Because she wouldn’t open her eyes
To face the truth

Insomnia is a thief that steals my sleep
The hours and minutes tick by, an agonizing reminder that sleep won't come
Like the ouroboros, my quest for sleep consumes me
Insomnia traps my mind in a restless cage
The moon never sets in my mind, an eternal sunny day mocking me
Like the ouroboros, my struggle for sleep loops back on itself
Insomnia places me in a dark maze without escape
The hours I spend awake feel like an eternal road with no start or end
Like the ouroboros, we both devour ourselves endlessly in our despair
Insomnia keeps my mind turning over and over, and I never settle into sleep

I have the heart of an artist
A poetic heart some might say
And able to feel it all
But with a mind like this
And with thoughts like these
What I really need
Is a heart of a fighter
Decorated with razors
That scream “Don’t touch me”

I am an Artist
I am a Poet
Without a Muse
My work lacks its purpose

I need a Muse
A purpose to keep create
A reason to keep making

The words I turn into sentences
Are dull and bare

I think I'm an Artist
I think I'm a Poet
But without a Muse
I work without purpose

Do I consider myself a poet?
(No, you're horrible, a wannabe, and an imposter)
Do my words captivate those around me?
(No, they leave people indifferent)
Do my eyes capture things others can't?
(No, you see the world like everyone else)
Do I play with my words and sentences?
(No, they're dull and bland like vanilla)
Do my words convey emotions and experiences?
(No they convey the boringness of a white wall)
Do my words piece together like a puzzle?
(No they're water and oil)

your compliments are overwhelming
never have I felt so much love, so validated
it feels like a ticking time bomb, too good to be true
I'm not used to this feeling, and I don't know if i'll ever be
strangers across the screen who may be miles away
nicer and kinder than the people I call family and friends
why do you take the time out of your day to compliment my words and sentences?
why do you say such nice words although you don't know me?
Lumim, CJ Sutherland, Liana, Sora, friends and supporters I've made here
And so many more
Thank you

How can you hate
Something you made?
How can you hate
Something you raised?
Why do you hate me so much?
I just want your love
No, not even
I just want you to see me
Acknowledge me
Please

you stand in front of your class
the words at your throat freeze
you're a deer in headlights, frozen
pairs of eyes staring
all eyes are on you
you feel the imaginary spotlight shining in your eyes
you're a painting in an art gallery
they arent talking to other people
they arent doing their homework
they're looking at you and only you
so don't **** up

You opened the window and the rain came and wet everything
It’s your fault your room is now destroyed
Your fault because you opened the window
Even though you just wanted a breeze
And needed to breath some fresh air
And couldn’t have predicted that there would’ve been a violent wind
It’s your fault
Your fault

"Gift Of God"
My name means "Gift of God"
What utter hypocrisy
And a weight on my shoulder that my title brings
I am not a gift of God
More like a Burden
I deserve to be objectified for all my sins
"Thirty-Nine" sounds much better
Thirty-Nine like the number
Thirty-Nine like the number of lashes Jesus received
I need to be objectified
This number is just mine

They laughed at the fish
Because he couldn't climb the tree
And laughed at the koala
Because she couldn't swim

The night you didn't die
Because the rope snapped
Or the razor didn't cut deep enough
Or you didn't take enough pills
You woke up the next day
To realize that nobody noticed

And as I wait for your spirited reply
I read and reread your messages
Because you're the only one who remains
In hopes to remember your voice
But all I see are your words written in a Arial font
Separated yet connected by this stupid screen
Its the only way we communicate
Yet it keeps us so apart

You want to be my sun,
Drawing me into your orbit, to submission
Again and again.

You want to be my sun,
Radiant and consuming,
But just like the sun,
You burn me with your light,
Again and again

You want to be my sun
But you blind me with your strong glow
I'm blinded and can't see
Is this what you wanted to do to me?

What if you wrote the way you thought?
Unfiltered thoughts
and The Truth
Would you stop writing altogether?

Too much noise
It's all too much
I swear even the air is too loud
Why can't they just shut up?

The skin on my body
Doesn't feel like mine
I need to get it off to feel alright

And the lights
**** the lights
As they blind my sight

Why can't I just leave?

She kept swallowing her anger
Every single time
Until it choked her

Live in fear
Of an Artist making masterpieces
Based on the pain you've inflicted onto them

We hold hands
And bow our heads
In hopes He'll hear our cries
Lord Almighty
Heavenly Father
Have our cries not been loud enough for you to hear?

The mind was designed to learn
To expand
And to be curious
So why does school **** so much?

"Im going to **** myself"
You mumbled under your breath
And everyone laughed
Because you were so ******* funny
It wasn't a joke though was it?

Maybe my cries weren't loud enough
Or my prayers were lost on their way to The Lord
Either way
Can you hear me now Lord?
Can you hear me cry?
Can you hear me scream your name?
Will you answer my pleas?

you didnt notice i was crying
even though i was right in front of you
that or you didnt care
either way its safe to say
you failed as a mother