Sometimes I think of killing myself
How the end would be so nice
How the darkness would swallow me up
And how the numbness would suffice
My need

For all the voices of the feelings
That constantly keep me reeling
To softly slow to a hush
As my brain starts tur-tur-turning into mush

How wonderful it would be
To have that powerful silence
Not even grasshoppers would bother
To wake me

My cells would stop dividing
My brain would stop the lying
Myself would stop denying
What I truly want

But but but
This is just a reckless fantasy
A way to elude one’s own reality

Because as I sit here on the floor
Tears drip drip dropping
I realize there’s those who care for me more
Cherish me more
Love me more
Than I love my own self

The crickets chirp
I put the pills down

I want to be in a relationship
Even though I know I will be bad at it
I want to get my heart broken
So that it can be mended bit by bit
I want to get into fights and do all the cheesy ****
I want to be there whenever she throws a fit

I want to be in a relationship                            
But the friends whom I envied kept asking why
Would you if you had no one to talk to about how you are going to get by
Or when you look around and there is nobody to hear your sigh
And nobody to comfort you when you cry


I want to be in a relationship
So I can tell someone how my day went
Someone I can complain to and vent
Spend time with the person to whom my heart I lent
Knowing that if it ever ends it might leave a dent
Knowing that if it ever ends it might be broken and bent

I want to be in a relationship
Because I am tired of being used to the still phone
Because I am tired of being used to the loneliness
Because I am tired of hiding behind a facade
Because I am tired of not knowing how long I can take it anymore
I want to be in a relationship...