they keep me live at night,
my mind runs like a wild horse in the field of careless wonders
sometimes my reality isn't as well as I pretend it to be, but my dreams I can recreate into something more pleasing to my liking.

my demons can't touch me there, they try to creep in like maggots on mold..
I crash and crumble and suddenly I wake up to the sounds of birds chirping outside my window.

I get outta bed and they appear in full force threatening my day
taunting me with words and glimpse of better a horrible day.

at this point I wish i were still dreaming..
my demons can't touch me there...

dreams I wish I could dream forever.

listen to the cries shed from my weary eyes
mascara runs down my sides of my cheeks
crack a half open smile...
more like a crack at myself

can you ******* hear me?
am I standing here with you or here alone?

hands are bond to this keyboard where I write the thoughts that torture my brain

Cracks and staples hold my heart together,
as my days turn into sleepless nights, or most recently sleeping my life away.
finding my times of troubles lasting longer...
I can't seem to get a grip

finding myself seeking something
what?.. that something I don't know

needing a light, but my flash light is out of batteries
seem like an easy fix, just get more batteries.. right?

what if I like the darkness that surrounds me?
not knowing the mysterious waves that crash into my numb body
sending shivers down my achy spine
my upside-down smile.. looks humorous to you but inside my holding it all together hence the staples...

it's the cracks that scare me that one day the staples will release..
and the black blood that runs in my veins will take over and the monster I've became will shine.

Don't judge a book by it's cover..
if you look into the depths of my pages you'd see pain, misery and hate
outside to the world I'm just an ordinary woman, but once you turn that page to read further into my story, you'd find yourself mortified

inside i'm screaming, to laughing at the stupidity of it all
asking over and over if I want to live in this body, this body doesn't want to exist some days.

my hands and my mind are my powerful straits

Gloomy and dark, like the popping of the balloons that hold me all together.

hinder my thoughts with colors of bright blues, purples and reds!

the lack of a smile on my upside down smile, frightens my child
laying weeping like a willow tree, branches lay low..

wasted on the pills, like the high for the manic!
drowned by the tears not shed, that filled my throat.

self medication, drink another emptiness pit... found my happiness not at the bottom, only found my dark thoughts twisted inside my hands

I hold the key to unlock myself. staring soulless into a dream I keep repeating over and over in my head.

The hidden sad side of silence, as I slice open my veins to reveal that I bleed just like you...

dark red colors, hit the floor as I climb through hoops to hide my sadness...

drowning in a careless sea of norms.
coming up for air, barely making it to the top to cease the pain.
drinking from the dead ****** hands of Christ, as i put my hand over my heart asking him to rescue me.

This time, I've rattled his chains, Devil dances in circles around my trouble brain.
tiptoeing at night never to wake the demons that follow me.

laying almost paralyzed I can sense the presents of a being not meant to stand before me.

slowly I'm losing my breath...
the water is coating my lungs now, as I rest my weary eyes...

primed and ready for me
supple breast in his mouth
taking my body in,
melting like burning candles
our bodies grinding and twisting to our own tunes
his candle flickers in the moonlight as I moan for him...