I wished to explore all parts of you,
The gentle sway of your torso
The ***** words falling from your lips
I was inspired by your movement,
The profanity

It was a romance between millennials,
One fueled by intoxication and lust
Sparked by passion
Ignited by jealousy

We might even share words,
Stories of our past
Hopes for the future
But they'll always be just that

These moments won't last
Youth and spontaneity comes with a price
A price we must pay,
And a love we must sacrifice.

Hoes
*******
Endearment

Fat 'ol ***
Big 'ol *******
Entertainment  

Side ***
Main chick
Evolution

Brain
Chemistry
Erectile Dysfunction

Sensitivity is negative
Or at least that’s what they say
Sadness, anger, love
Must be hidden away

Buried deep between the lines
Emotions must stay
For the world is not ready
Leave your feelings at bay

I am closed
My heart, barricaded
Molded together by unequivocal fear and total agony
It lies in bleak solitude
Pulsating with every emotion,
Yet left it it's cage, utterly dissatisfied
There are times when my heart can hear
It can hear the beckoning call of my suitor,
Begging this troubled heart to mend his pain
At times, it might understand the misery
Though, it is reminded readily,
That these walls are not meant for destruction
That these walls, shall instead last a lifetime

My heart cannot fix you,
My heart cannot fix this
It is unable to mend your wounds,
As mine have yet to heal

Passionate
The image of you is engraved in my mind
Each piece is essential to your being
I wouldn't compromise a thing  
Obsessive*

Observant
I will familiarize myself with your likes and dislikes
Push your buttons just right,
In order for you to hate me just as much as you love me
Manipulative

Misunderstood
Mystery and suspicion thrive within my tense bones
I just want your love
And your tears
*Self-destructive

We worry about the way people perceive us;
Pounding makeup into our overworked pores
Claiming the raunchy clothing makes us happy
And praying to God we don't embarrass ourselves.

It's as if societies configurations of who we are holds the immense power to truly define each and every one of us,
That their words, their intense language, controls our destiny.

Unfortunately, only you hold that power
You can opt to listen to the voices of those who wish only to see you crumble,
Or you can decide for yourself, that you will be much more than that.

Choose wisely.

*** silences my emotionality
For thirty minutes,
Sanity

We don't have to like each other
For thirty minutes,
There is no love to discover

Animosity
For thirty minutes,
Nobody is asking for honesty

One day I will figure it out
But for these thirty minutes,
You're all I'm about.

Girls get wasted on the slightest possibility of love
Boys get drunk off of cheap beer and a little cleavage
I stand, cold, at the center of the room
Strangers pass
I want so badly to speak up
Something stops me every time  
Something I have yet to understand.
For now, though
I am closed off
And I'm just fine with that
At least I think I am.

You have a gun
He has a gun
She has a gun
Now the power you once felt while holding that metal death machine is faded away by the power of his
So,
What now?

It was her
Her gleaming eyes became irresistible to him
His underlying emotional demeanor was obvious to her
She slid herself into his heart
It was not just a game,
It was a way for her to find love
For her, love meant taking hold of another mans heart,
Suffocating it
Squeezing it
And finally, crushing it.

She was it
She was that girl who hurt so badly that she could never love again
She destroyed every decent man in her path
This vicious cycle became a quick fix
For at any point in time,
She could always fish for more.

The memory of you is engraved in my mind
Your tender touch
Your faded smile
The thought of you seeps deeper into the hole in my heart
I find myself longing for your kiss towards the close of my night
I wait up
Thinking,
Dreaming you will knock on my door
Realizing the love we could have together,
The life we could have together

I know it is wasteful to think in this way,
To think of you
But every time I do
I pray someday,
Someone
Will love me the way I could have loved you.

Lack of self confidence
We morph into the people surrounding us
Then they ask us who we are
Silence

I think of all the horrible events in my life
Isn't that the answer
Everything sad or traumatic
So we can continue to sulk in our pathetic lives
"My pain is worse than yours"

But what about our successes
It seems almost unnatural
In a world tainted by weakness and destruction
Why can't we absorb the light?

Oblivion
Calling on me like a senseless toddler
Poisoning my body
Maybe I will feel something
Maybe you will notice me
Nonsense.
Take another hit, my child
It can only help you now

She is outgoing
Beautifully suave
Confident in all the right ways

I am alone
Eating microwave pizza
Imagining a life I don't have

I was shown the world through a creative lens,
One where superpowers were real
And laughter was endless
Somewhere between the innocence and experience,
Life happened
The hero's began to fall
The sun forgot to rise
Soon, imaginations were misused
Actions misguided,
Though faint memories of juvenility remain--
The undeniable feeling of believing in something amazing
Of something beautiful
And I remember,
For a fraction of a second, I remember what it feels like to be *free

Underneath her trembling vocals,
Lies an undesirable, untouched, beating heart
Pulsating beneath her fragile skin
It takes time to see such beauty,
To witness such a powerful love,
It takes time
The right man will eventually come
If the waiting doesn't **** her first.

The filthy peasant approaches me;
The one in which I had hoped to see
A love declaration;
A serious consideration
Eternal popularity is all I may say
Eternal popularity;
The price I must pay

Tiny missels cut across the nighttime sky
Each earth shattering bang continuously rings in the ears of thousands,
As the colorful aftermath delicately tapers off into the distance.
Once again, the sky is clear
For these shimmery bulbs of light have fulfilled their destiny
One combustion
One reaction
One disappearance
And worst of all,
They make it look easy

We hate.
Racism, sexism
Enough "isms" to solve...
But we don't solve
No, we accept
We accept that we hate
We hate because we are scared
Fear drives angst
Angst to corruption
And corruption...
To acceptance.
We accept hate,
WE accept hate.

As a race,
We were limitless
Unstoppable, even
We took life by the horns.
Nowadays,
We matter very little
It's a dog eat dog mentality
Human life is consistently disrespected by its inhabitants
And this is not the way it was meant to be,
No,
It is the way we have made it.

Cannibus
Ice cream
Whiskey
Chips

Yet you're the one that seeps into me

It hurts
Everything hurts

I wanted to help others
Now I’m the reason behind their tears

I’ve made a mistake
I feel selfish for saying that

Deny deny deny
The truth hurts more

We can’t speak now
Loneliness thrives within my aching body

No one knows
No one knows
No one knows

It's hard to watch her suffer
Tears streaming down her face
Collecting at her cheekbone,
Then falling onto the bedsheets all at once

She's crying over you again
I suppose it's a mixture of the lying and cheating
I wonder if I should tear into you like an unwrapped Christmas present
Though, I suspect Karma will suffice
For she's not creating these rivers of tears for nothing, my dear
Good luck.

****--
It constitutes a plethora of emotions
Whether it be by virtue of relativism,
Or basic humanism
We all feel something towards the word ****.

Though when the TV flashes wildly with a new case,
A white male's innocent face plastered across the media
Any previous notion of humanity is tainted--
Doubt and confusion, its captor.
But he's a respectable man--
A scholar,
A Stanford swimmer?
"He is not a ******"

So we find ourselves back here,
Staring lucidly at the word "****"
Feeling those same shuddering feelings,
Yet still searching for a better explanation.

I dream
Of the twinkling stars
The glowing moon
The dewy grass

I dream
Of my future
My extraordinary career
My beautiful family

But most of all,
I dream
Of you
Holding me under the dark sky
And creating a perfectly messy life together

You lay to my left
Your body,
Cold and motionless.
I trace my steady finger across your spine
A sensual motion,
Ignored.

I consider how it was before this moment
You once wrote me of happiness;
Of pleasant intimacy
Yet you choose to lie against this chilled, defaced wall,
Rather than within my tender grip

It must hurt
To feel so alone in a world full of people
I wish to show you love,
Spontaneity,
Passion.
But we both know you'll be leaving soon,
And the world has no time for lessons of love

Baby,
I know you love me
I feel it
As your body sways
Every word,
Every touch
Attempted to break these walls
At first it was bliss
What once felt fun,
Free
Now feels foreign
I don’t want to be here
I can’t be here
I’m sorry

My eyes dialate
The darkness of your voice, their trigger
I pull away
The constant ache, it seems unbearable
Yet I always find myself back here
In the midst of your agony, I reside,
Collapsed within the center of your crisis
For within your pain,
My resilience lies.

I find solace in building a fire solely for myself
Creativity under the influence of cannabis
Loneliness at the bottom of a Skinny Girl wine bottle
Clarity while watching an apocalyptic thunderstorm
Invincibility when engaging in an argument with a superior
Confusion when I go home alone
And temptation, from everything unavailable to me.

Maybe the answer is not to fight the word,
But to change the stigma placed upon it.

One step, two steps
Steady breaths
Emotional thoughts
Problems
Solutions
More problems
Better solutions
I can see the finish line
Exhaustion
Tranquility
And finally,
Silence.

Certain individuals dedicate their lives to achieve such a title
Others simply idolize those they wish they could be while standing shyly in the shadows
But most,
Most people just want to be accepted.

Darkness brings demons for everyone
A threatening shadow in the corner of a room,
Faint, distant noises from an old decrepit home
The incessant cry of a child,
Steady whimper of a widower
All-consuming thoughts of anxiousness and worry
The unknown
Such demons leave darkness as the adversary
But what if darkness,
It's demons
Was truly heavenly light escaping brutal reality

He lies,
Peacefully wrapped around my frozen skin
Grumbling as he steals the sheets,
Simultaneously dragging my heart along with them.
His lips press against my own
I feel happy,
Wanted, even.
Though I know deep down that this warmth--
From his alluring touch,
From this beautiful bed,
It won't keep me from running.
... nothing can keep me from running.

Your eyes-
Staring directly into my throbbing soul
You could see my pain, my happiness, my life, through those pale green eyes
Your hands, blistered from the pencil
They reach my upper thigh, but your gaze never strays  
My legs are surrounding your abled midsection
You show your teeth
That is all I needed
For this moment, right now
This is my happy place
I will always have this day; this everlasting memory
And when I'm sad,
I can go back
And remember what it feels like to be *loved

It was fun at the beginning
Our bodies,
Consumed by alcohol and drugs
A deep sense of intimacy,
Derived from our compatible nature
We quickly became creatures of the night
Causing chaos,
Entertaining our limits
Laughing in the face of embarrassment

Though suddenly everything changed
The language you spoke became unrecognizable
As if the words leaving your lips were not your own
I wondered hopelessly how this came to be
How your heart and mind separated from your body
How our schemes lost meaning

I know that I cannot save you from yourself,
From this impending loneliness you so desire
Or the overarching fear of falling in love;
Of love's inconvenience

So I begin my descent
Deep into the walls of my own depression,
In a last chance effort to save myself
From failure,
From euphoria,
...From love altogether.

The drive seems longer
The road, thinner
I feel lost
Right now you would be sitting casually on my right hand side,
Commenting on my horrific driving,
Packing a bowl
... But I'm alone now

Shiver bumps portrayed on my arms
I wonder,
Are you here? Is it really you?
Silence
Anxiety
I want you here
I need you here
Please,
Tell me it will be okay
Nothing.
I'm starting a new life
One without you
And...
              *I'm scared

Fear
Pain
Guilt
Jealousy
Hatred
Anger
Sadness

Emotions we feel
That separate us from other beings
While simulatenously
Tearing us apart

This heart in my chest,
It is beating again
Each note strikes with sharp conviction,
It's rhythm unscathed
My lungs work exhaustively
Each breath taxing
This song is composed for a single man,
For a man who cannot assume it's worth
So soon this melody will fade,
The powerful beats will subside,
And I will begin my search for another victim
To muse it's apparent flutter.

The sun has fallen,
The moon rising in its decent
I watch,
As the stars come into focus
Their stories,
Painted on this canvas
I am not alone,
I can feel you watching this too
Though your view,
Is far greater than that of mine.

The world is burning
Yellow, red... black
I hear your screams for validation
Yet, I lay here, immobile

The flame resides at the foot of my bed
Intensity, pain... beauty
I burn within her core
For this fire is my creation,
And I must die loving her.

The only people I find interesting are those who strip me of my sanity
My morals, my judgments
Vanished in their presence

They cut against the grain
Sudden curiosity transpires into adventure
Amidst such uncertainty sheds clarity-
The clarification that nothing really makes sense anyways
Answers do not have to be given
But questions must be answered  

Take your time,
Speak of the theory of reincarnation while deep ******* a ****  
Hike 1,000 miles
Do what your soul desires
Because these people, these are "The crazy ones"
And they're worth listening to.

I look to the stars
In moments of weakness,
Or serenity
The stars share their wisdom,
Their delicacy
Those that recognize this
They seek the beauty in the darkness
Flourish in the moonlight,
Bask in the wonder

So each night,
I look to the stars,
And they help guide me home.

You explored all parts of me
Mind, body, spirit
We were lost in the aroma of one another
It meant nothing, I scream

I push you against the wall
Slithering up to you; poisonous snake
Vicious slap, unimaginable kiss
It meant nothing, I scream

Grabbing hold
You whisper "I love you"
Rage, ***
It meant nothing, I scream
It meant nothi...

And finally I realized
I don’t want us to hurt each other anymore

Why is it that something so wrong can feel so right?
Is it because we want something we can’t have?
Or that we currently have something we don’t want?
Questioning everything we have because of new possibilities
Yearning for more whilst wondering if there is anything for us…

Passing through the unknown was beautifully tragic
The thrill, the chase
I got high from the thought alone
When it happened… perfection
His touch illuminated my mind
Subtle yet significant marks on my skin
Happiness

Time passes
The air alone begins to suffocate me
Family, friends
Their eyes speak louder than their harsh words
Each glare pierces through my skin and into my heart
Why did I do this?
Stupidity, ignorance

Steady judgments begin to define me
Nowhere to run, to hide
Supporters have doubts
Loneliness

Remorse consumes me
Yet regret yields far from my mind
For how could I regret the moment I’ve hoped for my entire life?

Anger
Apologies
Tears
… *Lust

Your heart is my playground
Your body, my mission
A sinister touch,
I've marked my position
This child of night,
I am your musician
I'll play you a song
Of my own volition

Love is not love
For if you are near
Happy men
Riddled with fear
Your mind is sharp,
Your hair a mess
Please give us his heart
As it beats in your chest

How sad,
When goodbyes release the pressure
And sudden loneliness helps you breathe again.

There are days when I curse God for giving me these feelings
All feelings,
Both pleasant and dreadful
It seems they cut deeper than most
That these emotions are somehow "more than"
I wonder why it is
Why am I beckoned to feel so much
Why does the person next to me seem to feel so little
Sensitivity and empathy combine to form self destruction
The worst part?
I feel it happening.

Sleep deprivation is knocking at the door
It asks to come inside
"No, most definitely not!"
For I must lay here, awake
But you are tired ma'am, you must sleep
"No! If I were to sleep, I will dream of him"
You are only hurting yourself, ma'am.
"I couldn't possibly hurt anymore than I do right now"
Then why don't you sleep, ma'am,
*Why don't you sleep?