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Stíofáinín Nov 2017
Give enough to keep the faith
Love only enough so you remember to hate, the dreamless sleep when your hand found mine
Two broken bodies burning through time;
In a shapless flail of virtue
A breath of innocents still lingers in the air
Nothingness inhabits this empty chest
The place where your heart used to rest
Stíofáinín Jul 2018
Farewell sweet savage
You barely exsisted
I took hold of your hand
And then i kissed it
Stíofáinín Sep 2019
He beats my daylight
Oh, carelessly
The cross my dearest carries
He carries to me
I love him
Empty are my dark skies
Outside the light inside his eyes
I know now
This flame of mine has to die
I love him
Stíofáinín Apr 2018
Rapt inside a separation of perfect scenes by absent means
There is a beauty to be found
In suffering of survival you have drown
Hidden in facades of off track mistakes
How to give what it continuously takes
Flytrap venus's famished with fallacy, regurgitates contempt to watch you wilt
While masking your heart with every bite, vices of shame grow tighter than tight
And when you're so gone it's hard to begin to breathe
Venus swallows,
She needs to feed
Appearing still just like before
On the edge of your mind
She waits outside the door
Where do you go to cross the line
Into blindness
She forever lingers behind
Stíofáinín Mar 2019
Gas lighting in your own current tense
Little lambs who never knew any sense
You, dressed as a progenitor sheep
professed the world around you asleep
Thought those wolf ears could hear it all
Yet they couldn't foreknow the rise and fall
Assemble your Slaves,
we have no names
Lambs to the slaughter
Constructing your bricks and morter
Bricks around an artifical wall
Here's your hostile protocol
Trim the mass,
Tip the hourglass
Incapacitate the morals of a subclass
Stubby myopic fanatic,
The family jewels are now extatic
Unfed paragons won't bring this lunacy together
Starve them out till they're light as a feather
Cooperation is not a choice
Who among us has a voice
But you cannot stand alone, short of a compulsory backbone
The weakness is your crutch
Wolves only speak in double dutch
Assemble as slaves
And don't dare misbehave
Casualties of persecution,
Succumbing to shame in dark seclusion
Feed the wolf and his blind confusion
Does that make us any less human
Your allusion
Stíofáinín Sep 2017
I linger here in this intense rapture
chasing fireflies I cant ever capture
warped in dark by my unfortunate nature
I am durable
I'll endure this danger
swallowing the words of a volatile stranger;
It's never enough
sanctioning this fixation is my curse
craving for concession with the patience of a saint
a sense of freedom is my only restraint
Stíofáinín Jan 2019
I sit here in wonder untill the smoke runs clear
Countless minitues without the fear
What do I do when the time is up
Perception shifts like hands on a broken clock
Opposing themselves while falling behind
Seconds away from occupying your time
Knock knock
I'm still in my prime
Just replicating the echoes that procure your time
Aspirations that only ever confine
Here, where I am unable to omit,
Breathlessly I've collapsed
Over and over you
Stíofáinín Aug 2018
Aversions ablaze like a thousand stars
I bare all the marks
The signs
The scars
Accepting the struggle and battling  on
No rest for the wicked, I'll never belong
And who are you to tell me your lies
You've never seen my face
The unfading hurt in my eyes
In vulnerability there is omittance
And I forget you're all the same
A reputation of innocence was once my middle name
How can one snare rapture all my strenght
I've done enough
I relent
Stíofáinín Feb 2018
I am cradled inside the sanctity of own my head
Outside, I'm left for dead
Dragged trough the afterhour
In a pool of red
I'm overpowered
Reverting to a fetal form
I sleep in the eye of this storm
Endlessly astray, diminished and torn but eventually I always find my way back home
Stíofáinín Sep 2018
Darkening embers, drinks at dawn
One last echo of you, begone
My only request that you stop and think
Existance is realitive, it burns as we sink
Like tear gas in my eyes
Pepper spray in my wind pipe
Constantly rethinking my last choice
Conscience mailing me the invoice
Delibrating with a magic 8,
My voice starts to shake
But talking to you is like talking to a wall
I can't see you suffer when I'm in free fall
Tell me why is this happening,
It's like a record on repeat
My own 20 second record staying on my feet
Before you sweep me off and brush me aside,
I'll count while you hide
stinging like a bee
But you were always a firefly
Would it be any different if you weren't perfect to me?
Without my distorted view on everything you do
Would it be easier if you didn't have this affect on me?
Barely getting by, still killing me every night
Stíofáinín Nov 2020
Bethink of times I hurt for you
I weeped for you
Because it made a difference that I loved you
For to love it's to hurt and now
I don't cry
I don't hurt and I don't love, not the way I did before
Tragic to me
Because no one will ever have that part of me
It's inside of you forever
Tangled up with your own bluebird
And they're keeping each other warm while you lock them up
Caged and beaten like what we had
But you keep them close
Because you know
They make you come alive and when I come back around, you can't control that because
You want to be alive
My saddest story, my endless poem
Beautiful in animation
Ceasessly blind to nature's creation
But oh, you see it
You know what you are
That's why you hide yourself
You hurt me because you were sad and afraid
And now you're just sad and afraid inside of yourself
By yourself
And you will be this forever
Where ever you are, whoever you're with
You're alone
But I am still here and I can still make someones sun beam
You keep those birds
Abuse the hell out of them and yourself until the end of time
I still have my heart in all the rain and shine
A wise person might say, forgiveness could be be divine
But they never played your game
I'll always miss you because
I have a heart
More than anything, you have my deepest sympathies
You're so sad it makes me want to hurt for you
To cry for you
But I don't cry
I don't hurt and I don't feel for you...
Not the way I used to
Stíofáinín Sep 2017
In this space we were left behind
Lost in moments
Consumed by the mind
Left to grow, you feel it in your bones
It's calls you
These choices forsake you
the truth makes you whole
My faults are your own
You feel it in your bones
It's calling you
Bridge the gap, fix this difference
Carry on about your business
Feel the heat, ignore the call
All are we is nothing at all
Avoidance is key when you break things in me
Shadows forever;
Hungry to igninte, shells of who we are like ghosts in the night
Burning through time
Once, I was yours... when you were mine
The truth will make you whole, my mistakes are your own
You feel it in your bones
It's calling you
Stíofáinín Aug 2017
Sow collective means of defence.
Do I know you?
My mind is dense...
Is this suffering even real.
How should I attempt to feel.
How to open an invisible wound. How to tell if my hearts in ruins.
Now's the time to rob sympathies. Take them all, they're not for me. Break out the fiddle. The unsolved riddle; find the answer in your shroud.
My voice is unsettled. Your spirits loud. Why am I floating in this cloud, following the dead. Hiding inside my own head.
That's where your found when your broken body is in the ground.
Stíofáinín Sep 2019
Idle searc,
We remain untold
You carved your name again and again into my soul
I miss you when I'm alone
I cry
In these dark waters where I reside
Losing sight of all the times we fell in love
Professing to that ache far too much
Idle searc,
From here where do I go
The waters are cloudy down below
They cast me back to when you asked me to stay
Preconceived intentions of walking away
Always known
These pages are torn
Words cannot save a heart whom is worn
Adrift, in an instance
You choose the moments and piece by piece I fall in
The waves immerse me as this end begins
I wait, for an answer that's already mine
Dead in the waters
Visions blurred with time
Stíofáinín Aug 2017
This emptiness that washes over me like acid rain.
Ash in water.
Trim the mass like lambs to the slaughter.
Traitors in my mind paint my eyes blind. All I see is deceit.
My true nature. To escape this danger.
When nothing haunts me.
I am numb.
Empty, as vacant as the shell of my former self.
What am I, when I'm so sudden to disappear. Running from myself to escape an absurd fear.
Fooled by a fallen angel, whom I never sought out. Cowering in the light of morality, savouring these thoughts of doubt.
ceasing to exsist here, Waiting to get out.
A rose, by another name.
I am not the same.
Bloomed in agony, blossomed in dispear. Putrid is my nature. Dissolveable is my fear.
Dreary land of cries and shadows. I will lay here, on your floor. Consuming pain for evermore.
Stíofáinín Apr 2019
When you cease to suffer I will still be here
I have loved,
And lost
And it holds me in contempt
Delightful vandal,
You were all I ever dreamt
A fool who beholds behind tinted glass
******, to forever see you were only three hundred times better than me
And I, between my own devlis in a deep blue sea
So it began
What will be will be
Sweet ruin, how shall I compare
More than a man, but less than fair
Received in wonder a light to make this flower bloom
You were the sun I gracefully sat under
A thousand sweet mysteries I whispered in reverence
Just to lay there, where the rays burnt my skin
Once, I felt life begin
I kissed you
Lips that mirrored my own
Muted with time
How long have I waited in my own cursed reason
Oh how I hate it
To love is to fear, and fear I did
Trembling in an ache
Committing to it's will
In heated pursuit, vexed by loved
My lust was like a child
I blushed underneath your pale light and overfed your starved appetite
A wide eyed child who walked through the flames of your fire
Burnt my own feet for this shame and desire
If thou wilt never look upon me again, thy shan't ever look upon another...
Our language is broken
My painful eyes are now wide open
Watching your shame
We're we not one in the same?
My tears will quench this ache inside and the breeze will always blow them dry

Even as an empty thing of flesh and bone you were still beautiful, and not of stone
..... I am forever beneath the sun
Stíofáinín Sep 2017
I've turned my attention
I'm left outside
Searching for freedom, swimming against the tide
Averse to the veil of a ghost that covers my face
Afloat with reckless persistence
Swamped by defect, devouring the taste
Scattered pieces of esteem enlighten my way
It's shiney and new
Inside, I'm fading away for you

Alter your perception
I'm on the outside
This external pretense has just died
concealed to my core
My ego is torn, my eyes are sore
I vacate this circle
My vessel is in a chasm

Fill the void, we're fleeting fast.
Call my name.
I'm home at last.
Stíofáinín Sep 2017
A shrewd pessimist trying to coexist
Moving amid illusion
I am a unicorn
Carrying translucent retribution
Torn down by the sway of ugly glimpses of myself
I am painted black
Rivers couldn't wash it away
A pursuit of new eyes is all that makes me stay

My reflection is in his smile
Why can't I see myself that way
Stíofáinín Nov 2017
Composing silhouettes that choke these flames
They tremble hopelessly in my own name
Specks of twilight undress an injured mind
Echos left far behind of stars that mimic fireflies
Each molecule is a lifetime
transient and solus
Wandering slowly wearing masks
Fireflies, immersed in fragments of shattered lies
Pieces that I just couldn't hide
But I stayed, remorseless
As each one changed the stain of who I was
Continuously leaving me in a chasm shaped like the tear in the shadows of my mind
I am painted blind

Can you see the truth
A second face masks this faded flesh
And im unrecognizable to myself
Stíofáinín Jun 2019
Oppressed by a vision that keeps me in the ground
I lay inside of it where I cannot be found
Immersed in all these shadows I can't say which is my own
You saw it once, then it was gone
Ingested by a tragic neurosis that ****** my mind
But I can take it all because I'm by your side
Conceptual self stimulation helps to swallow it down,
as I fall evermore further into this ground
For seconds we come simultaneously, reproducing these lies
I am yours and you are mine
I take it all because I'm by your side
An overconsumption reshapes my eyes
You are trauma,
And I've become blind
Still I can take it all because I'm by your side
Breaking the face on my own virtue
Everytime you speak I suffer the loss of my intention
And I vent so much just so I can bend
Polluted in this ground where I wait to bloom
You're the only one who can make me rise and you can't even see the pitiful side
All your unease hooks me back into the ground
Now I'm here where I cannot be found
Without you,
I break the face of my own virtue
When you speak I suffer the loss of all intention
And I vent so much just so I can bend back,
Filthy in the ground where I wait for you to let me grow
Mutating into the weeping willow;
This is how cut-off I really am
But you can't see me even after I take your hand
I let you go, and I'm falling,
Without you

I am nothing
Stíofáinín Aug 2017
We inhale this toxic smoke but it never seems to be enough
Animated embers
Breathing in clouds
Constantly failing to reach safe ground
Floating through this mist
We cannot be found
Our eden is in the air
When you cannot reach me, I am nowhere
This is the cross I have to bare;
Scolding the flesh to avoid dispear
Floating constellations in the air vacating a present tense to find
Stíofáinín Aug 2017
A dystopian paradise, you're both in one
Turning sweet into sour
Reproduced in reverse a delayed reaction
Wandering through the twelfth hour
Looking down from your high tower
Leading me through hell
I keep turning back for more
These desolate declarations I can't ever ignore
Providing constancy, with means to make me stay
I am the vile fragrance of desperation in the cold light of day
And I can't rinse it away fast enough, it's already in
Twisting through the surface
Scorching my skin
Vandalizing my integrity, dividing my mind
These venal words have changed the colour in my eyes
A shade of decept turning my perception dim
Watching myself from the outside as I try to get back in
****** to reiterate yesteryear
Occupied by myth
A ******* hidden in my own body
Looking promising but full of lies
Stíofáinín Mar 2020
You plead with the sea to take you forevermore
I stretch my low legs wandering amidst the shore,
between idioms that fly up over head
Resounding each other with the sound of thunder,
we rouse the dead
Misplaced memories stream in with the tide
Out of moment, you commit to cast them aside
And give life to a place where no man can go
No need to justify what condition could not show
Intentions adrift in your world out there
Time stands still in a place that has no need to care, untouched by Verity's hands
I'll forever wander these parallel lands
Reflecting a fickle affection and a cold hand in mine own
Counting shells of stray moments that only play out when we're alone
Stíofáinín Sep 2018
A hope
Manifested from something of nothing
Almost viable, when reverted to smoke
But I could not evoke that flame.
I barely even knew your name
Stíofáinín Sep 2019
A retribution we could not defy
To heed the suffering would be to die
Hell bent, to veil what time cannot conceal
Burried underneath countless convictions

A shelter you created
Stíofáinín Mar 2019
Remember, I'm in love
Forget what I was saying
I know there's another name for the emotion you're displaying
Beautiful distorted effigy, have we pushed too far
Can you not see these projections only leave scars
Eyes wide open and it isn't me
I'll just give up where you can't see
How was I to know
I cannot create love
I construct mirrors covered in words
Like stained glass held up to your face
Reflection you,
My one and only sun
Whispering to me softly,
It's time to run
There's no way I can possibly catch you up
Time flys and we just stand still
In quiet condemnation, I made the first ****...
It isn't me
I'll just give up
Pour me another glass and try keep up
I've exhausted myself and still I'm at a loss
Lights are on but who the **** is home
A flipped switch can't even turn you on
You're just a voice now, inside my head
My sanity is lost here in your bed
We'll call it fair trade,
But it's still never enough
Then the bubble bursts;
is it still really love?
Where's the evidence we ever really exsisted
Just two space cadets who always seem to miss it
Stíofáinín Jan 2020
Once there was a water dragon. He was brilliant and blue and he knew the depths of the sea like no other. Once upon a time a spider laid it's tiny eyes on him. This spider saw how wondrous and free the water dragon was and decided to silently follow him only so as to be close. The dragon, once observant noticed this but decided what's the harm. He let the spider look on as he continued to be himself. One day the spider realised it had something inside of itself that wanted to be free too and it bit the beautiful water dragon. The bite was venmous and the dragon could feel it corse through him and before he could even muster a thought against it, he wanted it. He wanted it and everyday the tiny spider would come to bite him again. The dragon knew this was wrong but he thought, that tiny spider all alone and everyday it comes back to bite me, that must be love. That tiny venom I feel in my heart must be love. And so he kept it.
The spider came from the ground but there was never a way back so it just stayed close to the dark. The cold places where there was little light and slowly those places became the dragons home too. He didn't swim in the light anymore. He didn't swin at all. His beautiful blue faded to grey and he forgot the sun. The spider continued to bite him every day until that last time when it borrowed itself right underneath his skin and then, the spider was swallowed whole.
The spider was called
The water dragon thought, at last it is dead now I can be free again. I can go back to the water now. And he did try, he tried to escape the cave but when he started to see the light again he had to turn away. His head was hung. The spider lived inside of him now and even if it was forever only in that tiny place, he knew he would not escape and inside he felt it and in the bottom of his soul he knew the spiders name.
He was trapped but at least now he could see the outside or watch as it went by. He could even feel the water again and float, floating was better than nothing at all, and he accepted his fate. He was content and he could be happy with being content and he wasn't even all that grey anymore. Mostly grey but still so magnificently beautiful. So he would watch the world but no one could ever see him because all they could know was a sad angry thing that is only called a shame because the dragon that once was is no more.

Once there was a beautiful water dragon...
Now no one remembers, no one searches because of what they might find...
It's better forgotten.
The dragon became a thing that was lost to even a single thought but if there ever was one it went like this.
Beware of that hidden thing, he was once something you may have spoke of. That's all.

But the same water dragon was still there somewhere and he himself knew this much and in everything that was enough.
That's what he wanted to believe.
It wasn't real though.
One day a curious girl found his dwelling, he was sure she'd be too afraid but admittedly nervous as she was she did not look away. Her wide eyes only grew. She touched his face and whispered "beautifil" he unclenched and began to free himself from a rigid position he'd been wrestling with for what seemed like lifetimes. The girl lost her footing quick realising too late that she stood on the dragons tail. She fell back off the cliff from the cave right into the sea.
The dragon thought, if I do this now if I save her then I can remember myself. I will never be grey again but I'll remember that it was not me. If I go out into that sea now I might not ever be able to find a way back here and even though I know this is not home.
this is my only home.
But the girl was drowning.

The dragon saved the girl and he brought her back to his home and there she woke and said "I love you dragon, you have saved me but you are most beautiful in the light. You do know that don't you?" And she gazed at him in wonder but he just hung his head because he could not forget what he believed the girl should never know.
He remembered that spider who was long dead now but part of it would forever remain inside of him.
The girl slid down and caught his head in her hands, smiled and pushed him back into place.

"I found you dragon, I FOUND YOU!!! That means you are mine and I say you cannot live here like this anymore. I will take you with me and we will find someplace beautiful for you to swim again so you can be what you are, so you can feel the sun. I want that for you, dragon. You know why"

"don't say no ok! let's just go far away from this cave now because I love you and I won't ever leave you here but I am a girl, dragon. And I need to see the sun and I want that and that is a freedom that you could never know confined to this cave"
The dragon came so close he was almost inside of the girls wide eyes. His huge, deep, warm breaths on her face made her skin come alive like she was in command of countless living creatures, breathing in her veins. Powerful. That is what he made her.
The dragon said, I saved you didn't I! You know why but please don't ask these silly things. I will not leave here now because it is my home somehow but you can come here anytime you like and see me. Looking at you makes me happy and you know, you know I'll love you but just don't try to move me now because because I am so much bigger than you tiny girl and know this, I have already tried. Nope! I am not going anywhere so don't even ask.
The girl smushed her face into some kind of unnatural expression and huffed.
"I'll show you dragon"
She kicked his tail and ran right up to his ear and whispered.
"I am not afraid of you. I saw that spider once and I know you feel it too and dead as it may be that spider will always borrow down deeper and deeper unless you just let it be free. The dead have left marks all over you. something a girl could never imagine, dragon. I see that and I do not have to know but you should know this, I am not afraid!
And I'll be back tomorrow, and tomorrow and all of eternity because I will never leave you alone here dragon.
And tomorrow, I will make you smile.

Tomorrow the girl came back. She scaled the slippery wall with a world of belongings on her back and when she reached the top where the dragon called home she flung what could have been all of her tiny life's worth out on to the hard rock. She yelled
"I am here, dragon"
And the dragon appeared. He slowly wrapped her in his cold skin and he said nothing. The girls face looked disappointed so he tightened his grip but she sighed and wriggled free and looked at him in the eye.
The girl laughed.
The dragon was in awe of how anyone could escape his grip and he did indeed seem defeated almost but the girl just smiled at him and said "silly dragon, you know that I am too small, you could never hold me"

"But dragon, this is the predicament now you see, I have told you that I am a girl who needs so many things and the sun and the sun but you are my only sun and that is the only warmth that I want to know now and I don't know how to tell you I was wrong. I only need you and I've taken all these things here with me so to make you admit what you yourself already know. You have said it and not said it in too many ways so now you just need to let it be. You dragon, you love me. You have saved me and now I will save you too"
The dragon still said nothing so the girl continued.
She stood the ground, taller than she was and proclaimed.
Not to sway you but to show you how to look and see what is real. This is all I have dragon, so it will work because you will not tell yourself that it cannot.
Just see"

I took these three strings, sangen. And sometimes I can melt colours so you may not feel grey anymore and I will write and sing for you a million songs if you promise to always open your eyes for me.
All of my words which have now fallen right here in front of you. You really should open your eyes and see, it's like an endless haiku.
And third,
What else do I have of value save for myself and who knows how much value is in that. But third, it is spilled out clear. Honesty dragon. All of my honesty and I am not a perfect girl, not at all but I will accept whatever you show me because I only want to see you and I am not afraid"

she asked the dragon and she showed him her heart and all the times her tiny frame had cracked trying to get it out.
"I was not always this either but it is enough dragon, even if we are the only ones who ever know. You are still alive in here.
We are.

The dragon spoke and he said, ok girl I am listening. I am looking so show me. Then the girl whispered
"I know the spider all too well"

"it camouflages itself as something innocent but it was never that. I have been bitten by a spider too and I know what it never wants you to see"

"it can never rest even when you know its dead and the further down it digs the more eggs it lays inside of you, dragon and the only way it stops is if you set it free and I know that feels impossible but all you need to do is show me. Then it is gone and you will be free. I can see its marks on you, it's all over you poor dragon, but it is dead now so please let it go"

"I am only because I had looked at that spider everyday until I wasn't afraid, so I picked it out from inside of myself and threw it away. I cannot do this for you, dragon but I can stay here and make you smile while you find a way to let it go. But, just show me and I promise you it will go and don't worry I know I am small but I am not weak and I am not afraid of you and I will still stay"
The dragon spoke again but only to say,
stay here just don't say anymore.
Sleep now.
But the girl refused to tire and finally the dragon grew strong enough to show her.
Look now, you see it can never come away and I will never let it go now because I am afraid.

The girl saw the spider and it was in the dragons beating heart. She kissed his heart and told the dragon.
"it's ok, dragon. Thank you for showing me this"

For several days and nights they slept until a day the girl awoke. She was alone in the dragons empty cell and she walked to the opening where a light broke through and stumbled over a dried out tiny corpse of something that was once called
And she looked far out through the cracks onto the waves and there he was like she had never seen him before and yet somehow it was entirely fitting to her image of what she knew the dragon could be. He was blue again and so fast and when he moved she could feel it through the bones. 

The dragon came back to the girl but still he said nothing. His breath was so close to her again that all the tiny creatures she never let die ran back through her veins and she knew. She was alive.
The girl climbed on the dragons back and he said said
Now, we can go home.
May be just a silly thing but I'm still wanting to put this here
Stíofáinín Sep 2017
What's my relation to this self flagellation
It's in the frame of isolation
Chasing virtue with pure determination
Inhabited by apprehension of a human condition
I burn like star
I think, therefore I am
Born into sin
Drifting evermore from salvation
in the gut of of a cynic
I am the cause, and effect
I am my own creation
Stíofáinín Jan 2018
Be still solace lingers
persist though the trenches
Resolve is near, and in it's tame light a force is free
It breaks the chains surrounding my heart;
Once blinded and supressed to dark
I retain to wait, and wait
For a promise almost viable but not to be touched
Freedom is found in love
Not rushed
Stíofáinín Feb 2021
History dictates,
and ego is born.
Emaciated, it creates the false self as means of safe passage through a storm.
Like a wounded animal seeking shelter, it hides.
Vicious, and untouched. Safe.
This is dystopia.
Never weakened by the external, unphased by the internal.
It grows stronger.
For ego has no choice but to protect what gives it life when no one else will.
In consequence, giving birth to a savagely misconceived identity.
The false self is conceived.
At what cost though, the innocent of youth could never impart the price such of self preservation brought forth by the absences of love.
And the false self will accept it no more, owning the fact that it would sink to its very core, unmasking itself as a fragile thing.
A prisoner of war.
A mind that paied that cost, a heart that pumps pain into being.
An unhappy exsistance that eventually becomes animalistic.
No progression, only movement to regress in moments of weakness.
This is created not born. At the hands of man who came before and failed so on many counts.
Do we accept to never grow because of a historically sorry soul. isn't that history repeating itself?
There is always choice to break the false self,
Over power it.
We, as living breathing beings are bigger. We always were...
Because we are real.
Stíofáinín Jan 2018
Gentle tidings cross the trail and sail and weep for human touch
celestial signals, nonesuch
Rings in ivory and black and cold
It's sound contained the lies we were told
Staid mediums that move within
Majestic undercurrents will begin
contrived requeium, your truths are vast
Returning loss in a committal mass
Stíofáinín Feb 2019
Lured into limbo
I am wasting away
My very own emaciation begins today
Purest strangulation,
And I can't breath it in
It only ever ends where you begin
Climbing to the top of the tower just to jump into a free fall
Never neglecting to answer any of the calls
Untill you begin

Come back home

The sky is always empty, my glass is never full
I drink all this posion without you but it never seems to dull,
A constant pain
laced with *******
Creeping right underneath my skin
Ending only where you begin
Come home
Come home
We're skin to skin
All of this ends where we begin
Undenying truth,
You are not blind
You see the futures
We share half a mind
Stíofáinín Aug 2020
We’ve expired
I’m leaving now,
emotions are tired
I cleaned your room while you were gone
I don't linger here for too long
I never expected you to see,
all the wrong that you do to me
but I waited with time,
Only wanting what can't ever be mine
Hey now, just come along
I love you, wake up,
before I’m gone
Can I crawl all over you again?
So you can try to play pretend,
like this isn’t just a means to an end
Then you can love me once again
And I’m here asking myself why the hell you put me on a shelf
Act you don’t give a f*
all so you can cut me up,
one more time
I guess that’s the only way to keep it off your mind
Oh so heart-wrenching, how can you even draw breath inside?
Could you tell the truth and still survive?
Do you not think that I can see, all the lies that you’ve told me?
But go on, you can always love me again
And I’ll still be here asking why you need to pretend,
And turn yourself into stone
All you are is flesh and bone
Come on and cut me up one more time, you always said I’d be just fine
It really must be very tough
to know that you were never good enough
Just pretend like you never started this
Can you even call that a parting gift?
No applause before this end
Changed your mind,
Hand in mine...
same old smile
So come on and cut me up one last time
Tell yourself you know I’m fine…
I guess it really must be rough
To not ever give a single f
Stíofáinín Apr 2020
Oh my light meets with the rain
Ill-favoured sin is never tamed
Bearing a stigma hand picked by pain
The absence of oxygen can't abstain
An isolated world falls from the sky
I burn in his flame aching to fly
Merged in moments to the end of life
Scorching instants until we die
We evolve only to petrify
Shattering fragments that burst and illuminate the sky
Predestined to reunify
Serendipity is bound to a star
Wandering and straying close but yet so far
Stíofáinín Aug 2017
Treacherous thoughts that burnt my tounge coil together, it has begun
My minds estranged, chastened by shards; They cut like ice through my morals like a knife
Vague and formless pain of mine your tears are senseless and out of time
Drenched in subconscious, my untold strain
Countless contact
I don't profess your name
Revelations unfolds
Come in, come clean
Revoke pristine
Accept, allow
I'm stuck here now
Stop constraints of this affliction
The time is now
Proclaim addiction
Stíofáinín Jul 2020
And fro
Am I where you come and go
I know
It's all part of the shadow show
Maybe once
Maybe twice
I could have loved you like my only vice
For all I knew,
I thought I knew you
Held your hand
When I saw through you
Blame me once
Sway me twice
I'll never take my own advice
You're no-
friend of mine
Fool me once
Fool me again
Chase a lion in his own den
Maybe once, maybe twice
Maybe stop
******* with my life

And fro
It's better to love the devil you know....
Stíofáinín Nov 2019
Venus's Aurora,
Before the dawn
She casts him out and suffers on
Morning star, he fell down to greed
in want of what he'll never need
Chasing clouds back into the sky
He only loves to crucify
Stíofáinín Aug 2017
I am the Phoenix, and I have burned
But make no mistake
I will return
My third coming
From the ashes I asend
This blazing guilt will be your end
Born from nothing and thrown to dust
My lips are dry, my wings are rust
Riged and meek they fan this fire
Fire fire, leaking from the mouth of a liar
Doubting what your eyes can't see
Entirely aware, you deny me
And you can play the innocent fool
But I am wise because I'm cruel
Swap your creed, appease the burn
See through my eyes
Now it's your turn
Stíofáinín Dec 2017
Dampened embers flicker for ever; Suppressed only by the cold breath of life
My endless fight
The disconnect from feeble light
Slowly yielding to the itch 
Feeling myself grow so small
constrained in the turbulence of this free fall
Stíofáinín Feb 2019
Pulled me apart to stop the bleeding
Oh, how naive to keep believing
These vacant tears can hold no meaning
They animate only to halt my leaving

Touch your face to stop the aching
See the mistakes we know we're making
It becomes too hushed, when we're on our own
Then we fall into fiction when we get home
Casualties of a Stockholm syndrome
We all become these empty beings

Once again, I'll soon be leaving
You'll stay inside selective seeing

Haven't we heard enough already?
You want me to leave, why can't you just let me?
Hallow ridges keep us climbing,
Constantly trying to reach a silver lining
I'm touching your face to try and stop you aching
Staring down all the mistakes we're making
I'll lie to myself when I get home
So I can pretend I'm not alone
This pretense is even worse than wise,
Haven't we already said goodbye?!

Let's just let it go
I can be quiet all on my own
And I don't have to pretend
I know, I could never call you a friend

But you just couldn't even call
Stíofáinín Apr 2019
Take it all away again and don’t stop breathing
Who knew I could take all these beatings
I'm alive,
Only to decline an invitation to live in this situation
Where love is only conditional
I grow invisible
I can’t manifest and I can’t disappear
I just sit and wonder what the **** I’m doing here
You don’t need me, and that’s why you can’t see me
I'm fading but you’re see through
And this is just another hole I fell into
A pipe dream that that could never be true
Still, all I ever wanted was you
And one last time could never be enough
A million times I could tell myself it wasn’t love
But my mind is cursed…
Dissecting a situation
Trying to quiet the imagination
But you're too careless, and we’re just unkind
Only ever taping up these holes and leaving it all behind
You’re mind, a black hole ******* all that matters right from my chest,
You’re lies are like stains on my only white dress
Lies that live easy cause the truths no fun
Another round of bullets babe! Can you just hold this gun?
What good will it do now though? We're already alone
Somehow I always knew one day you’d leave home
Sin will go unconfessed
Mistakes, locked away in an iron chest
How were we supposed to ever confess
If you can’t see it then it's not real
But when was that ever part of the deal?
These are just metaphors, but here’s the feel bad,
These are your scars and your bags, and they’ll always be packed
So put on your little rouge act
But this is nothing but a comfort zone and it's all you can ever call your own
That’s all you can hope to know
And if you continue running it’ll be too late
A cycle in repeat that only ever ends in hate
Pushing everything aside
Beautiful creature, you never learned how not to hide
Time won't ever be on your side…
But these choices will be all your own, to own
So make a conscious one that we can condone
Stíofáinín Sep 2017
Proclaiming to perceive certain suffering makes me feel real;
The unrecognisable charade
You never see my true face
It's all a facade, a disgrace
I'm no martyr but **** me please
I've heard too much
I'm on my knees
Save your blood
I need to feed
Repositioning thoughts inside the head, emulating feelings because mine are dead
Impression remains untouched
That won't change much
A perfect shade of narcissist, cutting you with my tounge
It's sharp, and opposing all the bullets from your gun
Attention please! This is how I feed
And I'm no martyr but **** me please I've seen enough
You're on your knees
Apologies don't exsist here and if you stay I'll pull you in, it'll never stop untill I win
The naive are crucified

My former face has come here to die
Stíofáinín Oct 2018
A complacent snake in the grass has a venomous tounge
He's coiled and clever, and highly strung
Compressing self-worth into a form of bigotry
Where on earth is this vipers dignity?
Claiming deniability as he chokes on  all resolve
A flaky body of conflict who thinks he has evolved
sheading the flesh with a promise of lies
These delusions have overgrown
Snakes do not possess a backbone
Corrupting good nature he still can't follow through
Pigeon hearted little serpant, is that really you?
Devouring your own head in means of escape
We see the lies are now taking shape
Loosing front while you slither on  through
Short on the ***** now what on ever will you do?
If you lose your face, you'll grow another two
Stíofáinín Aug 2017
Fraught to conceal a grim incomprehension; the chaos in my soul
Transpsrancy through shadows lead the way back home
Who am I if not for you?
Displacing this floating intensity
A missingness of my former orbit takes hold of me
Only you can console this immense deformity, in me
Forcibly, my flame
Faintly say my name

I am content
Stíofáinín Jul 2018
A fraud,
A liar
A faulsifier
Burried beneath counterfeit pleasantries and misplaced smiles
I am beguiled
Imprisoned and neglected
Coveting trust
But when fortune turns,
For once in this miserable life
She retreats, from all the mandatory smiles and big little lies
She left me behind in the end,
Maybe I never deserved to be a friend
Stíofáinín Dec 2017
Thou savaged in the dark
And in the moonlight, touched my face
Silver and cold I embraced
Ponderous but tender
You sheltered my grounds
A cover of beauty where vision was found
So fragile it was I dared not try;
To catch that snowflake before it died
Stíofáinín Nov 2021
You beat the sun light right out of me,
The sorrow your love bares falls on me,
And I love you
Stars will shun the skies above me
Outside of your eyes
In moments you love me
Carelessly, cut me
Mirror, you are but a broken glass
I know not of recovery
I know now

You love me
Stíofáinín Aug 2017
Like a leaf in the wind
Fragile, weightless and discolored
misshapen is my heart
This transpsrancy has become an art
Floating through your sky
Observing insignifigant flakes of myself as I pass by
Your voice though vague, is in the air
Your words are the breeze
How am I to attain an adequate version of myself when I cant come down
stuck in your crooked damp root where once my heart could be found; I don't venture too close to the ground
Transient and lost in your sky, mislaying all substance as I pass myself by
Hark, my heart crepitates under your feet
How do I endure this woe
Tell me, are you friend or foe
Stíofáinín Dec 2018
I feel your heart inside my own and steadily, like my grasp on air
I am gone
Misplacing myself, faintly
Crawling into your sun
An ache that goes the way it comes
Is it the same for everyone?
I grip my chest
This heart is unconfessed
For it's survival we'll hang on, for a moment then we're gone
I see your eyes alight in my soul
And for days after I can't let go
You'll linger long untill quietly, you're done
Cascading down over me
Interchangeable solutions
Like liquid,
I'll run
Come one, come none
Is this the same for everyone?
For our own survival we'll hang on, for a moment then we're done
I'm crawling into this midnight sun
To infinate eternities, where I saturate in your arms
You are watchful and I, awake
Together we can liberate
And this perception lights the flame
You make me feel like a child again
Stíofáinín Aug 2017
Seeking infiltration we ravish the flow of time. Wrecked with lust. We intertwine.
Swine. I'll leave you broken one last time.
Aching for a sense of fire. Come and play with my dark desire. Challenge the rapture of the flesh. I'll take you when you're at my best.
It's moist inside this virtue. Its vital as I pervert you.
I've had a taste. I need to feed, I'm holding a sadist inside of me. Swallowing you when you're on your knees.
Oh please.

Your tears falling on a ***** floor when you confess you love me more
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