Why can't love
Be simple.

Why do I have the need
To be so close
To someone.

How do I ****
That need?

It'll save me from
So much tears.

I gave it my all you know.
I realize now
Good Memories
Can haunt you just as bad
As the bad ones

I remember the good
It feels like I’m falling in love with you
All over again

Yet I know
I won't see you again.
My heart still keeps waiting for you
A message or a call
Maybe you'll just show up at my door

I still choose the good memories
I'd much rather be in love with the ghost of you
Than not at all.

I have a longing
To find a place
where I can just be.
where I can find peace.

Just be in silence
listen to myself
enjoy being me
rest for my soul
Escape from the madness
Of this world.

I know
We don't have such a strong connection
I know that
You don't think of me
The way I do.

My heart
Fell in love with you
With no real reason
Not right ones anyway.

I know
I don't mean as much to you.
Sometimes I wonder
Do you ever
Think of me.
Would you ever
Against all odds
Feel the same way.
Would you?

I'm soon to turn 30,
Yet one thing still easily slips my fingers,
I've read so many books,
I've watched so many tutorials,
I've blamed myself,
I've blamed others,
I've given up .

Then I get pull right back in.
The hope of fulfillment of a promise,
Achieving the desires in of my heart,
The longing I've buried so long,
The need that won't be ignored.

I get pulled right back in,
With a soul that seems mature,
A person that is loving, caring enough
To have me dreaming,
To have me hoping,
To revive my longing,
From the deep depths,
of my caged up heart.

The cycle then repeats,
Everything starts to fade,
My heart shrieks in pain,
I decide never again.
I give up on the dream.
I bury it all away,
Never to ache again ,
From a Love that I once thought would last.

In the meantime,
I need a drink.
Make it a red wine,
Something good for the heart finally.

Those nights
Sleep runs and hide
All that's left
Thoughts you have been avoiding all your life.

Voices,
what the world expects of you
Parents expecting of you

Maybe ,
Your path is different.
The light at the end of the tunnel
Just an opening ,
To another tunnel.

Why does it seem so hard
To ignore the voices
Live your life.
Why?

I wanna be really really good at something,
What could it be?

The Moment,
You decide it's enough.

I give up on love.

I love you,
Truly I do.

You don't see this,
How could you not?
I wear this ring , I provide ,I support.
I do more than I should,
Just so you are protected and provided for .
Just so you are safe.

Yet,
All this while , you don't see it.
I provide almost everything,
I'm in debt and you know it.

You borrowed so much money from me ,
Never gave back.
That should have been my **** clue.

Here I am ,
Providing the best meals,
The best holidays ,
A comfortable home.

Here you are,
The little you earn,
You think of everyone else first.
Like you don't owe me so much already.

You give gifts ,
To people who don't need nor expect it.

You don't even see this.
It's partly my fault.
I provided everything.
To my own detriment.

I did it all for you.

You don't see it.
I don't know how to make you see it.
I just don't know .

I love you with all my heart.
I still, just don't know .

All I know is,
I can't ,I won't keep being this.
I can't be your back bone.
When you ain't mine.