How could you?
After all we've been through,
You seem to have forgotten me.

Because of one pretty girl,
All you do now is
Leave me.
Every time we talk, you try to find a way out of it.

You didn't give a crap about me

And now I know why.

The battlefield of life is not man against man,
but man against themselves.

The real battle in is internal,
rather than fighting against someone else.

The fight is the choice to bring someone down
or help someone up.

There are winners,
and there are losers.

It's based on whatever you think is right.

I've already lost the battle today,
and I'm starting losing the war.

Something in her lay festering,
a side of her that she would never expose.

Her sturdy exterior shows her as
smart,
sweet,
caring,
compassionate,
amazing.

But look a little deeper.

On occasion,
you can catch her rare moments.

How cruel she really is,
how violent,
how manipulative,
how evil.

She likes to play God.

Everyday,
slowly making everyone into a puppet,
she controls them all.

With her words smothered in honey,
and smile shining brighter than the sun,
she controls them all.

I wonder when they'll notice.
Notice that they're all puppets in her game,
and they're all losing.

She's top of her class,
straight A's with almost 100's as every percent.

She's the first one in class,
praised by her teachers,
and her parents approve greatly.

But she's often ridiculed.

Being called "teacher's pet",
"*****", and "no-life",
by her jealous peers.

Everyday she goes to the library,
to hide from her peers.
Burying herself in the books
is the only safe haven she knows.

She doesn't have any friends,
not real ones, at least.
Her "friends" use her to get quick answers,
a cheap way to finish their homework and assignments.

She knows that she's all alone,
that nobody would want her as a first choice.
She knows that she's been called names,
and can't do anything about it.

So she buries herself in studies,
buries herself alive,
to try to survive.

"She's so annoying"
Am I really?

"She's ugly and nosy all the time"
I'll take that into consideration, thank you very much.

"She's so weird"
Hmm

"She's so rude, too."
Is there any other word you can use other than "so"?

"I hate her"
I don't really know who doesn't, so I don't blame you.

What I thought was my best friend,
said these words behind my back.

I heard them say it when I was walking in class,
and the entire class hushed up.

I just stared at them,
until the class started agreeing.

I just sat down and ignored them,
as I should,
but having an entire class agree that you're a bad person,
well that really raises your confidence, doesn't it?

So now I sit alone,
isolated from the others,
thinking in peace.

Starting out alone was rough,
I thought that I was a social butterfly,
and that I need others to survive.

But after time,
I told myself,
I've lived most of my life without them,
why should I need them now?

I used to be completely dependent on people,
always being super critical of what they said,
of what they thought.

I used to be fragile,
anything bad said about me,
I'd cry.

I used to be superficial,
lying to myself,
putting myself down for so long.

One day in the summer,
I woke up feeling refreshed.

I thought it was peculiar,
until I saw that the rings under my eyes were gone.

I felt light hearted,
something I had not felt in a long time.

I laid my head in my hands and cried,
but not tears of sadness,
but tears of joy.

I felt my sadness slowly dissolving,
and when I looked into the mirror,
I saw her.

I saw the little girl I used to be,
happy and carefree.

Everyday I give people the benefit of the doubt.
I believe that good is in them.

I just can't seem to understand
why people take advantage of that.

I gave you a chance,
don't take it for granted.

To be honest,
I'm starting to lose hope.

The belief that held out so strongly throughout my life
is starting to thin out.

I'm not one to hold grudges,
but I'm not one to forget.

Just because I gave you another chance,
does not mean I've ignored what you did.

It does not mean your slate is clean,
it does not mean you're in my good graces.

I'm simply giving you another chance.

I'm lonely.
I'll admit that.

When I was in school,
I noticed that everyone had a friend with them.

That's when the feeling hit me,
I was alone.

I have friends,
but they'd pick someone else other than me
if given the chance.

I know that I should be sad,
that I should be asking for friends,
that I should be needy.

But that's not who I am.
If I've made it this far without anyone constantly there for me,
who's to say I need one now?

I've been alone,
and I might always be.
But honestly, I have no problem with that.

Let them talk,
let them judge!
It doesn't matter unless I let it matter.

I know I should be crying,
that I should feel an emptiness,
but I don't.
And I won't.

She's here again.
Everywhere I go,
I can see her.

She's batting her lashes at me.
Her lipstick gleams in the light.
Her dress is ever so tight.

Everyday it gets harder to resist her,to control my urges.
She knows how bad it's been.
Her eyes bore holes in my soul.

Every time I think about who I truly am,
she rears her pretty head around the corner.
She smiles, and waits ever so patiently for me to give in.
She wants me to go with her.
If I go, I'll never come back.

Today was a bad day.
She knows this,
and she waits to pounce on me.
I have nothing to return to,
no one is chaining me down.
I have no one to disappoint.

I hate to admit it,
but she's so tempting to leave with.
She'll solve my problems sealed with a kiss.
As much as I want to stay,
I can't.
Her powers of temptation are too strong.
I think I'm about to give in.

What do true friends do?

Do they talk to you daily?

Do they care about you?

Are they always there for you?

Are they always willing to help you?

Now, I can't say those for sure,
but I'm willing to bet that that's what true friends do.

My "friends", you see are willing to leave me at the drop of a hat.
And we'll leave that topic as that.

Where can I escape?

Where can I go to hide from the world?

For the world is an evil place,

and you can't tell me I'm wrong.

The world outside is unsafe,

with people running rampant

and killing each other left and right,

I don't want to go outside.

But as I look outside,

a small flower of hope blossoms.

There's so much good in the world,

but it's shadowed by too much bad.

You'll hear about horrible things that happened,

atrocious crimes that were committed.

But you'll also hear about beautiful things that came from someone,

and a large symphony of good deeds.

Life is a book,

sometimes of heroes and villains.

So I ask of you today,

who do you choose to be?

I used to think that romantic heart break poems
were an overused cliche.

I never sympathized,
for I had never felt any spark.

I felt that people would get over it,
that it surely couldn't be that bad.

I was wrong.

It was the first time I'd felt a spark,
something that filled me up with a warm feeling.

Something that I could actually feel.

I felt victorious,
I felt like a champion.

Being around them just filled me up,
just enough to keep the spark going with me.

I didn't think that mixed signals were real,
that people just didn't see the real meaning.

That I admit I was wrong again.

They gave me mixed signals,
one day they'd adore me,
the other they'd just ignore me like trash on the sidewalk.

I wasn't sure what to feel.

So now I make my decision.

I give up.

I need someone to talk to,
to depend on.

I am the person who is depended on,
a sturdy post behind everyone.

Everyone leans on me,
but I never get anything in return.

I didn't mind for a while.

But now things are getting lonely.

Everyone has someone
but me.

I'm alone.

For the longest time,
I didn't mind, nor care.

I was fine.

But now, I can't stand to be alone any longer.

How far have I fallen?

Have you of no honor?

Life is a battleground,
there are wins and losses.,
wrongs and rights,
strengths and weaknesses.

Life is a free-for-all.
Might you make an alliance,
beware of distrust and deceit.

Some choose to fight with honor and valor.
Some choose to fight with underhanded tricks.

There are no written rules, but unspoken ones.
Do not strike a person when they are down.
An unspoken, clearly indicated rule.

Then why, do I ask, do you continue to strike me?
I'm down, done for, and yet you still continue to hit me.

I can't ask for help,
I can't fight back.

So recently,
I was reminded of a sad incident,
where I cried in public,
where I was comforted.

In a discussion,
the topic was brought up.

And you know what the said?

"Oh yea it was funny."

What
the
****.

What in god's name is wrong with you?

I cried my heart out because of you.

And you know what you said after that?

"I was trying not to laugh."

I don't cry for attention.
I don't cry to be wanted.
I cry because something happened.

My mom used to say,
"Don't cry, you'll leave permanent tears on your face."
As a young child, I didn't understand.
My brother objected, smug and saying, "That's not true, tears can dry up."
My mom just smiled and said, "I hope you don't see it when you're older."
Now, I didn't understand, and I sided with my brother.

As the years went on, I could feel what others thought of me.
I could finally feel their glares and recognize the harsh meanings behind their words.
I slowly backed away, but no one noticed.
If they did, they were fine with it.

Being a "wretched outcast",
I looked for new shelter.
A new environment where I could feel safe.
I never made it to the promised land.

When I finally gave up,
I cried.
I poured out my feelings on paper,
my pain filled into countless notebooks.

When I look into a mirror,
I finally see it.
The permanent tear tracks.

All my life,
I'd been a sweet girl,
an eccentric girl,
a caring girl,
a passionate girl.

Your little girl
is on the edge of insanity,
fueled by desperation
and loneliness.

Your sweet, loving girl
is crying her heart out.
Her tears the byproduct
of their actions.

Their laughter,
sneers,
humiliating words,
and obvious glares.

I used to laugh until I cried,
but now I just cry.
I cry and cry and cry.
I hate it, waking each morning to a soggy pillow.

I'm sorry,
but your sweet little girl is gone.

I can't do it anymore,
I just can't.

My front has finally cracked,
and I can't take it.

I'm almost completely numb,
the only thing left is emptiness.

The realization of being truly alone has finally hit me,
right in the heart.

It's not settling in either, no,
instead every time I think of it, it hits me as hard as the first time

It's that time of the year again,
I have to see them once more.
I've got a change in appearance,
and a sharp edge on my words.
They want me to apologize,
but for what, I did nothing wrong.
They're hypocrites, every last one of them.
I'm not angry at them,
rather at myself for not realizing sooner.
Now I have to go through the same old ****,
loneliness, resentment, all the works.
The time has come,
and I have to deal with this again.

When I look into the mirror,
all I see is a broken person.
Someone's who's been through the worse things that life can offer.
Someone's who's been forgotten for all their life.
Someone's who's sick of it all.
I can't feel anything anymore.
I've put up a defense so thick that I can't feel anything anymore.
I look into my eyes.
I have eyes clouded with emotion, but I don't know what it is.
I can't tell what it is.

Why do I feel like I'm taken for granted?
Is it because you ******* off every chance you get?
Is it because I'm too nice to say anything?

Why do I feel like a ******* doormat?
Is it because you walk all over me?
Is it because you think I'll always be there for you, even after how you've treated me?

Why am I constantly disappointed in you?
Is it because I always give you the benefit of the doubt?
Or is it because you betray me without batting an eye?

Do you know how long I cried?
Did you even try to feel how I felt?
Did you forget that I had a conscience too?

Why are you so quick to make a joke of me?
If the air is tense with someone else because you ****** up, you always make fun of me who did nothing.

Remember when you said, "I'll be there for you, always."
Well now, I don't want you.
You're a ******* liar.

Remember those times when you'd say, "I love you too" whenever I got truly frustrated when you insulted me?
I'm going to say what I've meant to say ever since you've done that.
I'd sell you to Satan for ******* free.
But hell, you'd do the same thing.

I smile through it all,

the insults and the hurt,

hoping for the day

that I can stop this charade.

I'm absolutely sick of it.
I'm tired of
reading all of these poems
about sadness and despair.
No more.
All of you
are the strongest
and the most dedicated,
or you wouldn't be here.
I ask of you,
pick yourself up
one more time,
and fight for yourself.
No one else will.

I've been shattered
countless times,
each time cracking in a different way.
Every time I pick myself up,
every little piece of me,
I always pick up a little hope.
Hope that everything will turn out okay,
hope that I'd find someone
or something to save me.
It always comes crashing down.
I've hoped for so long, that I'm starting to lose it.
I'm losing hope
in getting out of this miserable state.
I then realized,
hope was an illusion.
A simple hallucination in my mind.
I've never had it,
and I'll never get it.

I'm bleeding out.
I've been shot countless times, with insults and glares.
I've been stabbed with rumors and lies,
I'm hiding everything through a mask that makes me seem carefree.
I act as if nothing's a big deal anymore.
Not one of them knows.
It feels painful to try to get up.
So I just lay here, waiting to die.

Having everyone around in the morning,
Everyone ridicules me without warning,
Love fills my day before it has begun,
People in my life shine brighter than the sun!
My desires have to be put aside for theirs,
E**very once in a while, they care!