She's here again.
Everywhere I go,
I can see her.

She's batting her lashes at me.
Her lipstick gleams in the light.
Her dress is ever so tight.

Everyday it gets harder to resist her,to control my urges.
She knows how bad it's been.
Her eyes bore holes in my soul.

Every time I think about who I truly am,
she rears her pretty head around the corner.
She smiles, and waits ever so patiently for me to give in.
She wants me to go with her.
If I go, I'll never come back.

Today was a bad day.
She knows this,
and she waits to pounce on me.
I have nothing to return to,
no one is chaining me down.
I have no one to disappoint.

I hate to admit it,
but she's so tempting to leave with.
She'll solve my problems sealed with a kiss.
As much as I want to stay,
I can't.
Her powers of temptation are too strong.
I think I'm about to give in.

She's top of her class,
straight A's with almost 100's as every percent.

She's the first one in class,
praised by her teachers,
and her parents approve greatly.

But she's often ridiculed.

Being called "teacher's pet",
"*****", and "no-life",
by her jealous peers.

Everyday she goes to the library,
to hide from her peers.
Burying herself in the books
is the only safe haven she knows.

She doesn't have any friends,
not real ones, at least.
Her "friends" use her to get quick answers,
a cheap way to finish their homework and assignments.

She knows that she's all alone,
that nobody would want her as a first choice.
She knows that she's been called names,
and can't do anything about it.

So she buries herself in studies,
buries herself alive,
to try to survive.

Everyday I give people the benefit of the doubt.
I believe that good is in them.

I just can't seem to understand
why people take advantage of that.

I gave you a chance,
don't take it for granted.

To be honest,
I'm starting to lose hope.

The belief that held out so strongly throughout my life
is starting to thin out.

I'm not one to hold grudges,
but I'm not one to forget.

Just because I gave you another chance,
does not mean I've ignored what you did.

It does not mean your slate is clean,
it does not mean you're in my good graces.

I'm simply giving you another chance.

I'm bleeding out.
I've been shot countless times, with insults and glares.
I've been stabbed with rumors and lies,
I'm hiding everything through a mask that makes me seem carefree.
I act as if nothing's a big deal anymore.
Not one of them knows.
It feels painful to try to get up.
So I just lay here, waiting to die.

Something in her lay festering,
a side of her that she would never expose.

Her sturdy exterior shows her as
smart,
sweet,
caring,
compassionate,
amazing.

But look a little deeper.

On occasion,
you can catch her rare moments.

How cruel she really is,
how violent,
how manipulative,
how evil.

She likes to play God.

Everyday,
slowly making everyone into a puppet,
she controls them all.

With her words smothered in honey,
and smile shining brighter than the sun,
she controls them all.

I wonder when they'll notice.
Notice that they're all puppets in her game,
and they're all losing.

How could you?
After all we've been through,
You seem to have forgotten me.

Because of one pretty girl,
All you do now is
Leave me.
Every time we talk, you try to find a way out of it.

You didn't give a crap about me

And now I know why.

I'm clinging on to my last bit of salvation.
I'm hanging off a cliff, and the only thing I can hold onto is
a thread.
I'm desperately praying, hoping, begging that this can save me.
If I fall, I will certainly die.
But then again, if I live, I have nothing to return to.
No one is willing to save me.
Deep down, I'm broken, and nobody wants someone like me.
I'm a parasite in society, and they'd rather let me die than see the truth.
So I'm hanging on until there's nothing to hang onto anymore.

Have you of no honor?

Life is a battleground,
there are wins and losses.,
wrongs and rights,
strengths and weaknesses.

Life is a free-for-all.
Might you make an alliance,
beware of distrust and deceit.

Some choose to fight with honor and valor.
Some choose to fight with underhanded tricks.

There are no written rules, but unspoken ones.
Do not strike a person when they are down.
An unspoken, clearly indicated rule.

Then why, do I ask, do you continue to strike me?
I'm down, done for, and yet you still continue to hit me.

I can't ask for help,
I can't fight back.

I need someone to talk to,
to depend on.

I am the person who is depended on,
a sturdy post behind everyone.

Everyone leans on me,
but I never get anything in return.

I didn't mind for a while.

But now things are getting lonely.

Everyone has someone
but me.

I'm alone.

For the longest time,
I didn't mind, nor care.

I was fine.

But now, I can't stand to be alone any longer.

How far have I fallen?

The battlefield of life is not man against man,
but man against themselves.

The real battle in is internal,
rather than fighting against someone else.

The fight is the choice to bring someone down
or help someone up.

There are winners,
and there are losers.

It's based on whatever you think is right.

I've already lost the battle today,
and I'm starting losing the war.

What do true friends do?

Do they talk to you daily?

Do they care about you?

Are they always there for you?

Are they always willing to help you?

Now, I can't say those for sure,
but I'm willing to bet that that's what true friends do.

My "friends", you see are willing to leave me at the drop of a hat.
And we'll leave that topic as that.

I can't sleep anymore.
Last night, I just stared at the ceiling and thought.
I went with the negatives first, but they were all true.
I tried to think of the good next, but none were true about me.
I'm a pest.
I've tried so hard to keep hanging on, but I can't.
Not anymore.
I felt something wet on my face.
As I tried to wipe it away, more tears just came down.
I cried my heart out in a dimly lit room, alone, and not any one of the people who knows me will ever know.
I've already tried reaching out.
But I can't take it anymore.
The image I've set up for others is crumbling.
But no one bothers to look at me anyway.
I've got nothing to fear.
I can't sleep anymore.

"She's so annoying"
Am I really?

"She's ugly and nosy all the time"
I'll take that into consideration, thank you very much.

"She's so weird"
Hmm

"She's so rude, too."
Is there any other word you can use other than "so"?

"I hate her"
I don't really know who doesn't, so I don't blame you.

What I thought was my best friend,
said these words behind my back.

I heard them say it when I was walking in class,
and the entire class hushed up.

I just stared at them,
until the class started agreeing.

I just sat down and ignored them,
as I should,
but having an entire class agree that you're a bad person,
well that really raises your confidence, doesn't it?

So now I sit alone,
isolated from the others,
thinking in peace.

Starting out alone was rough,
I thought that I was a social butterfly,
and that I need others to survive.

But after time,
I told myself,
I've lived most of my life without them,
why should I need them now?

Palms sweaty,
Eyes darting,
Stomach churning

You look amazing,
in the short summer dress
your clothes bring out your eyes

Everything is perfect,
the humidity of the air matches the party,
the music matching the mood

My clothes are a size too big,
my shoes a size too small,
my courage a size too empty.

I ask you to leave with me,
to go the park we loved as kids

You happily agree,
and my heart bursts with joy

I push you on the swing,
and lean in for the kiss.

That was the best day of my life,
and I hope it was yours too.

"Please stay I love you."
I love you too.

I love the way you never acknowledge me.
How you never seemed to notice I was there.

I love the way you called me names.
How you called me annoying and troublesome.
How you called me stupid and weak.

I love the way you always left me.
How you never wanted to talk to me.

I love how you were ashamed to be around me.
How you walked away from me in public.

I love the way you toyed with me.
How you treated me like an experiment.
Like I was a thing for you to test out.

Why do you spit out lies?
We both know you don't mean it.
Is this another game for you?

You put me through hell.
I'm nothing to you.
I'm leaving you forever.

One day, when I'm on my deathbed,
I'll know that I made the right decision.

Why do I feel like I'm taken for granted?
Is it because you ******* off every chance you get?
Is it because I'm too nice to say anything?

Why do I feel like a ******* doormat?
Is it because you walk all over me?
Is it because you think I'll always be there for you, even after how you've treated me?

Why am I constantly disappointed in you?
Is it because I always give you the benefit of the doubt?
Or is it because you betray me without batting an eye?

Do you know how long I cried?
Did you even try to feel how I felt?
Did you forget that I had a conscience too?

Why are you so quick to make a joke of me?
If the air is tense with someone else because you ****** up, you always make fun of me who did nothing.

Remember when you said, "I'll be there for you, always."
Well now, I don't want you.
You're a ******* liar.

Remember those times when you'd say, "I love you too" whenever I got truly frustrated when you insulted me?
I'm going to say what I've meant to say ever since you've done that.
I'd sell you to Satan for ******* free.
But hell, you'd do the same thing.

All my life,
I'd been a sweet girl,
an eccentric girl,
a caring girl,
a passionate girl.

Your little girl
is on the edge of insanity,
fueled by desperation
and loneliness.

Your sweet, loving girl
is crying her heart out.
Her tears the byproduct
of their actions.

Their laughter,
sneers,
humiliating words,
and obvious glares.

I used to laugh until I cried,
but now I just cry.
I cry and cry and cry.
I hate it, waking each morning to a soggy pillow.

I'm sorry,
but your sweet little girl is gone.

I'm Sorry
That you knew me
for so long

I'm Sorry
That I acknowledged you
when no one else would

I'm Sorry
That I stuck with you
Through everything
even though I would be shunned

I'm Sorry
That you would never
give me a second thought

I'm Sorry
That you made plans
and you never showed up

I'm Sorry
That I waited
for hours on end
believing in your promises

I'm Sorry
That I loved you
and never told you

I'm Sorry
That you always left me
when I called for help

I'm Sorry
That I tried

I'm Sorry
That I love you

When I'm around others,
I act normal.
I act happy.
I act energetic.

When I'm alone,
My smile fades,
My energy has been diminished,
The last of my strength gone.

When I'm around others,
I act perfect,
and they never take a second look.

When I'm alone,
I pick up my shattered heart,
the one that ached for so long.

Even with my head held up high,
I walk feeling like a cut that never healed.
I'm truly bleeding out,
and I can't fight this inevitable pain.

In the end, I'm the same.
I can't keep this act up for much longer.
In the end, is it all worth it?

I can't do it anymore,
I just can't.

My front has finally cracked,
and I can't take it.

I'm almost completely numb,
the only thing left is emptiness.

The realization of being truly alone has finally hit me,
right in the heart.

It's not settling in either, no,
instead every time I think of it, it hits me as hard as the first time

So recently,
I was reminded of a sad incident,
where I cried in public,
where I was comforted.

In a discussion,
the topic was brought up.

And you know what the said?

"Oh yea it was funny."

What
the
****.

What in god's name is wrong with you?

I cried my heart out because of you.

And you know what you said after that?

"I was trying not to laugh."

I don't cry for attention.
I don't cry to be wanted.
I cry because something happened.

She looked around with her piercing, golden-green eyes.
She growled, and told herself she would survive.
She knew they were empty words.
She sprang from her spot. She attacked them and ran.
The bullets pierced her skin, but she kept going. She would never stop.
They stopped chasing her, and went to treat their wounded. She went as far as she could.
She sat, and cleaned her fur. The bullets stung, but she eventually got them out.
Just another day in the jungle. Just another day as a leopard.

Where can I escape?

Where can I go to hide from the world?

For the world is an evil place,

and you can't tell me I'm wrong.

The world outside is unsafe,

with people running rampant

and killing each other left and right,

I don't want to go outside.

But as I look outside,

a small flower of hope blossoms.

There's so much good in the world,

but it's shadowed by too much bad.

You'll hear about horrible things that happened,

atrocious crimes that were committed.

But you'll also hear about beautiful things that came from someone,

and a large symphony of good deeds.

Life is a book,

sometimes of heroes and villains.

So I ask of you today,

who do you choose to be?

I'm absolutely sick of it.
I'm tired of
reading all of these poems
about sadness and despair.
No more.
All of you
are the strongest
and the most dedicated,
or you wouldn't be here.
I ask of you,
pick yourself up
one more time,
and fight for yourself.
No one else will.

I lost you
The one thing I promised not to lose
Gone

Soon after that
My love faded
Leaving nothing but dust
For where it stood

I broke my promise
I didn't mean to
This wasn't supposed to happen

My friends noticed
They didn't say anything
They assumed I'd move on

I didn't

I watched
as you loved
as you smiled

My heart was broken
shattered to pieces

I picked up the pieces
and tried putting it back together
only to find that I had lost a piece

That piece was you

When I look into the mirror,
all I see is a broken person.
Someone's who's been through the worse things that life can offer.
Someone's who's been forgotten for all their life.
Someone's who's sick of it all.
I can't feel anything anymore.
I've put up a defense so thick that I can't feel anything anymore.
I look into my eyes.
I have eyes clouded with emotion, but I don't know what it is.
I can't tell what it is.

Remember when
we walked to the office
because you needed to take care of business?

Remember when
you held my hand
because you could tell I was scared?

Remember when
we were on the bus
and I leaned on you to sleep?

Remember when
you'd always cheer me up
in the worst of times?

Remember when
you'd offer to throw yourself under the bus,
because I was a troublemaker?

Remember when
you got in trouble,
but I took all the blame?

Remember when
you asked me, "Why did you do that?"
"Why did you throw yourself under the bus?"

Remember when
I answered
"You'd do the same for me".