So distant from the future yet so close to the past,
This barrier that prevents me from taking one more step,
Eyes to the ground I won't make eye contact,
These greedy beings are far too rough to me.

Cease to exist,
Won't be fixed,
Down the list,
I'm told I'm missed,
It hurts like an engorged cyst.

Wringing my bones of the infectious mold,
Pay God a sum to fix me with venomous tongues,
I won't bathe in the pity that a loved one engorges on,
All day and every night till the very day I die.

Cease to exist,
Won't be fixed,
Down the list,
I'm told I'm missed,
It hurts like an engorged cyst.

Waterboard these treasonous instincts,
Tomorrow's a new day to forgive you of the infliction,
Another wine cup made from Jesus that I won't drink,
I've kissed Lucifer and told him God is nobody worth loving,
Cause if God won't love me for who I was and who I became,
Then God doesn't deserve to breed his impotence and greed.

Yet.
In all his glory, he shines down on the sinners,
Promising to be the golden riches we lust after,
He no longer deserves capitalization for further polluting,
O' our wretched hands.

Do I feel it now, I have to ask.
Troubled and doubled over.
Toilet seats are too cold.
Something's getting out.
Home isn't home anymore.

I wish my daddy tried harder for me,
Cause I missed him so much,
All the elementary years,
Spent wondering,
“am I a burden on my father?”

I was told I wasn’t,
That he loved me dearly,
And that he had to leave home,
To keep working to the bone.

Yet he’d tell tales about jumping from cliffs,
Running from the pigs that infested the cities,
Flew to Malaysia but still couldn’t visit me,
Now I’m starting to wonder if he really meant any of it.

I was told he did,
That he loved me dearly,
And that he had to leave home,
To keep working to the bone.

Well I’m not convinced.
I’m nearly 20 years in age,
And I think that he thought nothing of me.

All that I can figure out is nothing makes sense,
I end up resorting to burying myself in the sand,
There's a chance that I am nothing more than a child,
And the wind calls away from this place I called home.

My tear ducts are alike to the canals on Mars,
Empty and red from the eons of dread,
You're no better than me, stop pretending.

I feel like buying a gun
Cause I’m not having any fun,
I’m done trying to run,
These days are coming undone,
No longer seeing the sun.

I can’t sleep for the life of me,
Why can’t these thoughts leave me be,
Im struggling to begin to see,
The forest for the trees.

Cry out every night,
God, save me from this plight,
I’m half a human as I write,
Hope I find a little light.

I don’t want to move on,
I keep seeing the same dawn,
It’s the same one I’ve always drawn,
Feeling like a plastic pawn,
I won’t be here for long.

I can’t sleep for the life of me,
Why can’t these thoughts leave me be?
I’m struggling to begin to see,
The forest for the trees.

I’m just a product
Of all the trauma,
You raised me this way,
Carry some blame,
Cause I’m holding the shame.

Messy rooms,
Unmade beds,
Dry showers,
Crusted plates.

I’m just romanticized,
You can fix me, I’ll be a prize,
And you’ll hug me and love me,
Till the next time I die.

Messy rooms,
Unmade beds,
Dry showers,
Crusted plates.

I can’t see my floor, anymore,
My room is becoming my tomb,
Just wait I’ll be out soon,
And you’ll see my rat’s nest,
Of disgrace and unrest.

I don’t know how to sing,
But it’s all I want to do,
And the floors give way,
To a whole new song,
I just can’t sing along,
Cause I was right the first time,
My voice still sounds so wrong.

Meshing together in a single spiral,
A passion-driven thought,
That’ll wrestle with logic,
I’m hooked to the fight,
A looping paradox.