Give up, shut down
Close your eyes and pretend not to exist
Breathe deep, feel the pain between your ribs
Breath by breath
Beat by beat
Can you hear the incessant tick?
Tick tick tick
The clock on the wall seems so small from the corner of the couch I’ve buried myself in
Time is passing, creeping slowly
The world is blurry
Night turns to dawn
Dawn to night
How many days have I been here?
Does anyone hear me? Can they feel me calling for help?
Silent calls. Calls that go unnoticed as the sound of my voice is meek in comparison to the laughter of theirs
I shiver realizing the season has changed in what feels like both an eternity and a blink all at once
Grabbing a blanket i burrow deeper into this corner I’ve worn down
If I close my eyes for five more minutes maybe then they’ll notice

Sometimes the anxiety creeps in and consumes me.

Can’t sleep, can’t breath, can’t even blink.

My heart beats out of my chest and feels like it’s a puddle on the floor.

Tears silently stream down my cheeks the saltiness touches my lips and reminds me to breathe.

I choke on the breath as I try to inhale every ounce of it.

My ribs feel like they’re being crushed under the weight of this darkness.

I don’t even know where it started, how it came to be.

All I know is that it consumes me.

When you’re curled in the shower at 2am,  the pain building up from the places you’ve been.
It’s then that he holds you

When the voices inside are too much to bear your fists ball up and you tug at your hair
It’s then that he holds you

When you’re trying to sleep but your whole body is aching and you can’t catch a breath and can’t stop the shaking
It’s then that he holds you

When you’re silently crying and inside feel like dying
It’s then that he holds you

Sometimes I’m broken in a million different ways
It’s you that completes me and brightens my days

All the moments until now
Nothing mattered, just darkness clouds
The nights I spent awake and waiting
The sleep I lost, the constant hating
These are things no longer feared
The skies are bright, the clouds have cleared
All I see is sun and stars
Cleansed my heart, erased the scars
My thoughts have drifted somewhere new
His hand in mine, the perfect two
Though there are many battles to face
We’ll fight them together, in perfect embrace
Im drifting now with the setting sun
And all my thoughts lead back to one

If you look carefully you will see
There is love inside of you and me
Unspoken words, and late night hugs
The gentle touch of my hand after “snug as a bug.”
Mother and daughter, Quite the pair
I help you get dressed and comb your hair.
You smile and kiss me when I am feeling sad
One simple gesture chases away all the bad
Those nightmares that wake you are merely just dreams
Yet I’ll be here waiting any time that you need
To say you are my everything is just not enough
You are my soul, my sunshine and my most treasured love
In the years to come we will have many adventures
But my most favourite one
Is one you cant possibly remember
They held you up and I counted your toes
I kissed your cheeks and your soft little nose
A daughter was born and a mother created
The most precious of days to be celebrated
Happy birthday to my little girl
To others a child, to me the WORLD

My tears hit my pillow pooling in my hair
The sound of their laughter  drowns out my despair
Countless nights I can’t reach slumber
From all the thoughts that hold me under
I thought you were different and better than them
You’re just the same like many other men
You say you love me while I give and you take
You grab my arms - shake, shake, shake
You say I should love you that you’re a new guy
I see your lips moving and all I hear is lie,lie,lie
My makeup covers the bruises and cuts
Left from last night after it got “a little rough”
I head downstairs for a dinner I prepared
Wondering if they’ll notice my newly damp  hair
I fake a smile for latest guest to arrive
You lay on the charm, you’re a “helluva guy”
Piece by piece I try and make some sense
While our neighbors wave goodbye from our white picket fence..