I’ve been an observer all my life
Eavesdropping on other people’s lives
A bystander
Not living at all
With people talking about me, around me, behind me, at me, but not with me.
Today I was in it
I was involved
I was a participant
I was part of adult conversation
I was equal
No longer on the edge
Looking in
But fully participating in my life
And it felt wondrous
And oh so new

I know I am in need of humility Lord,
To throw off my shackles of insecurities,
Of needing to feel significant,
For only you need bear witness to the impact from my good deeds,
To know the impression from concentric rings
Of my thrown stones of kindness
Rippling out in the water of life.
Not others.
Not me.
I just need to let go,
To trust you,
To trust others,
To trust me,
And know the timing is ok,
I’m here now,
Imperfect yet ready
To serve you in whatever way you have chosen for me,
And to throw myself into others with kindness and compassion,
Starting with myself.
And to know I have your divine strength to help me bravely fight and overcome evil,
So I drown no more in the murky mud and tangled weeds of tumbled thoughts of negativity and insults,
And instead show others the way
Of truth.

Choose love not fear.
Two choices with every thought, word and deed.
After 50 years of living in fear,
Now is the time to let go,
To experience love and joy,
To let love in your heart,
To start truly enjoying this life,
And appreciate the world around you in all its glory and wonder

What is true?
What is not?
Is that demon speak?
Ego speak?
Soul speak?
It’s all true.
It’s all not true.
So where does that leave me
Other than confused...

There’s two ways to live,
Love
Or
Fear.
One is expansive.
The other restricting.
One is joyous.
The other painful.
One is unknown.
The other known.
But the uncomfortable comfort zone is no place to be.
Instead
Take a leap of faith
For it is only then you will learn to fly,
Like the baby bird leaving the safety of its nest for the first time,
It’s what it was destined to do.
So although it feels strange and scary,
It’s the only way to love, joy and freedom.
So trust,
Throw yourself off the cliff
With wild abandon
And wait for the wonderful experiences,
The dizzying heights,
The low valleys and dales,
Knowing God has your back
And you are fearless and undefeatable with God in your heart

Oh Lord,
Give me patience,
Forgiveness,
Understanding,
Gentleness,
Compassion,
And­ kindness,
Towards myself and others,
And ever lasting gratitude
For your perseverance
And tenacity
In never giving up on me,
And for your unconditional love
For all of me,
Warts and all,
Eternally yours
Thank you.
Amen

It’s safe now
You’re home now
You can come out now
From behind the barbed wire
Of your troubled mind of turmoil and strife
With its venomous insults, fear and pain.
I invite you my beautiful vulnerable imperfect child
To come into the light
To experience the grace of God
To know all is well now
You are free now
You can laugh now
You can live now.
Surrender and
Give yourself
Fully
Completely
Wonderfully
To God
And know
You are loved
And accepted
Beyond all compare
You are safe now
You are home now

What will it take to remember
I AM enough
I AM deserving
I AM loved
By Him at least,
And to know
It will all become easier
When I learn to accept
And let go?

Open your ears
And listen,
Truly listen,
With an open mind,
Inquisitively
Unjudgementally
Unfiltered,
With no pre-conceived false slights
Tainting what you hear,
No black tinted spectacles
Marring your view,
No perceived attack
Altering your perception.
Just listen,
Truly hear,
Notice
The tone of voice,
The intention behind the words,
Know what is really being said,
And understand
The truth of the matter