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I didn't upload the poem u are reading;
it was written by a ghost
moving my hands across the keyboard;
I shut my eyes,
light a
big cigar & watch the words                                           appear
as if written from the other side of the             /                              mirror
on the page                                        before my eyes like magic;
this isn't a fantasy
                              or a cartoon; I glimpsed her face                colored green in                       the                          shadows
it's a nightmare & I can't stop the ghosts
from breaking through the portal of my
her face         spiraling
                                    through my unconscious mind;
my                                                              ­hands move




faster
faster only god now knows
                            what they'll do next;
the lady in red envelops me & swallows my black *****                 blue
black                                                   black *****
brown green green                                                            ­ green
orange orange                              orange
flying juniper arrows
fell asleep by the meadows
struck my body with vengeance

that night you screamed at me sweetly
made me tear at my covers
blackbelt in bedsheet karate

i was the kid in rehab who
my counselors let
watch movies
past my bedtime
if i didn't care
this whole thing would be easy
i'd be cool, detached, and distant
and we could so easily be coexistent

if i didn't care
trying to talk about my feelings
wouldn't leave me nauseated
and losing you wouldn't have felt like a limb being amputated

if i didn't care
i wouldn't keep trying so hard to make my heart colder
only to find myself once again crying in your arms, on your shoulder

if i didn't care
i wouldn't look at you like i still do
letting you see it in my eyes
how much i still love you

if i didn't care
this whole thing would be easy
if i didn't care
but i do
i ******* wish i didn't care. but... no, i don't. not really. ****.
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