Shadows of your smile will always remain Avant playing in the background. Long day of shopping 🛍 come home we washing. For the new day, I’m in bed ready to relax as the music play. You hop in the shower body wash opening up my senses. Something feels off I think to myself this night feels different. My mind starts wondering to places I never knew were there, hoping you ain’t going out anywhere. New clothes picked out fresh socks 🧦, you smile as the clock tick tocks . Where you going I ask you, out with my boys if that’s okay with you. I roll my eyes cuz I knew this was coming my mind wasn’t racing for nothing. You always do this I yell in my mind, all the while his jays im helping him find. I know what this is, another ***** ain’t it? You all ready to go you already faded. Smoke through the hallway didn’t even pass it, spraying cologne trying to mask it. Bae just stay home tonight please don’t go, I’ll b back by midnight his
Words rolled. Kiss on the forehead hunny I’ll see you lata. The I love you was brief no one could hear it. It’s now 2am your phone going to vm, I’m up can’t sleep I’m ****** u can tell.

Yes

Before I was strong
I knew what it was to be weak
How difficult it was to love myself
And find the wholeness I seek

Before I knew the light
I lived in constant darkness too
My world fell into hopelessness
So dark I couldn’t see through
I have cried the tears it takes
The courage to stand up again
Being broken down and bruised
You can only relate to the pain

How can I appreciate the love
If i haven’t seen hate
I forgot the meaning of love and laughter
My heart was left abate

Now I know strength and courage
It requires a lot to get it right
I’m facing the things that held me down
I gotta hold my head up and fight

Before I was who I am now
I was someone I didn’t want to be
I was lost, battered, and defeated
Before I knew how to be me‼️

Sitting on the couch writing in my notes. If I was your man by Joe playing and I’m wishing you were here. Every night you neglecting me saying you working late. I just need to pop up there I keep telling myself. But I don’t wanna seem desperate a ***** who can’t trust her man. I don’t wanna look like a fool in front of all his friends especially 🥰Tyrone. Mmmm that **** Tyrone is going to get me caught. Last weekend at his show I was so fixated on his body. Flashes of how he would grab my neck and **** my soul. Oh and his **** ‼️ Uhhhmm that ***** had a huge ****. I swore I should have been pregnant at least twice by now. But let me get my mind together and get to work. As I’m hopping into the shower guess who walks through the door. 🙄 I guess all that Tyrone thinking got me ***** I thought to myself as I felt my wetness down my leg. Benny ain’t good for **** else but he know how to satisfy my cookie 🍪. Soon as he gets to the room I’m laying naked legs wide open and he wastes no time kissing my sweetness. I know imma *** fast , I start moaning and grabbing his head as he vibrates faster on my ****. I hear him say he gonna *** as he stroking his **** and my body unleashes this sweet moan and he jumps out and unloads all on my face.”**** baby” is all I hear before we slept the night away in each others arms.

At night I lay awake
Dreams of the unknown
I cant sleep
Knowing what I don't know
Exists in reality
Wondering where did it go wrong
Or was it ever perfect
Human emotions
They are never worth it
The risk of giving your heart away
Only to see that its broken
Molding it with clay
Reassigning it with caution
Playing catch
Possibility of love is far fetched
My mind won't sleep
Until I know your every move
Then the How
Now the why
I demand the truth
But I know it will be all lies
Clear as a blue sky
Your insecurities
Itching you up like fleas
You cant get rid of them
So you can't begin to see
Your worth to me
How high I'll climb you see
So my efforts are in vain
My love for you goes beyond name
But your blinded with shame
What a shame you lose out on love
Looking for me to love you
But u never was
The one I needed
More like who I fed
Until you got used to the service
Coming back for more
You take all of me
I can't give anymore
Of self
I love but theres some one else
Who gets your attention
Clouding your judgment
We can't go further then here
I wish happiness was near
But its clear
It will never be more than
Me, You & them

No you not misunderstood you just dealing with the wrong ones
Your heart too willing to love
You not using what's up above
Ya mind is the best tool
You are weak too many times played the fool
Trust in the wrong ones
Toxic masculinity womanizing no fun
You want a dominant man
But what you got wasnt the plan
Family, new beginnings
Months later it's broken its finished
Was it real to begin with
It all happened so fast skipping over the issues not trying to trip
I just wanna be understood
Let me let you into my mind
My weakness you can find
Pull it up out of me
Throw it away
Dont want it to be the cause of our fall
But what can be given other than your all
I'm not falling I fell
Leaves dropping one by one
My heart is aching
My limbs are shaking
I want it but I dont
I'm trying then again I dont
I'm torn between how to feel
Giving some space time will heal
But these wounds have been dug deep
The grounds shaking the dead as they sleep
But my pain wakes them up
I just wanna be loved
But my heart doesn't need it
Being told I'm all these things
No one knows my Hopes and dreams
They dont care
They dont wanna hear
Ears closed , mouth wide open
Meaningless words but they hurt
The thought of how you feel
The thought that you've felt this way all along
Your expectations dont match your actions
Give and forget
I cant even shed tears
My heart wont allow me
I should have been smarter

Me and my girls left you and ya boys at the club. I was ready to go all I wanted was your attention. Your hands on my back your lips on my neck. When I first met you I wasn’t feeling it, now I can’t live without it . At least that’s what my hormones saying. ****, if I keep thinking about his big **** imma *** on myself. I get home and lay on the bed. Images of our first night together scroll through my head like a movie. The way your tongue ran down my body I was shocked. You tasted every part of me and I enjoyed it. The feeling of such large masculinity over powered my juicy body. When you slid inside me I fell in love. I knew right then I was hooked. Your thrusts came frequent and my *** jiggled when you smacked it. **** this ***** got **** ****, “Girl what did you get yourself into? “ his hand hit the wall and he plunged deep into me . “Baby I’m finna nut in this *****” his tone took me to the clouds. My ***** muscles tightened up and I couldn’t hold it. I moaned loudly “”SHIIT I’m ****** baby.” His groans became slurred as he unloaded inside my soul. He slid out , I collapsed and he rolled another L.

Been feeling empty inside
Asking myself daily why
Keeping a smile I'm afraid to cry
Saying I'm okay but he knows it's a lie
I have so much I wanna do
I have no clue
Why I cant fit into these shoes
The glass slipper it's too tight
I cant fit it even with all my might
I wanna reach the top but there's no height
I need a ladder but it's my fright
Keeping me behind these steel bars
Peeking through the small space
I can see the sky
I can feel the breeze on my face
But I cant reach it
My arms too short
My mind doesn't comprehend
I have it all
But i dont want it if i cant be it all
I got the answers
But I still have unanswered questions
I still have hard lessons
I need to learn
Still have my stripes I gotta earn
****** expressions ease up always stern
My heart means well
But with each good act It churns
Into pieces my pride falls
Crumbles everytime i see a smile or laugh
That's what you want it's not me
I wont be jaded my eyes open and they see
The truth behind your love
The meaning in all your hugs
You just want that love she gave you
You want it but she dont want you
So you pretend to love me
While loving her from the distance
Daily checkups making sure she knows your existence
All while breaking my heart in one instance
But you dont know you are
Because i smile and kiss you every night
Pretending that my soul is alright
But I'm just allowing you to pretend that we gone make it through
All the while I still feel like the fool
The fool in love the fool for loving you

Laying here, tell me can you picture
Playing touching teasing it
The beginning of our lust playing in my head
Knowing while you’re gone my wildest fantasies would manifest. Walking in the door tall caramel skin. **** musk Sativa and hard **** is in. **** he fine as his eyes find mine. Daddy’s **** I needed this time. Opened the box and his eyes got wide. Already drip and dripping more with his trace. Mind hazy 🌫 head spinning he is what I’m picturing between my thighs. His words turn me on
Turn over , this my ***** he takes in his mouth. Spreading my cheeks as he vibrates in it, his freaky is ***** so he drove right in it. Licking in spots I didn’t know were there, his masculinity is definitely something to fear. Sliding his **** up and Down on my wet plump ***. Oooh **** I felt that go in. I hear his moans as he slaps my ***. I love feeling his grip inside me. His manhood goes perfectly inside me, his soul please confide in me. Unleash the beast, my pain is his pleasure. I want to experience heaven and hell forever. Back and forth back and forth between each universe when he digs inside me our souls take course. High off into the atmosphere the bangs from the bed is all you can hear. Way up there 👆 how high can you go. The fact that this is what I truly think about please let it stay between you and me. 😴🖤♓️

You ask how do I rejuvenate?
My problems are left where my clothes go when we make love. All over the room the moans echo in the darkness. The felt of your throbs affirms the chemistry. Between us is simplicity. I position in your body , mine, the covers hide our naked skin. My body longs to be touched, my sweetness wants to be tasted. My desire is to be heard louder than the tv as it’s playing. Late night shows as we drift away, my thought is could this be real or knockoff? Could the person I need be right behind me? Grasping my body the weight of his slumber weighing on mine. Sleep so peacefully or is this a lie? Is this apart of who I am or subconsciously making it up, if I move I’ll wake him up leaving him no other option then to turn away. The smell of his skin the whiff of his breath. I need that each night. The look in his eyes his smile makes me feel strong. You ask me how I rejuvenate? Hunny this is why ☺️

We second guess it
We hurt it
We misuse and abuse
It’s very strong
Full of answers
Full of questions
Full of pain
When we don’t use it
We loose it
It’s controlled by the music
The technology the biology
It controls the rest of our body
Without it we wouldn’t exist
Vegetable we’d be
Well we are already are
Lost in space
Our mental no trace
What would YOU do without it
Do you have a clue about it
What these things create
Just think 💭 on it
Nurture it
Make it great.
MIND‼️

The knot is strong
The strings are tight
It won’t break loose
No matter how hard I fight
The grip is fierce
Disguised by my tears
I wish to overcome
This emptiness of fear
I know once on my own
I might not survive
But if there is a mere chance
I plan to be alive
The cost of losing a bond
Could it be my biggest mistake
But I refuse to continue living
A life I can no longer fake

Kinda


Where do I go from here , success is so far away failure is near. Everyday we wake up hoping for better days. Turn on the tv nope don’t see a better way. Killings and kidnapping walking the earth, what happened to keeping God first. Churches now playgrounds for sin, come as you are they say then judge you from within. Psychiatrist promising you a mental break, but at home they have no say. No say in how life really ends but you pay big bucks to get told where reality and fantasy begins. We are slaves to the tradition thinking that’s the way into the pearly gates. Living unhappy day after day if only I can make it in He thought. As he lays in bed, his lifetime partner by his side. But his mind is full of lust his nose is wide. Open are her eyes as she pretends to sleep when really she longs to be held and stroked deep. By him or by his best friend she’s had both. No daddy growing up so she doesn’t know. How to love herself and **** sure not him so they pretend to be in love because the kids must grow up. Happy home happy life they say but mentally the house is cold and far away. Far away from true love . See what I don’t understand is how we can love a world give it everything until we are blue in the face but resort to our personal space with a cold heart and no trace. Absent minded no love for ourselves no love for humanity but giving our all for nothing in the end. They say it’s going to be a grand entrance the clouds will part. Light so bright we can’t even see. Is it a hoax or will he really be. Coming down from the sky to save those who followed the traditional life. Trumpets will sound from the heavenly speakers let’s all rejoice the day is here where true judgement has no choice. We stand before him ME ME please play my life on screen I want ppl to know I’ve lived right but my sins cant be seen right? This day is something we’ve been told to wait for but really what we waiting for? Live your life the time is now. We are judged everyday by our conscious when we lie down. The time is near but don’t be afraid EMBRACE IT‼️

Still it rushes through me,
in every pore,
through every cell.
What is this . . .
what feeling is this?
I cannot tell,
what secrets unveil
capabilities
unknown to limits.
This absolute emmersion
blankets my every
conscious thought.
Drawing you closer,
bringing you here.
So close to me I dare not say -
still not within my sight.
I feel your breath,
heat penetrating my skin
like a hard summer rain.
I feel your face, your eyes,
trace your mouth
with my fingers.
You give me breath
so close to your mouth,
still we do not touch.
Smoldering fantasies
ignite burning,
lust and longing.
Desire tempts me.
"Move closer . . . " she whispers,
"closer, closer. "
A paradox? Closer to you,
like the finest lace -
our bodies occupy exactly
the same space.
Deeper you come!
Taking you in -
surrounding me and filling
me up- and down- push, shove
CRASH!
Eyes open, must I see?
Truth is now . . . this reality

Before you came into my life I was working on MYSELF. Letting go of the things I didn’t want and working towards what I did want. I thought I had my goals figured out. Boom 💥 I’m hit with the unexpected, another person I grew feelings for over time. It was fresh it was new and it was needed. Fast forward I’m falling in love ( not wanting to) I’m pregnant and my life has drastically changed emotionally . I’m okay with it... but the change happened so fast I am still playing catch up. Apart of my self growth was learning how to listen to understanding and learning how to put my ego aside and lower my temper. I’m very hot headed and I have a way to go. Please understand I’m very smart and I know my actions and how they affect other people. I’m working on it. I just have to learn to make that adjustment in my attitude before words come out versus after. Once I’ve t’d off then I’m like **** maybe I should have done it another way. But while I’m one track minded and I just want to apologize for how I’ve handled situations when we are talking. There’s a better way to get my point accros but what I say is what I mean it’s just a better way to say it. I’m learning YOU specifically everyday. Each day I learn something new and each day I grow to love something new about you. It’s apart of a relationship. As we go on there will be things I don’t like that you do, it’s normal but I will ALWAYS be able to admit when I’ve fallen short or when I’ve messed up. I do not mind apologizing for my doings. Just understand some situations may take longer than others simply due to I like to fully analyze the situation and where I may have gone wrong or where you have and how it should have been it’s just how I am. Don’t think I’m ignoring the situation or too bighead Ed to communicate. I love you I’m happy with who I’m becoming but you met me in transition and so there are still so pieces being rearranged.

YES.

Love

We over complicate the meaning

No matter how much we describe and explain when we fall in love we are ashamed of our own words.

The goal is not to seek it love but to find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

Knowing your voice, sensing your scent when I walk into a room you’ve just left. The glide of your foot, the weight of your steps. Love cannot be controlled , but when it finds you worthy it will direct your course. How do I love you, I can count the ways. The time it took, I can count the days. Until I’ve seen your darkness I do not know you, until I’ve forgiven your darkness I do not know LOVe. I can tel I’m in love now, I avoid falling asleep because reality is finally better than my dreams.