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Sia Harms Jan 27
He said my touch was soft,

         Gentle, the hands of a babydoll.

But he didn’t know how much

         They shook. How come that

Didn’t leave a mark, didn’t

          Mar the skin with callauses?

They wrung themselves dry,

           Holding my head, pressed under

My legs--all to stop the constant

           Murmur of jangling keys that

Coursed through them.
Sia Harms Jul 16
I feel the wrongness
In realization--
Safe on a small ottoman,
Memories aching--
They are yet to be made.
I worry they never will be.
My heart stutters,
The first awakening,
Panic sets in as I return
To the film set of my mistakes--
The tape begins rolling.
Take one, take two,
How can you stop a polaroid
From forming
Once the flash has gone off?
I worry my lessons learned
Are not enough.
Hide my face, pretend not to
See him enter the room--
I know,
I cannot
hide my heart
from You.
Sia Harms Jun 23
I let the anxiety crash over me,
Like a barreling wave—
The whitewash dragging me under,
My body a helpless doll
FIlled with the question of “up.”
My eyes stung from the salt
And my hair lassoed my throat,
Until I had no choice
But to succomb to the ravaging
And hope that I would, someday,
   come up for air.
Jesus is my air. My hope.
Sia Harms Dec 2024
The hourglass is waning,
I say to myself, staring at
It all day long, waiting for

It to run out, to prove me
Right. But why didn’t I use
That time? Why did I just
Stand there, watching it,
And myself, waste away?
Sia Harms Apr 9
If I held the knowledge
Of the day I would die—
My last hours on this earth,
What would I do?
I thought of all the ways
I would satisfy my flesh—
But the one man who knew
The time of His death,
Decided to wash feet
And bow His face to the dirt,
Glorifying His Father in
His final time of suffering.
Sia Harms Sep 2024
Come down, dear,
That banister,
its higher than it appears.
Your small feet,
they slip so easily--
Climb down,
before the suspended
Bridge begs your ears.
I drowned once,
in my own refusal of answers--
I havent been that young
in years.
Pudgy hands and forming fear,
Free roam can lead you
anywhere.
Take my hand, dear,
Let me guide
the anxieties you hear;
Why listen
To desperate attempts
at mindless subterfuge--
Its more than one can bear.
Especially one so small,
so pure--
Come down, dear
Use the stairs.
Sia Harms Oct 2024
An unknown sadness,
A blue fog settling
Over my surroundings,
No apparent reason—
Only the thought
That, perhaps, someone
Had no one to feel
The ache of their absence.
Sia Harms Jul 7
Sending out doves,
Hopes on a shelf,
Past momentos
Gathered in dust,
The state of myself,
Immobile in mess,
Watching windows
For every answer,
Sunken deep under
Paralyzed duress.
Sia Harms Sep 2024
Let the rain
Crawl over your face,
Enter your pores and
Huddle there for shelter
From their own storm.
Sia Harms May 22
I let the pool widen at my feet,
The vanity of myself leaking
From my body, gathering at
My ankles, forming an ocean.

One day, as I no longer relied
On my own strength, I saw
I was walking on the water
Of Grace.
Sia Harms Feb 12
Words do not translate as lyrics—
They become fumbled and awkward.

Why do they crumble when I voice
Them aloud?

Isn’t volume supposed to give words
Power?

Blisters sear my fingers, disappointment
Blooms,

And I realize I can only sing the songs
Of others.
Sia Harms Jan 4
She said the walls always
Seemed to march towards her,
Closing in, squeezing, until she
Couldn’t breathe.

Her eyes pressed shut, and her
Hands didn’t know what to do with
Themselves. I tried to comfort her,
But it was useless.

It seems to me that no matter how
Small a space is, God fills the air and
The very walls, living in the fears we
Perceive all around.

My touch was cold on her stressed skin,
But God’s is gentle, everlasting, like
Laundry fresh from the dryer, warm
And comforting.
Sia Harms Sep 2024
Calm yourself down, child.
They spoke in gentle tones
Words suppressed, mild
Their reassurances
Sank uselessly like stones.
My fingers flicked away
Everything they claimed
To own--
Broken bones, a shriveled soul;
Who is a child
If not a fully inflated balloon,
Full to the bursting
Before scandalous wild
And shaking sorrow
Maliciously chipped away
Their countenance,
Puncturing the elastic
Until the vibrance
Lay in a thousand
Stretched pieces
Sia Harms Dec 2024
A delicate wax seal over stained,

Crumpled paper, grooved with an


Ornate design as if it were meant

For the royal family; but the note

Underneath is torn at the corners

And bent at odd angles, utterly

Undeserving of such a beautiful

Mark--as if they were reasurring

Words pressed into a stubborn

Heart, truthful even as the paper

Refuses to believe in their warmth.
Sia Harms Apr 27
His shirt flagged in the wind,
One of the marks designating
Danger, riptides.

There was a lankness to his
Frame, an objectivity to the
Way he stood.

He did not blink as salt flew
In his eyes—unmoving as the
Tide lapped.

His shoulders were pinched,
As if clothesline pins held him
To the spot.

The seagulls bawked at his
Indecision, the sea welcoming
Him into its folds.

Was it the cold of the waves
That showed him the warmth

Of his body?

The life had grown dormant
Inside of him, but he felt it
Then, unfurling.

No one called out for him,
Voices were plastic bags,
Litter in the wind.

His unexplained cowardice
Was his saving grace, the
Treasure unseen.
Jesus' hand lays on my heart, giving me strength to keep moving.
Sia Harms May 12
Pale yellow pages,
Torn at the sides,
The words thoughtful
As they fill up the
Ordained space—
His hand is smooth,
Full of love, using
Us as writing pads
To spread His grace.
We are flyers of the
Words He lays on our
Hearts, flitting in the
Wind, until He decides
We’re all out of pages—
Beauty returning to
Its likeness again.
Sia Harms Feb 18
It is not for me
To don a white
Powdered wig
And smash a
Wooden gavel.

Who am I to
Wear the robes
Of justice?

It is in God’s
Hands--

It always

has been.
Sia Harms Apr 17
Excitement was padded
By the weighted blanket
Of nailed in dates—

Times I knew I could not
Let people down, or back
Out, without hurting them.
I wasn’t giving up—

If it was up to me, I would
Already be up, up, on the
Wind, away from all that
I could not change—

But my soul still resided
Here, in the body God
Crafted for me since the
Beginning—

I was not a bundle of joy,
Planning things with the
Anticipation of a child,
I was a servant—

Abiding God's plan in Him
Wanting me here,
 the Spirit
Working in my otherwise
deceitful heart.
Sia Harms Jun 16
Scared.
The word falls,
Reaching for reassurance,
Unable to leave,
Yet rolling off the tongue.

Help.
The word fumbles,
Unsure of its own meaning,
Desperate,
Begging to go back inside.

Jesus.
The love kneels,
Drawing close to weakness,
Healing strength
Living in us; we need only ask.
Sia Harms Feb 10
There were words in the lay

Of the wooden slats, whispers
From the rusted pennies, songs
In the crystalline spread of light
On the ceiling—
I saw words everywhere.
In everything.
But when I looked at your mouth,
Moving in shapes I’m sure I know,
I did not perceive anything.
Sia Harms Feb 8
I was walking down Main Street,
My head bowed, my heart
In my throat.
The sound of the subway was
Rushing through my head,
Cacophonous and loud.
Was this city only full of
Restless souls?
When did the suburbia
Of childhood, the peace
Of my mind,
Begin to align with the
Anxious pace
Of shoes in gutters--
Morality ground
Into the dried gum
Splattering the sidewalk?
Sia Harms Jan 23
We pretend to know
The deepest of emotions,
The most burning love
As it scathes our lives.
Do we think the pain of it
Is pleasurable, simply
Because we cannot
Comprehend the Love
Only God understands?
Sia Harms Sep 2024
My own disobedience
Trailed behind me
In a squeaky red wagon,
Tired and rusting,
Burdened from its
Heavy accumulation
of grief and self-criticisms.
Sia Harms Apr 10
The playful, jumbled emotions--
Used to hiding in the shadows
And thriving on adrenaline from
The unknown--settled down with
The gentle light of conversation.

Their proficiency for chaos
Fell when they realised
Secrecy had split into
Quiet resignation.
Sia Harms Nov 2024
I am filled with the white noise

Of anxiety—a silver car
Slashing through the night,

Headlights flickering.

I did not see it hit me.

Nor did I feel when it left.
did it ever really leave?

The humming of its engine
Is ever present in my heart
And in my head.

Am I on the side of the road,
Or am I lying comfortably
In a cushioned chaise?


It makes no difference.

The environment does not
Alter the metal sponge
Chafing my thoughts,
Trying to clean them,
Brutal and rough,

I am filled with so much—

Why can’t I seem to choose
What my heart consists of?
Sia Harms Dec 2024
My life raised her hand to her forehead,
Gasped daintily, and fell backward,
Expecting someone to catch her.
She didn’t remember falling.
Her memory was patchy.
How had she ended
Up on the floor?
It was only
When she went
To stand up, when
She didn’t expect human
Hands to help her to her feet,
And reached for a loving, golden
Spirit, that her bones stopped aching,
And her heart suddenly forgot why it fell.
Sia Harms Oct 2024
Velvet words on red lips--
They fell with the weight
Of dormant hopes
And whispered goodbyes,
A flickering lightbulb
Going off in her eyes--
The jaunty smile of her skirt
Seemed to deflate,
Hanging limply just below
Her bruised knees--
She said so many things.
Now was the time
To say the ones
she missed.
Sia Harms Sep 2024
I want. . .
. . .i can't
What is the disconnect?
how did i. . .
. . .get here
In this position?
Sia Harms Sep 2024
They ordered velocity at the top of the list,
Pure speed the most high of achievements.
She was young, a famed prodigy
But her talents were no longer relevant
When her limbs lengthened
And her skin began to lose definition
For who wants anyone ordinary?
If only you can race to the goalpost,
swing your flag, and keep running
Quick, quick, because time
And other’s disappointment
Is chasing at your feet.
But when that day finally comes
Where you can no longer continue

At that break-neck speed,
And people cease
To acknowledge your feats,
Will there be anything left
In you to keep striving?
Or have you burned out too quickly?
Sia Harms Dec 2024
Words do not flow in logical sentences--
They create towns and political systems,
Going about their days with no regard
For how I try to organize them. I am the
Tyrant instigating taxes and cutting
Down trees, suffocating my people in 

An attempt to build the perfect society.
Sia Harms May 22
Rended heartstrings
on a beat-up guitar,
A voice trying to
reach heaven—

The borders between
souls merge, only
Family in the air of
the Spirit—
Sia Harms Feb 12
The slant of his shoulders,
The way they shifted under
His shirt, a bible verse shining
Against the yellow fabric, into
The eyes of others.

Even if the words faded with
One too many washes, you
Would still feel the gold, the
Sound of the Spirit’s footsteps
As they blended with his.
His ambassador, a wordless
Expression of God's love and
Peace in this twisted world.

If I walked through the door,
Lips silent, would anybody
Know I followed Jesus?
Or was my heart obscured--
Split between the world
And my Father?
Sia Harms Nov 2024
Jesus Wept.

And I only Sat,

Staring. Staring.
Staring.
Sia Harms Mar 16
My patience was a yellow, rusted truck
Running low on fuel and puffing a cloud
Of smoke behind it as it rattled down
The road.

My frustration was the click click click
Of my blinker, and the flashing light
Reminding me to change my oil.

I drove circles around this town,
Following a route I had mapped out
In my head--but I failed to see how
It only enforced the anxiety of
My heart, mirrored in the clattering

Of my truck’s engine.

I fell behind in my navigating,
Missing lights as ambulances rushed
Past, disrupting the rigid routine
I liked because of its familiarity.

One day, as I reached for the handle
Of the failing trajectory of my life, yellow
Yet sad in the morning light, a man
Brighter than any paint color, walked
Up to me and extended his hand.

“This is not the plan I have for you.”
He said. “Come to me, for I will
Give you rest.”

It was too good to be true—
How could I trust a man promising
The world?

Yet, that is where I was wrong.
He was not offering the world,
But eternal life and love in the
Wholeness of His image.

I let my arm drop to my side,
Away from the smoking lump
Of my car, and felt the earnestness
Of His expression.

Forgetting the yellow frame beside me,
I took His hand, and began to walk,
The swaying of the leaves suddenly
Peaceful, and the rushing of the cars
Humming gracefully.

Everything that was a source of anxiety,
Faded into the background, and I felt only
The point of contact between me
And my Savior.
Matthew 11:28
Sia Harms Mar 23
You are an unspoken word--

              You are the glow behind
                 thin leaves at goldenhour.

You are the stillness of
the reeds before the tide
  begins to shift—

                  You are the truth
              that promotes gratitude
                     rather than tears.

You are the long breath,
the release of anxiety
    at dusk--

              You are First, the warmth
                   that melts all of my
                     coveted selfishness.

You are the burnt cinnamon
of cardigans from those
   who are lost--

                   You are the silence
                      of crashing waves
                       and white noise.

You are all that I have come
     to love.
Sia Harms Apr 21
Eloquent. Conscientous.
I was a model student.
I was a girl with a sleek
Ponytail, glasses poised
On the bridge of my nose.
Careful. Reserved. Moral.
Did I laugh because I felt
I had to? Was the enjoyment
Real, or did I convince myself
That life was full, when it was
An empty jar, flies buzzing
Over the perforated top?
Beaming. Intelligent. Joyful.
How did I manage to hide
All of my woes? Did no one
Truly suspect my grand act?
I thought I was truthful. I
Thought I knew myself.
Graceful. Observant. Kind.
I was self-conscious that
I smelled of salt—dried tears
On my clothes I didn’t want
People to find, not while I was
The bright light they had come
To expect. Was this wrong?

Doubtful. Pessimistic. Empty.
What words truly describe me?
Daught of God sums it up.
Sia Harms Mar 29
I prayed as I tied the laces together,
Bowing my head over the red converse.
They were not shoes anymore, in my mind.
Only a promise.

A testament that no hand other than Gods’
Could untie the knot chucked high in the trees.

They hung dismally, striving for the ground,
Toward earthly things.

The plan He knitted in the womb, His providence,
Lay over the thread, cinching it together and
Aloft towards the heavens, until it was time
For Him to Untie me.

— The End —