How do you fix something that has so many large holes in it? How do you fix something's that's that broken? How do you fill the holes and cracks when nothing will stick? How can you heal my heart with love when it just seeps through the cracks and holes....I am broken. I don't think I can ever be fixed....

"Oh M, you look like a wild beast"
walks over toward body
heavy fast breathing, blood flowing from cut across torso
"Your eyes are nice and glossy too, like little pearls"

Why did I have to look at your favorites. Why did I have to read that one favorite. Why did it have to say you didn't think you would feel love after me but last night you were proved wrong. Why did I have to read it. Why didn't I just stay away....

Umm should I just go to bed then........?

I'm so worn out

"Wow it upset you that much? Gotta love social media eh m?"

You're essay was really sweet.....and I'm not rejecting it but...it's just not going to be that simple to get me back....it's going to take anywhere from 6 months to a year to prove you've really changed and years to have me trust you as much as I did when we first started.....I want to say those words again but I can't....not when I feel like you won't treat me the same way I treated you....I told you I had standards this time and that I hoped you took my words to heart....and I still hope you did....because if you can't give me loyalty, consistency, and thinking about my feelings before you do something, I can't accept you....I won't take you back....I know what my heart deserves this time and I won't let it get anything less than what it deserves

"911 what's your emergency?"

My parents are yelling at eachother again and it's making me love her more.

"Umm sir, what exactly is the nature of your emergency?"

I love her and I want her to be with her right now

I wonder if you're scared that I won't ever leave her if I get together with her.
I wonder if you're worried that she'll steal me away and I'll pick her over you

"And you thought you genuinely made her happy"
*heart chips and piece breaks off

I'm just not feeling happy and want to be alone and cry

How quick i am to leave permenant reminders on my body for moments of psychological pain

But then again, those moments are excruciating and overwhelming, swalloing all other thoughts

I'm a stranger to myself

Shivering at the thought of you making even more guy friends, talking to them, and getting to know them better

I'm envious of you two.

You both look so happy, truly in love.
You had to wait until he broke up with her and he finally did. Now you two are together, looking happier than ever.
You're being silly and goofy together, you laying on her lap.
You guys truly look happy.
You love her
And she loves you
I'm truly envious of you two

"She probably was doing her makeup for her boyfriend and they're probably on a date right now. Maybe he's getting lucky too ;)"

Sext: throw me in the dirt like you did with my heart

"It's been a while since you've given off this much negative energy. This ominous aura that gives you chills............it reminds me of a demon's aura......it's dark and cold"

When she holds his hand back and you die inside

"Careful chief, if you dig up the past all you'll get is *****"

I got ****** knuckles

"If this is love I don't want it, please just take it from me."
"Why does it hurt so much?"

People told me that I was going through so much hurt when I cut myself and was suicidal because God has extremely good days for me in store. I wonder if you're that something that will bring those days. I wonder if you're what will bring those days.

"911 what's your emergency?"

She didn't treat me like a soulmate

"Sir I am an operator for this emergency line, not a counselor or physiatrist. Do you have an emergency or not?"

Yes, she treats him more like a soulmate than she did with me.

Would you yell at me to hold your hand and touch your face while you held my limp body and brushed my pale face?

I don't care what your precious monk says, you can't ******* buy salvation so stop sending thousands of dollars and destroying your marriage

You might believe her when she says you're going to be rich but nothing she's said has come true in the four years you started doing this and tell me this. Are you really so ******* greedy you'd throw away your marriage and tear your family apart all for money? You asked me if I would be okay having to keep living this lifestyle over and over again and you can be **** sure I would be. We have everything we need and more so there's no need to be greedy and try to get more.

Nothing good can come from greed and you better know that I'm not sending a dime to your monk because when you send her the last of your money, she's going to leave you in the dirt.

You can't buy salvation in any religion, that's something they can all agree on. You're not following a religion.

**You're following a cult

Theres nothing like writting on pages and filling them with your mind

If you get sick at the thought of someone else touching me
**why are you touching someone else

"Your personality dropped by another 20 degrees"

And?

I wonder if ya still think its a good idea to be with him. Either way you're stuck with him wether ya like it or not for now.

I wonder if you wish it was me instead of him.

I wonder if ya wish I wanted to still date you instead of another girl.

I wonder if ya regret lettin me go

It's not going to be today, you're just going to keep pushing it farther and farther back

Trust is so hard to rebuild after it's been destroyed......

Parents divorcing
Grades failing
Soulmate with another guy
Wishing I would die
In the end I sigh

Sometimes I wonder what I should do. I'm laying here feeling empty, alone, and dead inside

"The bear is dead
Upon his bed
Sheets soaked with red

Big surprise
Bears demise
Bleeding from his neck

Knife in hand
Bright red band
Bleeding heavily

Tears on cheek
Eyes can't peak
Closed, never to open again

Skin ice cold
No longer bold
Pale drained of life

The bear is dead
Upon his bed
Sheets soaked with red"

Does anyone else get angry enough to the point that it blows your sickness away

"Put down the pills M, you've already taken six times the recommended, if you take twelve times the amount you're gonna die. You hear me? You're gonna die if you take that many!"

stares at pills through teary eyes

"Put em down M, you don't have to die"

If she picks him over me I do.....

"You're lucky you survived without any consequences last time when you took seventeen pills but these are pain killers. They will **** you if you take twelve. Don't do it M....don't do it"

*tears fall on pills

Sadness hits you like an ocean, it comes all at once and you drown in it.
I guess it's fitting that my names means dweller by the sea

I built my walls high and thick to protect what's left of my dying heart

You know you're really out of energy when you can't even get negative energy from painful memories

The bullets fly, tearing flesh and skin
Hiding behind crossed arms, blood flying in the wind

Each hit like a huge bite, making the blood take flight

It covers te ground making everything red.

I need to drop all my energy NOW the voice is back and I feel my energy flipping out inside

"You really shouldn't mope around you know"
.....
"Hey you could at least say something ya know"
......
tilts head up and sees glossy eyes
"sighs you just had to die huh? I guess I forgot how fragile you get, maybe you'll be more talkative tomorrow"

Sext: I want my knife blade to kiss my neck like you used to

She continues to feel the warmth flow through her hands then drip off, staining her hands and clothes. Her cheek is pressed against his head, "shh you'll be okay, you'll be okay"
His face is pale and his breathing is getting weaker, his eyes glossy.
"Don't die....please don't die" she chokes out as she feels him starting to go limp in her arms.
She pulls him to her tighter and buried her face into his hair
"Please don't die...." She whispers
His body finally goes limp, eyes still a little open but with no light.
They sit there. He is dead, slain by his own hand.

His mask started to crumble and turn to dust as his heart began to fill the hole in his chest.
His gloomy eyes were revealed and stared off into the distance as the last bit of his mask crumbled away.
He falls to the floor, exhausted from his journey

loads five in the cylinder and spins it before locking it back into place

*pulls trigger

That sad thing is you're still with him even though you know he's using you. Admit it, he's your soulmate not me

Thinking about you going to a party with a guy when you're all dressed up ***** :/

"hehe hi"
Who are you?
"Just someone, you have a lot of energy and that's what attracted me"
Is that so?
"Yup, in fact I'm watching you right now"
But I can't see you

"Don't let something suffer, put it out of its misery"
That's how it goes right......just let me die if you won't stop my suffering......let me **** myself if you refuse to leave him for me.......because while you're having fun with him.....you're killing your soulmate....let me die tonight......please......let all of my suffering and pain end tonight........