Slicing open your wrists and forcing yourself to smile

"hehe hi"
Who are you?
"Just someone, you have a lot of energy and that's what attracted me"
Is that so?
"Yup, in fact I'm watching you right now"
But I can't see you

Shivering at the thought of you making even more guy friends, talking to them, and getting to know them better

Sext: throw me in the dirt like you did with my heart

Would you yell at me to hold your hand and touch your face while you held my limp body and brushed my pale face?

Punch the wall until you make it bleed with your blood

I wonder if you're scared that I won't ever leave her if I get together with her.
I wonder if you're worried that she'll steal me away and I'll pick her over you

Does anyone else get angry enough to the point that it blows your sickness away

Sometimes I wonder what I should do. I'm laying here feeling empty, alone, and dead inside

Someone please hold me back from breaking something

You know you're really out of energy when you can't even get negative energy from painful memories

"Hey not bad, you can cry quietly while you pretend to be sleeping"

"911 what's your emergency?"
........
"Hello?"

"Put down the pills M, you've already taken six times the recommended, if you take twelve times the amount you're gonna die. You hear me? You're gonna die if you take that many!"

stares at pills through teary eyes

"Put em down M, you don't have to die"

If she picks him over me I do.....

"You're lucky you survived without any consequences last time when you took seventeen pills but these are pain killers. They will **** you if you take twelve. Don't do it M....don't do it"

*tears fall on pills

The bullets fly, tearing flesh and skin
Hiding behind crossed arms, blood flying in the wind

Each hit like a huge bite, making the blood take flight

It covers te ground making everything red.

Will 3 times the recommended dose **** me?

Thinking about you going to a party with a guy when you're all dressed up ***** :/

His name means "dweller by the sea" and he loved the sea at first sight.
Coincidence?

**** my stupid stomach......I get so ******* prone to getting angry when I'm hungry......

Gettin really tired of being stabbed in the back so often and wiping your spit off my face

In trash
That's all I am to you
You broke me and threw me away
I'm trash to you I'm ******* trash

"It's been a while since you've given off this much negative energy. This ominous aura that gives you chills............it reminds me of a demon's aura......it's dark and cold"

When she holds his hand back and you die inside

Cool

"911 what's your emergency?"

The shadows are killing my light and I can feel my soul fading away

Why is it that when I want to die, I feel **immortal

sighs

That feeling of being light headed and the  heaviness in my stomach brought upon hearing someone say they had a baby with you or you want someone else like that. The emptiness I'm feeling is so nostalgic

5 minutes after would have been fine....
10 after would have been too.....
It's been an hour.....where are you?

I'm just not feeling happy and want to be alone and cry

"Don't ever let her go to bed crying and upset"
*what about him?

"Your personality dropped by another 20 degrees"

And?

What's your favorite part about the rain?
The way that people can't tell the difference between the droplets that fall from the sky onto my face and the ones that form from my eyes

Trust is so hard to rebuild after it's been destroyed......

Umm should I just go to bed then........?

The memories that hurt the most are the hardest to get rid of......

Well it's been an hour and a half and still nothing.....I'm gonna take a nap....

Why are you sad.....why do such large tear drops fall from your eyes...?
nibbles on bread
"I dont know..."
*tears drip off chin

It's been four years since I last wrote anything here; reading my past stuff makes me squirm a little at how dramatic I was back then but I guess I haven't changed as much as I would like to believe. I'm not really sure what I want this account to be now; before it was obvious that it was just an outlet to let my negative emotions out but I'm past that part in my life, I think? I guess I just want to say what I feel and not worry about how it will change how people see me.
That already sounds pretty shallow though doesn't it? I think so, but I don't want to trouble anyone or make them feel bad for me. Its strange that after all this time of feeling at least okay to really good, I'm starting to feel sad again; I wonder why that is? I guess it's because I feel like no one cares about me as much as I care about them. It's hard to believe someone when they say they care about you and then when you try to reach out you don't hear back from them. I get that everyone is busy, I'm pretty busy too, but you don't have enough time to spare a few seconds to reply?
That's where the problem comes in you see? I can't tell anyone that because all it will do is make them feel bad and create a fake version of what I'm looking for. I guess what I really want is for someone to genuinely care enough to just take the 5 seconds to say something back, I already did the hard part by saying something first right?

I need to drop all my energy NOW the voice is back and I feel my energy flipping out inside

"Oh M, you look like a wild beast"
walks over toward body
heavy fast breathing, blood flowing from cut across torso
"Your eyes are nice and glossy too, like little pearls"

"911 what's your emergency"

I can control my demon now

"Excuse me?"

I can make the mask materialize and show you

whistles*
"There goes another piece of your heart"

What are those? Are they buildings?
"No, they're the walls"
Walls? When did they get there? Who built them?
"Obviously you. You are the king of this place, but you built those walls nearly two months ago. Don't you remember?"
I guess I forgot.....

"She probably was doing her makeup for her boyfriend and they're probably on a date right now. Maybe he's getting lucky too ;)"

"You idiot. If you keep thinking and talking about that your heart will start to crumble away again."

piece of heart breaks off and fades away

"See? I told you."

His mask started to crumble and turn to dust as his heart began to fill the hole in his chest.
His gloomy eyes were revealed and stared off into the distance as the last bit of his mask crumbled away.
He falls to the floor, exhausted from his journey

How do you fix something that has so many large holes in it? How do you fix something's that's that broken? How do you fill the holes and cracks when nothing will stick? How can you heal my heart with love when it just seeps through the cracks and holes....I am broken. I don't think I can ever be fixed....

"Upset m?"
...............
"Sad?"
...............
"Are you gonna say anything?"
...............
"Silence?"
*weakly nods head

"sighs you're heart is starting to crack more....you idiot, stop going through those things when you know it'll hurt you. You basically looked for the pain."

I know.......

"So then don't look!"

.......

*crack