"sighs you're heart is starting to crack more....you idiot, stop going through those things when you know it'll hurt you. You basically looked for the pain."

I know.......

"So then don't look!"

.......

*crack

**** I think it is a demon, I'm getting nauseous and my head is starting to spin. I started hearing the voice while I was gathering energy for a little to stay awake.

You still haven't shown any change....your words still don't match your actions.....the only difference is I've changed. I won't hesitate to pull back my final chance I gave to you. If you keep taking me for granted, I'll find someone who won't.

Why did I have to look at your favorites. Why did I have to read that one favorite. Why did it have to say you didn't think you would feel love after me but last night you were proved wrong. Why did I have to read it. Why didn't I just stay away....

I hope I die today

I wonder if ya still think its a good idea to be with him. Either way you're stuck with him wether ya like it or not for now.

I wonder if you wish it was me instead of him.

I wonder if ya wish I wanted to still date you instead of another girl.

I wonder if ya regret lettin me go

"You forgot what is was like to have your mood shattered by a few measly words didn't you?
I'm sorry, I forgot you don't speak for a while after that happens"

That sad thing is you're still with him even though you know he's using you. Admit it, he's your soulmate not me

You've never seen me with another girl have you? You've never seen me smile and talk with any other girl but you. You've never heard me talk about how cute another girl is. You've never seen me have an interest for another girl. I saw you looking at me while I was with her, I wonder what you thought

I wonder how long you stay awake at night wishing you could take everything back you've ever done to hurt me. I wonder how long you stayed awake thinking about how you shattered every last bit of trust I had in you to take care of my heart...I wonder if you're really going to change this time like you say you are....or if it's going to be exactly the same as all the other times you said you'd change.....

My my, someone was a little hasty

You're essay was really sweet.....and I'm not rejecting it but...it's just not going to be that simple to get me back....it's going to take anywhere from 6 months to a year to prove you've really changed and years to have me trust you as much as I did when we first started.....I want to say those words again but I can't....not when I feel like you won't treat me the same way I treated you....I told you I had standards this time and that I hoped you took my words to heart....and I still hope you did....because if you can't give me loyalty, consistency, and thinking about my feelings before you do something, I can't accept you....I won't take you back....I know what my heart deserves this time and I won't let it get anything less than what it deserves

I wonder what you thought while I went on a "date" with her....I wonder if you were hurting....

"911 what's your emergency?"

My parents are yelling at eachother again and it's making me love her more.

"Umm sir, what exactly is the nature of your emergency?"

I love her and I want her to be with her right now

I'm laying down listening to music letting all the sadness flow out of my eyes and heart....

"Sir you've called this line 3 times today, do you actually have an emergency?"

Yes. I don't want her to have anymore nightmares. I need to kiss her now and make her forget about the blood.

"Sir please stop calling this line"

"Hah this is gonna be fun"

You're gonna know the pain I went through now.....watching me want to talk to and be around another girl....I hope it doesn't hurt too much even though I know it will.....

"All I can feel is sadness flowing from his blade"

People told me that I was going through so much hurt when I cut myself and was suicidal because God has extremely good days for me in store. I wonder if you're that something that will bring those days. I wonder if you're what will bring those days.

I'm a stranger to myself

I built my walls high and thick to protect what's left of my dying heart

Sadness hits you like an ocean, it comes all at once and you drown in it.
I guess it's fitting that my names means dweller by the sea

picks heart up from the dirt and brushes it off
sighs*
My my, that wasn't very nice. Better clean this up for someone who'll actually treasure it next time.

We look at each other a lot, pretending to look at the teacher but looking the others way to see where the others eyes are fixed. I wonder what you think when we play this game of looking at each other then darting our eyes away when we're caught.
I wish I could know what you're thinking when I look at you.