Well to try and sum it up my mind is like a hamster on its wheel, constantly running, never stopping, running until the bearings bust and the wheel flys off in its soft bedding. Thats basically how my mind works. Im in the lead yet I am always last to finish, something, someone is always pulling me back, could it be its my wicked mind losing its pace. I keep telling myself its just a game but I know its not. For I forgot what it is to feel young again, time has crept up along side me in the race and is slowly working its way to the front.

I swear it seems like I can never escape this rut I fall into, always digging a little deeper, slowly losing sight of the light, no ladder to pull myself out, so I sit in this rut, cheeing my nails until they've bled, racing my thoughts until I am dead. I am so sick of feeling high and then low, high then low. I think if death a bit too much, as if today will be my last day, one swift move of the wheel and BAM! I am free, but really I wouldnt be free. I'd be stuck once again in a rut, called my grave.

We keep pretending making tea
like children with a playset
we keep pretending we are real
enough to drink and taste

We keep pretending we're in touch
like we have a real connection
we keep pretending we're not strangers
and we never even met

From what I know so far, is that love is a gentle crush....at first.
That first crush squeezes your heart and mind, sending waves of lust and wonder through your body. That first kiss, never to be replaced, forever locked in that moment. For the lucky ones who find that crush and it's everlasting. I am happy for them. But I believe it's good to fall in and out of love, What is love if you can't ever let it go, let it go and be free, free to live life. Making mistakes, breaking laws and promises. So to those who have found the "one". That's great but do you ever think of what life you could have, would have, maybe should have. don't get old and wish you should've done this or that, be free to do what YOUR heart needs/wants. The clock is ticking...

"Love".... It's a horrible yet wonderful attraction. It comes in all sorts of ways. The heart is where I believe everyone's love lies. To open yourself up to this overwhelming feeling, is a big step. Most of us don't even know when we've fallen. The ones who notice, embrace all the positive and welcoming feelings that this one word "Love" brings. They seem to be so much more in depth with themselves and others. I also believe, that we all have our own idea of what love is to ourselves, never really able to fully share that with another, but always knowing it's there is all plus. "Love" to me is understanding, kind, warm and always forgiving. The love some of us search for has been within the whole time. It just takes the rite ones to bring it to surface in your heart. "Love"... It's a sickness, it's a joyful emotion that can bring new life and is shown everyday. That even though there is darkness all around and we as humans are losing this fight, "Love " still shines threw with the brightest light of all.