there are roses growing
from my hands
My doubt the seeds
Begging them to grow

There are roses climbing
up my arms
digging in my skin
but i am numb
to their thorns and beauty

There are roses growing
in my lungs
bloodied petals
filling my throat
and falling from my lips

Tears are sliding
down my cheeks
I've had enough
I am to weak

I guess i'm still here, I guess I got lost
I'm still so reactive, I'm still so hardheaded
Nothing has changed, it's not me anymore
I'm not the same, but there you are
Screaming, twisting, controlling my actions
For my own good. you watch out for me
You're never wrong, so why this time
Why this moment, what did I do wrong
I tried to do right , I'm mentally exhausted
Worries scratching at the edge of my skull
Decisions and a thousand thoughts
Swirling constantly, and they never knock
My voice is hoarse, my tears are not drying
What's the point, broken heart either way
Stop, breathe in, breathe out
Listen to me, I'm always right here
You never shut up, always in my head
History repeats, lessons get buried
I can almost reach, I'm so close

Some days breathing is all you can do.
When all your strength is forced in to not crying and not overreacting. Everything is too much.
Some nights there's nothing left to urge yourself to breathe.
Screaming internally.
Cursing your luck.
Remember that you matter even though they make you feel like you don't.
Not fast enough. Not smart enough. College degree for nothing. Drowning in debt for trying to better yourself.
Trying with every last drop of your yearning to do a good job. Your need for recognition and acceptance. Still they drain you.  
Fighting to keep your belief that you can go farther.
Getting knocked back sown and put back in "your place."
Reminded that you don't matter to some people.
You will never be appreciated by every single one.
Always reaching, always falling.
Still they drain you.
Shut you down when you have nothing left.
Fighting to be better everyday.
Punched in the gut for your efforts.
Back down to "your place."
The ceiling seemingly like that endless hallway.
Dread of the next mistake, the next failure.
Trying your best with nothing to show for it.
Reaching out as they slap yoir hand away again.
Back to "your place."
No strength left.
Fighting the tears.
Still they drain you.

Daily, I wake up and smile thinking of you.
Time speeds by, I'm happy and hopeful.
My mind races with what lies ahead.
Ideas and day dreams, on constant current.
My thoughts always come back to you.
How we got here is special, I know.
I lie awake, thoughts racing.
My heart skips undeterred, it's always you.
It's always, always been you.
Broken hearts and scars become us,
but you are always there.
Your voice, it soothes me, always steady.
Your touch caresses my inner desires.
I feel you with me all the time.
You're a beacon, leading me to paradise.
It's always, always been you.

Sometimes I wonder where my life would be What would have happened if you hadn't found me
Love has fallen, before through my fingers
But your love day-by-day at lingers
My heart skips a beat hearing your name.
I know our lies will forever be changed
I love you now and I'll love you then
I can't wait for a life to begin
The struggles we've been through the days that we've cried
No need to worry, I'm by your side
Shivers tremble down my spine
I can't wait for the day that you'll be mine

Growing stronger every day
Breathing in breathing out
Distance yourself don't engage
Minimal contact is the goal
Comments like stray bullets
Whipping past my ears
Echoing in my head
Face red not embarrassed
Ignore the stares don't react
Compliments burn when they shouldn't
Leave me be and listen please
Take your bullets take them back
Your words do nothing
A heart not ready so just stop
The notion is noble i think
I want no one so leave me be
Thank you but no
I don't want your bullets
Let me be free and leave me be

A long road to go down
A testing journey
Resilience is failing
But you can bounce back
Never give up
Be strong and grow
Be patient and caring
Calm your mind
And just breathe in