It was almost Fall when we met. Around the time the hot days turned into warm evenings and cool afternoons. Before we knew it, the leaves began to change color and fall off of the trees. That's how it all started. I didn't realize the beauty that laid in front of me. The same way people don't realize the beauty of changing leaves.
As the leaves changed, so did I. My heart, my soul, my emotions; I soon began to melt into a cup of pumpkin spice. Oh, how I wish it was everything nice. I was afraid; I fell so slowly yet, unexpectedly. That fear drove us away because I realized it just a little bit too late. At that time, Winter came. I get depressed around that time anyway. So, it didn't bother me that we decided to walk away. We both needed the space.
Along came Spring. I thought about you but, my pride stood in the way; I wouldn't say a thing. Who can see you crying when you're dancing in the rain? You've always said something similar to that.. we've grown so close that now we say things that remind us of each other.
Oh, why, hello there summer. The sun came out to greet me and so did you. That's when you said you realized our love was like no other; that it is true. And as soon as we noticed we had fallen; welcoming the Fall once again. Meeting you on my favorite season is now the best thing about it all.

A reminder of how I fell for you during the Fall.

I'm two days late. It's passed thanksgiving. But why give thanks for all of the things life has given-- on one specific day. In that day we should be reminded that there's always something to give thanks for. Not just on that day but, every day. Yeah, things may shake you and others may break you. But life throws blessings at you even one's in disguise. You know, those kind where you think you won't make it out alive? A lesson. Each event, each word, each emotion is a destined experience in our journey. It is our response, our reaction, our faith, our strength that determines the outcome. Do not dwell, do not live in fear or regret because everything happens as it should and for a valid reason; whether we may or may not understand the meanings-- whether it feels like it tears you apart and you may never recover from those feelings. But our battles and struggles are what makes us grow stronger, better, wiser and much more. Be thankful for those obstacles you've overcame because you were stronger than them to continue even through all of the pain. The past is in the past and it no longer lives here; don't be ashamed because there's so much you have gained.

You are as bright as the sun, & as the sun sets, you too should get some rest. The vibrant rays may go away for the day, & all of those feelings you have may get in the way. Yet, as the sun sleeps, the moon awakens. A slightly dimmer light comes from the night skies, yet it is still shinning down through the darkest hours. Let the sky lights guide you, the moon, sun, & stars will heal you.

As some may say, "There will always be light at the end of the tunnel".

Everything seems so right, so beautifully perfect
Like all of the damage done was definitely worth it
Never wanting this to end, but these unwanted thoughts roam through my head
As if it'll be like the last time
Although this seems different, I am afraid that it might repeat once again
These walls of mine are finally breaking down
& as they fall, I do too
Yet I still wonder whether you'd catch me or let me hit the ground
I'm really hoping you stick around because you're the best thing I've found

If you only knew how much my soul feels for you
How much these emotions tear my mind apart without an explanation
The energy
The electricity
The chills
The vibes
The waves
You're so powerful..

Your soul is like a melody my heart knows by memory

The rhythm of its song flows through my body so gently, yet heavily

My heart reaches out to you to listen a little closer, to feel the vibrations of the beat

It's electric, so powerful

A feeling of nostalgia in which I surrender to

Letting myself drift away through the sound  of the waves

I have trusted the waters

Now I am floating to where I belong

Everyone seems to say the same
It'll be okay, It will get better, Don't give up, I'm here for you
Yet, I am not okay nor will I be, it will not get better because it never has, I have given up & I will no longer keep trying, & when I'm broken down into millions of pieces no one is ever there to pick me up from the ground, no one is there to whipe my tears, no one is there to hear my fears
Everyone says things to comfort you, instead of comforting you
Everyone listens, yet no one understands
No one ever cares until its too late for anything to be done
Everyone waits until that day in which everything is gone

"It was Strange" is what I could possibly say, at the least that is..
Seeing you once again, locking eyes, yet turning our heads, only to feel each others stares..
hearing the echos as we speak, while we do not dare to take a peak..
I will not tell a lie, & say I did not feel what was once there..
Your smile made me remember, that although we fell so hard, there had to be a high from where we have fallen.. & there was.
A memory of positivity, from something that has done so much damage, yet I can truly say I have overcame.. To deeply find out within myself, & can proudly say "I have changed".. I cannot say the same for you Sir, for you are the same.. There has been no change.
Not speaking to seem better than you, but better than who I was.. & I will not look down upon you because change is something you must want.
I simply look back at who you were, & you were never this troubled.. You've changed into something you, yourself even fear of, & that is what pushed me away.. Yet there you are, still the same, with no change made.
I always seen something better, & brighter in you than which you choose to show.. But you never really understood the universe, which there is inside of you..
You were always afraid of the light.. Walking around with shades on.
Yet continuously wondering, & asking "What am I doing wrong?"..
If you would have just listened.. I've been telling you all along.
I'm glad you're finally realizing.. You say to me "A little too late", yet I respond "Better late, than never".
I just hope one day you'll make things right.. Not for us.
Because what was, no longer is.. But for you, your well being, & your soul.
Do not let it stay cold.. Turn it into gold.

The world may not revolve around you, but everything in my world, reminds me of you

Anything green brings a mental image of you, not because it is your favorite color, which has been mine as well, since the day I've met you, & had the pleasure to find who lied within your uniquely green eyes
I could ramble on about the shades of greens your eyes are similar to, but nothing would ever compare

I still enjoy nature walks, & going on adventures, although it was always better to do so with you
I no longer look at the trees, nor sky the same
Because even the wind whispers your name
The moon no longer shines as bright, nor do the stars flicker
So dim, so still, the sky does not dance anymore, like the universe knows I lost the sparkle I once had

Nothing at all will ever be the same, because this mental image I have of you I can easily paint, & put on a frame

I see you in everything that I see
Smell you in everything that has aroma
Taste you in everything that taste
& feel you in everything that I touch

My mind no longer wants to want you, but my heart says I must
I guess this is why they call it a crush

The horrifying feeling of being rejected
Not simply rejected, since we once were
But being used as a tool of ****** pleasure
Yet, not quite a pleasure of love
Had this spiritual connection, as if it wasn't the first time we've met
The pleasantly beautiful sense of calmness, just laying there on the bed
The laughs, looks, & smiles we shared during deeply personal conversations
How you'd hold me tight through the night, simply staring into each others eyes, it always felt so right
The best part of my day would always be spending the night with you, gazing at the moon, & sharing energy within the two
Felt as if you were the one
The one others might say is a soulmate, a twin flame
But you did not see the same
Although I was the only one who you'd talk to, about everything that would trouble you
Aware of the feelings I've had, I was always strong enough to wish you best in what you thought you needed to have
Absolutely heart broken in imagining you in someone else's hands, but giving you advice because all I wanted was to see your soul dance
Now I sit here silently, wishing you'd come back
Staring at these pictures, when things didn't seem so bad
Breaking down quietly, no one can see I'm sad
I finally get the courage to say how much I really miss you
Yet, as soon as I start typing I feel like I can't see you
It's hard to face the truth sometimes
But I never gotten closure
I hope for the day, we break down this walls, & become a little closer
Haven't spoken for months now, yet you still roam my mind
Wishing for the day, the you will once again be mine
But for now I play this mind games
Hoping in answers to find

The essence of your fragrance
I will forever imbrace it
Inhale it in my soul once more
Memories of clothes stripping to the floor
The way you'd make my toes curl
Always had me moaning for more
Your light face
Green eyes
Will forever be ingraved in my mind
You always had the best of me
Not just physically, but mentally
You were like my therapy
Through fantasy, & reality..

Reminiscing about when those feelings were real
the way you'd make me feel
& giving me strength of steel
how I'd play with your beard
& you'd whisper in my ear
all them beautiful things I wish I'd still hear
from the day you've disappeared
I've been stuck on this hamster wheel
going no where, but here
trying to run away from these fears
with out you to whipe my tears
so I drown in the thoughts that although I felt you close, you were no where near

I've been consumed by all of this negative poison
Wearing all black, it is what my soul has turned in
Left alone in a box, with all of these emotions
Glitter, Sparkle, Shine has gone with the ocean
In need of a friend, or maybe a potion
I drown in these tears, along with my fears
Yet walk around with a smile, so no one will notice
My mind has been lost, I can barely focus
Body so cold, my heart has been frozen
If I hit rock bottom, being broken, won't be the problem

I met you at an awful time
Yet you made things feel so right
Although months have passed us by
I cannot seem to get you off of my mind
Till this day, you seem to catch my eye
& when I try to speak to you, I tend to feel butterflies
Yet when I receive you replies
I begin to think those feelings have went bye-bye
I need you to open up to me, like I've  done with you.. Before I spread these wings of mine

You were the reason I loved the sun
& now the reason why it hurts my skin
It reminds me of all of the mornings we would kiss
Those feelings left, along with you
A snake in my grass, just never heard you hiss
I am now in love with the moon
Something more beautiful than noon

Lost in thoughts
No creativity
Trapped in a box
Sealed with ice
It's so cold
Can't seem to open my eyes

Mind constantly running
Can't seem to catch up
Blank stares
Images of white pages
Goodness gracious
These depressing phases

Once a brightly colored
coloring book
Now a black, & white
news paper
With slowly vanishing words
& images..

Seasonal depression is in session
I'm losing grip of my reflection
through these winter storms
& no true connection
Spring, Summer, Fall
I need it all
Concentration, & meditation
Spiritual healing in Nature
is what I am truly in need of

I am truly mind blown
by how this life we live goes
The most beautiful people
with big hearts, & golden souls
are always the ones that seem to go
Leaving an imprint in our lives
Opening our eyes
to realize, that the good ones go
& we are left alone
with the rest
Questioning, whether we are one of the best..

A bite of the forbidden fruit
has poisoned this berries youth
**** snake in the grass
did not speak with truth
Should have never trusted in you

Someone once told me,
when you truly love someone,
you'll fall in love with their eyes.
Why? You may ask.
It is because, eyes never lie.
They will not age.
They will not change..
even if their feelings fade,
their eyes will remain the same.
It is like looking into a kaleidoscope.
A collage of dreams, memories,
& the universe within their soul.
When they begin to get old,
& their hearts turn cold,
their eyes..
Their eyes will forever stay gold.

Winter season
Cold, dry breezes
In this white Winterland
my heart tends to freeze
Death like trees
bring sadness to me
Feeling so weak
with shivering knees
Shouting for Spring time
to please rescue me

A mind built of armor
& a soul made of gold
A heart wrapped in thorns
in which you cannot take a hold
This body is so cold
Lay me in hot water
& I'll shall explode
A glimmering mist
in the most beautiful way, I'll go..
I Am Gold.

Pitch black nights
& glimmering star lights
Awake until sunrise
Beautiful bright skies
A reflection seen your eyes
in which was foreign to mine
To only realize, the one in the mirror, was I
Yet not myself..
How do I handle this all so well?
Those words I will never tell..

Memory lanes
We run through our brains
Might have caused pain
Yet, so much we've gained
Life is a game
It's all about how you play
We pick, & choose our ways
Like passing through a maze
What we do, & say
Determines the prices we'll pay
Along the way
Through our veins
That are Memory lane

I've seen it in my dreams
& when seen in reality
I did not realize what attracted me
Paid no mind
Yet, knew it had to be mine
Finally in my hands
I began to dajavu
My soul yelling at me
"this is a part of you"
Who knew?

I've seen it in my dreams
& when seen in reality
I did not realize what attracted me
Paid no mind
Yet, knew it had to be mine
Finally in my hands
I began to dajavu
My soul yelling at me
"this is a part of you"
Who knew?

Reflecting on old habits
Once was blind from all tablets
Wrapped inside the devils blanket
His worshipping, is what I practice
Oh how I wished I hadn't
Having his way with me on my darkest days
& taking control over me on my pitch black nights
Now to think, there's many other ways I could've handled it
Realizing I could've made a few turns, & stops
Yet, already thinking about hitting the high way
Numb to the feeling of the wind blowing through my hair, the warmth of the sun beaming down on my face,
deaf to the sounds of nature that surrounded me
So blind, so cold, so dry..

Narcotics are chaotic
if you let the chaos come over you
Mountain high
not visualizing with the naked eye
that the view isn't as clear,
Not clear enough to see your soul falling into its hands
to finally have you as a whole
yet, devour you as one
He will demand, & demand,
you'll obey his commands
Unless you're strong enough to brake free from the chains,
all with bare hands

I find it interesting
that others dream of us
Yet, I do not dream of you anymore
You are not reality, & no longer a dream
You are imaginary, a fantasy in which I can not see.

The sweetest love you make to me, nothing else could compare
to your beautiful hair, green eyes, & aroma of paradise.
You are my life..

Spiritually lifted, with dreams that are vivid.
She is my mistress, paying a visit when in stress.
Greeted with delight, always on my darkest nights.
Consuming her, while she consumes me.
I feel her on my chest..
The way it should be.