i hope you rot in hell
i hope your corpse decays while you still occupy it
i hope you sit in a cell
counting the days
like i did while with you
you kept me a prisoner
you hurt me time and time again
you made me hate myself
but now i hate you
i hate you more than i hate my r*pist
because he destroyed me one night
but with you
it was every night for nine months

i’m sick of the sleepless nights
where i am kept awake with anxiety.
i’m done with the constant calls
where you disregard my feelings.
i’m over the days you ignore me
because you have something “better”.
i’m getting rid of you
to prioritize myself.

i blocked your number,
you got a new one.
i blocked all your accounts,
you used your friends.
i told you to leave me alone,
you contacted me anyway.
so now the law is involved,
and you have to stay away

every time you yelled
or threatened to leave,
i told myself it was because you loved me.
now i realize
how toxic you were

i should have let you go
the first time you threatened to leave

i know i should delete our texts,
our pictures,
our memories.
but i don’t feel ready to get rid of you,
to remove you from my life.
i know i should block your number,
your instagram,
your snapchat.
but it feels so absolute.
i don’t feel prepared to live without you.

I still love you,
even though just seeing you hurts me.
I still love you,
even though you were clear that it was over
I still love you,
even though you never loved me.