It pierced through without hesitation
that blade into my heart
the tip severing as you withdrew
burying itself in deeper with every sob
cuts of irreparable desolation
i would wonder how i would heal
if i could ever heal
the ache reverberating a melancholy
like the deep bass of a cello achouced from its strings
my grief bellowing a deafening sound  
i was ready to abandon hope of a revival
instead my palms pushed hard against the ground
i.arose.
and my heart mended around your unrequited love

If my heart's soaking wet
Boy your boots can leave a mess
-Tori Amos

The internal dialogue of disbelief over your betrayal
sees me through everything I do

shadowing my every movement
clouding my every thought

and I can't seem to be busy enough
to get questions of how we ended up here out of my mind

and it's not the days I am most disturbed by
under a darkened sky when misguided truths have no where to hide

your lies echo in the long shadows spilling out of dark corners
sleep won't come. sleep never comes. no, not tonight

what's in the promise that tomorrow will bring
because there's nothing left in this ******* house to organize or clean

nothing in the pantry left to cook or bake
and I've already had too many pieces of the **** chocolate cake

fine. OK. I can see that there's no easy way out
so let the days come, the nights too. lets let time pass and push us away

reach for my hand
i will not fail you this time
protect you and chase away your fears
make the shadows of the bad men disappear
follow my voice and come to my embrace
I will paint you a different childhood
carry us to a different place
full of giggles and innocence

i need to save you to save myself

little dabs of color that don't disappear
when I close my eyes
when the sky is gray
when my hour is bleak

little dabs of color
that never fade
that stay bright when I cannot
that shine for me when I am in the dark

little dabs of color
when I cannot find the strait
when I cannot see past the lies
when I have lost my gait  

little dabs of color
when I am broken
when I can no longer find my way
when I have lost the faith to stay  

In these little dabs of color
where I can find myself whole again

tonight, i drank
i drank
but not to quench a thirst
was it to forget or to remember
everything was as it was supposed to be
late afternoon sun lazily laid
soft and golden    
and long shadows
was it after those steps up the stairs
when i walked into a darkened room
to the bed that i didn't make, but we had shared
and the smell of you that hung
h e a v y
              in
                 the
                      air
like you had never left but almost like you were never there
is that what betrayed me
the nostalgia mixed with the absence of you
leaving me in an empty room

w a n t i n g

it is a broken promise, or one that you never made

In that moment I reached for the door
In that moment I saw you sitting at the bar
In that moment your eyes grew wide
In that moment that smile across your face
In that moment I knew my fate was sealed
In that moment I felt my heart skip a beat
In that moment…