I think failure must smell like old coffee
The kind that spills on a white dress shirt
Staining yellow as it turns cold
The once rich aroma turning bitter
An acidic stain that eventually dries
You frown and in embarassment try to hide it from those around
With a bitter laugh telling your mates that's what happens when you rush
You go home and try to scrub it out
If you know the tricks no one will ever see the stain
But you'll see the remnants in your eyes
Everytime you put on that white lie
An invisble ring of sickly yellow
Surely it's obvious, everyone will see.

I think failure feels like this sometimes
A stain we'd rather not see
The bitter aftertaste of something once warm and comforting
I wonder if the stains we hide,
Ever become beautiful?
A momento we once tried
And yeah got burned a few times
Maybe we should stop wearing white
Pretending the facade is true to life
Using magic markers to live up to a lie
Life is messy and anyone who says otherwise
Probably has more stains than you or I.

I watched myself die that night
I watched my mother cry
It broke my heart to see her so

I struggled to get free
But the red dirt wouldn't let me go
I was trapped
Left to travel this strange place

When I demanded to be freed
He said I was dead and to leave it be
If I wished to leave this place
I must accept that I am no longer me

I looked at my mother
Frightened to leave her alone
But I couldn't return
And I was tired of the red
So I admitted I was dead

I found release
Until I woke
And thought what a strange dream
A few years have passed since

I see now the dream was true
I died that night
I didn't return
The girl I was died to the woman I became

I don't know if this person is better than the one before
She's hard and complex in many ways
My mother lost her daughter to me
I've been trying to reclaim my simpler days

Futile hopes woven into passing dreams
Choking on these words
They're smoother than they used to be
The darkness is no longer a shadow to me

I died that night
But I didn't realize it until today
I must have been a zombie.

He went to a bitter place
There was too much hate
Perhaps that's why the bottle was never far from his face
When the forks came he always took the darker way
It led him here to a gutter of a place
He was content to wile away
Until she told him to get up one day
He yelled and cursed
How dare someone disturb his disgrace
She said nothing and edged him toward a cliff
If he was so miserable why didn't he end it all today
He sputtered and complained
But there was no sympathy on her face
She gave him the option to either fall down the rest of the way or come with her to another place
He chose to go with her after some debate
She led him away and he followed cautiously
She never said a word on the journey
Until they arrived where the winds meet
She led him into the sea
He panicked when he was neck deep
But she drug him further
He cried and screamed, she was killing him
She laughed, asking how she could **** what's already dead
He protested that it could not be
She smiled and shook her head
Saying he had died in the gutter a while ago
He hadn't learned that he could move past it you see
She came to show him another way
But first he must release all he's been carrying
So breathe the water deep
Let the bitter man lie where your body sleeps
The only thing to lose is suffering.

Been looking in my well as of late
Saw my reflection on the watery face
I don't have much to say
There was plenty to hear
But I didn't want to listen
I was tired of its watery song
It's been quiet as of late
Leaving me with my wintry soul
It weaves and blows
Its direction unknown
Always returning with a story
Been looking in my well
Saw my watery face
Never dry as silence unfolds

Mirrored lake
Disturbed by a falling leaf
Gentle ripples spreading out
As the leaf sticks to the surface
In a moment becoming one with the water
A person comes along
Seeing the still lake with wonder
Disrupts it by tossing a stone
A satisfying vacuum plump
As the stone hits and sinks
Pulled down to watery dephs,
For longer than the one who threw it there will live
Ripples from the epicenter
Stretching across the mirror
Distorting all who stare
In time the stillness returns
The waves disappear
And the stone becomes another resident of the mirror
Someone is always throwing stones
And life is dropping leaves
But the mirrored lake always returns
Asking you to look into it
Without tossing stones.

Three ranges
Running North and South
Miles expressed homeward bound
Jagged peaks
Plummet down
Earth's chest breathing in rise and fall
Easy now
Two valleys
Empty barren lands
One road stretching down
Through the valleys
Where shadows dip
Painting their shrouds
So the sun may not beat down
Three ranges
Two valleys
One road
Summit peaks and empty creeks
The valleys do speak
To all who travel the open ground

I saw the sun today
It asked me to stay
I said no thanks
I saw the moon today
It asked if I'd visit tonight
I said alright
I sat and watched my skin smoke
Silver wisps stretching up like snakes
Vapors of my breath turning cold
Gems have taken my eyes
And my heart gave way to stone
Burned away inside
I found what was left
A soul of gems and stones
Lit all on their own

Late last night
I sat on the highest hill
A child among mountain giants around
But still a lovely little hill
The monsoon battles the dry
It has every night
The half moon was bright
Shining amidst storm clouds
The cool breeze pushing lazily by
A battle of moon and clouds played out
It was a glorious sight
The clouds would darken the sky
Brightening only with lightning
Then the moon would shine
Declaring its superior light
Only to darken once more
The battle waged for hours
Until my eyes grew tired
My last sight a triumphant yellow moon
Then I closed my eyes
And the clouds had won

Built on a sunny day
Intended as a fortress
To keep the darkness away
But it faltered in the dead of night
The guards scattered as it went alight
They hollered and shouted
But nothing stopped the blaze
Not the coldest water or stormy rains
It smoldered and flamed
In the most spectacular way
A horrific beauty to see
As this castle burned with no relief.

On a dusky day it was built
Salvaged from skeletons and heaps
It crumbles at times
And the guards are always busy,
Minding its failing keeps
But none have trespassed
And the darkness stays away
This castle of ash has proved stronger in every way.

I've written it this way
The words don't rhyme
The sentiment isn't kind
And the lines don't lie.
I've been told sorrow is in my eyes
It once bothered me but now I see.
I don't always wear the mask
I've thrown it out tonight
I'm looking forward with both eyes.
The world has gone awry
It doesn't surprise me
I think it should but there's something wrong with my eyes.

Fear sits at death's door
I sat and talked with him tonight
He's been busy as of late
Said it's falling apart every day
I asked if death had a moment to spare
And he let me inside.
I watched him with hollow eyes
As he sharpened a knife.
He took my eyes last time
Left me with these glass eyes.
"Tired of seeing this way?" He asked.
I nodded but said I'll keep them anyway
While I looked at my eyes.
Brown and gold with a hint of green glistening in the light.
They're watching a collapsing place
Long gone are dignity and grace.
Don't think me unkind
But my eyes, they know it's time.

If I weep will you hear?
Set me down and hear my silent words?
If so,
I rest this weary smile on my face,
Let my heart bleed,
Filling every muscle and bone
Down to the marrow where it all began
With this ache my longing brings
I'll release it from the deep
Let you quench the thirst
Fill my cup until its full
And I'll return it with its due
Let me drink,
A long cool sip
Of the master brew

In my hallowed keeps I roam
Never knowing if the path I'm on is right or wrong
Only discovering when I step on
It is both and none,
Libraries of old
Holding stories never told
Walking the halls and rows
My cup overflows
As I drink from what I've always known,
My soul is busting these bones
I know I'm heading home
The compass points north
To the lands in which I've grown
As my journey grows
I write the unseen and untold
For anyone to see
It's time the stories are told
The oracles speak and minds are set free
Settle down and listen
To the Storyteller who has come to wake you from sleep.

Hanging vines
Wrapping around limbs
Gently caressing broken skin
Bringing the body up
To mother's embrace
Holding the bare chest
Soothing its quiver
Dripping moonlight
Over the beating heart
Letting it flow down the roots
Pulsing life stretched in water veins
Hanging vines returning life
To all who ask
The tree of life.

If time were a fly,
It'd buzz around and die in 72 hours time
If time were a candy,
It'd be bittersweet
If time were a string,
It'd be crazy and go every which way
If time were a memory,
It'd never be complete
If time were a ship,
It'd be drifting in the horizon
If time were to slip,
It'd be but a tick of eternity
Time's arrow split,
Like a candle wick
What a trip.

A young girl wondered why there was so much hate
She hadn't known it till her family moved one day
To another town in another state
There the people were different
She didn't think much of it
But the other kids didn't see it that way.

Friends weren't easily made
And she learned to be without
It made her stronger in many ways.
As she grew older she heard many things
She began to question herself more.
She made friends with a few like her
Those who didn't belong.

She wondered why there is so much hate
She never understood when people asked where she was from
Her answer was always the same,
A few hours away.
It never stopped the questions or guesses
East Indian one said followed by Iraqi,
Jewish, Moroccan or perhaps the Philippines.
She would smile and say her family came a while ago,
It made her think she wasn't home.
Race never existed until she moved to this place
Where they were only familiar with their own names.

She's older now, not a girl anymore.
She saw some old friends one day,
Did you hear so and so was told to leave?
She nodded and said yes.
Perhaps it's because they were religious.
Lucky we were born here,
We'll never deal with such things. Said her friend.
No we won't she agreed.

She wondered why there is so much hate,
Too much ignorance she realized one day.
When another friend came and said,
Our old friends have gone away,
She nodded and said perhaps they'll come back some day
This land of immigrants has lost its way.

The heart will not be silent
Its begging is laid bare
An aching wound wanting more
Confessing a painful sore
Friendly eyes no more
A sign of the coming storm

Darken the door,
Trying to prove his worth
He never had to
She saw his value long before
She knew his thoughts
His gaze said it all
Her answer did not change
She cannot be what he needed her to be
He did not believe?
Should she share some of the darkness in her?
The parts no one sees?
Past the pain there is calm certainty
He deserved what she could not be

She'd be lying if she said otherwise
A better friend she'll be
True and loyal to her dying day
Let her be that
As a lover she is complex
She would burn him to ash
Few match her flame
She can be everything,
But please a lover she cannot be
A friend like her will be a gift
She won't go away
Release the grip

Perhaps a drink
Something to wash this emptiness off
It was right
But the heart aches
An echo of a lonely beat
But a lover she could not be

Black or blue
Iridescent feathers shimmering through
Scavengers with a noble walk
A raven squawk

Beauty in the sun
As it rearranges pebbles just for fun
A trickster, an omen of insight or ill
Beak meant to pierce old kills

The raven den was empty here in
But they still squawk
On a pole watching the world go
Looking for a shiny stone in the empty roads

Laughing without stock
To their friends and enemies aloft
Intelligence in their eyes
Claiming more than mere sight.

I saw a wound today,
For the first time it bothered me.
I've seen death,
I know the cuts,
To be made to free muscle from skin,
How could a little blood and flesh bother me today?
Have my eyes lost their hardness?
I know the feel of bone,
And all the names of its marks and holes.
Why did it bother me so?
I've seen the body as many never should.
Today maybe my soul finally understood,
And it made another's pain its own.

Through my eyes,
My human eyes
I saw you standing there
Afraid with eyes bright
Aglow with instinctual light
A hint of recognition sparking to life
A smile of mine
With kind eyes
Will they show you my compassion?
Sitting down in the moonlight
Waiting patiently while you pace
Wild and untamed with feral eyes
Nothing as beautiful as you roams the night
Our empty lives incomplete
You are free and I sit silently
Forever gazing at each other
Separated by mere shadows and light
My beautiful wild sight
I'll watch you every night

Come back to us,
My son so sweet
A face too young to be taken away.
My daughter,
Drawn away to this careless world
It does not deserve your grace.
My loves,
I am with you in every breath
It will always be this way.
Torn away by petty things and historical mistakes.
I will never send you away,
I wait with warm embrace
Do not leave a folded flag in its place.
Come back to us
We wait,
Every generation a dying race
But a mother always waits.

It was empty
Nothing but glass
Broken and smeared
With stains of time and rust of tears
It didn't look the same
Not as it once had
In better days
Before the cracks and chips
If not for the reflections it would be bare
I think it shouldn't matter it's broken and old
The images are twisted now
Perhaps it's more real that way
So many lies in mirrors
Better to look at one broken and smeared
It'll paint you as you are rather than how you think you appear.

Skin with skin
Holding tight like it was the last night
Said you sleep better when I'm by your side
I ward away the sleeplessness
And demons of the night
You watched me breathe
Worried when I shook
Little did you know,
I had my own battle to fight
My peace that warmed your eyes
Was something earned every night
I never asked for you to hold me tight
But I needed it all the same
When the demons of the night come
I'll help you fight them off
I've been to this place
The demons know my name
War leaves scars
I know
I'll stay by your side
When the day comes I lose my fight
I hope you'll be by my side.

It's a bitter potion
It sours my stomach and taints my mind
Hovering over me in the dark of night
I remind myself it's an enemy I have faced before,
"Nothing is to be feared", I whisper
No matter the lies it says,
I tell myself to sleep but know I won't
I settle for waging war against myself
These anxious thoughts shout a battle cry.
There is a war waging in my mind
I hear the battle cry
I don't need any to confirm or deny
Anxiety is in my mind
So I put on my helmet and strap a weapon to my thigh
I never really hung up the uniform of my soldiering time
I settle in for the long battle into day.

Grey setting in
Turning darker with each passing wind
Blotting out the sun
Winds raging in
Bending grass and trees thin
Agitated clouds taking in dry air
And dusty winds
Storms of breath is all it is
Grounds meeting skies that bend
I'd rather stormy skies
Then sunny days and shallow winds
I don't know why
Been that way since I was a little tyke
Grey skies grant my eyes,
Sweet relief and breath of life
Empty your skies on mine
Rains dance with me,
Thunder provide the beat,
Lightning make me see.

Cast upon the wall
In plaster and stone
Beauty written in sage's scrolls
Sirens calling out in a distant drone
Fools in love
Wise learned long ago
It is worth the tears to hear the heart's song.

I've walked the desert
Through the dust and barren seas
I've dreamed of water
On the hottest days
I've felt the hot winds on my face
As tumbleweeds scratched my legs
I've wished for relief as my skin bakes
Wondering how much I can take
Today I collapsed
The desert had claimed too much
I laid in the dust,
Watching the sun pass
Burning my tears
I laid until the moon appeared
It told me to get up
My body feels weak
And incomplete
The desert has drained me
And now has come to rescue me
From certain defeat

My mind spins
Like a wayward top
Drifting towards the edge
The table no longer makes sense
Life is a masquerade
Why did I come to play?
My hollowed heart whispers to me
Its cup never filled yet often used
The light is dim
My eyes are no longer content
It's all fuzzy now
I've lost the sheet
Blocking eternity from me.

Strands bound tight in a double helix
They unravel and copy every day
Thousands of generations in you
Why your eyes are blue or your skin a certain hue
A, T, G, C
Let me tell you of their blend,
A is always fated with T though sometimes T becomes U,
G is always with C no matter if another letter saunters by saucily.
It's tricky when we say why we love or why we dream to name a gene
Scientists argue if it's all you'll ever be
Two parents giving 50% each
It's a long name DNA
I won't name it here, I'll save the space
Instead I'll say as one whose watched it replicate
It makes mistakes and sometimes that isn't great
It's a marvelous thing and I can see why we never truly die
Some person you never knew is directly responsible for you
Despite its beauty I've noticed one thing,
In all its complexity it only partly describes you
It will long live after you die
Maybe giving your great grandkids freckles in an odd place
But it doesn't say why you loved or laughed
It may say why you were prone or not
But that's all it can say
These words here do that more than that
DNA is a wonder and I've studied it till my head ached
But I'd rather read what you have to say
Because that's our condition
DNA will continue long after you and me
But your mind is a horrible thing to waste

A dream or nightmare I wonder to this day
Since I was young it's come to me
A man unlike any other haunts me
He changes form and so do the scenes
It's inception with turning streets and buildings with twisting peaks
In one he is fat,
Smooth like supple flesh
His weight deadens the air making it difficult to breathe
My limbs are heavy and I cannot run
The sound may be the worst
It dulls my ears as the drum beats down to my very bones
This slow torture is only relieved by another horror,
The man changes
He is no longer smooth and plump
He is tall and porous
Crackled like hollow bone
He is dry and his skin is brown
He is quick and chases me
Our surroundings crumble
Sharp, piercing sounds tear through my ears and jaw
This change may occur several times
The textures and sounds battling my mental grounds
At four this dream was frightening
At twelve this dream was a familiar fright
At seventeen the dream began to morph
At twenty it would paralyze me
At twenty-three I stood my ground and didn't flee
At twenty-five it haunted me in the moments before I fell asleep
Now my hands and legs become foreign to me in twilight sleep
A reoccurring dream
It's grown with me
I wonder if I'll ever figure what it means.

Empty nights
Followed by pleasure
When bodies crave another's embrace
To stave off loneliness like a plague,
Finding a moment among the hours
Days passing into years
A life built of memories in passing.

People having grown from children
But knowing none the wiser
Still in need of mothers and fathers
In a world unforgiving.
Operating amidst the layers
Life and love can be sold for a dollar
Hidden behind screens of mass expression
Are the delusions of our acceptance.

Still seeking meaning amid thorns
****** hands haven't shown anymore,
Wash the blood
Let the peroxide sting and foam.
These bodies demand attention
Forsake them and they'll trouble you till the grave calls you home.

Moments of meaning are all we seek
When the aching heart is answered
It grants sweet release
In pleasured moans or dying throes
Sounds of our loneliness escaping in the night
As the joker deals the game of life.

I like to write
Sometimes I stay up all night
Maybe it's an obsession
Or I spend too much time inside my head
It's always been my place to go
The silence never bothered me
In fact I never heard it at all.
My mind has gotten full
So now I come to express
All the thoughts dancing in my head.

When today sheds its skin
And becomes yesterday and tomorrow
Will the longing of today be spent?
The call of the void fading
As I close my lids
Echoes of past and future tense
Coming like horsemen
Demanding what I fear to give
One last breath before I slip
Into the soul's domain
One last look where my body lay
I hasten to hear what the soul has to say,
It's begun
Tell them I have come
And let go what you think you must become

My mind fizzled today
Hasn't been at it's best for many days
Thought I'd write and found myself rambling
Until I read the last line did I see there was a method to the disease,
I thought myself empty until I saw my face complete with neither love nor hate in my company.

Wings breaking flesh
Metal piercing through
Raging blood
Of never enough
Poison tipped
Memory can forgive
Acid burning,
Etching metal with runes
Mask of flames,
Heart of graves
Victory singing in tune
Ravaging dust to boon
Held firm by,
Silver bonds of painful sanity
Forged on the blood of a race gone
Nike, never an angel were you

String me up till my skin is taut
Move my limbs like paper things
A charade in a child's parade
The Library's afternoon puppet show
All the children are welcome to play
Bodies bigger than they used to be
Paying bills and buying groceries
Mechanical workings guide my days
Strings pulling sinews every week
But I never forget
This is puppet theatre
And I'm in a play
My child moves me
In the streets and in the bureaucracy
Taking joy in her puppet
That's all grown up
She still sees this as play
And she is not wrong
Sticks and strings with frilly things
Adults are puppets
The child guides as is only right
Do not deny yourself the pleasure
Of the child inside
Children remember what we lost in the Library's mytic shelves and keeps
And remind us every time we forget we're in a play on theatre day.

Walking on air tonight
Steps mere breaths of mine
Lights of all colors reaching out
Playing life like a dance
Come dawn this will pass
This gentle rise of floating mass
Will plummet back
To winter's sun and cradles dust
Slipping on skin, like a glove it fits
Muscles twitch as sleep lifts
Wake for another day
To work and play
Looking to sky and clouds drifting by
Remembering lights from far away
My soul wore a body today
But tonight it will not stay.

I didn't cry that day or the next
I never do
I'm ashamed that way.
As I've grown I know I loved you dearly
And even today I wish you were here
So I could say all these thoughts of mine.
I think we probably shared these things
But back then I was only fifteen
And I didn't know how to speak my mind.
I've learned now you knew and felt these things
It may be the blood we share
So I write this for you grandfather
As I write so many things
Of the day I saw you go.

I don't know if you knew I was there
I saw your children cry and grandchildren too young to know
I know you knew, when we last spoke
That you had to say what was on your mind,
When you told me to never quit
That I was better and to remember this.
So I say this not in tears, but with some pride,
I never did and I remind myself sometimes,
Of a man I knew who was kind and burdened in ways I never knew.

I didn't have the words to say that day
But now I do, it's taken some learning and truth.
Illness took you too soon,
This broken family still needs someone like you,
I know why they say the good die young,
You were burdened but never stooped,
And I dearly hope you knew how much I cared for you.

It slithered black, purple and cold,
Against my soul.
So cold it burned as acid etches stone.
What horrors fill my soul?
Changing shape to fill any void.
Spiders, oil, squid, and smoke.
Coming to cloud my soul.
Try as I might I can't **** this thing.
It darkens my door to settle score,
Of some deep fear.
I burned it last night,
But it slithered back to the recesses of my mind.
It's made a home and I wonder if it will always be so.

Vapors of breath coalesced as dew
Crisp pain sears the chest
Cold breath in the night
How I wish for some warmth tonight
A weight pressing down
Is this my dying sound?
Breath escaping in silence now
The burden of these days and nights
Proof of growth or pain, I don't know
Sensitivity blind
I am afraid and it's been heavy as of late
I look up at night
So the stars will blind
The cold inside

A place time forgot
There are no clocks
Blinking and flashing lights abound
The exits are confusing signs
When outside it's no better
The heat will push you inside
In winter the promise of warmth will draw you away
It's never day or night
It's 24/7 all the time
You can risk and play
Or dine on delicacies from far away
A little money can buy you anything
In this land of many things
For every desire and disgrace
Come one come all
To our desert place.

He walked in
Dressed to blend in
It was late, hardly anyone cared

She sat on the curb
Waiting for midnight to ring in
The days were getting too long

He sat down and ordered, coffee hot
A dingy cafe
With fluorescent lights flickering

She pulled her coat tight
The wind was cold tonight
Tomorrow she would take a bus

He didn't know where he was
Some little town with no life
The years were passing by

She knew this wasn't life
It was existance in its finest light
How long would she keep this up?

He had lost the will to run
Been going since he was eighteen
Joined the army just to get away

She walked down the dark road
Moving out of the way when lights came
When a realization hit her

Army gave him some leeway
Was a nice life till he was sent away
The sounds still plagued him every day

She didn't have to accept this life
Small town and a job that didn't pay
It was time to make an escape

He needed to find some peace
Not here though
This was a depressing place

They both left
Met in a different place
Strangers who chanced upon a similar fate.