Look at these words, scribbled here
Black and clean
I wonder where they came from
I know it's me
Of dreams and memories
Some I know
Others are strange, I can't place them.
Are they mine?
My mind so full of different lives
Should the day come I remember
These black lines will certainly fly.

I was given my name
At the beginning of this charade
One for the dead
Another for a babe
The last is rarely said
But I'll answer to it all the same
Though it doesn't always make sense
It's my passage on this ship.

Built on a sunny day
Intended as a fortress
To keep the darkness away
But it faltered in the dead of night
The guards scattered as it went alight
They hollered and shouted
But nothing stopped the blaze
Not the coldest water or stormy rains
It smoldered and flamed
In the most spectacular way
A horrific beauty to see
As this castle burned with no relief.

On a dusky day it was built
Salvaged from skeletons and heaps
It crumbles at times
And the guards are always busy,
Minding its failing keeps
But none have trespassed
And the darkness stays away
This castle of ash has proved stronger in every way.

Why do they hurt?
A morning of overwhelming ache
Of the day ahead
Cleansed with a shower
But the voices never fade
Afternoons bright with light
I've always hated mid-day
The evening brings some peace
But the fear of night lurks
Relax enough as eyes grow dim
Sleep permits some fitful peace
Dreams and nightmares await
The best go far the worst further
3 am wakes with a sweaty start
A song or a voice of another brings relief
The next few hours are a coin flip of sanity
By dawn the battle has wore me weak
From restless sleep
The twilight mists disappear
And the cycle begins again
There must be sweet release.

It's a bitter potion
It sours my stomach and taints my mind
Hovering over me in the dark of night
I remind myself it's an enemy I have faced before,
"Nothing is to be feared", I whisper
No matter the lies it says,
I tell myself to sleep but know I won't
I settle for waging war against myself
These anxious thoughts shout a battle cry.
There is a war waging in my mind
I hear the battle cry
I don't need any to confirm or deny
Anxiety is in my mind
So I put on my helmet and strap a weapon to my thigh
I never really hung up the uniform of my soldiering time
I settle in for the long battle into day.

If I weep will you hear?
Set me down and hear my silent words?
If so,
I rest this weary smile on my face,
Let my heart bleed,
Filling every muscle and bone
Down to the marrow where it all began
With this ache my longing brings
I'll release it from the deep
Let you quench the thirst
Fill my cup until its full
And I'll return it with its due
Let me drink,
A long cool sip
Of the master brew

I've walked the desert
Through the dust and barren seas
I've dreamed of water
On the hottest days
I've felt the hot winds on my face
As tumbleweeds scratched my legs
I've wished for relief as my skin bakes
Wondering how much I can take
Today I collapsed
The desert had claimed too much
I laid in the dust,
Watching the sun pass
Burning my tears
I laid until the moon appeared
It told me to get up
My body feels weak
And incomplete
The desert has drained me
And now has come to rescue me
From certain defeat

He went to a bitter place
There was too much hate
Perhaps that's why the bottle was never far from his face
When the forks came he always took the darker way
It led him here to a gutter of a place
He was content to wile away
Until she told him to get up one day
He yelled and cursed
How dare someone disturb his disgrace
She said nothing and edged him toward a cliff
If he was so miserable why didn't he end it all today
He sputtered and complained
But there was no sympathy on her face
She gave him the option to either fall down the rest of the way or come with her to another place
He chose to go with her after some debate
She led him away and he followed cautiously
She never said a word on the journey
Until they arrived where the winds meet
She led him into the sea
He panicked when he was neck deep
But she drug him further
He cried and screamed, she was killing him
She laughed, asking how she could **** what's already dead
He protested that it could not be
She smiled and shook her head
Saying he had died in the gutter a while ago
He hadn't learned that he could move past it you see
She came to show him another way
But first he must release all he's been carrying
So breathe the water deep
Let the bitter man lie where your body sleeps
The only thing to lose is suffering.

I disembarked at the last stop
It was fate
Though I didn't know it then
They said I would need to be patient
A foreigner in a strange land
I took jobs of all sorts
And did my best to always make amends
I learned to laugh and joke
As well as any native did
I made myself a life
Thinking nothing of the past
Until I found my ticket one day
Stamped at entry so long ago
I tried hard to remember my life then
Only to come up short
So I went to the port
And asked for any who knew me
Only one answered
Though his mind seemed less than sharp
He checked my ticket
And gave me a toothless grin
The last passenger he said
You stayed till fate released your hand

I see the desert sun set when my eyes close,
Red sands burnt by a million suns,
Humming its ancient song, a buzz from a single fly and a raven call

Oh my lost Soul why can’t you go home?

My heart roams the forest, beating eternally
A beat of immortality, wandering among the black woods

Oh my lost Soul why do you sing such a haunting song?

My feet bury themselves in the mountains deep
Among the stones and twisted roots,
Where the pines reach for the starry night

Oh my lost Soul why do you dream of the grave?

The gift of life, woken from the depths
Born from death, reality is a fog

Oh my lost Soul was this always about the journey home?

Like a little lone puppy seeking a home
In memory and history
Catching attention in little things
A scent of laundry detergent in the breeze,
To remind of youthful summer breaks
A song playing from another day,
Reminding of a time and place
A taste of another's drink,
Reminiscent of a lover who has gone away
Go on home pup and wait for me
I'll come along later and we'll play
For all the yesterdays and todays

I've written it this way
The words don't rhyme
The sentiment isn't kind
And the lines don't lie.
I've been told sorrow is in my eyes
It once bothered me but now I see.
I don't always wear the mask
I've thrown it out tonight
I'm looking forward with both eyes.
The world has gone awry
It doesn't surprise me
I think it should but there's something wrong with my eyes.

Fear sits at death's door
I sat and talked with him tonight
He's been busy as of late
Said it's falling apart every day
I asked if death had a moment to spare
And he let me inside.
I watched him with hollow eyes
As he sharpened a knife.
He took my eyes last time
Left me with these glass eyes.
"Tired of seeing this way?" He asked.
I nodded but said I'll keep them anyway
While I looked at my eyes.
Brown and gold with a hint of green glistening in the light.
They're watching a collapsing place
Long gone are dignity and grace.
Don't think me unkind
But my eyes, they know it's time.

I have a fear
Of something real
And something dear
No matter the lies I tell it's clear,
I hurt and so I fear,
A stranger who nears
It's love I fear.

Water tips just above the glass
As spinning records skip
Cracks among the walls
Light is coming through
So are voices speaking strangely too
Radio set till electricity knocks it dead
You've seen this dance
Felt the sway and movement in your hips
Have you lived,
Until you've experienced the skip?
A distant call reminding you this isn't it
A calling card,
You're mind stretches beyond this.

I saw the sun today
It asked me to stay
I said no thanks
I saw the moon today
It asked if I'd visit tonight
I said alright
I sat and watched my skin smoke
Silver wisps stretching up like snakes
Vapors of my breath turning cold
Gems have taken my eyes
And my heart gave way to stone
Burned away inside
I found what was left
A soul of gems and stones
Lit all on their own

Strands bound tight in a double helix
They unravel and copy every day
Thousands of generations in you
Why your eyes are blue or your skin a certain hue
A, T, G, C
Let me tell you of their blend,
A is always fated with T though sometimes T becomes U,
G is always with C no matter if another letter saunters by saucily.
It's tricky when we say why we love or why we dream to name a gene
Scientists argue if it's all you'll ever be
Two parents giving 50% each
It's a long name DNA
I won't name it here, I'll save the space
Instead I'll say as one whose watched it replicate
It makes mistakes and sometimes that isn't great
It's a marvelous thing and I can see why we never truly die
Some person you never knew is directly responsible for you
Despite its beauty I've noticed one thing,
In all its complexity it only partly describes you
It will long live after you die
Maybe giving your great grandkids freckles in an odd place
But it doesn't say why you loved or laughed
It may say why you were prone or not
But that's all it can say
These words here do that more than that
DNA is a wonder and I've studied it till my head ached
But I'd rather read what you have to say
Because that's our condition
DNA will continue long after you and me
But your mind is a horrible thing to waste

This time I'm not afraid
Perhaps because I trust myself now,
I know I'll live if you leave.
The past taught me that bitter thing
But now I see,
I'm okay to be
As I always am and know I'll be
So I let myself fall in love with you.
Please be gentle with me
Because those cracks you think are beautiful,
Were once scars that bleed.

A soul who roams isn't home.
In dying throes we know,
What the darkness holds.
Close your eyes one last time,
And remember home.
My dearest friend,
I'll hold your hand as you go.
A fellow traveler I know,
This isn't what we call home,
But I enjoyed your company before you had to go.
I'll keep your memory safe with me,
Till I leave this place and journey home.

Visiting on a summer breeze
Knocking on the wooden door
Knowing I'll always answer
Carrying scents of salty seas and earthy flames
Dusk hazes your eyes while the stars keep you alight
Smile of a thousand suns
You ask me to stay
To hear the crickets play
Longer days are your symphony
The nights my delicate tapestry
Sitting on the horizon with me
My passing love
My sun among the skies
I'll shine bright in the night
Until you come to visit again
And we can enjoy the silence on the shores of the midnight sun.

I think failure must smell like old coffee
The kind that spills on a white dress shirt
Staining yellow as it turns cold
The once rich aroma turning bitter
An acidic stain that eventually dries
You frown and in embarassment try to hide it from those around
With a bitter laugh telling your mates that's what happens when you rush
You go home and try to scrub it out
If you know the tricks no one will ever see the stain
But you'll see the remnants in your eyes
Everytime you put on that white lie
An invisble ring of sickly yellow
Surely it's obvious, everyone will see.

I think failure feels like this sometimes
A stain we'd rather not see
The bitter aftertaste of something once warm and comforting
I wonder if the stains we hide,
Ever become beautiful?
A momento we once tried
And yeah got burned a few times
Maybe we should stop wearing white
Pretending the facade is true to life
Using magic markers to live up to a lie
Life is messy and anyone who says otherwise
Probably has more stains than you or I.

In the dark,
Candles whisper
Smoky fingers of a lovers embrace
Heartbeats thunder,
Happenings of the heart play in beautiful twisted ways,
Day is a passing memory
A season of warmth forgotten until it returns,
Monsters lurk in the shadows
But they're scared of the creatures of the sun

In the dark,
The stars remind us we are dust
It releases the mind from its tethers
Madness and freedom at our fingertips
If it wasn't for the dark
We wouldn't see the stars
Would we think our dust is all we are?
Pins of light
So far away
Of another place
To remind us to cherish our speck of dust amidst the space.

Wintry tales
Of warmer days and green space
Jagged snow capped peaks
So high up there is little to breathe
Nestled in cliffs is a warm place
Where my heart beats
Far away from anything
I don't recall putting it there
But there it beats
With strings of soul attached
In the broken peaks it waits
Unbroken and untamed
Its thunderous beat is frightening
Sometimes it scares my sleep away
The electricity arcing through nodes
Down to the bundle
Commanding every fiber that exists
It waits
For the day I can reach the airless peaks
Claim what's mine
And will always be

A fox spoke to me last night
I thought myself insane
His bushy silver tail stood *****
As he gazed at me with bright eyes
I ought to run,
But you are of no harm, he said
I nodded, stunned
He chuckled and asked if I had never talked to a fox before
That would be ludicrous, I said
He shook his head and his muzzle bared the finest smile
Oh my lady, we foxes do speak
We are not as well heard as the wolves
Or as majestic as the owl
And we pale in comparison to the cougar
But we do speak
Tonight you've come to hear I think
I've been waiting a long time
For you to listen
I've come before but all you heard was a fox
Now sit and listen to my tale
I'm Keeper of the Winds
And it's time you learned about the storm within.

Levels and the layers grow
Rings running me down
Honestly I gave in long ago
The cusp of the hole you're sitting at
Is a lie of what the dead have said
Subjectivity is objectivity in shadow form
Five senses all colored in different glows
I hold my blows
Never wanted to be the one to bring it crashing down
But you're calling me from your mighty throne
A paradigm of empty minds
Asking for honest truths from my very soul
A stranger who I don't know
Asking me for blood down in my core
Shatter the plains
Burn castles to the ground
I bring my sword out now
I'll drag you down the hole of questions with no bounds
Empty your soul
Bare bones
Ask me for honesty and I'll shake it down
Can you handle the sounds?
The darkness all around?
You wore me down,
Now I'll no longer protect you from the hole
Welcome to your new home
Truth and absolutes, black and white
Lies you never learned kept you in check from the battle within.

Through my eyes,
My human eyes
I saw you standing there
Afraid with eyes bright
Aglow with instinctual light
A hint of recognition sparking to life
A smile of mine
With kind eyes
Will they show you my compassion?
Sitting down in the moonlight
Waiting patiently while you pace
Wild and untamed with feral eyes
Nothing as beautiful as you roams the night
Our empty lives incomplete
You are free and I sit silently
Forever gazing at each other
Separated by mere shadows and light
My beautiful wild sight
I'll watch you every night

A young girl wondered why there was so much hate
She hadn't known it till her family moved one day
To another town in another state
There the people were different
She didn't think much of it
But the other kids didn't see it that way.

Friends weren't easily made
And she learned to be without
It made her stronger in many ways.
As she grew older she heard many things
She began to question herself more.
She made friends with a few like her
Those who didn't belong.

She wondered why there is so much hate
She never understood when people asked where she was from
Her answer was always the same,
A few hours away.
It never stopped the questions or guesses
East Indian one said followed by Iraqi,
Jewish, Moroccan or perhaps the Philippines.
She would smile and say her family came a while ago,
It made her think she wasn't home.
Race never existed until she moved to this place
Where they were only familiar with their own names.

She's older now, not a girl anymore.
She saw some old friends one day,
Did you hear so and so was told to leave?
She nodded and said yes.
Perhaps it's because they were religious.
Lucky we were born here,
We'll never deal with such things. Said her friend.
No we won't she agreed.

She wondered why there is so much hate,
Too much ignorance she realized one day.
When another friend came and said,
Our old friends have gone away,
She nodded and said perhaps they'll come back some day
This land of immigrants has lost its way.

Rise from ash and dust
Soughter bones until their tough
Call of the night
Is birth and death come to life
Resurrection cry
Rise from the ground to the sky
Bringing light on the darkest night
Combusting to bring darkness in the brightest light
Fly with me one more time
I'll burn us to the ground and make us new tonight
Magic born from ash and dust
Birth and death a cycle of rite
Hear the birth pangs and dying gasps
The balance of creation and destruction
Coming to life in fire and light

I turned to see their distant faces,
My heart wanted to call out to them.
In my soul, family is all
But this is not home
And this blood is not mine to behold.
I long to hear them and belong with those supposed to be home
But they are not,
My soul reminds me every time.
My blood I know is home
But today, in this life
The ones of this flesh are not home,
Though I love them dearly
I know this red that flows
Only runs here.
Some day I'll go home
My blood will call to me,
And my aching soul will answer,
"At last I'm home."

A dream or nightmare I wonder to this day
Since I was young it's come to me
A man unlike any other haunts me
He changes form and so do the scenes
It's inception with turning streets and buildings with twisting peaks
In one he is fat,
Smooth like supple flesh
His weight deadens the air making it difficult to breathe
My limbs are heavy and I cannot run
The sound may be the worst
It dulls my ears as the drum beats down to my very bones
This slow torture is only relieved by another horror,
The man changes
He is no longer smooth and plump
He is tall and porous
Crackled like hollow bone
He is dry and his skin is brown
He is quick and chases me
Our surroundings crumble
Sharp, piercing sounds tear through my ears and jaw
This change may occur several times
The textures and sounds battling my mental grounds
At four this dream was frightening
At twelve this dream was a familiar fright
At seventeen the dream began to morph
At twenty it would paralyze me
At twenty-three I stood my ground and didn't flee
At twenty-five it haunted me in the moments before I fell asleep
Now my hands and legs become foreign to me in twilight sleep
A reoccurring dream
It's grown with me
I wonder if I'll ever figure what it means.

There are more on this list than I care to admit.
Some I knew well, others were just passing through,
Some are blood and I remember them well,
Others I shared a little of their pain at the dying end.
A man waiting for death to near,
His body nothing but a shell, still bearing scars of a war raged in hell,
I saw his tears.
A woman gone too young,
Born into this world with a body that was a cage,
Muscles made not to work and bones built to fail.
There are more of you than these two,
But there is not room here for all of you.
Know each of you are in the little lines of the things I write.
Sometimes my head gets full
And I think of all of you.
Wondering why you stay
Is it the etchings you left on my soul?
Or perhaps the dead never fully leave.
They stay in memories and in the quiet keeps.
Blood and spirit walk with me,
They watch as I dig through this darkness
And I swear some days I see them smile,
Encouraging me,
Like they know this dark and twisted way,
Telling me I've found the journey to take.

A place time forgot
There are no clocks
Blinking and flashing lights abound
The exits are confusing signs
When outside it's no better
The heat will push you inside
In winter the promise of warmth will draw you away
It's never day or night
It's 24/7 all the time
You can risk and play
Or dine on delicacies from far away
A little money can buy you anything
In this land of many things
For every desire and disgrace
Come one come all
To our desert place.

I like to write
Sometimes I stay up all night
Maybe it's an obsession
Or I spend too much time inside my head
It's always been my place to go
The silence never bothered me
In fact I never heard it at all.
My mind has gotten full
So now I come to express
All the thoughts dancing in my head.

Grey setting in
Turning darker with each passing wind
Blotting out the sun
Winds raging in
Bending grass and trees thin
Agitated clouds taking in dry air
And dusty winds
Storms of breath is all it is
Grounds meeting skies that bend
I'd rather stormy skies
Then sunny days and shallow winds
I don't know why
Been that way since I was a little tyke
Grey skies grant my eyes,
Sweet relief and breath of life
Empty your skies on mine
Rains dance with me,
Thunder provide the beat,
Lightning make me see.

I didn't cry that day or the next
I never do
I'm ashamed that way.
As I've grown I know I loved you dearly
And even today I wish you were here
So I could say all these thoughts of mine.
I think we probably shared these things
But back then I was only fifteen
And I didn't know how to speak my mind.
I've learned now you knew and felt these things
It may be the blood we share
So I write this for you grandfather
As I write so many things
Of the day I saw you go.

I don't know if you knew I was there
I saw your children cry and grandchildren too young to know
I know you knew, when we last spoke
That you had to say what was on your mind,
When you told me to never quit
That I was better and to remember this.
So I say this not in tears, but with some pride,
I never did and I remind myself sometimes,
Of a man I knew who was kind and burdened in ways I never knew.
I didn't have the words to say that day
But now I do, it's taken some learning and truth.
Illness took you too soon,
This broken family still needs someone like you,
I know why they say the good die young,
You were burdened but never stooped,
And I dearly hope you knew how much I cared for you.

If time were a fly,
It'd buzz around and die in 72 hours time
If time were a candy,
It'd be bittersweet
If time were a string,
It'd be crazy and go every which way
If time were a memory,
It'd never be complete
If time were a ship,
It'd be drifting in the horizon
If time were to slip,
It'd be but a tick of eternity
Time's arrow split,
Like a candle wick
What a trip.

I saw the barren street,
Full of empty sound.
Children looking for some place to be,
With no one around.
Such a proud people once roaming free.
The marks you left on this land are clear.
I see it on the rocks, etched in stones.
A wisdom forgotten,
Of stars above and seasons long ago.
Now that's slipped into eternity,
But I still see the proud gleam
When you sing,
The chant a rhythmic pulse.
I feel the dance of your feet against the ground
And I know this empty land still calls you home.
I smile when I hear your drums
To a life buried but not gone.
I live not far though this is not my own.
This land knows and these mountains speak,
The red of this ground flows in you,
Children of the ground.