I sit down to write quite a lot
My mother knows this and seems to take it with some pride
I'm glad she doesn't see the sickness it hides
Every so often she'll ask what I write
I'll sift through loose pages and half written thoughts
The story is too long, I mutter to myself
So I pull out the pieces of poetry
Scribbles really
Something that came to me in the night
A random piece of thoughts growing from thorns in my side
My mind a splintered and layered place
Hints of the darkness dwelling underneath the layer of light
Strings of my inner life
Wrapped in lines.
I hesitantly let her read
Some she smiles and says, that was nice
Others she reads and the smile slips from her face
She nods and says, that's my girl, a writer.
The sound of pride mixed with sadness in her eyes
She doesn't understand but she nods all the same
Proud of what I'm not sure
A hint of the darkness that swells in me is what she sees
And I know the pain it creates
My mother is proud of me even when it breaks her heart to see the sadness in me
And that is something I can't always bear to see.

Burnt orange
Pastel of pink
Intermingled with purple hue
Breathy haze
Of mountain cool
Aspen and pine reaching high
Meadows of deer grazing in dusk's light
A peaceful fading sight
Full moon rising
Broached by tips of trees
Beautifully rising night
Burnt orange
Of smoky skies
Mountains rising above the hazy light
Breathe this burning sky
One last time.

Drinking this earthy swill
Wearing shoes too small
Told a career would make me grow
Make sense of this all
Work hard and it'll all settle into place
Took a few years to see the lie
It's all shoes that are too small
College paying with paper straws
I'm too young for the looks I give
I'm too old to be singing this song
Let's go
Pretend we all know how the records spinning
Sipping cheap *****
Talking about the way the world's burning down
We're not living the way our grandparents did
Lost the house and kids along the way
We'll get there eventually
Or so we say
Was the job part of the game?
I forgot the password to play
Let me check my cat's middle name
Swipe my ID
For some digital pay
Slipping on my ill-fitting shoes
Remembering when it didn't feel this way
But the clocks struck 00
And now decade 20
The world's in a craze
But hey let's go
We're barely old enough to know any other way.

I am lazy when I write about you
It's not my favourite pastime
It's been some time, the scar mends
It's not so tender,
It can handle a confirmation or two
So the fact you did worse than I knew
Itches the scar but nothing more
I write to make sure the pain is released before it makes me its home again
They say it is better to loved and lost than never loved at all
I do not disagree
Despite this little white scar of mine
My only addition of wisdom,
It's a shame we can love one who doesn't deserve our pain
For me that was you
And now I forever bid you adieu

Someone once called me demure,
I didn't know the word
I looked it up that night
It stuck with me ever since
I'm quiet, I know
But the beast growls low inside
Begging for release
It distracts me sometimes
I don't hear what you said or I nod solemnly
To hide my inner longing to be free
I'll keep my face in the light
And I'll growl at night

An artist's cup
Full and empty all at once
Schrödinger's cat in another life
Second sight coupled with the afterlife
Feeling a little too much
Artists need a place to bleed
Somewhere to be free
Riddled artistry
A cup of gravity
Unique to each who drinks
Crafted by creativity
Drained by objectivity
An everlasting cup
Filled with hopes and dreams
Pains and philosophies

Tips of wheat brush gently across my fingers
I weep
But there are no tears that stream
Or muffled sobs
Only me in a field of wheat
A place among the stars
Why here?
In this field of golden stalks and grey sky
I'm answered by the breeze
Caressing my face with gentle embrace
Sight fades for feeling's sake
The illusion of life slips away
I am left with these golden stalks and breeze
Here I am free
Among the wheat with my lonely tree
I rest peacefully

Wintry tales
Of warmer days and green space
Jagged snow capped peaks
So high up there is little to breathe
Nestled in cliffs is a warm place
Where my heart beats
Far away from anything
I don't recall putting it there
But there it beats
With strings of soul attached
In the broken peaks it waits
Unbroken and untamed
Its thunderous beat is frightening
Sometimes it scares my sleep away
The electricity arcing through nodes
Down to the bundle
Commanding every fiber that exists
It waits
For the day I can reach the airless peaks
Claim what's mine
And will always be

A fox spoke to me last night
I thought myself insane
His bushy silver tail stood *****
As he gazed at me with bright eyes
I ought to run,
But you are of no harm, he said
I nodded, stunned
He chuckled and asked if I had never talked to a fox before
That would be ludicrous, I said
He shook his head and his muzzle bared the finest smile
Oh my lady, we foxes do speak
We are not as well heard as the wolves
Or as majestic as the owl
And we pale in comparison to the cougar
But we do speak
Tonight you've come to hear I think
I've been waiting a long time
For you to listen
I've come before but all you heard was a fox
Now sit and listen to my tale
I'm Keeper of the Winds
And it's time you learned about the storm within.

Rising up
Through the smoke
It's coming through to you
Whipping up the clouds
Feel the storm brewing inside of you
Red winds blowing through
Sickness in the air
It'll get washed out
When the rains fall down
After the red winds come through
Been a long time since they've come
They're overdue
Red winds coming in
Westward born and eastward bound
The old is crumbling to the new
Setting sun is rising now
Red winds blowing it down
Won't it be a sight to see the storm come round?

Thundering plains
Winding down a valley haze
The heart came to play
But its lonely beat was not met
So the horses came
Trotting in time
They knew the spirit of the wind
And the passion of the land
When the beat is left alone
Listen closely for thundering hooves
Coming to meet the heart
Free in the wildness
The horses come to dance with the lonely beat

Late last night
I sat on the highest hill
A child among mountain giants around
But still a lovely little hill
The monsoon battles the dry
It has every night
The half moon was bright
Shining amidst storm clouds
The cool breeze pushing lazily by
A battle of moon and clouds played out
It was a glorious sight
The clouds would darken the sky
Brightening only with lightning
Then the moon would shine
Declaring its superior light
Only to darken once more
The battle waged for hours
Until my eyes grew tired
My last sight a triumphant yellow moon
Then I closed my eyes
And the clouds had won

Thank them for me
This dance is ending
I won't stay after this piece,
Tell the band they were sweet
They couldn't have made a better beat,
It's time to go
Tell the angels sorry I had to depart
My heart couldn't take anymore
Tell the demons the laughs were great
I couldn't cry another drop,
See the dance is ending
I'm not sure it's any different than the beginning
I already knew that part
So I never had to witness
The men playing smart
I moved with my art
A fanciful existing
Bringing angels and demons to my yard,
Thank them for me
The host who sat apart
Tell him I know the game he set from the start
And now I depart
I leave my art
And my invitation
Thank them for me
I've danced my part

Roots burrowed deep
Roots burrowed shallow
A tree clinging to a cliff
While climbing to the sky,
Cancerous roots
Spreading out
Grasping ground
Solid foundations
Ill winds won't knock it down,
Twisted tree
Its bark is scarred
Old and gnarled
Survived a lightning strike,
A squirrel family
And a woodpecker or three,
Aged back to Roman days
Its past pain is clear to see
A beauty unique
Should I live thousands of years
I think I'd be as twisted as this tree

Wings breaking flesh
Metal piercing through
Raging blood
Of never enough
Poison tipped
Memory can forgive
Acid burning,
Etching metal with runes
Mask of flames,
Heart of graves
Victory singing in tune
Ravaging dust to boon
Held firm by,
Silver bonds of painful sanity
Forged on the blood of a race gone
Nike, never an angel were you

The heart will not be silent
Its begging is laid bare
An aching wound wanting more
Confessing a painful sore
Friendly eyes no more
A sign of the coming storm

Darken the door,
Trying to prove his worth
He never had to
She saw his value long before
She knew his thoughts
His gaze said it all
Her answer did not change
She cannot be what he needed her to be
He did not believe?
Should she share some of the darkness in her?
The parts no one sees?
Past the pain there is calm certainty
He deserved what she could not be

She'd be lying if she said otherwise
A better friend she'll be
True and loyal to her dying day
Let her be that
As a lover she is complex
She would burn him to ash
Few match her flame
She can be everything,
But please a lover she cannot be
A friend like her will be a gift
She won't go away
Release the grip

Perhaps a drink
Something to wash this emptiness off
It was right
But the heart aches
An echo of a lonely beat
But a lover she could not be

I wrote today
As I do most days
A journal locked away
Kept for posterity's sake
It doesn't hold my name
And the grammar is far from okay
I wrote today
As I do every other day
Tears no longer flow
And anger does not taint my soul
They both have found a home
In a the pages of my tome
My journey has taken me here
To the land of no man, alone
No footsteps to guide
I wrote today
An inscription of the person I am for another day
When I forget the shadow that led me this way.

Joints of black holes
A massive frame held together by gravity
Fabric of everything
Woven destiny
Beyond complete
I watch the swirling stars
Spinning galaxies
In the tide of being
Finding more is expected of me
Legs pulled taut by majesty
A drop of universe to breathe
Wonderous and terrifying
Which do I choose to see?
Both make demands of me
Black holes gaze down,
At me on bended knee
Asking if I'll let myself free.

A writers pen
Well used and ink stocked
Sitting in a storm of dark and light
Darkness that cannot be seen
Lightning that can be breathed
Wet electricity
Warping drying ink
Tears of rain blurring lines
Emptiness as the storm ravages away
Gentle patter of rain
Followed by the hurricane
Beauty of the storm
Seen in dried ink
Not when the winds and rains blasted down
Buzzing with electrical fill
Writers sit down with quills
Mastering the storm of wills

A hunter walks
In a subtle stalk
Holding his breath and refusing to talk
Waiting for his prey
When it appears his rifle is cocked
His lungs go quiet and his heart quickens
He pulls the trigger
The moment cannot be forgotten
Life and death hanging in the air
Like scents of apple blossoms
All a hunter will ever be
The silence unforgiven.

A friend's request
I rise to meet
A dovetails nest
Resting steadily
Perched ever so gently
On a perilous peak
A nudge and the young will tweet
Plunged into eternity
A request complete
Bittersweet
Broken free
The time has come for awakening

Shouts of a rigid mind
Clawing and screaming all the way down
Welcomed to the place of no bounds
Feeling too empty and full inside?
You're not alone
Sit on down
I hear things haven't gone your way in a while
A vicious cycle you say
I know the route
Tell me how it came about,
An old pain stuck around
Kept itching and burning
Festering until you rubbed it raw
The pain made you think
Question some of your preconceived cogitations
Deep down you knew what you had to do to learn this time around
A little stubborn you complain
Aren't we all I say
Tiredness skulking in the corners
I've done many rounds
That's why I smile and listen
It warms my ancient self
Makes the loneliness a little less
Something to be proud about
So please sit on down
Tell me about the joys and woes your journey has taken you to
I'll say little
If you ask I'll tell a story or two
You may have come screaming down
If you allow, I'll show you why this fall was the best thing to happen to you.

Good or Evil?
Simple terms
Circumstance and happenstance
Treated equally by the tactician
Grave ambition
Touched by sedition
Allied?
Never truly known
Honor code
To a people unknown
A servant never meant to bow
A warrior or a monster
Depends whose writing now
Know when he comes around
You've lost before you began
It's only a matter of time now

If I weep will you hear?
Set me down and hear my silent words?
If so,
I rest this weary smile on my face,
Let my heart bleed,
Filling every muscle and bone
Down to the marrow where it all began
With this ache my longing brings
I'll release it from the deep
Let you quench the thirst
Fill my cup until its full
And I'll return it with its due
Let me drink,
A long cool sip
Of the master brew

Electric skies
Arcing home
Where souls roam

The universe came to play
With a sack of jewels
Scattered from antediluvian hands

A beauty of creation,
The void has been
All who were will come again

Light and shadow seeking gems
Stars of dust
Scattered in our skin

Why be any less,
Embody creation's whim
A breath of ancientness within

I saw a helicopter tonight
Flying low with running lights
Made me think of the ocean
Watery horizon and dying sunlight
Reminded me of a Marine who flew a little too high
Helicopter in dusky skies
With red running lights
You remind me...
Of so many nights.

The hills burned
The blue sky turned dark
As smoke blotted out the sun
Gracing the valley in red dusk
Burning skies
So beautiful tonight
Embers of brush and piñon pine
Nature's destructive light
Raining ash
With gentle might
Dying skies burning bright
Wildfires decimating for new life

Hanging vines
Wrapping around limbs
Gently caressing broken skin
Bringing the body up
To mother's embrace
Holding the bare chest
Soothing its quiver
Dripping moonlight
Over the beating heart
Letting it flow down the roots
Pulsing life stretched in water veins
Hanging vines returning life
To all who ask
The tree of life.

A slip of silver shining in the moonlight
Crescent midnight sun intoxicating dead to life
Molten iron in a mouth full of strife
Hot fires raging inside,
I hear your cry
Anger and fear blinding everything in sight
Brother can you hear me now?
The day is won
There is no more blood to slay
I know you never left the fight
Peace is hard when you've seen the hate in people's eyes
You've been breathing red haze
And now you've forgotten who you are
Brother listen to me now
Take my hand and hold it tight
We'll find sanity's light
I'll rinse the blood stains from your eyes
We're both built for the fight
Let me be by your side
Hold my hand tight
I'll take us down to the river tonight
Where we played and make-believed
My brother I'll join you for this fight
Coming home is a long journey of the night.

I've been alone even in company
Maybe it will always be so
My heartbeat echoes beyond me
Yet it beats alone
Unanswered
Alone I ache
Desperate to share the load
But I do not wish my burden on another
A sacrificial soldier,
Is what my heart makes of me.
How can it weep asking for relief?
When it cannot see it's making a martyr of me

Come back to us,
My son so sweet
A face too young to be taken away.
My daughter,
Drawn away to this careless world
It does not deserve your grace.
My loves,
I am with you in every breath
It will always be this way.
Torn away by petty things and historical mistakes.
I will never send you away,
I wait with warm embrace
Do not leave a folded flag in its place.
Come back to us
We wait,
Every generation a dying race
But a mother always waits.

Three ranges
Running North and South
Miles expressed homeward bound
Jagged peaks
Plummet down
Earth's chest breathing in rise and fall
Easy now
Two valleys
Empty barren lands
One road stretching down
Through the valleys
Where shadows dip
Painting their shrouds
So the sun may not beat down
Three ranges
Two valleys
One road
Summit peaks and empty creeks
The valleys do speak
To all who travel the open ground

Let me go
Where my skin touches ground
It's peeled off and falling now
I'm left with muscle and bone
Each taking penance as they bend down
I've dropped to my knees
Anger burns my eyes
Something left
From these burning wounds
The bones are collapsing
The cage will open soon
The beast growls
A reckoning is in it's snarl
I should fear it's primal call
But it beckons me
From bended knees and broken bow
I feel it's cold in my veins
Calling to me
One step closer now
The caged beast will make me complete
As I cast off this mortal shroud
Dancing wolves will answer me
Blackness of the void call to me
I hear your distant shout
Murmuring as I kneel upon the ground
I answer your call
Because it is the last sound
I have nothing more to give
No further to go
Skin has fallen and bones have cracked
I've burned the last of me
My offering is complete
Consume me
We'll be complete
The darkness is what we'll be
A monstrosity to all these light beings
A beauty to all who can see
I call to thee
Open the cage and set you free
**** the road to hell for all it seems
I've found eternity

Several years ago
Life led me to a fork that went both ways
One was known and everything I had been raised to be
The other was singular and marked with shame
The former was the only one I was supposed to take
A simple lie is all it would take
A sip of kool-aid to dull the pain
But I couldn't kneel before another's game
So I took the latter
Beginning a journey that belonged to me
I lost what childhood had given me,
I watched family and friends turn away
At eighteen that was a bitter thing
Deracinated from everything
It left me grasping to make sense of anything
As a child I had always been told about people like me
I had taken the red pill
The lies went away and I had to rebuild everything
I made home for myself
Not out there
Where the world spins without wait
But inside
Where my shadows dance and play
And I found my way
I still don't know where it leads
Or what I'll be along the way
But I've made peace with the pain that led me this way
And all the friends and family who have gone away,
Because I didn't see life their way
Now this path doesn't seem so lonely and the shame that marked the entrance was a lie to frighten me away.

I think failure must smell like old coffee
The kind that spills on a white dress shirt
Staining yellow as it turns cold
The once rich aroma turning bitter
An acidic stain that eventually dries
You frown and in embarassment try to hide it from those around
With a bitter laugh telling your mates that's what happens when you rush
You go home and try to scrub it out
If you know the tricks no one will ever see the stain
But you'll see the remnants in your eyes
Everytime you put on that white lie
An invisble ring of sickly yellow
Surely it's obvious, everyone will see.

I think failure feels like this sometimes
A stain we'd rather not see
The bitter aftertaste of something once warm and comforting
I wonder if the stains we hide,
Ever become beautiful?
A momento we once tried
And yeah got burned a few times
Maybe we should stop wearing white
Pretending the facade is true to life
Using magic markers to live up to a lie
Life is messy and anyone who says otherwise
Probably has more stains than you or I.

May my blood of this moon
Fall upon the stones
Creating life tonight
May the earth hear my cries
In the heat of night
I'll hand back with warriors might
Every grain and stars alight
Heal these wounds
Mother of the land and sky
Incantations of spirits on my side
May this blood flow bright
Down the stones to river beds and watery depths of absent light
Sky grant me one more breath tonight
I'll whisper my creation into life.

I saw the sun today
It asked me to stay
I said no thanks
I saw the moon today
It asked if I'd visit tonight
I said alright
I sat and watched my skin smoke
Silver wisps stretching up like snakes
Vapors of my breath turning cold
Gems have taken my eyes
And my heart gave way to stone
Burned away inside
I found what was left
A soul of gems and stones
Lit all on their own

The creek babbles just outside
Aspen leaves blow gently in the moonlight
Mice scurry for the snacks they think we've left behind
Despite the chill I'm warm tonight
You lay beside,
Breathing softly, asleep
It is the last night
Your arms wrap me tight
It's been a long time
But my empty feel persists
Knowing my thoughts betray what's inside,
Once again our ships are passing in the night
My thoughts scream
It wasn't meant to be
I ignore them for a taste of life
Just tonight
I know I'm free
A blend of pain and peace
Will it always be?
Let me sleep
Falling with nothing but the creek and trees
I hope they catch me before the scream is released.

I lay my body down
I've got no further to go
I'll hear the call come round
Until then I'll lie here and listen
Hung my heart so I could hear it play
It was a symphony
So achingly bittersweet
Each beat seeking majesty
Percussion of obsession
Strings stirring the currents longing
Woodwinds calling dreams
Brassy passions
The argot of my friends in arms
Battling my mind for possession
Each beat a harmony and a tragedy
My symphony
Always in my mind
Granting pain and peace

In crimson black
Of moonless nights
A lone wolf hunting in the dark skies
Seeking more than blood tonight
Walking on legs
Skin bursting unnaturally tight
The Pied Piper calling innocence
Away from the light
Shifting from evil they hide
Men of dark arts they once were
And have since become much more
In the high desert nights
When the moon isn't bright
Sit amongst the sage
And close your eyes
When you open them you'll see
The shadows do hide
For the Skinwalker has come out tonight.

Like a little lone puppy seeking a home
In memory and history
Catching attention in little things
A scent of laundry detergent in the breeze,
To remind of youthful summer breaks
A song playing from another day,
Reminding of a time and place
A taste of another's drink,
Reminiscent of a lover who has gone away
Go on home pup and wait for me
I'll come along later and we'll play
For all the yesterdays and todays