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I thought if I hurt myself
Then there'd be no room for people to hurt me

I know now that I was very wrong
I fear that one day my life will be controlled by substances
It's sad to say that I put myself in these situations
But my body yearns to feel numb and I know of no other way to make the pain go away
Maybe not feeling is okay but my bad choices could conflict badly on something amazing in my future
To decide which is more important and at the same time not allowing my body to be over taken by drugs is difficult
I always thought I was strong and this is my test
It will define the person of whom I will become and if I fail then I apologize
I apologize to the future me because I know you will suffer
And I know happiness will not be an option for you
My voice yearns to speak

Only when it's incapable of doing so
Internally stuck between

I want to be numb so I can't feel anything
&
I want to be hurt so I can feel something
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