Now’s exactly 07:33 in the evening of May 03, 2011:

Time is ticking round the clock
hanged on my bedroom wall
just above the upper right corner
of my room’s door.  
As I watched the secondhand
tics-and-tocs over again for several times,
completing a day, I have come to reflect
how did I spend every second of my life
since the day my heart had fallen over him.

I came to think of this question
I am now asking myself while writing,
“Does each second of my time,
of how my life had been
is really worth counting for??”.

I closed my eyes, a tear dropped slowly
one after the other as I clicked every letter
on the keyboard of this very laptop
I am using now.
I hate to admit of how I truly feel
at this moment of my life,
in the middle or perhaps
I am now heading to the END
of these events about him and me,
what hurts even more
is having my confusion or
if it is a mistake that I have said
“him and me” in this statement.

Was there really been “US”?
the “him and me” I used to know,
to believed in, to loved, and to fought for.

A moment of silence.
I looked at my hand, my left hand
which he first held on the first time we met.
I can still feel his warmth,
his touch which happened
to have touched my heart too.
His touch has had me wishing
I could feel it again,
feel HIM again.

Nobody knows of how I exactly feels now,
not any person in this world knows
how much I am hurting and
that I am hurting still.
I always seem to be okay, fine,
happy and cheerful in front of other people’s eyes.
I have been a great pretender,
I have been wearing a mask
to hide myself from the reality
which I never dreamt of happening.

These scars he had left upon me
has not healed yet, I even wonder
would they ever heal on their own.
I believe they will,
I just don’t know how long
will it take them to, or how will they heal.
They are all still open, or worst,
still bleeding.
Bleeding invisibly, and painfully.

I ran out of words to type now,
but I am actually reflecting and
feeling my emotions, at least for now
I tried to become honest with myself
that I don’t have to hide nor
to pretend of my heart’s condition
when it comes to matter of Love,
matter of him and me
that was left unclosed.

Isn’t it strange?
For two people to see
A love that was built
Yet uncertain, as time persist.

Isn’t it amazing?
How two people came to meet
From a distance submitted
Where millions of people existed.

Isn’t it weird?
A heart that was pierced
Still loves somebody so fierce
When agony was solely received.

Isn’t it exciting?
Once love has began
And pain is expected
A story is about to unfold.

Isn’t it sad?
When paths have finally converged
The wind will suddenly blow
Then paths will again diverge.

Isn’t it ironic?**
From strangers to friends,
Turn friends to lovers,
Ending as strangers, once again.

Mourning in the shadows of the sun
A scar that was yet to be healed
Bleeding in the propositions of tomorrow
Begging for a medicine of hope.

Standing in the crossroad of despair
Tracing for memories of yesterday
Transforming each into a dream
An imagination of assuming reality.

Captured in the lair of darkness
Tortured by the pain of “without you”
Chained by fragments of promises
Exiled to a crib, full of longing.

Slept beside a melancholic lullaby
Beneath a twilight of photographs,
With or without you, I shall wake
Oh tomorrow, why do I fear?

Across this province of mine,
amidst that city of yours
I saw you standing,
so far away from me.

To look straight in your eyes,
To behold myself in your arms,
To hear you whisper in my ears,
Oh tonight, these are my desires.

For a moment then, I lost you,
Yet I struggled to retrieve you.
For a moment today, I asked
“Shall I ever lose you again?”

I fear of tomorrow,
anticipating such kind sorrow,
thinking you might leave again
in a sudden, and dreadful way.

However, I shall be prepared
for anytime, things may be impaired.
Until such time I must be practiced
for the art of waving goodbye,
and to never ever look back.