I wander upon the pond of my sufferings.
I wander freely, misguided and wonder
Where these footsteps might lead.

Strange dots collide into infinite dots,
Then divide into answers shaped as knots.
They are paths I don't want to seek.

I dived too deep into this obscurity, too deep.
The weight of my inner world
Keeps crushing my feet.

They can't run any longer
For my heart beats too weak,
I don't intend to hide under,
Just need a place to sleep.

My soul craves for the silence of katharsis
And I can only dream of a deserted oasis,
When time was only a clear drop,
A time when I was me and you were you...

I should stop writing this, I should stop.
Can't deny my letters miss writng your name,
They miss you a lot.

Innocence was written on the warmth
Of our holding hands
And smiles embraced the air
Of our own molded lands.

I've lost myself
In this "fear-hate" game.
I've come to my end
In my mind's jungle,
There's no escape train.

Nightmares became too often real
In my awaken mornings rays,
Despite rainbows of sounds and joly colours,
Demented wounds and bruises never heal.

So here I am...
Thrown on this arsenic pond
My life ends here -
Death is born.

Don't blame me,
My beloved one.
You see
Miracles don't happen for me,
For the lost times I felt undone.

I shall find my sleep
In this lifeless area.
Between these scarlet whispers,
Between garments of memories
From the back of my cornea.

These are my last invalid words
To you...
I will be lost in my mistakes hue,
Forever lost, forever unwritten.

When I wanted to be a superhero

I forgot how important it is to have a sidekick

I forgot that when I tried to go into that good night gently

I did not have to go in alone

That when I fell face first into mud thick puddles

In places so dark it feels like drowning

You could have been by my side

I forgot that I am only human

That the only weapon I’ve ever held is a pen

And the notebook I keep in my breast pocket

Would burn up at the thought of a bullet

Superheroes don’t wear pocket protectors

So when my editing pen broke

I saw what a bullet wound might look like

But I still let you fall behind

The voice of reason

Of clichéd comedy sayin’,

“Holy Ginsburg crazy man

Poets don’t save people

They just look for reasons to cry”

And if you had gone in there with me

I might have come out alive

Gone back to my day job

Loved you proper

With 9 to 5 weekday normalcy

And nights so silent

I’d have to press my ear to the wooden floor

And listen to the sound of the cold expanding

Just to fall asleep

I made it to the other side of the city

I’ve since removed my armor

It sits wrapped in slowly thinning paper

Trapped between the lines I secretly wrote you into

I never had any powers in me

Just a lot of passion in me

But I still keep forgetting

I can’t do this alone

It's funny; the things I'll do to escape you.

I feel the familiar numbness,
as the caffeine works it's way through my system.

The heightened senses,
the small, flashing lights, haunting the corners of my vision,
the nausea as the room starts to spin,
but I like it...

Because, every time I feel this upheaval,
I know that soon enough, my body won't be able to process the feelings;
I know my mind won't react to the seeds you planted there.

You try as hard as you can to make them grow,
you're trying to tear me apart from the inside out,
and once upon a time,
it worked.

But once I feel the shock of my system shutting down,
there's no more room for you to invade.

I know what I do is dangerous.
But when you find something that works,
anything* is a good enough escape.
Even if it means that eventually,
something goes horribly wrong...

Am I doing something wrong?
Because I'm really dying to get away from you,
and so far,

A bad headache and a fast heart beat aren't going to be enough to convince me to stop.

Try, my love; try to open the doors to real pathways
It's running water under my floating house
in the ocean of uncertainty and misguidance now.
I can't live in this, I gotta move!

Look, watch as the tides show you that I can't play alone; another raft is waiting
A future home based on unreadable waters.
But we can't wait anymore, we have to move!

The fingers are pointing to different eyes every time you seek it,
but I'll still believe in man's second chance.
I'll move on now, but I'll come back to see if you're ready.

Is there a grudge that you're keeping, because I'm not coming back to fix that.

I catch myself
Constantly

Thinking about you

Reminiscing about
Every feature you possess

**** this life!

And **** our distance
I’m missing you too much

Life is split by our only purities
Black and white; hate and love

But which were you?

You started out as gray; so I screamed and smeared you black
It was easier to darken something than make it lighter

But which were you?

Perhaps you were pale enough for me to have lied
I could have just blurred my eyes and made you white

But which were you?

You made my world rotten; gray
Some parts dried white and others soaked in black

But which were you?

You’ve been gray since forever
And you’ve grayed my senses

Stop your stuttering heart

And attempts to explain how this is complicated

Let me lap the language from your mouth

Until the words become sound

There is nothing complicated about a moan

Or trying to catch your breath

Let me love you primal

Let me rewind your dizzy gut

So I can love you backwards

So we can start at the end

And you can see that we both die happy

There are no words to explain your presence

How I know that at least

One of those hits on my poetry page is you

Even then

You’d need a stethoscope to hear the subtle changes in my heartsong

So don’t give me reasons why this won’t work

You should know by now

That I was born to surprise people

I’m an underachiever

You can let slide by this time

We both know how this ends

Let’s get past this and

Go straight to the good part

Where I turn your doubts into sounds

Even a baby can understand

Adults coo sometimes

Let me be a quiet sigh of relief

In order to mask the mumbles

Of your fear

Let me turn you into a sound

A moan

A sigh

A quiet breath

And then

Let me love you

Something about the smell of rain soaked pavement
Just after the storm settles
Just after the winds whip
My wet hair into my eyes

Something about the gentle slide of tires
Occasionally losing their grip
Because I get lost in the heavy thud of sky
Begging to break in through the roof
And I step a little harder on the gas pedal

The way the earth smells
Just after the storm passes
The way the palm trees regain their height
Despite the hurricane of your sighs
The way the water always finds its way back to itself
The same water that is on my lips will eventually be there again

And it makes me almost believe
That I might actually be able to come clean someday
That forgiveness is the rain pulling the dirt away
Knowing that once it leaves we’ll be ***** again

I tell you this as I drive with the sunroof open
And the windows down
My hand is out the window palm up and cupped
You remind me how stupid I am

So I let the flood in
And we both get wet
And while the rain runs down my face
I secretly cry

And just as suddenly as it started
It stops
I wipe my face and step out

There is something about the smell
Of rain soaked pavement
Just after the storm passes

I want to put my hands in your pockets

To feel the muscles in your thighs

And it makes me want to wear you like a crown

Until the weight of you doubles my back into tantric

And forces out of us the sounds

Of open windowed honeymoons

And shameful moans

Slipping through the jail of my fingers over your mouth

And it’s only shameful this time

Because we are outside

Please if you could

Keep the ***** talk going until

We’ve soiled the blood-money to sopping

In the imaginary world of the things you make me say

Guilty started once you took your coat off

We’ve shed this skin to sin

And now I’m just lightning

Stabbing at your thunder

What’s your name again?

You can make it up

I will shout anything you want me to

Into the darkness of wherever

I am open to anything

Promise

You don’t have to feel bad in the morning

I can pretend we never met in public

It’s not like I can take you dancing

I have two left feet

I won’t buy you drinks

You wouldn’t take them anyway

I will even look the other way

When some other guy dishes out

His disaster for you to break your bones in

He doesn’t mean anything anyway

Just know

I am probably sleeping alone if you’re not here

But I won’t always be thinking about you