I still feel the electricity inside my veins
the jolt, the bolt
the jitter, the tingle
the rush, the sting

I still feel a long passed carnage
that swallowed me whole
captivated, smothered and devoured
and never let me go

I still feel the ricochet of echos in my heart
stolen, captured, forever hostage
in every stanza, every line,
every syllable, every vowl

They say that lightning doesn't strike the same place twice
but I'm a fool who believes in dreams
i'll feel the static in my hair
i'll turn science into fiction

They say that lightning doesn't strike the same place twice
but stranger things have happened
and it's better to believe in dreams
don't you think?

I said that I'd been listening to Muse a lot lately
And you of course asked my favorite song
And like the universe's cruel humor, yours was the same
And now, it will never be the same
That song will always be your favorite when I play it
When I hear it, it will always remind me of you

And I'll think about you listening to it
And wonder if it makes your heart shake like mine
If you feel it explode through your soul
If it reminds you of me

And isn't that funny?
Isn't it just so cruel?
The way I can just feel
That our time is truly
Running out

If he were a poem
   he would be both starlight on a crystal
   and untouchable sunlight through the clouds
   in a miraculous acrylic portrait
   he's something reminiscent of an ancient time
   where love flowed freely
   against it's turmoil and twists
   because he is endless where he began
   a being with no end or compass to land
   he is someone I've loved

If she were a poem
   she would be a window view of autumn leaves
   curled with a good book and fresh brewed tea
   she is a porcelain doll with many cracks
   cracks I tried to fill with laughs
   that foolishly I thought would last
   because she was a drop of honey
   in a poisoned glass
   she is someone I've loathed

If my best friend were a poem
   she would be stained glass windows
   during the golden hour
   wine stained colors dancing on sunlight
   tracing along my skin
   because she feels like a fractured memory
   of true religion and a cacophony
   of all that good faith could be
   she is someone I need

If I were a poem
   I wonder what I'd be?
   would I be like a lark crying out to be heard
   singing into darkness
   just till the moment passes?
   or would I be more like an ivory statue
   a moment frozen in something ephemeral?
   I can guess and theorize
   but I will never know

Because I am the poet-
                                             and not the muse.

If from this world too soon I may depart
Weep at your loss, keep me in your heart
But do not live in those tears,
Do not stay awake with all your fears.

If I part before my time has been deemed enough
Forgive whatever happened, for life is rough
Cry once, cry twice, but smile every time after
Because I once filled your life not with tears, but with laughter.

Do not feel guilty that you are smiling, laughing, living
I don’t want you to live like you are dying, life is forgiving
I have left you behind so much of myself in writing; in my art
Find my stories, my poetry, my loose thoughts and see my heart.

Remember to feel, allow yourself to hurt and grieve
Then learn to look at the world again and believe
That while grief will come and go, you can not lose your glow
Keep something of me with you, but do not forget to let go

If I leave you far too soon
Breathe, be happy and to your pain become immune
Remember me, remember all the stupid things I used to do
And with everyday live your life and to yourself, be true

I only cry when I think of you

I don't cry when I talk about my childhood trauma
Of the times I'd been let down, berated or broken
When I was shut down and shunned
When I felt mute and voiceless
When I felt alone and empty
I don't cry until I talk about you
About how I loved you, and how I'll never stop

I've been hurt before you
I've been hurt again after you
But it's interesting how there is a before and after you
As if that's how I divide my life
Divide the way I feel

When I think about you
I think about the day we met 10 years ago
In the choir classroom of our middle school
In the karaoke homeroom
We were young, ridiculous and open
We were outcasts who saw eachother
We were outcasts who were seen for the first time

I never felt like I had to hide from you
I never had to pretend to be someone I was not
I think about how we would laugh and smile with eachother
How we almost felt like we had an us vs them against the world
I think about how I loved you before I knew what love was

I think about everytime you called me and your voice
Somehow always seemed to save me
As if you knew every tear before they fell
Years and years, but you never stopped calling
And I suppose, I never stopped waiting
I never stopped answering

I think about the days we were together
When we reconnected in highschool
When we fell in love
How I can read our entire relationship through texts
How I can hurt myself and heal myself over and over
Like a wound that never heals, never scars
I think about how desperately I wished I didn't love you
How wrong it makes me feel being unable to let you go

I think of how you taught me what it meant to be loved
And what it meant to love

I think about how I'm alright with being your friend
With never showing you my writing
With never telling you how much I've loved you
I think about how I'm satisfied
With knowing I will never be more
And how it is worth it and I don't know why

I think about growing up
Of growing farther away from those memories
Farther away from the choir classroom
Farther away from the phone calls out of nowhere
Farther away from a version of you who loved me
And I realized I'll never grow away from the me who loves you

I only cry when I think of you
When I'm sober, when I'm not
And it's never a tear of hurt
Not from something you'd done
Nor from something you'd said
But from all the things I wish you did
From all the things I wish I could
For all the poetry you may never see
For all the love you'll never know

I only cry when I think of you
Because I love you when I know
That I should be able to let you go

I hope that there is a lifetime
   an alternate reality
   a dream
   where you choose me
   the way I will always
   choose you

And I understand
   that it cannot be
   this time
   this place
   this life

But even so
   don't you think
   that it's a little cruel
   that you will always
   have me

In a way that I
   will never have
   you?

My flower petals
Fell like empty shooting stars
With no wish to grant

Like a shooting star
You passed me quick and quiet
I forgot to wish

Now as spring leaves green
I wish on all that I see
Can you hear it now?

My summons for you
All my whispers on the wind
Calling you to me