Door opens. It’s a party.  Two girlfriends, dressed to the nines,  leave their partners and retreat to the powder room.
You think my guy sees what I’m wearing?
Think mine does?
Let’s swap dresses and see what happens.
In an urban minute they walk over to the bar.
Male, good looking but going on sixty: Didn’t I see you two on some catwalk?
What, the dress or me?
Good question, not sure I would recognize you without.
Girls walk on to the dance floor.
Woman, tattoo-faced, XTC-eyed: Didn’t I see you two in the tattoo parlor?
Sure, dress feels like it’s on us to stay.
Don’t worry, my eyes are lasers.
Go peel a banana.
Girls find their boys.
Boys: What you said is right, music’s too loud to say anything.
Then don’t say it.
Did I say something wrong?
Girls decide to swap back.
In an urban minute they’re back and bump into their boys.
Sweeties, something the matter?
What would that be?
Looks like you went and changed.

What? The earth is flat? Then I’m a balloon.
No, you want proof?
You bet your flat feet.
I gotta warn you, parties will try to bamboozle you.
Try me.
Take a long walk with a glass of water in you hand. If it spills, the earth is round.
After.
Well, I  took a long walk, got thirsty and started seeing things, so drank a bit, and the water spilled over.
See, parties put substances in the water.
Try me again.
Take a plane and if you end up topsy-turvy, it’s round.
After.
Well, we ended topsy-turvy alright, cause the pilot started doing somersaults.
See, parties manipulated your perception.
Try me again.
Go find the largest telescope there is, look through it and if you don’t see a sign saying THE END OF THE WORLD, it’s round.
After.
Well, I saw a sign, but it said NO TRESPASSING.
Yeah, parties pretend to have secret military bases.
Heard talk about that, where they keep guys from other planets and their real flat flying things.

Man sits watching an outside film set. The crew takes a break. Man walks over and asks, Who’s the Foley Artist?
Me, says Foley, I invented it.
I’m too silent, man says, can you fit me with some sound?
Sure, what do you want?
Leather soles on wooden floor.
Done.
Man walks over to his girlfriend’s place.
Hey, quit creaking around the house.
Wrong sound, man thinks.
Goes back to Foley.
Can you fit me with another sound? My girlfriend’s freaking out.
Sure, what?
Get me rustling paper.
Done.
Man goes to his office.
Hey, what you shuffling your files for at the lunch break?
You wiping your *** with em too?
Man goes back to Foley.
Colleagues think I’m wasting toilet paper.
Can you fix me another sound?
Well, what will it be?
Try a starting car.
Done.
Man goes to his tennis club. Wins every game.
Hey, you’re like a truck driving over us.
Man goes back to Foley.
Hey, Foley, great sound.
Can’t hear you, cut the engine.

Eternal Infinite Living One,
it's been a long time since
I wrote to you, the summer
has had it's soporific effect,
and new things have come my way,
and lots of new books,
with scraps of insight,
like, to be courageous one first
has to feel fear,
and fear is located in the ear,
and timed for the night,
because then we mainly
base ourselves on that *****,
foreign sounds and sensations
need to be addressed,
lately my heart beats in my left ear,
well, in a conversation with friends
I finally spoke out over you,
proof of your existence lies in the fact
of fiction, which is a living organism,
that changes through every new ear and mouth,
so if you are fiction, you are alive,
and change everyday,
and I realize that intimacy
is my great struggle, to open it up
and lend it continuity,
and not being afraid of changes
it goes through.
Courage, patience and determination
are key words.
Unlock my doors!

A  guy wakes up one morning and decides he wants to be immortal.
He’s healthy, well to do, reasonably handsome and extremely unsatisfied.
Thru Insta, Tiktok, Facebook and a chain smoking friend he learns of a firm offering immortality.
Welcome, says the Immortician, you’re at the right place.
My TomTom told me so too.
How does this work and how much does it cost?
There are three stages, each increasing in intensity and in costs.
First stage amounts to 1499 USD.
This is rekindling your lusts.
How do I do that?
Unfortunately, our method leaves you entirely to your own devices.
See you in three weeks.

After three weeks.
Welcome, says the Immortician, what did you experience?
Well, I pursued many a lust, but that resulted in osteoarthritis of the hip.
Excellent. Now for the second stage.
Your imagination needs to run away with you.
How?
Unfortunately our method leaves it entirely up to your own fantasy.
And the costs?
3000 USD.
Can I pay by installment?
Naturally, the term is infinite.
By the way, the guy says, you yourself look younger than three weeks ago.
Your efforts are our gain.
See you in three weeks.

After three weeks.
Welcome, says the Immortician, how was the run?
Well, my imagination is in overdrive, no sensible thought in my head, but I did develop a migraine.
Excellent. Now for the last stage. You need to become a child again.
I won’t ask how.
No, the child in you will show you the way.
And the costs are?
6000 USD.
Drop dead, the guy says, you’ve become even younger.
So you’re saying you’re showing me what’s in store for me?
This is reversed obsolescence.
See you in three weeks.

After three weeks.
Welcome, says the Immortician, how did it play out?
Well, I whimpered, snacked and shrieked to my heart’s delight,
but after climbing a tree I ended up in IC with a heart attack.
Excellent, you’re dead right on track.
However, we strongly recommend a follow-up.
Costing?
10000 USD.
Hey, you’re getting younger again.
I suggest you pay me!
And the guy grabs the Immortician by the throat and strangles her.
After which he drops dead with a humongous *******.

Detective: We suspect a love making that got out of hand.

God works in ways mysterious to himself, a toothless drifter thought.

There's God, sitting on a cloud, doing nothing. Oh well, he's lightly pampered by angels and heavily pestered by Satan. The angels were just cuddling up and Satan was chewing his guts. Out of the blue, down in the mud they call earth, a young girl cried. Swat! God landed at the child's feet. Bunny broke his paw, she cried. Oh no, child, what can I do? Can't you mend it? Eh, I can cry with you. Now a double wailing commenced. And what do you know, this siren woke up the neighborhood doctor. Shoof! God rocketed back up to his cloud. He sat there, wondering what happened.

God works in ways mysterious to himself, the eyeless drifter thought.

There's God, sitting on a cloud, doing nothing. The angels clickclacked him to sleep and Satan drove a freight train through his head. Out of the blue, down in the mud they call earth, a man stood ready to throw himself in front of a train. Splat! God landed next to the rails. Don't do it, you're gonna die. That happens to be the plan. How did you know? Eh, I got my connections. Like, in wireless? Yeah. Just then the train passed. Hey, you made me miss my train. Shwoosh! God rocketed back to his cloud. He sat there, wondering what happened.

God works in ways mysterious to himself, the moneyless drifter thought.

There's God, sitting on a cloud, doing nothing. The angels showered his back with hot honeyed water and Satan slammed his shoulders with burning hooks. Out of the blue, down in the mud they call earth, an old person was lost. Shwam! God landed next to the old person. No, wait, he landed right on top of him. Or her? He couldn't tell. Now we're lost together, one of them said. Who? Well, you figure that out for yourself.

God works in ways mysterious to himself, the worryless drifter said. Suddenly he found himself in the midst of a street fest. The angels sang and danced with the Adorable Idiots Band and Satan gave away his Fire Fries and Brimstone Burgers. The drifter swung and swayed with his mouth full.

Look, there's God, the Bunny Child said to his mama. Tuttut, the mama said, no, that can't be, that poor man's just happy for a change.

At five in the morning
in peeps
bona fide sunshine
thru my blanket
& my eye,
lowly it loafs
on the street,
out spaces
the early
innocence,
gangster gal,
anything you say
from now on
can be used
against you.

The Chooseday's Child was on her way to a new friend and found a book lying in the street. She dropped in at the new friend's place and admired the friend's bookcase.
Secretly she slipped in the book she had found. The friend didn't notice and the Chooseday's Child anticipated it would take her a year to do so.

The Chooseday's Child found a metal contraption on a hiking route. She spent the night at a sweet little hotel, with good food and a warm bath. She admired the hotel owner's collection of antique farm tools and secretly slipped in the contraption she had found. The hotel owner didn't notice and the Chooseday's Child anticipated it would take him half a year to do so.

The Chooseday's Child found a small painting in a frame next to a garbage bin. She was on her way to a museum she liked for it's eccentric collection. Secretly she slipped in the painting between the other works of art. The guard didn't notice and the Chooseday's Child anticipated it would take him less than a week to do so.

The Chooseday's Child never checked her anticipations and secretly knew she had slipped in a piece of herself into a new home.

The story has a kangaroo's tail.

The Chooseday's Child found a toy doll with moveable limbs at a Give Away Shop. She was on her way to her favorite Qi Gong teacher. She admired his collection of toy dolls in different Qi Gong postures, a collection she herself had initiated. Secretly she slipped in the toy doll she had found. The teacher didn't notice and the Chooseday's Child anticipated it would take him seconds to do so.

The Chooseday's Child had her anticipation checked and secretly knew she had slipped in a piece of herself into this new tent.

The Powerlesser stood in front of his door. Inside or outside, that was the answer. Right, outside he went. He met a value guarding man. The Powerlesser asked him: what can I do outside? Exhibit your virtue, Mr Value Guard said. And what if nobody comes to see it? You double the admission price. I wouldn't pay that price myself.

The Powerlesser stood in front of his door. Inside or outside, that was the answer. Right, inside he went. In his kitchen a quick goldy little girl waited for him. The Powerlesser asked her: what can I do in my kitchen? Pour me a cold soda or make me a warm mud bath, Miss Quick Gold said. How do I choose? Well, just do something different. Like putting some paint and paper in front of you? Can do. And you paint your face for war.

The Powerlesser stood in front of his door. Inside or outside, that was the answer. Right, he stood on the threshold. An open directed young boy came to his door. The Powerlesser asked him: what can I do on this threshold? Just stand there and listen to my story, Mr Open Direction said. I'm standing and I'm listening. Oh well, I haven't got one today. Alright, in the meantime I'll listen to my feet.

Too long
to walk
to bike
to lie down
too light
daylight
days on end
hanging around
around and around
but, wait, I’m
indulging
in aimless
blabber
too much ogling
what I find
is a whole
different ***
the buds
are late
particularly the
young ones
too late
for a
blooming heart
too light
in vain
I look
to see
if I don’t
see my hand
anymore
too much water
the glass is
already full
too good
in good faith
the sun
spirits itself
away
too bad

Anyone stood at a bus stop. Which way to go, to and fro, back and forth, up and down, side to side, anything goes, for the moment, an eternity it seemed.

He waited at the bus stop. Yes, there it is. Ah, driver, where you going? Depends on the course you run. Run? I want to sit. Well, sit down. Next stop is Mars Street, Pluto Avenue, Sun Boulevard, Orion Lane, eh, lots more. You going to war? You want to get anywhere, you need Mars first. What about Jupiter Alley? So you know where you're going after all? Seems like the stars. You're on the right line. But the terminal station's a lot of empty space.
Too many stars, I'm getting out.

He waited at the bus stop. Yes, there it is. Ah, driver, where you going? Depends on whom you're with. Just with me and myself. That's a crowd. Next stop is Family Street, School Street, Job Avenue, Sect Boulevard, Yoga Lane, Qi-Gong Alley and Graveyard Junction. Phew, what a ride. I have a choice? No. Well, I'll join the parade. Yeah, and end up alone.
Too many people, I'm getting out.

He waited at the bus stop. Yes, there it is. Ah, driver, where you going? Depends on the dirt you're standing on. Let me look. Part sand, part clay, part stones. Could be anywhere. Look, I stop at Rock Road, Sand Boulevard, Sea Lane, Air Junction, Mud Street. Sounds pretty ***** to me. Son, it's just like you. Well, actually I'm looking for a clean up. Right, Air Thoroughfare is the one.
Too much wind, I'm getting out.

If life's a bus, Anyone thought,  why do I have to keep getting out?
Read your mind, the driver thought, want me to do without sleep?

There's the list. How many items? None. So? We have a nothing to do list. Who's listing? Enter Mister Lister. He's listing to be missed.

Even Mister Lister needs to go shopping every once in awhile. He bumps into a neighbor. Let me see your list. Ah, bleeding to feed. What's on yours, Lister? I got a nobody, a nowhere, a nothing and no time. Where's that gonna get you? Somebody, somewhere, something, some time. Well, you'll steal to meal. Lister laughed. I'll go meet to eat.

Even Mister Lister needs to work for a living every once in awhile. He's got a business. Things should go out, things should come in. Money should go out, money should go in. Customers should go out, customers should come in. Lister, what you telling to sell? You got nothing on your list, you're gonna find it. Ah, well, that's easy, every buy a goodbye. Chuckle. So I'm the fellow to hello, Lister said.

Even Mister Lister needs to reflect on life every once in awhile. He's got a teacher. Some call him a Goo-Roo. What does this guy teach? Longing to belong, aiming to name, striving to arrive. Lister chants: seeking to freak, spinning to grin, fooling to cool. The Goo-Roo is a sly guy. Great list, Lister. Eh, master, it's no list. I just misunderstood. Now, that's the door to enlightenment, my friend. Oh, master, all that light's only gonna show a whole lotta dots. Ah, connecting the dots. You're close, Lister.  Eh, master, what do we get? Just a straight line.

Shucks, Mister Lister thought,  I'm just summing to hum.

Well, one keeps company, doesn't one? Two, three, four, and counting. And any number can sit in an establishment and order drinks. And this company is served, isn't it? And service it will be.

Any number sits in a boulevard bar and orders three beer and a liquor. The barista brings the three beer and an empty liquor glass. Don't see the liquor, any number says. Oh yeah, she says, I forgot to say, take a deep look first. I see a tiny bubble of air, any number says. Well, that got me light in the head, she says. Won't do for me, any number says. Get to your senses and fill it up. Certainly, sir.

Any number sits in a lakeside lounge. And orders two soft drinks, one liquor and a beer. She brings the soft drinks, the liquor and an empty beer glass. Don't see the beer, any number says. Oh yeah, she says, I forgot to say, take a quick look first. I see a glass balloon, ready to take off, any number says. Hullaballoon, she says, that's why they call me a floater. Won't do for me, any number says. Get your feet on the ground and fill it up. Certainly, sir.

Any number sits in a seaside beer garden and orders one soft drink, one beer and two liquors. She brings the beer, the liquors and an empty soft drink glass. Don't see the soft drink, any number says. Oh yeah, I forgot to say, take a long look first. I see my own sweat dripping down in the glass. That's my cloud breaking, she says. Won't do for me, any number says, take your cue from the lightning and fill it  up. Certainly, sir.

It's nice to be nice, the barista thought. But King Customer is not ready for the service of an Empty Empress.

It's been a long hard search, but you know what? Humpty Dumpty turns out to have a brother. In the end he just popped up between the lives of so many other unknown kin.

This guy, Humpty Dumpster, seems to try what nobody, king's horses nor king's men, is really successful at. He goes around picking up pieces.

Humpty Dumpster walks and stalks the big city. Woman comes out her door. Dumps an old table lamp without a shade. Humpty Dumpster picks it up. What you gonna do with that? Go pick up the missing piece. And yo! Next corner, a milky glass shade. How's that for a short circuit, he thinks. Now wait for a real one.

Humpty Dumpster walks and stalks a provincial town. Hey, look. Sweet little frying pan lid. Heavy glass, easy handle. Humpty Dumpster picks it up. So, young knight, where's your sword, an old guy says. Eh, different game. See if it fits my frying pan. And yo! It does. Only just. Oh well, my floor anxiously waits for the shattering.

Humpty Dumpster walks and stalks his own street. Pinpointed eye. Like this thing asks to be seen. Deep wooden frame, ceramic head with fish on top, broken off tail sits with it. Humpty Dumpster picks it up. Mister, it's a throwaway, it's *****, you get sick, a young girl says. Maybe I'll be sick, but this thing is gonna be better. Glue the tail back on, surround it with animal figurines. Bad art is easy as a good ****.

Humpty Dumpty calls his brother. What's I'm hearing? You picking up pieces? Try picking up mine. Yeah, can do. But you gonna look older and not gonna be the old you. Who cares, Egghead.

We have a Baroness and a diplomat. They were a team in a global organization. And they had an affair. And both were addicted to something. She to ****** and he to saving the world.
She promised him to quit and he promised her to quit.
He promised to quit if she promised to submit to a clinic after he quit his world saving addiction.
She promised to enter the clinic if he promised to leave the world’s stage.
They sat in a hotel room and she says, for the time being you can use you diplomatic status and pouches to get me the brown sugar. He said, the world saver he was, that could be great cover, for the time being.
Diplomaniak, I love you. Baroness, you sweet Brownie, I love you.
So for the time being as it was nothing changed.
The diplo haggled and joked with the dealers. He had learned the trade from his parents who both had been junkies. So he bought the best of the best. The Baroness took it for granted she got the best of the best.
Pouches came and went and the diplo covered it all up with a crazy story. About them containing samples of biochemicals used in warfare. And used by him to expose rogue states. All to prevent exposing his rogue mate.
Dealers asked him, you on the sugar?
No, it’s for my sugar. I’m on a drop of whiskey and a puff of tobacco.
But then time being as it was something changed.
The diplo finally found a suitable successor.  One who wasn’t trying to save the world. The world decided it would do it’s saving it self.
So in came a peace loving and peaceful negotiator. A man who extended existing wars and supported starting new ones.
The Baroness booked herself into the clinic. The diplo visited her every day. This time without the sugar but with a bottle of crème de cacao for her and a drop of whiskey for him. The nurse expressly had forbidden any stimulants in the clinic, so the diplo used a different pouch. He bought a large chocolate box. Together they retreated to a secluded spot in the garden and enjoyed sips of their respective browns.
One day the Baroness said, I’ve got to tell you something.  I’ve fallen in love.
With whom?
With the nurse.
Well, that’s better than being married to the needle, said the diplo.
You don’t care?
I care a lot but only for you.
Her new lover barred him from visiting her.
But the diplo found a way around this. He mimicked the voices of her family members and got her to visit him in their usual hotel rooms. There they sipped their browns in secret.
But the time being as it was one of them died. And when that happened their last words to each other were that they stopped making promises to each other.

Now, he ended up on an island. Was he alone? You bet. An island in a city, an ocean, a desert.
Every once in a while someone came by or he met this someone and they formed a twosome.
On a Monday some flotsam carried in Man Monday.
He showed him how to contemplate the moon, sit still, wait till the sunlight shone around and in him. And with the sun Man Monday disappeared.
On a Tuesday who walked up but Man Tuesday.
This guy was service personified. He saw to his every need and wakened an urge in him to serve himself. So he kicked him out, with many thanks.
On a Wednesday in came lively Man Wednesday. What entertainment, philosophical conversation. Like, see that sand castle? That’s a mirage. True, but wait till it rains, it’ll be hell-to-shelter. At that point Man Wednesday’s course had run it’s course.
On a Thursday in parachuted Man Thursday. Now, this how you make a fire. For roasting and warming. Good, let’s cook because it’s warm enough here. After the meal Man Thursday rocketed off back to the skies.
On a Friday in crusoed Man Friday. From an earlier story he knew this one was as loving as he was silent. Smile, big brown eyes, was all he communicated. And his silence was warm and cold, sweat and shiver. Like a fever. One day he canoed off to his own island.
On a Saturday slowly Man Saturday emerged. Together they grovelled and toiled. Things fell apart, they learned patience and resilience. Man Saturday was slow to leave, there was no hurrying him.
On a Sunday in marched Man Sunday. The party began, music and dance. All in worship of the Copper Cudgel, the Sacred Scorcher, the Friendly Furnace. And left him with the debris.
And who came by the next day?
Man Tomorrow. All open space, 360 degrees view, that’s what he had to offer.
Anything can happen
Anyone can come by
Anywhere you find without looking
Anyhow something shows
Anyway….. well, he goes without saying.

Eternal Infinite Living One,
the bubbling source under my feet
will produce something to write,
and, yes, there it comes:
thanks for the dream this morning,
in which I was back at the farm
and met with a total chaos
of events and people,
me cleaning up a self made mess,
lots of paper towels,
reprimanding a person who
took soft drinks from a table,
morphing from an old man in tattered clothes
into a young blond man
and who looked at me like,
who are you to decide,
finding a copper ring,
with a flat piece sticking forward,
fitting it on to my little finger,
discovering I couldn't lock my bike,
looking up and seeing the whole farm
renovated, a large roof on poles
over an open space,
waving goodbye to the young guy
I worked with on Saturdays,
emptying my pockets of animal toys,
and finally leaving, stepping around
an open pit,
well, how's that for a goodbye,
and afterward stumbling out of bed,
unsure of my footing.
All this after a terrible aching
of my intestines yesterday,
the smartest ***** of man,
the gut is the winding path
to God, and releases all that
should be released,
and takes in what should be
digested, cramping whenever
what has to go out is kept inside.
Mind is the Holy Spirit, Gut is the Father,
and the son, well, that's us,
our hearts, that surprise
with all their twists and turns.
Beware to be where you are!

This guy Al ‘Bag’ Daddy drives up in his limousine. It’s the home of his friend who is poor as a rat.
Al ‘Bag’ Daddy parks his car against the garbage can and smashes it.
His friend on the porch looks up and says, Hey Al, new car?
No, says Al, this is my old one. Want it?
His friend says, you buy me a new garbage can.
Al ‘Bag’ Daddy curses and drives off, screaming, you’re gonna stay trash yourself.

Al ‘Bag’ Daddy comes around to visit his friend again, who is poor as dirt.
He drives up in a new sports car, dressed in a fur coat.
He screeches to a halt, but manages to tear up a rug hanging over the porch balcony.
Hey Al, got a new coat? No, this used to be my dad’s. Want it?
So I can use it as a rug?
Al ‘Bag’ Daddy curses and races off, screaming, my shoes wouldn’t want you as a doormat.

Al ‘Bag’ Daddy comes around to his friend again who is poor as a match stick.
He drives up in a Hummer with a green Stetson on his head. The vehicle screeches to a halt, knocking down a just planted young apple tree.
Hey Al, got a new hat?
No, it used to be my gardeners’. Want it?
Send along your gardener with a new apple tree.
Al ‘Bag’ Daddy curses and races off, screaming, tree? You sit there all day, just like one.
Hey Al, got a point.

The friend popped up at Al’s mansion on an antique bike. He sideswiped a marble statue of a cherub.
Al ‘Bag’ Daddy shouted, you’re gonna pay for the smallest scratch.
Friend said, want the bike? I got two, one too much.
Yeah, Al said, seeing a profit, gimme the bike. I love anything on wheels.
But how are you gonna get back home?
Is that limousine still on offer?

The guy who reinvented the wheel time and again went to see his doctor. What's up? the doctor said. I climbed up on my roof to get a tennis ball. I jumped down and let go of the ball. We hit the concrete at the same time. That's gravity. Could've told you that before, he doctor said. Break anything? Yeah, a leg and an arm, but now they will never forget.

The guy who reinvented the wheel time and again went to see his accountant. What's up? the accountant said. I gave a mil to a pyramid schemer. He promised me a 100% profit on a farm in the sky. Well, he was right about the 100%, but the profit was his not mine. Could've told you that before, the accountant said. Save anything? No, the lawyer cost me another 100%, but now my wallet will never forget.

The guy who reinvented the wheel time and again went to see his shrink. What's up? the shrink said. I gave away my heart to the first woman I met on the street. She said: let me borrow yours, I'll bring it back when I'm done. Promise, promise, promise. But you'll have to find me. Could've told you that before, the shrink said. Feel anything? Yeah, real bad, but now my heart will never forget.

Eternal Infinite Living One,
the inner rain is coming down,
washing my soul,
the word that you are creates us
and we create you with our words,
gibberish maybe, but the closest
I can get to what you are,
look at our inner unbalance,
the organs all arraigned
asymmetrical, while on the outside
one sees an effort to symmetry,
two legs, two arms, two eyes, two feet,
two hands, nose, mouth, ***
in the middle,
so what we are to do is
balance ourselves from the outside
working inward, and the unbalance
of our inner world keeps us moving
toward a new balance,
suddenly I realized this morning
what my gut was telling me Friday:
through a misunderstanding a friend
and I missed an appointment,
though I am sure I had the time right,
and my gut responded with:
lower your expectations of this
friendship, let it bleed,
although I promised to ask
him for dinner and will honor it.
Thanks for I don't know what!

Well, wellness, that’s what this man is talking.
After his father died he was sitting in the Finnish sauna and realized:
dry heat, silence, discipline.
Just like my dad.
Suddenly he was present, and remained that way.

Wellness, oh well, still talking this guy.
After his mother died he was sitting in the Turkish bath:
humid, close to the skin, hot breath.
Just like my mum.
And there she was, and stayed that way.

Well, well, wellness, same person talking.
Now his parents were gone and he was alone.
He slowly immersed himself in the cold bath:
shivering, enveloping, awakening.
Just like me.
So he was present and remained that way.

Later he thought: how about freezing?
Three minutes in minus 110 degrees.
Burning blizzard, freezing fire.
Even more like me.
But the blood curdled, the blood lumped.
Well or no wellness, he thought and stepped out
to face whatever temperature, dry or humid,
the world had to offer.

Looking for an entertainer? Birthday, moving to a new home, marriage?
Phone the Fartist. Produces funny noises and nauseous funks.
It’s your birthday. You ask for a song and dance. That’s what you get and more.
Kids imitate the gross concert and adults hop around keeping their noses to the candles. And the birthday guy? He loses gas and wins a secret pleasure.
You’re moving to a new home. You ask for an afterburner blessing. You get that and more. The new carpet gets a long shush, the walls a staccato salvo, and exclamations of wonder are accompanied by exhumations of thunder. In the end the family lullabies itself to sleep with a gassy purr.
You’re marrying. You ask for cannons and rockets. You get that and more. The wedding kiss goes with a **** and a swish, the wedding cake comes with a choking chopper and the dance is a medley of winds and bombs. At night the couple both turn their gasses on each other.
Afterwards the Fartist receives many a compliment and complaint about the stink he raised. We love your **** aria’s and **** bolero’s, but can’t you deodorize?
The Fartist doesn’t reply but thinks to himself: Where did I hear about odorless gas before? Do they want gas chamber music?
O well, what has been lies ahead of us and what’s coming creeps up from behind.

The White Hole thought to itself: I need another hole to fit in with. It scanned parks, meadows and forests. And stumbled into a Rabbit Hole. Hey, watcha doin', the rabbit said. I'm not trying to blow you away, rabbit. I'm just testing if I fit in with your hole. You're too glaring, the Rabbit Hole screamed. Get your laser light out of my cozy darkness. And out whooshed the White Hole.

The White Hole continued it's search for a hole to fit in with. It scanned war zones, battlefields and cyber bunkers. And nearly fell into a Man Hole. Hey, watcha doin', the man said. I'm not trying to blow you away. I'm just testing if I fit in with your hole. It's getting much too hot in here, the Hole said. Snap off that nuclear plant of yours, I wanna be cold and uncomforto. And out whooshed The White Hole.

The White Hole continued it's search for a hole to fit in with. It scanned the universe, both outside and inside. And bumped into a Black Hole. Hey Whitey, watcha doin', the Black Hole said. Sorry, Blacky, I'm not trying to blow you away. I'm just testing if I fit in with your hole. Well, Whitey, I can tell you this: you gotta wait till I'm done.
How long you think you gonna take?  Ages, you call 'em light years. You can try my *******. Blacky, any hole of yours, light seconds I’ll be there.

An Animal Magnetizer went knocking at the doors of farmers and pitched:
Your animals sick, sad and surly? Let me magnetize them and they will be sane, spirited and sweet. Two healings for the price of one!
One farmer thought: Well, it so happens carnival is in town, so let’s take a shot.
The Animal Magnetizer chose one of the goats, closed his eyes, and magnetized……
Dear Goat, you’ve sore knees, you’re too fat.
The goat thought: O, yeah, how about me getting extra fodder because I’m old? And he took a bite out of the magnetizer’s pants.
The Animal Magnetizer went mad and secretly magnetized the goat sore knees for the rest of his life.
The Animal Magnetizer chose one of the chickens, closed his eyes and magnetized…..
Dear Chicken, you’re starving, look at your legs, they are so thin.
The chicken thought: O, yeah, I’m scuttling about all day looking for food and get fed twice a day, I’m just nice and slender.
And it pooped over the Animal Magnetizer’s shoes.
The Animal Magnetizer went mad and secretly magnetized the chicken starvation for the rest of his life.
Well, the farmer said, I’m subwhelmed, you got one more chance.
The Animal Magnetizer chose one of the donkey’s, closed his eyes and magnetized…. (Let’s put a positive note)
Dear Donkey, you’ll have a beautiful child.
The donkey thought: O, yeah, look at my belly, a child can see that. And it peed all over the Animal Magnetizer’s shirt.
The Animal Magnetizer went mad and secretly magnetized the donkey with a child that bore the horns of a goat and the feathers of a chicken.
Ah, well, buster, no cure no pay, the farmer said, I guess my stock relies on it’s own animal magnetism.

What’s the wonder of soccer?
The musicality, the marimba, the flow
back and forth, side to side.
Sometimes the ball directing the pace,
sometimes the player keeps the ball
from taking over.
But the ball doesn’t take no
for an answer.
It wants to challenge
the speed and direction of the players.
Saying, I’m faster than you,
more precise, that is if we
work together,
if you accept I’m faster,
because I’m the one who
needs to end up somewhere,
not you.
And when I do,
we’re both happy.

The Impersonal Trainer decided to open shop. I need a sign. On my door? I don't have a door. Next to my tent? I don't have a tent. On my forehead? Shoowee, I have a forehead, but I want it blank. Drop it, let's start up this bizniz with some buzzness.

Hey, there's a client. Watt-chew want? Oh, trainer, I'm in my head all day. Talkin' about day, you in there all night as well? Oh yeah, at night it takes over totally. You hit the nail. Let your night be your day. You mean, sleepwalk? You just graduated. Dream on, here's your money.

Hey, there's the next client. Watch-hue want? Oh trainer, I lost control over my body. One limb shakes, other stiffens? Oh yeah, one has to stop, the other has to go. Now, I got a thousand-and-one exercises. Do I do them all? Eh, that's gonna cost you. Pick one at random. You gotta force me to a choice. Force! You're halfway there. Do number 134. How many times? 134. Where's the machine? The machine, that's you. Go buy yourself a new whip, here's your money.

Hey, there's another client. Wash-shoe want? Oh trainer, I got trouble with feeling and emotion. Ah, destination arrived. Fee-ling is about being the one who pays, e-motion is about the one who virtually moves. Gibberish, explain. Shush, that's hard. Walk a mile in your wallet. Oh yeah, I'm paying everyday. Now, walk a mile inside yourself. Like breathing? Looky-here, you're getting somewhere.
Well, I'm moving on, here's your bitcoins.

The Impersonal Trainer sat down to do his numbers. One: I'm helping people that help themselves. Two: I'm helping myself who doesn't know what help he needs. Three: I'm helping the Help-Thing that doesn't need help. Ah, stop, this getting personal.

Two boys played soccer together alongside a river. The ball went up high in the air and dropped in the water with a splash. One of the boys went after it.
He stepped into the river and felt the water pull and push him this way and that.
Oh, he said to the reeds standing near the river bank, you just stand there easily.
Me, I just have to work hard to keep from falling. How do you do this?
Well, the reeds said, the way you do it, you're just like the ball you're trying to get.
We just stand and move with the flow of the water.
Now that's nice, the boy said, how can I stand and move at once?
Well, said the reeds, to move you first have to stand firm and relaxed.
Then when you move, you do this from a firm position, and move to the next firm and relaxed position.
The boy bent his knees slightly and stepped forward slowly. And stood there a moment with bent knees, gently moving with the water.
O, reeds, he said, how wonderful to be like you.
Yes, said the reeds, but we won't get your ball for you.

A guy. Loves walking. Walks over to the municipal pool. Enters the water. And keeps walking.
Look, there’s that pool walker again.
Pool walker does his first 25 meters.
Swat! Arm and leg hit him from behind.
Scram, I’m training for the Olympics.
****, you do this one more time. I’ll be limping.
Pool walker does another 50.
Smack! His toe hits a spectre near the bottom.
Scoot! You broke my goggles, diver bubbled.
****! You just popped my bubble and now I’m treading glass.
Pool walker is into his last 100.
Smash! His knee hits a soft object.
Srlsrlsrlsrlr! Goes drowning kid.
Shush! Now I’m walking on my hands to get you.
Pool Master approaches Pool walker: Hey, Maestro, try swimming.
That’s what I do on Main street.

Maybe a dust bowl
burning in nature’s airfryer,
it’s not the end,
something’s crawling out of a hole.
Maybe a fire within and without,
a howling wind about,
there’s always another thing
crawling out of a hole.
Maybe a flood, ages of rain
with a tornado as a premium.
Down deep it crouches
crawling out of a hole.
Maybe a landslide
taking a town or two,
it looks big that’s all,
it’s the tiny thing that’s
crawling out of a hole.
Maybe a mental eclipse,
a black out, a white out,
a skyscraper crashing down,
there’s a wisp of a ghost
crawling out of a hole.

A farmers family had a small son called Mark. The boy was forever asking questions. So they called him Question Mark.
Walking around in the yard he said: What kind of animal is that?
His mother said: That’s a chicken.
And the boy said: What does a chicken do?
The mother said: She scurries around for food and then lays an egg.
And we scurry around after her eggs for our food.
And the boy said: Why does a chicken lay eggs?
And the mother said: The chicken hopes it’s egg will produce a chick.
And the boy said: What is a chick?
And the mother said: A chick is a young chicken, just like you are my young son.
And the boy said: But who came first, the chicken or the egg?
The mother was speechless.
One day a man and his little daughter came to buy some eggs.
The boy bombarded the two with questions.
He said: Who are you?
The man said: I’m married to my wife and together we have this little daughter.
And the boy said: What do you do?
The man said: I provide food for my wife and daughter.
And the boy said: Why?
The man said: If my daughter doesn’t eat she will never be big and strong.
And the boy said: Why do you have a daughter?
The man said: We enjoy living with her and hope she will support us when we are old.
And the boy said: Is your daughter the same as a little chicken?
The man said: I guess you could say so.
And the boy said: Did she crawl out of an egg too?
The man said: No, she came out of her mother’s womb.
And the boy said: So is a womb just like an egg?
The man said: No, people don’t crawl out of an egg. But in the beginning they do look a bit like a little egg.
And the boy said: But who came first, that little egg or the mother?
And then the little girl said: Everything starts small and ends up big.
And the boy said: But what about the Giant and Tom Thumb? That Giant was big from the beginning. And Tom Thumb stayed small.
The girl said: Yeah, I know that fairy tale. Tom Thumb beats the Giant, doesn’t he?
But then, Marky Mark, who decides who is big and who is small?

Meet the man who heard faces. What? He heard a voice and saw a face. Why don't you say so?

The man who heard faces picked up his phone. At the other end a thin meticulous voice suggested an appointment. Something to do with personal development. Check: day, hour, place. He saw a sharp, dry face with glasses.  On the day, hour and at the place he met a creased, crooked face on top of a stocky guy. Well, he thought,  personal development starts here.

The man who heard faces turned on the radio. A soft, husky voice invited him to listen to an interview. He listened and didn't hear a thing. He saw a worn, battling face with a sleepy eye. Next day he came across the face in the papers. He saw a bland closed face with an earthy eye. Well, he thought, better listen and hear next time.

The man who heard faces sat on a train. Behind him a tweety, bubbling voice told someone to look at an airplane. He saw an angelic, creamy face with a sparkling eye. He turned around. He saw a dark, plotting face with a piercing eye. Just then a predator bird swooped down and picked up a mouse from the field.

A man was walking through a forest and a fierce wind was blowing.
He had trouble keeping his balance.
Suddenly he meets a spider hanging in a bush.
The spider gently swayed with the wind.
He asked the spider: Tell me, how do you keep your balance in this fierce wind?
The spider said: It's my web. I'm connected with everything that surrounds me.
The man: But I don't have a web.
Yes you do, said the spider.
You have a mind that can connect you with your surroundings. Try it.
The man imagined his own web and stood perfectly balanced.
Thank you, spider, he said.
Don't thank me, said the spider.
You did it yourself.

Eternal Infinite Living One,
well, I feel like a spider
that has lost it's ability to
weave a web, and falls to the ground,
and, of course, again thankful
for what you are driving me
through, this tunnel with it's
unexpected twists and turns,
and realizing my dependencies,
the necessary and the superfluous,
the ones I'm born with and
should accept and the ones
I burden myself with and should cast off,
now, gratitude for that dream
this morning: what a circus!
I'm ready for sleep, when suddenly
a detective comes in with a
prisoner, whom we have to house
for a while, not saying why and how long,
me being the only one who protests,
me constantly moving
from sleeping room to sleeping room,
no rest, my older sister lies down
in the bath, I move again,
and the house keeps filling up
with people, doctors coming by,
giving pills, visitors suggest playing
roulette with the prisoner to keep him busy,
then constantly disrupt the game,
so the prisoner wants to leave,
still more guests arriving,
finally the prisoner calms down
in front of the tv, with a beautiful
mother and child behind him,
I smoke a very large cigarette,
the garden is chock full of people
sitting at tables, an old friend
arrives in a mariners costume
with a cricket bat, and at the end
everyone breaks out in song.
That prisoner is me, and everyone else
as well.
Rattle my chain!

The Turkish Bath Therapist had an appointment with a patient. He entered the steam bath of Spa Scanty. Inside an old man waited for his fifteen minutes of blame. How was your day, the Turkish Bath Therapist said. My friend's an ache in the head. Don't let him in there. You got an other heated room to receive him in? No sweat.

The Turkish Bath Therapist had an appointment with a second patient. He entered the steam bath of Spa Spacy. Inside a young woman waited for her fifteen minutes of shame. How was your day, the Turkish Bath Therapist said. My friend's all over me. Dip yourself in warm oil and slither out. What kind of oil? Try one that smells the best. No sweat.

The Turkish Bath Therapist had an appointment with a last patient. He entered the steam bath of Spa Sprawly. Inside a young girl waited for her fifteen minutes of frame. How was your day, the Turkish Bath Therapist said. My friend's bullying me to death. Ask her if she's enjoying it. I go all red in the face. So you're asking for the bull to charge. Let her charge and step aside. The finishing ****** will come from elsewhere. No sweat.

This Hot Turkey Method sure is a sweat, the Turkish Bath Therapist thought. Got to hurry now, my FreezeFysician is waiting

Talking about the F-Word, let's talk.

Hey, it's a guy: F. Word. F. Word becomes F. Lesh.

F. Word looked at his watch. Saw the Metro-Gnome. Little sucker just keeps walking. F. Word watched his look. Narrow tunnels, deep sink holes, wide open spaces.

Here we go, he thought. Steps into his own pipe. Blackness breakable What's that over there? An old friend calls out to him. Hey, got some new clothes for you. Yeah, you deal in shrouds. So? What's the fear? You're gonna get dressed up in the end anyway. And after you see the light. The light I see now is a fight.

Here we go again, he thought. Steps into his own chasm. Darkness drinkable. After some deep falling he plunks down in an inch of water. What’s that over there? Another old friend calls out to him. Hey, got some new proteins for you. Yeah, the fleas, and who ends up as food? So? What's the fear? You're gonna get eaten anyway. And after there’s the apple tree. I'll be the apple, I'll flee.

Here we go again, he thought. Steps into his own vistas. Brownout boatable. Another old friend calls out to him. Hey, got some new ship for you. Yeah, the one that carries me nowhere. So? What's the fear? You're gonna be shipped off anyway. And your last Port of Call will be the Court of Pall. Must say, you got a way with words. You just gave me the floats.

The friends met in Mr. Koestler's Twilight Bar. How come we hardly ever see you here? they said to F. Word.  Keep getting lost, get into a fight, have to run, end up on my back in the canal. Boy, you still got your looks. How do you keep 'm up? Oh, those looks. I just traded in my Kingdom.

A guy. Loves walking. Walks over to the municipal pool. Enters the water. And keeps walking.
Look, there’s that pool walker again.
Pool Walker does his first 25 meters.
Swat! Arm and leg hit him from behind.
Scram, I’m training for the Olympics.
****, you do this one more time. I’ll be limping.
Pool Walker does another 50.
Smack! His toe hits a spectre near the bottom.
Scoot! You broke my goggles, diver bubbled.
****! You just popped my bubble and now I’m treading glass.
Pool Walker is into his last 100.
Smash! His knee hits a soft object.
Srlsrlsrlsrlr! Goes drowning kid.
Shush! Now I’m walking on my hands to get you.
Pool Master approaches Pool Walker: Hey, Maestro, try swimming.
That’s what I do on Main street.

The young old man who dreamed of a bus load in the bank and a bed under the bridge attended a party of a wealthy friend.
He said: Why the celebration?
You got a bus load in the bank, and yet your bed costs you more than all the food you'll eat.
Why not live in a different hotel every night?
The wealthy friend said:
Scuse my Rush-un, I may be a ruin inside,
but at least I now am a high rise on the outside.
But now you have two things to lose, your money and your mansion.
So your one plus one makes two minuses.
Worry never comes singular. My high rise is royal to me.
The young old man who dreamed of a bus load in the bank and a bed under the bridge volunteered to serve the homeless a Christmas dinner.
He put a platter of chicken in front of a bearded blue eye.
He asked the blue eyed beard:
What would you do if you had a bus load in the bank?
The blue bearded eyes said:
Have a party till I farted it all away.
What's the celebration?
Scuse my Germ-un, I may be a ruin on the outside,
but at least I'm a high rise on the inside.
You're talking to His ****-All Lowness, my ruin is royal to me.
The young old man who dreamed of a bus load in the bank and a bed under the bridge got hungry and dropped in at a sandwich shop.
He ordered a club sandwich and sat down.
The shop owner brought him his sandwich and
the young old man asked him:
What would you do with a bus load in the bank?
The same as I'm doing now.
Plus give myself and others an extra.
Where's the celebration?
Scuse my Nether-Lance, I may be a one story guy inside,
but at least I'm a one story guy on the outside as well.
And that story is royal to me.
Eat your sandwich, otherwise it'll have you.

The girl with the tooth gap looked in the mirror and thought: it looks like you've been mugged.

The girl with the tooth gap sought out other people with a gap. In a bar she met a woman with a thigh gap. It looks like you're starving, Tooth Gap said. I am. For beauty, Thigh Gap said. Your own or that of others? What's the difference?

The girl with the tooth gap sought out another person with a gap. At a train station she met a traveler with a platform gap. How's the leaping today, Tooth Gap said. Waiting to fall flat om my face and enjoy it, Platform Gap said. Why would you do that? I need the hurt to feel alive.

The girl with the tooth gap sought out the next one with a gap. At the post office she met a guy with a pension gap. Making ends meet? Tooth Gap said. Yeah, my life's end and that of my budget are closing in, Pension Gap said. Which one do you fear the most? My budget's.

Tooth Gap decided: this must be my Gap Year. I'm beginning to like my mugshot.

The Conspiracy Therapist opened his door. Two men led a blindfolded girl into the room. Sit down. Point is, just imagine two men led you into the room. They did. No, just imagine they did. Right, I will. Now, what do you feel? It's no crime anymore. Exactly. And what's left? Two men led me blindfolded into the room. And that's helplessly frightening.

The Conspiracy Therapist opened his door. Two male nurses wheeled a poisoned old man into the room. Sit up. Point is, just imagine two male nurses wheeled you into the room. They did. No, just imagine they did. Right, I will. Now, what do you feel? It's no mime anymore. Exactly. And what's left? Two male nurses wheeled me into the room. And that's helplessly sickening.

The Conspiracy Therapist opened his door. Two adolescents dragged a bruised boy into the room. Sit back. Point is, just imagine two adolescents dragged you into the room. They did. No, just imagine they did. Right, I will. Now, what do you feel?
It's no grime anymore. Exactly. And what's left? Two adolescents dragged me into the room. And that's helplessly hurting.

The Conspiracy Therapist closed his waiting room. He detected a tiny camera and a tapping device. Somebody's got to be behind this, he thought.

The tennis player who only played the ball on the lines
was invited to a match by a young girl.
The young girl was talented.
The line hitter kept hitting the lines, spreading his shots,
and in the end the young girl couldn't run them down.
The line hitter said: Did you enjoy it as much as I did?
Well, she said, you don't seem to play for points and
yet you win.
The line hitter said: True, I like hitting the lines more than anything else,
and I would've let you win, if only you could return my shots.
The tennis player who only played the ball on the lines
asked a young man if he liked to play a match.
The young man was a club champion.
The man kept hitting the lines, spreading his shots,
but now in such a way that the young man could keep
the ball in play longer.
The young man scored lots of points, but in the end he lost the match.
The line hitter said: Did you enjoy it as much as I did?
The young man said: No, you kept me hanging and in the end
still cut the rope.
The line hitter said: Well, you seemed to like the dangling.
The tennis player who only played the ball on the lines
couldn't find anyone on the court to play with.
So he went to the bar and saw an old man sitting alone.
The line hitter asked the old man if he would like to play a match.
The old man had been a many time national champion in the past.
The old man said:  Why not?
The line hitter kept hitting the lines, spreading his shots.
The old man easily returned and presented him with easy shots.
After hitting the lines 87 times in the final game,
the line hitter stumbled and fell.
The old man delivered a powerful shot, that went way out.
The line hitter said: Did you enjoy it as much as I did?
The old man said: What I especially enjoyed was letting someone win who plays as if he doesn't play to win.

The world is full of teachers, masters and guides in eternal truths. And the best deal is fleeting falsehoods. They know they're teachers, masters or guides in eternal truths. So they're not bothered by their falsehoods floating by. And then you've got the ones that don't know they're teachers, masters or guides.

Like Mr. Loowie. What does he do? Well, he sits and talks like all the others.

Goes something like this: One thing I know for sure, I sure know my bikes. Remember that broken down bike I fixed. You don't remember. I remember. That bike's still running. Won't start me a bike shop. Doctor says, don't do it. I don't do it. People say, what you don't know about bikes, no one needs knowing. I know what I know, don't wanna know more. Follower says, sounds good, you sure talk some shop, gonna see if my bike needs fixing. Mr. Loowie says, we did some good talking.

Or goes something like this: One thing I know for sure, I sure know my way round town. Remember that old shop on that old street? You don't remember. I remember that old shop on that old street. That old shop is closing down. Couldn't make ends meet. I met the owner the end of the week. Couldn't find a buyer. I can buy that. Won't start me a tour guide shop. Doctor says, don't do it. I don't do it. People say, what you don't know about town, no one needs knowing. I know what I know, don't wanna know more. Follower says, sounds good, you sure talk some shop, gonna try to find my way round town. Mr. Loowie says, we did some good talking.

Or goes something like this: One thing I know for sure, I sure had some fun working at the grocer shop. And at the drug store shop. And at the stationer's shop I had so much fun with the girls. We laughed, we laughed. No ***** tonky, mind you. I won't start me a fun shop. Doctor says, don't do it. I don't do it. People say, what you don't  know about having fun, no one needs knowing. I know what I know, don't wanna know more. Follower says, sounds good, you sure talk some shop, now I know where to look for a laugh. Mr. Loowie says, we did some good talking.

Follower meets friend. Sounds like no way traffic. Eh, yeah, well, gotta go somewhere, may as well hitch a ride. Sounds like he's selling you *******. Eh, yeah, well, they say it's good for the garden. Gotta give it to you, not a pinch of falsehood in there. Eh, yeah, well, I guess that much is true. Tell you what, he can only handle one follower at a time. Ah, reminds me of my dentist.

A man was writing a prayer and reading it back aloud. It was a call for help and mercy to God about his health.
He closed the notebook and went to a troubled sleep.
The following day he opened the notebook to write a new prayer and the prayer began speaking back.
I must have a word with you, Prayer said. You’re calling for help and mercy, and you expect this message to come across just like that. You don’t see me as a living being?
The man was shocked. I thought God would answer, but now my own writing is doing that.
Talk to me like I’m your neighbor, not a gofer.
The man took this to heart and wrote, Dear Prayer, I’m sick, the doctor says it’s gonna take a while. When will I recover?
Next night the man opened his notebook and straightaway Prayer started talking.
Who do you think I am? A psychic? I’m a stranger you just met on the street. Would you pray like that to him?
No, the man said, let me try again.
Dear Prayer, I’m in a bad state, I fear for my life. I pray I will regain my health.
Following night the man opened his notebook again and Prayer jumped at it.
I’m someone you would like to meet. Would you pray like that to such a person?
Who would I like to meet? How do I know?
Dear Prayer, it looks like I’m just praying to myself, so I pray to myself that I will
regain my vigor and vitality.
Next night once the notebook was open, Prayer said, now it looks like you found the person you always wanted to meet.
At that very moment the man’s Guardian Angel descended on Prayer and said, Prayer, get back in your book, you talk too much.

A man met a woman friend on the street. She cried. Her grandchild had just died on a ski *****, buried under an avalanche. Inconsolable.
He was jealous. I only cry for myself, he thought. Arthritis of the hip, losing mobility, starts my tears.
The man sent a photo of a scythe he had named after a man who had died years ago. He missed the man just as much as the wife to whom he sent the picture. She cried seeing it.
The man was jealous of her tears. I only cry for myself, he thought. Feeling a goodbye coming to his former life and not knowing what to do next. That started his tears.
The man met a boy who just lost his watch. He cried heartbreaking.
Here, take mine, he said. It’s a cheap one and I don’t have as much time left as you.
I only cry for myself, he thought. Getting older, losing illusions, starts my tears.
Well, maybe my tears can provide the birds with drink.

The Imperfectionist looked out of a window. Actually, he looked at the window. Within it's frame a woman appeared. Do I fit, she said. Fit in as you like, he said. But I would prefer you cut some corners. You want corners? How about top left? Bottom right, whatever. Hey, you just want me out of the picture.
That would be picture perfect.

The Imperfectionist sat down and turned on his tv. He concentrated on the sideground images. A war correspondent appeared on the screen. Around him, desert debris, military wrecks, abandoned bodies. Interactive question: what's that rock behind you? Interactive answer: I refer you to the company geologist.  Q: could you do you commentary on the left side of the screen? A: and step onto a roadside bomb? Now that's a perfect scenario.

The Imperfectionist was tired of framed images. He stepped outside and moved like a camera. Straight ahead a young girl approached, eyes glued to her phone. Left of her, a scooter moved onto the sidewalk. Right of her, two women loudly discussed a daughter's dental problems. Above her, a drone whirred. Below her, the pavement showed it's beautiful cracks. Skewz me, I'm looking for... he said. She looked up the address. It's right here, sir. He slapped his forehead. Oh no, that's a perfect disappointment.

A boy thought: I love to sing, but I can't sing.
He tried to sing a song, but when he did everybody held their hands over their ears.
So he went for a walk and sang for himself.
Just then he passed a meadow and a cow responded with a long MOOO.
Well, he said, tell me cow, how did you learn to mooo so beautifully.
The cow said, I learned it from my mother, who always went MOOO when she was full
of milk, so I knew I could drink.
So, said the boy, if I sing MOOO, everybody will think I'm a singing cow and clap their hands instead of holding them over their ears.
Now, said the cow, I'll tell you what. I once was just grazing away and saw a man sitting cross legged and eyes closed on the edge of the meadow behind the fence.
And he sang OOOM.
That's MOOO the other way round, said the boy.
Yes, said the cow, you're human, so why sing like a cow. Just sit down, close your eyes and turn the
MOOO around and you have a beautiful sound.

The Situationer left the situation room and went looking for a situation. Even though he knew the situation would arrive anyway. He bumped into a group of people forming a circle. He looked inside the circle and saw a girl lying on the ground. What's the situation? he said. Waiting for the ambulance, giving her water to drink, empathizing, being frightened, taking a picture, robbing her purse, commenting on her legs. That's not the situation, the Situationer said. Everybody's moving, minus one. You mean: minus yourself? No, I do both, because I show and tell.

The Situationer went looking for another situation. He came upon a twosome. Both persons were talking and gesturing. What's the situation? he said. She broke my watch, he failed an appointment, she looked away sweetly, he killed me with his eyes, she broke the camel's back, he pricked the needle in the haystack, she sleeps without snoring, he eats without smacking. That's not the situation, the Situationer said. Everybody's moving and standing still at the same time. Plus yourself? No, I can't do both at the same time. I either show or I tell.

The Situationer went looking for one more situation. A young person stood fiddling with a stick in the pool: Look, a polar bear in a big pool! What's the situation? the Situationer said. I wanna swim, but I'm afraid, I'm not a polar bear but a big blond guy, that makes me even more afraid, okay, I'm a bipolar bear. I cuddle and ****, chill, let's freeze together, you're furry right. That's not the situation, the Situationer said. Everybody's big and small at the same time. Hey, check who's sweating. I can be both at the same time. And with that situation the Situationer goes back to the situation room.

The Sky Butcher levitated to his Cumulus Mall. Picked up a chuck of air, seasoned it with cloud, sprinkled it with breeze. No chopping, no flattening.

In walked a customer. (Thought I cut some figure.) What's it gonna be? Looking for something to **** in. Well, got you a real soft Pigeon Breath. This one's gonna stay flapping inside you. Zoots me, I gotta fly.

In walked another customer. (Thought I knew my cuts of heat.) What's it gonna be? Looking for something to ******* away. Well, got you a prime T-Bone Twister. You'll never be found again. Pack it in, I'm packing up.

In walked yet another customer. (Thought I knew my meat & greet.) What's it gonna be? Looking for a smell that puts me unconcho. Well, got you some tender little Southpaw. Phoooo! I'm gone already.

Blasta, the Sky Butcher said to himself, I'm heavytating back to the flats. My meat's getting thin up here.

On his way home he saw a truck passing. Oxy-Gen, it said on the side. Genetically modified air, new to me. Gotta get me some second wind first thing tomorrow.

Long before … eh, what... there was a man called Theodore Therefore. He was known to sit in an easy chair. Not much more was known about him. Stop, there was something. He was contented.

Theodore Therefore sat in his easy chair. Two young lovers came to visit. He smiled at the girl. The girl chattered happily to one of her aunts. He smiled at the boy. The boy smiled back and thought: now, there's a guy seems like cause and effect in one.

Theodore Therefore sat in his easy chair. His younger brother came to visit. Theodore Therefore smiled. His brother smiled, but said: you don't seem to move. Cause and effect doesn't seem to effect you.


Theodore Therefore sat in his easy chair. His young looking elderly mother came to visit. He smiled. She put up a blank face. Looks like you don't know you're there, she said. But I know. Cause I feel the effect on me.

Theodore Therefore smiled. He drew no conclusions. Very effectively.

The man who fell in love everyday sat in the sauna next to a dark girl.
He dropped to his knees, kissed her hand and said:
You're beautiful, let me say this, I'm in love with you.
The dark girl said:
Funny man.
The man who fell in love everyday, fell out of love that instant.
He walked over to the infrared sauna and sat next to a redhead.
Again he dropped to his knees and said:
You're beautiful, let me say this, I'm in love with you.
The redhead said:
My hair is a traffic light. That's where you stop.
The man who fell in love everyday, fell out of love that instant.
He walked over to the swimming pool and let himself in.
An older woman swam towards him.
He couldn't drop to his knees, so he floated up to her and said:
You're beautiful, let me say this, I'm in love with you.
The older woman said:
As long as we're in the water, let's marry.
The man who fell in love everyday, fell in love no more.

What’s to worry about?
Well, you got global warming, the climate clinic says.
You got seas rising, temps rising, kung flu flying, fauna failing,
floods and droughts fighting to a draw.
So? We’ll die or live
What’s more?
Well, you got global warring, the perennial peace promoter says.
You got the oily-garchs grabbing, the bitcoiners blackwashing the banks, the banks heisting customers, big countries nibbling at small countries, refugees swamping seas and lands.
So? We’ll die or live.
What’s more?
Well, you got schmillions of global worryers.
You got fears floating, angers accumulating, distress dispersing, nerves wrecking, chests burning like charcoal, knots klodding throats, sweat pouring out of pores, knees keeling but not kneeling, heads hurting, hearts eating themselves.
That sounds more like it.
How do I join this army?
They’re signing up at a building called The Void.
Uncle Shame and Auntie Blame want you.
Marching against or for what?
Warring and warming themselves.