Dearest M,
When you look in the mirror,
you may see a lost cause.
But when I look at you,
I see someone I love.
Someone I always have loved.
I don't believe you're a lost cause,
I believe you're a lesson.
A lesson that everyone needs to learn.
You taught me that despite your best efforts, life throws you curve *****.
You taught me that I'm strong,
strong enough to handle your rejection.
You taught me that I make my own way.
Because of you, the man I love,
I know I don't have to take anyone's ****,
that I'm better than my mistakes,
that even if I think I'm a lost cause,
I can be someone's inspiration.
So yes, a lost cause can be a good lesson.
I don't want to say goodbye,
but I feel like I have to.
You don't love me. You never will.
That's ok. I'm strong enough to to handle it.
Sincerely,
A
Ps. I know you're not longer the boy in the red pickup truck

Veni. Vidi. Amavi.

It's ok to be a heart breaker,
To hitchhike on love.
It's the only way to learn a lesson.
You're not my villain,
You're my lesson.
We all have our reasons,
and I know that.
I don't want you to love me.
I want you to love someone who
Will sharpen your mind,
Build your trust.
I am a lone Ranger.
Whether you agree or not.

We came. We saw. We loved.

Well ****.
                      It happened again.
          Our eyes met, my heart melted.
We spoke, and I fell in love all over again.
                  But none of it was real.
                  He didn't feel the same.
             It's been one too many times.
             I won't be hurt by you again.
                  So goodbye to the boy...
                with the red pickup truck.

Well ****.
                      It happened again.
          Our eyes met, my heart melted.
We spoke, and I fell in love all over again.
                  But none of it was real.
                  He didn't feel the same.
             It's been one too many times.
             I won't be hurt by you again.
                  So goodbye to the boy...
                with the red pickup truck.

Why do I like the rain so much?
It may seem simple my darling one,
but it's not.
It's not for the smell,
The kisses in the rain,
playing in puddles,
or rainbows.
It's much more complex.
It's for the tears disguised as raindrops,
the layers of pain washing away,
the end of sorrow at the end of a long day,
and hope that one day it will all end.
The hope that it'll be over,
Sooner rather than later.

This I believe

           Life is too short to worry about all the small things that go wrong or the people that bug us. People tend to worry too much about finding a way to be entertained and tend to forget not to take life too seriously, because in the end none of us make it out alive anyway.  
           Let me paint you a picture of a little girl. She was born at 02:05 am on March 21st 2000. She had curly brown hair and beautiful blue eyes, and her mother was addicted to ****. The state of Colorado deemed her mother an unfit parent and she was placed into foster care when she was 12 hours old. The little girl's mother was in shock and got her act together and got her baby back after 1 year. Time passed and the little girl and her big brother were best friends. He shielded her from all the bad things going on at home. When the little girl was about to turn 3 her mother had 2 babies, they were twins. The new parents wouldn't stop yelling at each other so the little girl started crying, she got her first beating that night. She was ****** and on the floor in their little home and she couldn't move. All she could do was cry some more. Over the next two years she learned to fear police and thought that it was normal to be abused. She got beaten on the daily, verbally and emotionally abused, and cried herself to sleep every night. She was 5 years old when it finally happened. Someone had called the police to come save the three young kids. This was it, she had been in and out of foster care for 5 years, this was finally the last time. Her mother came into her room on the warpath and put the little girl's head through a glass display case, her brother and sister let out a blood chilling screams as they cried. The little girl woke up in a new foster home, without her siblings she felt like crying, but was scared she'd get hit again. The next morning she was told that she was in her new forever home. She was shocked. No more little brother and sister, no more drugs and abuse. She was finally safe.
           This story is the story of my life. I haven't told many people it, so thank you for listening. I believe in a life full of laughter. Laughter is the most powerful medicine. I cried enough tears for a lifetime as a child, so that only leaves me one option now, laugh. Laughter is powerful and everyone's laugh is unique. I'm going to end this with a question:
     Q: What has four wheels and flies?
                   A: A garbage truck.

This I believe

           Life is too short to worry about all the small things that go wrong or the people that bug us. People tend to worry too much about finding a way to be entertained and tend to forget not to take life too seriously, because in the end none of us make it out alive anyway.  
           Let me paint you a picture of a little girl. She was born at 02:05 am on March 21st 2000. She had curly brown hair and beautiful blue eyes, and her mother was addicted to ****. The state of Colorado deemed her mother an unfit parent and she was placed into foster care when she was 12 hours old. The little girl's mother was in shock and got her act together and got her baby back after 1 year. Time passed and the little girl and her big brother were best friends. He shielded her from all the bad things going on at home. When the little girl was about to turn 3 her mother had 2 babies, they were twins. The new parents wouldn't stop yelling at each other so the little girl started crying, she got her first beating that night. She was ****** and on the floor in their little home and she couldn't move. All she could do was cry some more. Over the next two years she learned to fear police and thought that it was normal to be abused. She got beaten on the daily, verbally and emotionally abused, and cried herself to sleep every night. She was 5 years old when it finally happened. Someone had called the police to come save the three young kids. This was it, she had been in and out of foster care for 5 years, this was finally the last time. Her mother came into her room on the warpath and put the little girl's head through a glass display case, her brother and sister let out a blood chilling screams as they cried. The little girl woke up in a new foster home, without her siblings she felt like crying, but was scared she'd get hit again. The next morning she was told that she was in her new forever home. She was shocked. No more little brother and sister, no more drugs and abuse. She was finally safe.
           This story is the story of my life. I haven't told many people it, so thank you for listening. I believe in a life full of laughter. Laughter is the most powerful medicine. I cried enough tears for a lifetime as a child, so that only leaves me one option now, laugh. Laughter is powerful and everyone's laugh is unique. I'm going to end this with a question:
     Q: What has four wheels and flies?
                   A: A garbage truck.

I really must say,
life is a mess.
People see one another,
and jokingly threaten death.
"I'm gonna **** you!" She smiles
"Not if I get you first,"he grins back.
They mean well.
But the sad truth is,
when I look in the mirrior...
I say the same thing.
"I'm gonna **** you!"
But it's no joke.

She was a rainbow,
But he was color blind.

Maybe we'll meet again,
When we are slightly older
and our minds less hectic,
And I'll be right for you,
And you'll be right for me.
But right now,
I am chaos to your thoughts,
And you are poison to my heart.

Ha! How the hell should I know?
I couldn't after two long years.
So ***. Oh well. I'm just done.

I'm writing the story of my life,
  and I'm not letting anyone hold the pen.
      The pen is mightier than the sword.
    I'll write out all my pain, damage, fear.
                I'll shoot for the moon,
     even if I miss I'll land among the stars.
  They all told me that because of my past,
     I could never become anything great,
              that I'd never have success,
                  never be good enough,
   that what they did to me was my fault.
                   I wanted to grow up.
                          I finally did.
                 I excaped their torture.
            Now, I keep writing my story.
             Write. Edit. Change. Repeat.
        I'm not even completely grown up.
                                 2 years.
                 But it's happening now...
         I've started toa ture into an adult.
                     Frankly, I'm scared.
           I'm not exactly sure what to do.
      I'm taking over sooner than planned,
              I'm working a real job now,
      I'm responsible for sisters well being.
                       I just don't know.
                          But that's ok.
        I have my faith and I have my pen.
I don't want to miss out on the people who
                have me mesmerised...
But how can I captivate them and weave
                       them a story?
       I don't know. I don't know if I can.
      My rythem and rhyme is so unique,
          there's no hope in attempting
     to intertwine another beautiful soul.
           I'm sorry. I just don't know.
                      All I do know is
      The pen is mightier than the sword.

They say I've always wanted to be a poet.
That's true,
at least in part.
I love writing beautiful words,
expressing mixtures of emotions,
turing words into extravagant art,
confessing my love,
but never actually expressing my love.
I love the safe excape that it gives.
The excape from abuse,
self-harm,
shame,
disappointment,
and fear.
But if I'm being honest,
the thing I want more than to be a poet...

          Is to be someone else's poem.

I wanted to write down
exactly what I felt
but somehow
the paper stayed empty

and I could not have
described it any better

I wait for you in a
place where the sea
meets the sky.

Where ocean waves
swell against gentle
white shores.

Where the familiar
path ends and the
unknown begins.

I wait for you.

Each day as the evening starts to set
         The ache builds in her chest
   She knows that she must go to bed

She hugs her tearstained pillow close
           When no one is around
And cries for the one she loved and lost
        And screams without a sound

          Others see her in the day
         And think she's doing well
       But every day as evening sets
           She enters her own hell

     Time hasn't healed her pain at all
             Or quieted her fears
         So every night, alone in bed
         She sheds thoes silent tears
                            ~af

You are
delicious
and I am
greedy.
You are
generious
and I am
needy.
You are
experienced
and I am
learning.
You are
flammable
and I am
burning.

I can't have you.
I hate this.
Uuuggghhhh.
Oh well.
I've hidden it for so long,
Just a little while longer and you'll be gone.
I'll just keep my smile, even if it's fake.
Oh how this is killing me.
Oh....

If you choose to fall in love,
fall in love with a writer.
But know you will live in the pages
of a poem, linger in the words
of a song, be engraved
in the ink of a plot,
twisting your fate and heart
into a tempestuous knot.
If you choose to fall in love,
fall in love with a writer.
Who will hand you
the world, drawn and painted
in the metaphors of a troubled mind
where nothing is simple, not even a line.
If you choose to fall in love,
fall in love with a writer-
your life will never be the same.
They'll weave stories of yesterday,
in the webs if your hair,
breathe the sky of morning,
and lure you to their lair.
So if you choose to fall in love,
fall in love with a writer.
One who truer will never be;
fall in love with a writer....
with a writer like me.

I wish you'd miss me too.

Kisses like candy, soul like poison.

One hard ******; down I went.

Because alcohol tastes better than tears.

Still waiting on your return home.

We're all trying to forget someone.

Your scars will never wash off.

I'll choose happiness every **** time.

Not feeling gets easier over time.

I love you. Sorry. It's complicated.

I asked. You answered with silence.

He's the enbodiment of toxic masculinity.

We turned out tomorrow's into yesterday's.

The bloodiest battles are fought within.

Six words can't bring them back.

One ticket to anywhere but here.

So close and yet so far.

Mind says left. Heart feels right.

Admiring the view. Going through hell.

We climbed higher, I fell further.

A stolen kiss on my part,
a kiss returned on yours.
Stolen moments,
stolen time.
Time that we should've been working,
Time instead spent living.
A gaze apon you set my soul ablaze.
Distracted by your poise, your grace.
Your lips apon mine,
lingeringon my mind.
Another kiss was what I desired,
but if they found out...
All would be lost.
But life to fragile, to unpredictable.
We have to live and learn,
and learn to live.
Passion will set you free,
so live in the moment.
Time will always pass,
but need let it slip away.
If your story ended tonight,
Would you be happy with its ending?

You said to me;
                            I'm here.

                           I love you.

                          I don't care
                If you need to stay up
          crying all night long, I will stay
        with you. There's nothing you can
     ever do to loose my love. I will protect
    you until you die, and after your death
      I will still protect you. I am stronger
           than depression and braver
                      than loneliness.

                     And nothing will

                     ever exhaust me.
            
But you lied to me.
      
                  You were with her.

                 I thought I loved you.

                    You never cared.
             You kept me up all night,
   making me cry, yet you weren't here.
I couldn't lose your love, because I never
   had it. You killed me. My spirit, my
         passion. You killed me. Made
             me depressed and lonely.
  
                    I chose to rise up.
                    Because nothing
                 will ever exhaust me.

        Fool someone else with your lies.
       For I am a Phoenix and I shall rise.
  Rise from my ashes and show my beauty.
                          I am free.

She conquered her demons,
               and wore her scars like...
                              Wings.  
We all get burned down sometimes.
But the next step is a choice.
Do you let your ashes blow away?
Or do you rise from the ashes like a
Phoenix?
The choice is yours so,
Choose wisely.

As you breathe right now,
Someone takes his last.
So stop complaining,
And learn to live with what you have.
Before you know it,
It will all be gone.

Things end.
People change.
But ya know what?
Life goes on.

Dont be afraid of the night, it's the best...
Lay your head down and rest,
my sweet darling.

Close your eyes and open your mind,
You'll be amazed at what you'll find.
Drift further and further into serenity,
Let lack of fear permeate your lucid state.

Go ahead into the darkness,
Nothing will get you...
Because after all,
You're sophisticated and poised,
And rule them all.

Each beast of burden,
And monster of imagination.
All the ferocious beasts of the night,
Bow before you.

Rule the night.
Conceal the light,
For your reign has no end in sight.

Fear not the dark,
Your beasts will leave a mark.

So my dear I shalt say,
Night night sleep tight and...
Watch out for the monsters bite.

I'd rather have bad times with you,
Than good times with anyone else.
I'd rather be with you in a storm,
Than safe and warm by myself.
I'd rather have hard times together,
Than to have it easy apart.
Above all,
I'd rather have the one who holds...
My heart.

Sometimes it's all you can do,
To lie in bed and hope,
That you fall asleep,
Before you fall apart.

We all have wanderlust souls.
The want to travel,
Move on,
Leave,
And discover.
Travel to new heights.
Move on from the pain.
Leave the insecurity.
And discover our fullest potential.
But we can't do that.
No,
Not until we truly appreciate beauty.
How can we do that?
Our society has diminished it,
Beyond recognition.

The definition of beauty is:
a combination of qualities, such as shape, color, or form, that please.

Beauty is so much more than that,
It's feelings,
Hopes,
Dreams,
Purpose.
We close our eyes when we
Kiss,
Pray,
Cry,
And dream. But why?
Because the most beautiful things in life are not seen,
But felt and experienced.

Our soulsite feel dead because beauty is absent.
But my friends I'm here to tell you,
Find beauty, and you'll find life.

When I say I love you more,
I don't mean I love you more than you love me.
I mean I love you more than the bad days ahead of us,
I love you more than any fight we'll ever have.
I love you more than the distance between us,
I love you more than any obstacle that can try to come between us.
I love you most.