Will you love me
Years from now
When conversation
Runs low
And there's
Just the daily us
Mocking your attention
Will you love me
If our child is grown and gone
And we're once again left
To twiddle our thumbs
Will you love me in old age
When its unlikely we're able to move
Nonetheless make love
Will you love unto your grave
Even if I should pass first
And your left alone for some time
Will you love me
As I swear
To always love you.

Emma lays her fragile hands
Onto her flat stomach
Head saying skinny
Mirror saying
Not skinny enough

Not skinny enough
Not skinny enough
Not skinny enough
Is all Emma hears

So she gets a toothbrush
Sticks it down her throat
So all the food
Not in her system
That she hasn't eaten in weeks
Flies out of her mouth

Tara cries at night
Her mother died when she
Was just a little girl
Her dad blames her
For her mother being gone

He can't deal with Tara
He gets wasted just to make
His poor little daughter's
Sickly pale skin
Turn into a mess of
Black and blue
At least he has yet to
Take away her innocence

Lily has to wear
Long sleeves every day
She's too scared
That someone will see
The scars that she
Creates on her own body

John is always drunk or high
Never a day
That he doesn't smoke ****

His dad beats him silly
Almost to no return
He needs something to
Take away the pain
Something to be numb

Dave has no way out
Scars cover his
Small teenage body

Medication?
That's a lie
It makes him worse
Want to die
So he takes his meds
Shoves them down his throat
To make it to a place
Much better than his
"home"

I walked into Walgreen’s that night
              absorbed in my own little world.

Soon after entering,
I made my way to the line.
My eyes
             d       a      n  c  e d        

to the crescent-moon shaped scar
    adorning the young clerk’s neck.

With the gentleman in front of me,
he spoke of
camouflage and machine guns.
                                                                            Earlier times when he
                                                                               could only see his
                                                                                  family through
                                                                                     the lens of
                                                                                            a
                                                                                      webcam.
When  he first learned what it took
                                       to be a man.

And when he learned what true loss
really felt like.

It’s my turn.
I step     f      o   r w ard
and stare directly into his eyes
and wonder

how he ended up here.


His face doesn’t give away much,
he’s painted on a cordial smile
and the air between us seeps
with the remnants
of small talk.

But I can’t help wondering.
I wonder, if he knows

he’s more than he’s been told.
       more than he’s settled for.
       more than the orders he was commanded to obey.
       more than the lines he was expected to cross.
       more than the monster he had to become.
                                                                                   To survive.

I can’t help but wonder

how he’s ended up here.

Overseas— he’s ranked
but now that he’s home
on friendly soil,                                    he’s thrown into department store
                                                                 positions and temporary jobs.
I can only hope he’s better off than some of his friends

tossed into
psychiatrists offices.

But I wonder,
I wonder what memories might decide to plague his dreams.
While he tries to figure out
which pill alleviates which painful recollection.
Which part of his past will come back to haunt him today
and which of his friends lives will flash before his eyes while he tries to sleep.

Norepinephrine firing through his brain
                                 like the gunshots he had to deliver.

The U.S government is so quick to draft,

but hasn’t learned how to welcome home.

They hide their veterans in the dark corners of psych wards,

allow them to get lost in the depths of their own minds,

while the PTSD
                                   eats away whatever is left.

These men fight for countries who don’t know what to do with them afterwards.
What they both need to learn:

There is life after war.

All I want is someone is crazy and messed up as much as I am
who won't give up on me
who can handle fire
and can catch snowballs for me with a naked hand
is it so hard to get?
So yes maybe I'm complicated
maybe I'm mentally sick
but I swear I'm **worthy

Love is friendship set to music
A beautiful score played for us
A melody I will hold in my heart
And cherish for all eternity

Love is friendship on fire
A flame that burns so bright
That dances between two hearts
Intertwining them forever

Although it was for a brief moment
Our paths crossed for a reason
Syncing up for key moments
In each others' hopes and dreams

You came into my life
In the most unexpected way
The circumstances weren’t right
But we became friends

Over the years we grew closer
Helping each other through
The many twists and turns
All the good and the bad

We couldn’t see each other
As much as we wanted
Life got in the way too often
Forcing us to wait it out

But we spent each day talking
And we spent the time laughing
Making our days a little brighter
One conversation at a time

You were always there for me
When I needed you most
With comforting words
And a heart of gold

The love you had for me
Expanded to my daughter
And you accepted her as your own
When her father moved on

Now you have left this world
But you will never be forgotten
Your battle is finally over
You are free now, my love

You were the love of my life
The greatest friend I’ve ever known
The sweetest lover I’ve ever known
The strongest man I’ve ever known

As tears fall from my eyes
And sorrow fills my heart
I know this isn’t the end
And someday we will meet again

Until that day…
I will miss you so much

There is a small space
Existing between your fingers and your wrist.
It holds anthems and artistry,
Composed from a thousand decaying bones.

They sing you awake with the colors
Of those proud redwoods and high tides
Who grew from the souls in your palm.

Your mind takes the form
And sinks into currents of salt water and soil.
I can see you sing with the pleasure
At the sight of your success.
After all, I was the one who doubted
And that makes your transformation
Holy.

The light slides through
Small holes of cheap blinds.
Dawn descends upon your waking frame,
And I can distantly hear the moaning ivory.

Then time holds her steady breath
As I drink in your consciousness,
Always too strong for me to keep.

There is a small space
Between your love and your survival.
It holds black holes and new stars
Composed from all the elements of destruction.

Leaves dim against the sky
Focus makes a shift into blue
That moment arrives
and I treasure it
plunge my fingers into it
And even as I wrap my body around it
it is leaving me…
don’t go…
goodbye

Another comes playful on its heels
but I have a fork in my mouth
so it wanders into a corner
to console the dust left there

One of its friends stops by
(it has many friends)
I consider more will be about later
so I remain unmoved
– unmomented

I spent four years of my life
Laughing, crying, loving, learning, smiling, singing, breathing
With you
You were my first love,
My best friend,
My soulmate.

Then I fell apart and you left my life
Without saying goodbye,
You got someone else to say goodbye to me for you
At the time, I blamed myself
Because I knew my energy was toxic and destructive and dark and terrible
And everyone knows it's hard to be around someone
like that,
someone who begins to devote their life to dying.

A year went by
We didn't laugh cry love learn smile sing or breathe
Together at all
All we shared was silence.
You changed your name, you moved away, stopped talking to your family,
And declared yourself enlightened.

Yes, I did play the victim for a while.
I used losing you as fuel for my self destruction
I felt worthless, alone, used, manipulated
I felt like a discarded piece of toilet paper to be quite frank.
I looked for you in other lovers, but nothing came close
To the love we had.

A year and three weeks later,
You message me and say
Hi, come over, I just want to love you.

Why?
Why now?
If you didn't want me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
You don't even ******* know me
And I sure as hell don't know you.

For once in my life you are telling me to jump
And I am not saying "how high?"
I'm saying take a hike, pal
I have something you can't touch.

You're too late.