There is a gentle yellow light,
for all eternity that cried.
Walk upon the dew soaked grass,
along the light of the breathing sunset.
Anyone can string powerful words together and slap on a label called emotion.

You walk slowly with me, shoulder tight against the cold light.
A quiver of fate chills the empty air.
There is nothing left.

"I realized yesterday,"
You begin, sighing.
Walk quietly, heard by none.
"Even if you pick up the fallen petals,
they'll never bloom back into that beautiful flower."
Duck your head down, breathe in the frozen air.
That small death on your hands, is your time frozen still?

You turn sharply, walk back on that paved path.
Your back is always to me,
even now.
......
.....Don't follow.
Don't cry.
There is a memory..that echoes in my head like a half-forgotten song.
Once, we both had a dream of an eternal forever.
Where did that childish happiness go?
The cold air transforms your breath to warm, small clouds.

What does it mean to "grow up"?
Is it when you stop believing in fairytales?
Or is it when you accept the contract of reality?
Turn around, quietly.
Your back is still to me,
your face bowed, in defeat or weariness, I do not know.

Walking further, and further,
away.
Turn back.
Continue.
Smile sadly,
"Trusting that someone will always be there for you..."
Tilt your head up to the sky.
*only fools think that way.

completely true
yet slightly fabricated
the life you're living
isn't the one you'd imagined
so now you try and try
harder and harder
to change the way you are,
the person you've become, now,
just won't allow it;

you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

The woman in the solar system

she makes me bright and warm

I dance in auras and nebulas

and **** oblivion

I said the woman in the solar system

has got me by the mind

jet black and purple plasma

on my tongue, can’t get enough

(see how she waves)

I vibrate through her own dimension

an intergalactic *******

I hold my breath

transcendental death

through time, space, and her ******

the woman in the solar system

made of ether and hydrogen

sings a universal

distorted sound

dancing cosmic energy

exactly what she is to me

through space and eternity…

I remember her red dress,
Of how when night came its thin straps slipped over her thinner shoulders
Falling slowly into a wrinkled circle on my floor.
I remember her seeing me seeing her put it on
She stood in front of our ice curtained window the next morning
And even though that dress was too short for autumn she would wear it anyway.
I think it was because she knew it drove me crazy.
I remember she would hide it underneath her long winter sweater
Like she was keeping safe a secret that was only just for me.
When she put on that sweater the light from the dawn
Would sneak out through the tiny holes in the fabric
It would look like sun-ray freckles kissing her skin
Her pale and previously unmarked body.
She pulled it over her head ever so slowly.
The leisurely motion in some way made me image a 9 year old boy
Who I imagine for the first time that winter hesitated
To pull but his snow boots over thickly crocheted Christmas socks.  
His feet look like her head in some way.
Both are somewhat unwilling to slide into warmer weather clothes
Both hiding a secret heating joy.

It's written on my skin,
Carved into my bones.
Those names,
Fat,
Failure,
*****,
Everything.
I am worthless,
I am a horrible person.